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How to make a ‘no-drama’ policy in your life. 

How to make a 'no-drama' policy in your life. 


Some time ago, I shared on Instagram, that a few years ago, I had made a ‘no-drama’ policy in my life. And you asked me to write about it. How to make a ‘no-drama’ policy in your life.


  1. A way of relating to the world in which a person consistently overreacts to or greatly exaggerates the importance of benign events.



The truth is, I wasn’t always that wise. There was a time in my life, when I used to thrive off drama.


I’d exaggerate stories, entertaining people with flair and finesse, as I took them through an emotional rollercoaster-ride of flamboyance, on subjects that neither mattered nor made a difference in anyone’s life. I’d create friction in relationships, others’ or my own. I’d find ways to make simple, every-day-things to become grand stories of dramatic irrelevance. It made life feel so exciting, and interesting and meaningful.


I know I’m not the only who has felt that way. Turn on the TV and all you will see is people indulging in their dramas.


I believe, the only reason why any of us have ever imbibed in drama, is because we didn’t feel that, by being our peaceful, contented, authentic selves, we are enough. Again, and again this context rises its ugly head, in so many forms. The fear of not being enough.


According to psychologists, the need to create drama in our lives is simply a form of attention seeking.


According to one study “Excessive attention seeking is not a character flaw. It is a brain wiring response to early developmental trauma caused by neglect.”


Having said that, this neglect doesn’t mean that you didn’t receive enough love as a baby. It means that your parents weren’t able to be present with you, because they didn’t feel that they were enough. It is right here, that these patterns begin.


When we learn, at an early age that, when we are not receiving attention, we are unworthy or unimportant, we seek out situations that increase or sense of value and self-worth. We create drama.


The obvious answer is drama gets attention. However, it is more than that. Drama causes the pituitary gland and hypothalamus to secrete endorphins, which actually mimics the pleasure centres activated by drugs like heroin. We get a rush that feels good, when we create drama.


There is also another factor. Because using drama as a drug feels good, it is rewarding. Reward uses dopamine, the brain’s happy dance drug. You feel happy for a moment, rewarded for the drama, and therefore learn to do it again and again, whenever you don’t feel so happy.


Add all those elements together: not feeling worthy / important / enough + seeking attention + drama + feel-good chemical reactions =  your classic attention seeking drama king or queen.


But is drama healthy, happy and fulfilling? I think we would all agree that, nay, at some point it becomes tedious, time-consuming and generally just exhausting.


So, how do we stop? We put a ‘no-drama’ policy in place.


1. Start with you.

The first place to put a ‘no-drama’ policy in place, is with ourselves. You can stop, right now, just like that. By deciding “Nope. Nope. I’ve had enough. No more drama. It’s enough now.” That’s the very first step.


Deciding to stop with the drama is also an act of self-love. Instead of drama, you have more time and energy to cultivate an appreciation for yourself, just the way you are, and get to know who your authentic self is, and what she wants. This is a beautiful thing. And far more fulfilling than any extravagantly exaggerated attention-seeking stunt.


Recognise when you are creating drama, and stop. Aim to find an alternative solutions. If you are craving attention, is it because you wish to be seen, or because you want to be validated? How can you give yourself that? If you’re bored, how can you create more excitement and adventure in your life?



2. Avoid other’s dramas.

Most people who continuously invite drama into their lives are addicted to the chemical reactions that it creates in our brains. They often present themselves as victims of life, instead of recognising their fully-fledged role in their experiences.


Choose to spend time with people who have made the same commitment to themselves, as you have: “No more drama.”


Create a reputation for not participating in drama. When people know that you won’t buy into it, they won’t involve you in it anymore. Simply don’t engage in their stories or react to their dramas. Also, don’t listen to their stories or give them support when you know that they’re drama addicts. You are just feeding the addiction.


One of the best ways to do this, is to simply be present, hold space for that person, and not react in any way, either negative or positive. You calming presence will give them space to recognise their habits, and just maybe, stop, for a moment.


Common warning signs/ risk factors of drama or a dramatic person are:

  • Having one supposedly serious problem after another.
  • Constantly telling other people about one’s problems.
  • Extreme emotionality or frequently shifting, intense emotions.
  • Claiming to have experienced negative events that are highly implausible.
  • A boring job or mundane life.
  • Making claims without sufficient evidence or a lack of detail about supposedly serious events.
  • A pattern of irrational behavior and reactions to everyday problems.



3. Be mindful.

Practicing mindfulness of how you speak with yourself or others brings an entire new world into your spectrum. When you no longer seek attention through drama, you have more space to be who you want to be.


You will be more creative and productive. You will start adding value to the world and have a positive impact on others around you. And this give you the sense that you are more than enough, and give you the confidence and recognition that you are worthwhile, without seeking attention and validation for others.


That, right there, is happiness.


Image source unknown.

Heartfelt courage and confidence. Want a boost?

Heartfelt courage and confidence. Want a boost?


When I was 14, I would look in the mirror, with enormous hate and disgust, and feel ashamed of what I saw. All I could see, was a spotty-round-faced girl, whom no-one would ever notice. I had no confidence, no self-worth, nor the courage to know better. I was certain that I was doomed to a life mediocre.


Now, I realise this behaviour wasn’t innate. Or natural. As I then, thought.


My mother was the perfect role-model of self-hate: always looking at herself in the mirror with aversion, and starving herself under the guise of “healthy diets” until her ribs poked out. Plagued with guilt, remorse and anxiety, she was a walking shadow of condemnation.


Life went on. I left home at 15 for a year. I came back for a year. I left again at 17. What I lacked in confidence and self-worth, I made up for in determination, bull-headed stubbornness, and hope.


Hope that, maybe one, life would be different. That I would be different.


I travelled the world. I went to university. I did the things that I thought would help. The things that I was “supposed” to do.


Then, when I was 23 I learned how to meditate.


I’d heard about meditation before, but dismissed it as something weird, that hippy-folk did. I was lying on my bed one day, not really thinking about anything, just lying there. When a relaxed feeling spread across my body, and I started to feel every cell, every part of me tingling with aliveness.


At the time, I didn’t know what it was, but it felt extraordinary.


What happened over the next few weeks, changed my life. I realised what it meant to have heartfelt, intrinsic confidence and courage. I felt beautiful for the first time in my life. I discovered an unwavering sense of self-worth. And not because I was perfect, or better, or different.


Because I learnt to completely accept myself. And this depth of acceptance translated into a love so deep, it was cellular. And beyond. It was spiritual.


Heartfelt courage and confidence. Want a boost? Here is what I learned.


Start by going within.

Meditation is giving yourself permission to slow down and simply be. From that space of presence, space and time expands. A space between yourself and your thoughts emerges, and it is in that space — that nothingness — a connection to something greater appears.


Meditation is a personal thing. You don’t have to sit in some special four-leaf-clover position to do it. For me, it happens the best when I am laying down, flat on my back, legs and arms stretched out with my palms up. Or walking. Slowly.


When I began meditating, at 23, what happened was that, for the first time in my life, I could see how destructive my thought patterns were. And that my thoughts and me, were not one and the same thing. I am. That is all. This took me down the road of forgiveness.


Practice forgiveness.

When I realised how violent and hostile I had been to myself, for my entire life, I broke down and cried. I cried for the harshness of my thoughts, the distinct lack of self-love, the cataclysmic way I shot myself down, every day, over and over again. I’m horrified when I think back to that time. It feels like a very long-ago past life.


I then systematically forgave myself. I allowed the memories and thoughts to come back into my mind, and as they appeared, one by one, I felt compassion and forgiveness for myself. I did this for hours until I felt it was all gone.


Followed by forgiving those who had taught me these noxious habits. I recognised that they knew no better. And thanked them for teaching me the depths of pain, so I could rise, and make new choices.


Become devoted.

It was when I decided to devote my thoughts to loving kindness, that I really, truly felt confident and courageous.


Every time I caught myself thinking something self-depreciating, I would stop myself mid-thought, and drop it immediately. I would leave that space empty. And instead connect within, a little bit deeper. Loving thoughts became predominant. I stopped caring what people thought about me. For the first time in my life, I felt deeply content.


Being 100% devoted to me, meant that I could shine my light, in my fullness of everything that I was. It meant that fear dissipated, because there was no room for it in that light. And being devoted to me, is akin to being devoted to the entire universe. As we are an extension of exactly that.



Many people believe that courage and confidence is an outside job. That it happens through success, attaining goals, receiving recognition from others, and fuelling needs and desires. As it turns out, however, those external examples of confidence and courage are insatiable. There is never enough success, money, recognition, sex, clothes etc. to keep you feeling full.


What you really need (and want) is an internal knowing of your limitless. That is where true confidence and courage stems from.



Image source: Tumbler.


[Exclusive Invitation] DEVOTED [For You] or DEVOTED [Biz + Blog] 6 Month 1:1 Mentoring


Exclusive Invitation


One thing that I have noticed over the past couple of years, is that people aren’t so much scared to do the things they are wanting to do, as they are waiting for permission to do them.


Permission to forgive yourself, when you’ve done things that you’re truly, and deeply ashamed of.


Permission to not have it all figured out or “get it right”.


Permission to let go of the past.




Permission to dream your own personal wildest set of dreams, no matter how small or how big.


and then


Permission to actually go out there, and live them.



At the end of every year, I like to take stock of the past 12 months, make peace with it all, and then spin around to face forward, with exhilaration and enthusiasm, for the new year.


This past year I realised that I wanted to work with my clients on a more intimate and longer-term interval. (Apparently you wanted it to, as you kept requesting it.)


As much as I love the excitement, and adventure of new projects every month, there is something so precious, that it is beyond words, to be intimately intertwined in another life’s journey, so that you can help expand it to the depth, the height and the breadth of it.


I want our time together to be powerful, impactful and decisive.


Which means I have put together something special, to help you make 2016 the most magical, unparalleled year of your life.



DEVOTED 6 Month Mentoring Full Payment                    DEVOTED 6 Month Mentoring Payment Plan



Behold: DEVOTED | 6 Month 1:1 Mentoring


Devotion is the theme of 2016, and is associated with ambition, inspired action, smartness, mischief and adventure.


This is the time of courage, action, revolution, and true devotion to even the wildest of dreams: a time to start new endeavours, for they are destined to succeed under this years’ influence. It’s time to give yourself permission to do what you say you want to do.


It’s a year that anything can happen.


What are you devoted to?


Run with your heart, embrace the dreams, and don’t look back.


In this 6 month mentoring series, we will look at your life, and begin by laying the foundation for the first half of 2016 with a crystal-clear intention. (Don’t worry, I’ll help you with that!)


And then build it up into a tangible process – setting specific goals and taking structured microactions toward them each week – infused with connecting to your inner guidance system, and making decisions with love.


Each step of the way, we will ensure that everything you do is in alignment with your highest values, and you learn to give yourself permission really dream your own magic up where you act on your greatest desires, without holding back.


This is all about devoting yourself to you, your life and your dreams.



Your choice: DEVOTED [For You] or DEVOTED [Biz + Blog]


Due to my multi-faceted and multi-passionate audience (you) I have two types of mentoring available.


DEVOTED [For You]: is about clearing the way for your devotion, in every area of your life, and giving you the intimate, understanding support that you crave, to make great changes.


DEVOTED [Biz + Blog]: is devoted to the business and blog you are building and creating, giving you guidance, insight and insider-knowhow from someone who has done it themselves.


Both of these will be stimulating, heart-opening, limitation-busting, challenging and enthralling.


Nothing is off-limits.


We will cover: Adulting. Money mojo. Magic. Femininity. Sex. Creativity. Fear. Self care. Daily practices. Rituals. Friendship. Purpose. Self expression. Fun. Wildness. Following your heart. Taking action. Being ready. Change. Presence. Love. Being focused. Relationships. Trust. Spirit. Social Media. Just to name a few.


You will get:

1  FREE Bonus Intention Setting Session (December 2015)
12 x 45 minute Skype Mentoring Sessions (January to June 2016)



$1,800 or 6 monthly payments of $350. All prices are in USD.


I am inspired to share this kind of intimate and powerful experience with a small number of devoted women, who are ready to take their lives to new heights, and to start truly living, being, and showing up in life.


There are 10 spaces in total available, and this opportunity is only available between November 14 and 27.


DEVOTED 6 Month Mentoring Full Payment                    DEVOTED 6 Month Mentoring Payment Plan


  • Doors will open on Saturday 14 November via my newsletter AND then shared publicly on Monday 16 November on my blog.
  • Doors close on Friday 27 November.
  • I’m accepting a MAX of 10 clients in total for the 6 month program (there’s a cap in my enrolment system). This will be based on first come, first served. I believe that the right people will be drawn to work with me, and will sign up at just the right time.
  • I’m including a free, bonus 45min coaching session to be held in the 1st/2nd Week of December to set the intentions for the New Year.
  • We begin the 6 month program in January 2016, to end in June 2016.
  • We will have a total of 13 sessions together.
  • The costs are $1,800USD upfront (saving $300USD); OR $350USD per month (which totals at $2,100USD).
  • There is no insider-information on the topics that will be covered over the 6 months, because this is totally unique to each individual, and dependent on the goals and intentions they set at the beginning. This will be something that you and I will work on together, as a team.
  • You will be given homework during each coaching session, that is unique and specific for you.
  • No email support is included in this program.
  • Each call will last 45 minutes, and will been done over Skype.
  • I strongly suggest that you take notes, and also record the sessions if you would like using eCamm.com
  • I love that you ask a lot of questions. People who do, get the most out of coaching with me, so that is perfect. Bring those questions to every coaching session and you will make big, bold strides in the direction of your dreams.


DEVOTED 6 Month Mentoring Full Payment                    DEVOTED 6 Month Mentoring Payment Plan


I’m more than happy to answer any questions you might have about DEVOTED — feel free to email me.

I hope your day is graceful and fun and successful.



Confession: I haven’t got it all figured out. 

Confession: I haven't got it all figured out. 


It’s a nauseating feeling: reaching the end of another year, and realising that you’ve done everything other than what you had intended to do.


Only to realise that, while you may have veered right off the path you originally set out on, you’ve encountering exactly what you needed to.


I’ve been feeling a little bit this way, lately. It’s not the most comfortable feeling. It requires a lot of gentle compassion.


It’s been an interesting year.


I’ve been tested, taught, and have celebrated tribulations.


I think that, sometimes, because I so openly and vulnerably, share my message and stories, that some people might get the impression that I’ve got it all figured out. Allow me to burst that bubble.


Confession: I haven’t got it all figured out.


I’m learning, every day, how to do life better.


I’m making it all up as I go along. Just like everyone else.


My life is far from “perfect’. It’s not without its challenges, its ups and downs, its mistakes, its traumas, its tears and its blurry Instagram images. It is, however, perfect for me.


The truth is, this year burnt me out a little bit.


I tried to do everything; all at once. Build and maintain a personal development business, be über-creative, nurture a new relationship, move and travel every few months (while running said business), maintain important friendships with quality time, educate myself, practice yoga consistently, take care of my body in all the ways, show up for others whenever they needed me, lots of change, expansion and growth — all the time, and my own spiritual evolution that has thrown me sideways while I find a balance between surrender, trust, action, femininity and truth.


This year has not been “easy”. But it’s been so “right”.


It has been exactly what I needed: over-flowingly-full with beauty, love, friendship, gratitude, lessons and life experience. I wouldn’t have it any other way.


I’ve discovered that my secret of making it all work is that I trust and surrender.


I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen next, but I trust implicitly in the unknown and surrender to it. I  do it, because when I don’t life is really, really hard, and uncomfortable for me.


It is only ever with hindsight that I see the clear pathways I have been taken on to reach the desired destinations of my heart and soul. And yet, truly arriving, never happens. It’s more like a passing through.


One that I intend to transition through with as much grace and ease as I can, because this is what life is made up of. Continuous transitional moments from one to the next. Never stopping. Never standing still. Sometimes slow and sometimes fast.


That’s the beauty of life. You don’t have to have it all figured out, to move forward.


Still trying to “get it right”?


Maybe, just maybe, stop trying. Maybe this is as right as it needs to be, right now.


4 ways to forgive yourself when you’ve done things that you’re truly and deeply ashamed of.

4 ways to forgive yourself when you've done things that you're truly and deeply ashamed of.





Illicit drug-taking.

Emotional / physical / verbal abuse.


All undeniably repentant choices and actions.

Are we all untouched by the influence of these at some level? Highly unlikely.


Let me be perfectly clear: I have never encountered a single soul, in my entire life, that hasn’t made choices that now, they deeply regret.


I myself have, at some time, participated in almost all of the above.


Some of the people I love, adore and respect the most, are the ones who have gone to their darkest depths, tasted the deepest of their sins, and then turned around, and have chosen love and light, instead. They include prostitutes and philanderers, heroin and cocaine addicts, alcoholics, drug dealers, liars, cheaters and sneaks. In my life, they have shown up as friends, lovers, teachers, boss’ and clients.


Some of them have left that part of their lives behind completely. Others haven’t quite finished learning their lessons yet. But their light, nonetheless, shines bright.


What I know is this: only people in pain, make choices that are painful. Every choice, every action, every word, is a reflection of what is going on inside. And the people who get hurt the most? Are the ones who make those choices.


It requires complete honesty, with yourself to change.


You have to ask yourself:

Why am I doing this?

What’s the driving force?

What am I getting out of this?

How does it serve me, or those around me?

If things could be different, how would they be?


And when you are ready to change, that is when you face the hardest part: forgiving yourself.


It’s hard because, it is likely that you don’t believe your deserve forgiveness (self-deprecation and lack of self-love are the main reasons those shameful choices were made in the first place). And punishing yourself has become your norm. But there is a way.



4 ways to forgive yourself when you’ve done things that you’re truly and deeply ashamed of.


1. In every moment, you are new.

You are not the same individual you were, 10 years ago, 1 year ago, a month ago, a week ago, or even 15 minutes ago. In every moment you are new. You are always growing, learning and changing. In every moment you can choose to make a new choice. You can choose to show up differently.

Let go of the past, in every moment, by practicing presence. When you are in the present moment, all that exists, all that matters, all that is meaningful, is what and who and where you are, right now.


2. Know that you are deserving.

What will it take, right now, for you for you to know, with every cell of your body, that you deserve forgiveness? That you deserve all the good that you wish for and dream of, in this world?

As Danielle LaPorte so eloquently says: Believing in your implicit worth liberates you.

But how? How? How do I believe that I am deserving when I don’t believe that I am, indeed deserving?

This is how: Prove it to yourself. Declare it to yourself. Convince yourself of it with every action, every choice, and every word you utter, from hereon. Decide that you’re ready to taste the fruits of you deepest sorrows, for they are sweeter and fuller than those of someone who has not felt your woes.


3. Change your interpretation.

Everything in life is subject to our interpretation of it. We give things meaning, and based on that meaning we decide how we feel about it. Forgiveness means that you can interpret your choices with a different perspective.

This doesn’t mean that what you have done is totally okay. What it means is that you have learned from it, and are compassionate of the being you once were, when you made that choice, and acknowledge that that isn’t who you are now.

We can decide that we are bad, evil and cruel based on our past. Or we can decide that we were young, in pain, reactive and immature, making the best choices we knew how, and now… Now we know better.


4. Commit to yourself.

We are often waiting for life to give us what we want. We ask for change. We ask for things to be different. But it all starts here. You have to commit to yourself to stop hurting yourself. To change. To love yourself implicitly. To treat yourself, like the precious soul that you are. Make a commitment to yourself, to be who you want to be. Renew your commitment every day. Keep making new commitments, until the things you’ve done in the past, are a fraction of who you once were.



You might subconsciously believe that, holding on to the past, instead of letting go and forgiving yourself; thereby continuing to punish yourself for those choices that you feel truly and deeply ashamed of; means that you won’t make those same mistakes again. This notion, however, is completely untrue.


Remember, what you focus on, you attract.


Instead, trust that you have learned your lesson, and forgive yourself by giving you permission to completely let go. It is at this point, when you fully let go, that your life will turn around, and you will start attracting all the good that you want to manifest with grace, love and ease.



Image source.

4 Steps to shift big blocks and limiting beliefs; when you feel confused, bewildered and frightened.

4 Steps to shift big blocks and limiting beliefs; when you feel confused, bewildered and frightened.


There I was; leaning my back against the bed-head. Huddled under the covers. Heart heavy. Mind confused. Green eyes filled with tears, as they slowly started rolling down my cheeks. Bewildered at the unexpected twists and turns life had recently thrown at me. Wondering how best to handle them, and all the emotions that came along for the ride. And frightened about what might happen next.


Confusion is the psychological phenomena that happens when we cannot think clearly, or don’t feel like we have the answer to all the questions. The Latin word ‘confundere’ is the etymology of the word confusion. The word means “to mingle together”. It is essentially the state of being bewildered because all the thoughts are mingling together and make no sense.


We all have confusions about life, career and decisions; about relationships, infatuations and feelings, from time to time. These confusions can bring a tsunami of emotions like sadness, bewilderment and feeling frightened, to anybody.


There is no distinction in feeling more or less confused based on your sense of freedom, your education, or social stance. Confusion lives in the realm of those who seek to understand themselves and the world around them. Even Albert Einstein often wrote in his journal about how confused he felt about the world.


That day, that I was sitting there, feeling alone, confused and frightened, I knew it was because my life experience was challenging some of my deepest subconscious beliefs. The confusion I was feeling was my resistance to change. My mind didn’t want a bar of it. Even though my heart and soul were ready.


What was happening, is that my mind didn’t want these new things to happen, because they felt scary and unsafe. So it created a whirlwind of confusion, thoughts melding and scattering everywhere, leaving me feeling sad and bewildered about myself, my life and my choices.


What I needed to do, was shift my belief systems and thoughts, so my mind felt safer and more comfortable with how my life was changing. Here’s what I do.




4 Steps to shift big blocks and limiting beliefs; when you feel confused, bewildered and frightened.



1. Let go of the former beliefs.

Beliefs are simply thoughts that you have decided is true for you. As you change, and as life changes, some of these beliefs are no longer true or valid. Nor do they support the person you are becoming.

I have an inkling that, the less beliefs we are attached to, the easier, and happier we are, however it is quite challenging to function in this world without some beliefs, unless you dedicate yourself to life as a monk in a cave. So we have beliefs, and some of them stay and other we let go of.

I find writing the catharsis of my soul. I often don’t even know what I think or believe, until the words come flying out from under my pen. Writing for me is the purification and purgation of my thoughts and emotions that results in renewal and restoration. I write down what I’m feeling, why I am feeling that way, why I feel scared, and what beliefs are holding me back, making me feel stuck, confused or resistant about change and the future.

While writing, for me, is my ‘thing’, it’s important to figure out what your ‘thing’ is too. Maybe it’s painting. Maybe it’s running or kick-boxing. Maybe it’s digging in the garden. Whatever helps you sink deeper, past the superficial repetitive thoughts, and gives you a clear understanding of what the real issue is, is your ‘thing’.

Haven’t found it yet? Start trying out different facets of self-expression and discover which ones you enjoy the most, and lead to themes clarity swiftly and with ease. The point here, is to gain clarity on what you are thinking and feeling, so you can give yourself permission to let go.



2. Mourn the loss.

Like everything in life, we form attachments to those thoughts, beliefs and feelings that are familiar. At some point we welcomed them into our lives, because they formed a purpose. They protected us, empowered us, inspired us or enlightened us. But as we grow and change, some of those thoughts become outdated, and can start to make us feel stuck, out-dated, deflated and small.

When you are changing and letting go of blocks and limiting beliefs, you have to physically mourn the letting go of those blocks and beliefs. This is when you’ll feel really sad for no reason, cry easily, and feel generally a little low and mournful. This is good. Mourning the loss of former blocks and beliefs, means you are truly letting go, and making space for something brand-spanking new and wonderful in your life.



3. Leave space / Replace with new beliefs.

Leaving space for the new to enter your life is imperative. The way to do that, is spend lots of time meditating and practicing trust. For me, this is a favourite thing as I can literally feel my cells changing as I am filled with light, wisdom and guidance. Learning to trust and even enjoy the unknown, and the open space, feels like magic.

But if you’re the kind of person who needs something a bit more tangible than ‘space’ to hold onto as you move forward then decide what new beliefs you want to create that will support and uphold the new you, now. They will become clear to you by doing your ‘thing’ once you’ve figured out what that is. When I’m writing, I’ll often begin by setting intention that I am being guided, and the answers that I need will reveal themselves. And they do.



4. Integrate with action.

Once we have let go, mourned and replaced the blocks and limiting beliefs, we need to integrate them. You do this by practicing mindfulness in your actions and reactions. In Step 3, you left space or found new beliefs to replace the old ones with. Thought this process you will have decided on new ways that you want to experience life and behave in the world. Use this as a guideline and pay attention when you accidentally fall back into old behaviour or thought patterns.

Actively choosing the new way of being and feeling, over and over again, integrates it into your life and body, and become your new norm.



Image source unknown.

Be lonely. Learn to be alone. This is how you deal with loneliness.

Be lonely. Learn to be alone. This is how you deal with loneliness.


Sometimes loneliness is your Soul crying to spend time with you.


The bitter-sweet pangs of loneliness that at times reverberate through our bodies and souls, usually signify that we are in a phase of recalibration and inner transformation. Despite this positive note to a challenging feeling, it is, nonetheless, something that affects all of us deeply, from time to time.


Let me address loneliness with one simple concept:


Loneliness is an illusion created by your mind.


Everyone you meet in your life — even total strangers — are already intimately connected to you. The idea that we are all separate and distinct beings is nothing but an illusion. We are all parts of a larger whole, like individual cells in a body.


No matter how separate you may feel you are, you have always been connected to a vast ocean of conscious intelligent energy.


What loneliness really is, is believing in separation. When we separate ourselves from everything and everyone else in the world, we create a disconnect, and hence feel totally, and completely alone.


So let’s reframe loneliness, and use it as a platform for growth. Be lonely. Learn to be alone. This is how you deal with loneliness.


Feeling lonely, from time to time, is perfectly natural. It’s okay to feel lonely. You can even enjoy that deep sadness and separation that comes from the illusion. Sit with it. Allow yourself to feel it.


Some of the greatest insights and creative contributions to the world, come from disconnect, from separation, from loneliness.


Feeling lonely, can be a beautiful thing.


The danger is, to be reactive to the sensation of loneliness, and to want to instantly fill that sense of pain, the sadness, the time and space, with someone or something.


Your ability to be alone, whether you feel lonely or not, is what sets you apart from the crowd.


I love this quote:


All of your unhappiness comes from your inability to be alone. | Jean de la Bruyere.


What that means is that, when we try to cover up our discomfort with an unfamiliar feeling, by avoiding it, eating our feelings, and filling up our space and time with activities or people, we exasperate the real issue at hand: the misconception that we are separate from the world.


If you look around at the general population, “busyness” is an excuse for not wanting to feel lonely. It’s avoidance of being alone. Because god-forbid, maybe then we would have to face our own truth.


So is over-eating. As is every addiction, ever.


Loneliness, is not so much about being or feeling alone. It is more about our disconnect.


So, I thought I’d share with you, what I do when I feel lonely. Because I also suffer from the illusion of separation from time to time.


Firstly, I do so with awareness. Pay attention to what else is going on in your life at that time. Did you have a weird conversation with a friend or loved one? Are you overly tired or exhausted? Have you been pushing yourself too much lately? Where are your thoughts at? Have you been focusing on a negative train of thoughts more than a positive one?


Often, when we feel lonely, there’s more to the story. When you discover what the trigger is, for how you are feeling, you recognise your truth and can change the core issue, instead of being reactive.


Secondly, I recognise that loneliness is part of the spectrum of human emotion, and not something to run from or be afraid of. I journal, cry if I need to — because sometimes loneliness is simply pent-up emotions that need releasing, sway around to sad songs, and allow myself to spend some time feeling sorry for myself, if that’s what I feel I need.


But I give myself a time limit to dwell in the loneliness. Maybe 24 hours. Maybe a week. Depending on the circumstances.


That way, I get to fully express and feel what I need to express and feel, without guilt, or fear, or bulldozing over an important emotion. Loneliness is time I get spend in communication with my Soul, where I can listen and hear my own truth.


At the end of my time, I often feel refreshed, inspired and ready to approach life from a different viewpoint.


Sometimes we need the cathartics of loneliness to process some deeper feelings. Often they’re ones we don’t even understand. Being accepting of that, and allowing ourselves to feel, without being reactive, is the most transformational practice for growth, insight and emotional as well as psychological maturity.


Once we recognise loneliness to be an illusion, and something that we sometimes need to experience, we can use it as a portal for our own evolution. We maintain the safety of knowing we are held and supported, even if in that moment we don’t feel it, while having permission to feel our own depth: the source of creativity, inspiration and expansion.


Be lonely. Learn to be alone. Choose to practice awareness, and allow the sensations to be your teacher. This is how you deal with loneliness. You turn it into a platform for your own growth. 



Image source unknown.


How to create an amazing life (and biz) even if you don’t think you’re “ready”.

How to create an amazing life (and biz) even if you don’t think you’re "ready".


      1. 1.
        in a suitable state for an action or situation; fully prepared.
      2. 2.
        willing or eager to do something.



I remember a time, when I was waiting to be “ready” for the life that I had dreamed up for myself.


I was 27 years old. And I knew that my world was limited only be what I allowed myself to believe and imagine. And so I gave myself permission to start imagining bigger.


In my dream version of my life, I had somehow magically summoned up a career “helping people” doing some miraculous unheard-of thing, that allowed me to sleep in every day, be a glamorous socialite lady-who-lunches, go for walks on the beach whenever I wanted, be a creative genius making the world beautiful, travel the world business class, live in an incredible house in some beautiful, undecided location, while magically making squillions.


It was a lofty dream. And in some ways, that dream has not changed much. Now, however, is has more substance. Mores specificity. More logistics. More strategy. More heart. And best of all, now it seems much more reachable.


But before, when it was still a fairy-floss coloured cloudy dream, situated at the magic-carpet-ride fringes of my imagination, I kept it at arm’s length, protecting my pride, my fear and my vulnerability, from having to take any real action by waiting for the ghostly element of being “ready”.


The caveat however, is that we will never we ready for the things that we want to do.


Waiting to be ready is simply restraining your potential. Restraining your ability to shine your light. To be creative. To have children. To earn as much money much you want to earn. To travel. To live the way you want to live. You are stopping you, from your wildest dreams.


Now, whenever I catch myself saying “But I’m not ready!” I check in with myself and make sure I’m not just making excuses. And then I refer to this reminder that I have written in my filofax:


How to create an amazing life (and biz) even if you don’t think you’re “ready”. 


Just start. Stop procrastinating with all of your excuses. Do don’t have to wait until the New Moon to start something new. Start that project, call that amazing soul you just met, follow-up on that client, ask for that refund, start your fitness routine, drop your baggage and release the past, make new things happen in your life or relationship. Now is the best time to start anything. Right now.


Make a commitment. Things really changed for me when I started to make a commitment to myself and my dreams. This, in itself, is an act of self-love. What that means, is that the action you take, to follow what you really want to do / have/ experience in your life, takes precedence. So commit. Commit to writing a blog post every Tuesday afternoon. Commit to exercising before you start your day. Commit to communicating clearly and with love to your partner every day. Make a promise to yourself that things are changing. And keep that promise. By starting now.


Treat it like you care. According to metaphysics, everything is energy, and you get what you give. Want an amazing life? Act like it. Start to give it the nurturing love, care and attention that it deserves. I love the old adage; the grass is greenest where you water it. Maybe, just maybe, in order for you to feel ready, you have to start watering your grass.


Decide what needs to happen to be “ready”. Sometimes, real, tangible things need to fall into place, before you can truly start. Like, you need a place to live, so you can start that graphic design business. Or you’re waiting for your broken leg to heal, before you enter a marathon. Figure it out, do what needs to be done, and also, recognise these things as valuable lessons. Perhaps finding a new home brings a new vision or inspiration into your business. Maybe breaking your leg has taught you how to be more productive and efficient in other areas of your life, that can be translated into your marathon training. Everything happens for a reason. Look for the lessons. And then get started.


Ask for help. One of the biggest reasons we often don’t start, and don’t feel ready, is because we haven’t received the support that we need. 99% of the time, the support we are seeking is actually from ourselves. We seek for the courage, strength and inner guidance that we all have access to, but often cut ourselves off from, instead expecting it to come from external sources, such as parents, friends and partners. One thing that I often do, when I’m wanting to do something amazing, but don’t feel “ready”; is ask for help. It goes like this. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by the paralysing fear of not being ready, I say to my soul / subconscious / the Universe “Please, please, please help me. Show me and guide me on how I need to approach this. Give me the resources and tools to start. Give me the strength and courage to keep going. Please help me. I have no idea what I’m doing.” And then I let it go, trusting that I am being supported, and knowing that now, my only job is to take action. And that the answers will come, exactly when and from whom I need them.


Use this mantra. And finally, something that I do often, when I am at the precipice of something new, I use this mantra: “I am ready for the next step.” I repeat it, as many times as I feel throughout the day, and especially before I go to sleep. “I am ready for the next step.” Doing so, gives me the cues of what exactly that next step is, as I keep moving forward. “I am ready for the next step.” It’s that simple. If you like using mantras, you might like these ones too.


Being “ready” as such, is an illusion. We are never truly ready for anything, until we have already started. Perhaps being ready is synonymous with having started. That’s how to create an amazing life (and biz) even if you don’t think you’re “ready”. By starting.



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