Confidence is such buzzword in our Western world that seems to imply that when you are confident you have not a care in the world and believe in yourself so fiercely, that no-one and nothing else (not even a natural disaster) can push you off your path. This premise, is of course, entirely untrue.
The truth is that everyone is just as fucking scared as each other, and that some of us are better at being comfortable with that fear, or hiding it, than others.
What is greater than confidence is a grounded self-belief that you are always doing and being your very best in every moment. No matter what. And that, that is more than good enough. It’s about truly loving and valuing yourself down to the very last part of you.
And if you don’t believe me, here are 99 ways to play with yourself: how to be confident, charming and flirt with anyone.
1. Floss your teeth. Your smile is the best way to attract beautiful friends, admirers and lovers.
2. Obviously brush your teeth too….
3. Spend your time wisely. Ensure that the company you keep is the best connection that you cherish the most.
4. Learn more languages. Communicating with more people will make you a magnet of conversation.
5. Be classy. Do your research, be prepared, and go for the finer things in life.
6. Be spontaneous. Take time in your life for a day where you do something exciting that was completely unplanned.
7. Think before you speak. Learn to say what you feel instead of what you’ve been programmed to say. Cherish the mistakes and learn from them.
8. Learn to apologize.
9. Practice learning and remembering names.
10. Exercise consistently and enjoy the activities you’re doing.
11. Shake hands and hug with genuine intent to connect.
12. Listen more and speak less.
13. Practice self-love. Here are 88 ways.
14. Take time for yourself.
15. Try new things. Even the weirdest of things.
16. Observe others and learn to take away and mold your envies.
17. Use your knowledge to educate, not impress.
18. Be honest. Don’t lie to others nor yourself.
19. Focus on physical traits that you love about yourself and wear them proudly.
20. Focus on physical traits that you’ve struggled to accept, and find ways to give them love as well.
21. Walk into every new room or situation like you’re taking the first step on Mars.
22. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals.
23. See the world. Don’t just travel; learn, love and accept its differences.
24. Immerse yourself somewhere new. Stay somewhere that scares you.
25. Wear clothes that make you feel like the best version of yourself. (Shy of being completely nude!)
26. Love yourself naked. Fill your home with amazing mirrors and work towards a body and sparkle you like to see every day.
27. Use your senses. Smell, taste, touch, observe all things you believe to be interesting or beautiful.
29. Talk to the audience that listens, don’t yell to the audience that doesn’t.
30. Take your time. Trip along the way.
31. Share your bed.
32. Work hard. Make your days feel challenging and rewarding.
33. Learn to dance.
34. Wear good shoes.
35. Keep your friends and family close. Don’t spread yourself too thin.
36. Be an expert. Find something you love and be a part of it. Love it.
37. Get physical. Wrestle, play, and enjoy childish moments.
38. Laugh with your belly. It hurts, but it’s worth it.
39. Keep your mind clear. Be aware of substances and their effect on your mind and your productivity.
40. Be appropriate. Don’t just change the way you think or speak based on your audience. Be one version of yourself that could speak to any audience in any situation.
41. Get in touch with your environment. Look at where you live, find our where it is, what it means and explore it. Find out what grows there, what the air is like, and how fertile the soil is etc.
42. Find nature. Wherever you are, find trees, fruit, ground, and oxygen. Get comfortable being in your own head and being present in the silence.
43. Leave technology at home.
44. Read great books.
45. Learn to give a massage. Give them and never expect anything in return.
46. Find your purpose then try and fulfil it. Repeat. Forever.
47. Enlighten and educate those who look up to you.
48. Spend time with children. Ask them questions, and let them be honest with their answers.
49. Touch people. Don’t be afraid to put a hand on a shoulder, to kiss someone on the cheek, or to buddy up for pictures.
50. Buy something nice for someone you don’t know. Go to your favourite coffee shop, walk in, order something for someone of your equal and offer it with kindness and without intent.
51. Listen to live music. Connect with the musicians.
52. Allow yourself to be intimate when you’re sober.
53. Protect your core values.
54. Be respectful and understanding, even if you don’t agree .
55. Ask yourself challenging questions. Be honest with your answers.
56. Ask weird questions. Find out unique and interesting things about your peers.
57. Do a date night, with anyone. Find a friend, a lover, your mom, or a bro and go be plutonic and relaxed.
58. Enjoy the sea.
59. Learn from the wise. Spend time with senior citizens and devour their knowledge.
60. Be hungry! Eat with intent. Eat with your hands. Chew your food. Enjoy sharing. Be grateful, and connect with your food.
61. Be angry. Allow yourself to feel anger and to find productive outlets. Empower yourself with these tools.
62. Touch yourself. Learn what feels good and help others by guiding them to what you like. Adapt, progress, and allow it to grow.
63. Keep secrets. Protect the little things that make you reliable and trustworthy. You are strong and you can be a safe-haven for yourself and your friends. Keeping secrets can make you feel like a boulder of strength when entering a room, and others will curiously envy that.
64. Embrace your roots. You don’t have to like them, but you need to learn to love them.
65. Save for the big ones. Use your energy to save your time, money and freedom for the big things.
66. Don’t give money to charity. Be the skills, time, and energy people really need. Volunteer!
67. Don’t follow the trends, do what’s tried and true. You get what you pay for.
68. Chew the ice-cubes from your empty glass. In public settings you may annoy some, but you will interest others.
69. 69, at least once, and like it.
70. Build a nest. Find someone interesting and invite them to join you. Pillows, blankets, and a movie.
71. Accept your family. Learn to laugh with them and learn when to remove yourself. Too much family time can be a bad thing.
72. Create an Alias. Practice being that person, and have fun with it playfully.
73. Stay clean. Decrease alcohol, substance and sugar intake and challenge yourself to live in your own skin no matter how uncomfortable it may feel.
74. Be the journey. Take every second of everyday to try to relive the feelings we take for granted. Touch, smell, taste things in a new light.
75. Work on your posture. Be the biggest person in the room even if you’re the smallest.
76. Make deep eye contact. Try and see both eyes at the same time and acknowledge your speaker.
77. Keep palms and chest out and visible. Be open and keep approachable body language.
78. Don’t hide your nerves, ride them! Be honest and feel them out. They can be a great learning tool and they are a great reality check for yourself.
79. Write it down. Find yourself in a moment of happiness and clarity and write down all your favourite things, and why you’re passionate about them.
80. Listen to the Compliments. If someone compliments you, accept it, be gracious and consider its origin. Validate it and use it to your advantage. Enjoy it.
81. Live your life with colour. Enjoy your differences from others, and take advantages of the quirks you have.
82. Watch some porn. Play with it, enjoy it, understand it, then burn it. Understand the reality of it and the clear differences between it and real life.
83. Don’t resist. If the whole world is pulling you in one direction, don’t fight it, don’t ignore the signs, flow with it.
84. Take classes. Find what’s affordable, and short-term. Do things totally out of the ordinary, and don’t be afraid to do it on your own.
85. Be awesome, even if you suck.
86. Talk to strangers. Smile at people on the bus, chit-chat with the homeless, give friendly hello’s to security guards and custodians.
87. Ask anyone their honest advice. Sometimes people will surprise you and in turn you will feel great.
88. Draw a bath. With Bubbles. And a book. And Champagne. And your favourite music or tv show. Take the 45 minutes you want for yourself.
89. Don’t over-apologize. A sincere “I’m sorry” should be enough. If someone is still offended then it wasn’t meant to be. Be sympathetic, but don’t get bent over. Move on.
90. Give sincere compliments, and do it often. You can never give too many.
91. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Minimize the shit in your life, and organize the few things you do have control over.
92. Slow down. When you’re nervous, feeling rushed, or under pressure to perform. Just quit it, slow down. The 3-5 seconds more that you take for yourself to breathe and release the tension in your chest will allow you the freedom to be yourself and do your best.
93. Expect success, and prepare for downfall. Not everything works out, but dammit it can be fun to try.
94. Shoot a big gun. Do it at least once. Do it at an inanimate object. Understand its power, feel it and respect it. Have fun with it.
95. Throw your TV out the window. It’s expensive, it’s kind of heavy, and besides the odd movie you’ve downloaded for free, it’s useless. Enjoy smashing it, and freeing yourself from the clutches of your couch and false dreams fed to you by reality TV and Propagandist news networks. Go outside, be real and feel active and strong.
96. Set up a hammock. Take naps, often.
97. Make good with your ex’s. Call them, send them a handwritten letter, or meet them in public. Don’t apologize, just be real. Make it nice, and find closure…..or not.
98. Learn to cook. Learn to make cocktails. Host a dinner-party. Make it the best ever, even if it’s just you, your cat and the neighbour down the hall.
99. Use the toilet outdoors. Laugh about it, then do it again. Free yourself from your sterile life and just be human.
Ghost writer: Julien Peron.