how to deal with disconnecting friendships

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I love receiving emails asking for guidance through various life challenges which we all face from time to time and recently Suzanne from Sweden sent in an email asking the question:

How do you deal with friendships disconnecting as you grow and evolve within yourself?

This is an excellent question. One important aspect we have to come to terms with is that everything is always changing. Life doesn’t stand still or stay the same, ever. It is a common misconception that things stay the same.

As you grow and open yourself up to evolving, you are changing and expanding. This is a natural process of life. Funnily enough, society had for a long time promoted that things remain the same. It was viewed as reliable, steadfast and sensible to resist change and keep doing what you knew, be safe and comfortable. If you don’t attempt anything new, at least you know what you will get. More of the same. Which people generally find very comforting. But this perception does not support the natural process of growth and evolution in humans or humanity as a whole.

So, Suzanne’s questions was, how do you deal with friendships changing and disconnecting as you take the leap into the unknown and choose to grow and evolve?

1. Accept that as you change, your life experiences will change. This includes the type of people whom you attract into your life. Your friendships will change and some people will resist the choices and changes you are making in your life whereas others will embrace them. This has nothing to do with you, it’s their own issues and self awareness that they are facing and is perfectly normal.

2. Remember that even though you’re not connecting with everyone on the deeper levels that you’d like to, especially wanting to share this new-found awareness, they still have value to add to your life. It’s really special to view these people as your teachers. Ask yourself “what is this person teaching me, what can I learn from them and this situation?”. It’s easy and common for many of us as we grow and evolve, to assume that others who are not going through similar transformations to not be able to understand you. However this is often a misconception. The challenge is simply finding the common ground to communicate from. Somewhere deep inside they do understand, allow people to surprise you. This often means taking a leap of faith and being really authentic and honest about what you are feeling. Talk to them about the things you are experiencing and are important to you. You may be joyfully surprised at how they respond once they feel you understand them too.

3. It’s common for people to feel a little bit isolated and lonely as they go through their own journey of transformation and observe certain friendships and connections fall away. It’s an infinite path of self awareness and being so much more aware creates a sense of being the observer of your life rather than just acting out prescribed social conditions because “that’s what’s done”. Allow this loneliness to serve you and guide you deeper into your journey. You will eventually come to the realisation that in fact you are not at all alone, because in fact you are at one with everything as all of life is connected.

4. Trust that you will begin meeting more and more people who resonate with your level of understanding. Because you will begin attracting like-minded people soon enough. Be open to who may enter your life, allow people and situations to surprise you and make an effort to speak to and connect with people who you feel good around.

I know from my own experiences what it feels like to loose connections and friendships that once appeared secure and long-lasting but I also know not to take these personally. There are so many beautiful people on this planet and new friendships to form that expand and enrich my life experience. Sometimes you just have to make space for new things!

Image source: Ruffles & Pleats

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