What happened next is that I got my mojo back.
But not until a whole lot more tears were shed…
I spent the rest of the week after my Kinesiology session (read about it here) wallowing in self doubt, self-pity and flirting with some kind of depression. Questions like: who am I? what am I really doing with my life? And, why does riding out this storm of deep emotions that I don’t really understand hurt so much? kept floating around me.
The following weekend was filled with babysitting a small herd of young children, when all I wanted to go away and cry. And in the moments that I had some space and time, that’s exactly what I did. I journaled. I wept. I let go. I released. And tears flowed some more.
Then I spoke to my mum on the phone and told her about my session and what I was experiencing. That I was releasing and shifting some really big stuff that had been stuck deep inside and inadvertently kept me from moving forward. She told me stories about some of the challenges she was facing as both a mum, and as a human being, the mistakes she made, the fears she had, and why she did the things she did, which weren’t always decisions made from the heart, or with love and trust.
This single conversation had been overdue for both of us, and though I never blamed her for the things that happened which impaled my childhood, she made me recognise that I did in fact, blame myself for them. She said sorry, I said sorry, and we both healed from that pone call based on integrity, honesty, love and forgiveness. This was a turning point for me becoming whole again and allowing the pieces of my aura that had been missing for so long, to settle in to their rightful place.
Again, I spent some more time journaling, crying, allowing the waves of emotions come over me, without trying to understand them or intellectualise them. Just allowing them to be, writing them out and releasing them with my sorrow, my heart, my love, my writing and my tears. After that, things began to change.
>>> Suddenly, the desire to stay in touch my ex, even just as a friend, vanished. I stopped responding to his emails and began to realise how draining staying in contact was feeling. Within days of stopping my correspondence with him, I felt my energy shift. I suddenly had so much more inner peace, time for myself and joy. Simply because I was no longer giving my energy away, into a space that didn’t deserve it.
>>> I spent two solid days working with my coaching clients; getting the deepest, fastest and most transformative results ever. Every single call was a precious nugget of inner transformation, and I realized that my personal growth directly influences the growth of my clients. What an amazing thing to being aware of! I am so proud and full of love for the women that I work with, because they are such exceptional human beings, who are willing to get so honest, open and vulnerable in order to create the life of their own making, of their dreams. Woah!
>>> I picked up 3 new clients to work with over the next month. Clearly my finances and business are moving back into the flow after a couple of months of stagnation, which caused me to fret and worry about the direction I was moving in. There was no resistance, in so much as there was no movement at all. Something that I’m not comfortable with, and leaning that just Being and Allowing, is as valuable in business as it is in our personal lives.
>>> I am being sponsored by an amazing juices cleanse company here in London to do a 5 day Green Juice Cleanse, just in time for the turn of the seasons, to re-calibrate and renew my body and move to optimum health. You will learn more about this particular experience very soon. I can’t wait to share it with you as these premium juice cleanses are organic and cold pressed with incredibly effective ingredients and combinations that really nurture and nourish every cell of your body. I’m feeling so blessed!
>>> I happened to meet one of the best personal trainers in London, who is incredibly results oriented, often working with celebrities to prepare for special events, and we became friends immediately. He took me out to test run his training, and I was won over. The next day I was no longer friends with taking stairs, or sitting down, or standing up, or walking. My entire body felt alive, in pain and yet so good. And we decided to collaborate. Watch this space! I’ve got some juicy ideas brewing.
>>> Love and joy are filling my body and soul so much fuller than ever before, and I am able to emanate and share that energy with all those around me. The result of the inner changes that are coming about from the kinesiology session are that I am resonating at a higher vibration of life which makes everything easier, sweeter, flow better and connected as well as in tune with life and my being. It feels as if missing pieces of my life puzzle, are falling into place.
Before the kinesiology session, I was struggling with some inner mis-beliefs, that were sabotaging my day to day life. I was aware of them. I knew that I wanted to shift them. And I needed some help. Sometimes you need someone else to reflect the work you are doing on yourself, in order for it all to click into place. This is why reaching out and getting help when you need it is important. There are so many amazing coaches, energy workers, body workers and healers out there. Find the ones that suit you. Allow yourself to be nurtured and helped, because doing this, is literally life changing.
I am still in the process of fully digestion and integrating all the changes that fell into place in my kinesiology session, and I know that life is just getting better and better. I also know that there’s still a few things that I need to tweak in order to fully heal some areas of my life, and continue doing the the inner work, with the help of my own army of insightful folk, including my yoga teacher, my coach, my kinesiologist and group of amazing people that I am honored to have in my life and call my friends.
That’s what happened next. I found my flow. My joy. My mojo.