It all started when I went on my roadtrip at NY’s.
In amongst discussions, and options, and carefully weighing and considering what is, and what has been, there was a new solution rising from the midst of possibilities.
But first, let me start at the beginning. Kind of.
I came to London in the search for stillness. I need a place and space to soothe my soul, to look deep within and take stock of the recent twists and turns that made up my recent life experiences.
The lessons. The lessons that I needed but would have rather avoided. The lessons that, now I’m grateful and beholden for.
The endings and new beginnings followed by more endings. The globe trotting. The love and consequential heart-break.
The creative business which was pushing me to grow. Forcing me to face my fears and move beyond my comforts. The business that is my greatest teacher, my mentor and my task master.
But most of all it was the lessons that I faced as a consequence of all those life experiences. Lessons that were deep, and big, and scary ~ that pushed me to my edge.
And so I came to London because I felt that I must, and because it was calling me, and I was gently, openly, graciously, warmly welcomed into the arms of a kind, enlightened creature, whom I’m honoured and grateful to call a friend, a soul-sister even.
A talented musician, singer and songwriter, art-maker and mother to a sweet young boy, who gave me her spare room and home to shelter in. It was only supposed to be for a short time, I told myself. And the weeks turned into months, and she continued to lovingly offer her space to me. Completely selfless, loving, accepting, supportive, generous.
And in her sanctuary I rested and healed. I faced the dark corners of myself that needed my attention. Worked through the hard and fast emotions that were flooding my heart. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, and grow through the muddy-ness of it all. I faced my mis-guided youthful impressions that had taken form, and recognised the thoughts that limited my own limitless, expansive nature.
Silently, in this space I learnt about Sisterhood, about the feminine powers; about the ability to nurture and wound, to break and heal; to hold space and to fill the container. I learnt about magic in new ways; I learnt about astrology, about past lives and about honouring the unseen; and I learnt about community; about giving; and above all receiving.
I leant all the lessons that I needed to. I absorbed them and took them on board and faced them squarely until they were a part of me.
It was a necessary rest stop, that my soul had been asking for, in order to recalibrate my direction, redirect my youthful enthusiasm, and recognise the inner work that was unavoidable to step up my game to the next level of life that was beckoning me.
And as the year came to an end, the light in the distance became brighter; the work, the inner turmoil less heavy to handle, I was able to step out of the emotional whitewash that I was churning in, which was necessary for my growth. And with this, I knew it was time for change.
My many stubborn attempts at finding a more permanent place of my own, come back futile over and over again, which I finally understood to mean:
‘Not here. Not yet. Not right now. There something else in store for you.’
And so the discussions on our roadtrip began. What’s the next step then? Where’s the opening? What’s calling my name? Is it here or is it there?
India had been calling me for many months now, but I didn’t feel it was time. I wasn’t ready, and I wasn’t sure. I wanted to exhaust the possibilities in my current space, and complete what I had come to do here, before I moved on. I always make sure I’m going for the right reasons.
And after going around many circles of options and ideas, India kept chiming in. So I do what I always do. I give it a chance. If it flows: yes, if it doesn’t: no.
The following Monday of my return to London I went to the Indian High Commission to apply for my visa. They told me that I might have to wait up to 15 working days to receive it. So I waited, and worked and focused on what I needed to.
And sometimes the universe just wants to have her way with you. And everything flows.
A week later they called me. Come get your passport. It’s ready. That evening I looked for flights. And a flight found me and called my name: £135 one way to Goa. That was two days ago.
So….tomorrow, I’m going to India.