“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
“I don’t much care where –”
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
When I was a little girl, I used to think being a grown-up would be so easy. (That’s a picture of me as a little girl.)
Everything was so black and white: so simple.
I thought that, when I would be a grown-up, life would be exactly the same, except that I would have the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, forever. Like stay up past midnight, and eat ice cream for breakfast.
I didn’t realise I would have to make endless amounts of choices that would each have their own unique, spectacular effect on my life. And that some of those choices would be really hard.
We are constantly walking this fine tightrope between the conditioning we have had from our upbringing, and the new experiences, beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and values that we garner from our day-to-day life experiences. That juggling act defines the choices that we make every single day.
This week I’ve had to make a lot of new choices. Because the old choices that I was making weren’t serving me. I’m having to find a new level of ‘going-with-the-flow’ and ‘setting boundaries and policies’ around what I allow and want to experience in my life.
I felt like I was being taken for granted. And like I wasn’t really being heard. I felt that people assumed that I would be happy with whatever decision they made, because they thought it was the best decision, without asking me. I felt like my time and space weren’t being respected. And I felt like I was giving away more than I had to give.
Which means that:
I caught myself working too much.
I was over-extending and -stretching myself.
I was saying yes, when I really needed to say no.
I wasn’t communicating my thoughts and needs clearly.
I wasn’t following my intuition, because I was afraid of being judged.
These are all such valuable signposts. They are the contrast of what I actually want to experience and feel. Which give me the push I need to make a different choice.
A new choice. One that aligns with the way I envision my life to feel.
So here’s my new approach:
I’m accepting things as they are.
I’m speaking up about how if feel.
I’m not getting things done perfectly.
I’m saying no more often, and to more people.
I’m trusting that my work is getting done in time.
I’m taking more time to be alone. And do nothing.
When I was a little girl, I thought that there was one set of rules that everyone lived by, and that we all unanimously agreed on those rules. And that because of that, everyone made choices that were the best for themselves and those around them.
Now, I see that we live in a world so abundant in choices, that we have to get very, very clear on what we want and where we are going in our lives.
I want to live in a world where life is gentle, and warm and easy. That’s the choice I’m making.
What kind of world do you want to live in?
P.S. The countdown for The Gypset Adventure starts today! I cannot wait to get started; you’ve got 10 days to join us! Doors close on Monday 29 June.