There I was; leaning my back against the bed-head. Huddled under the covers. Heart heavy. Mind confused. Green eyes filled with tears, as they slowly started rolling down my cheeks. Bewildered at the unexpected twists and turns life had recently thrown at me. Wondering how best to handle them, and all the emotions that came along for the ride. And frightened about what might happen next.
Confusion is the psychological phenomena that happens when we cannot think clearly, or don’t feel like we have the answer to all the questions. The Latin word ‘confundere’ is the etymology of the word confusion. The word means “to mingle together”. It is essentially the state of being bewildered because all the thoughts are mingling together and make no sense.
We all have confusions about life, career and decisions; about relationships, infatuations and feelings, from time to time. These confusions can bring a tsunami of emotions like sadness, bewilderment and feeling frightened, to anybody.
There is no distinction in feeling more or less confused based on your sense of freedom, your education, or social stance. Confusion lives in the realm of those who seek to understand themselves and the world around them. Even Albert Einstein often wrote in his journal about how confused he felt about the world.
That day, that I was sitting there, feeling alone, confused and frightened, I knew it was because my life experience was challenging some of my deepest subconscious beliefs. The confusion I was feeling was my resistance to change. My mind didn’t want a bar of it. Even though my heart and soul were ready.
What was happening, is that my mind didn’t want these new things to happen, because they felt scary and unsafe. So it created a whirlwind of confusion, thoughts melding and scattering everywhere, leaving me feeling sad and bewildered about myself, my life and my choices.
What I needed to do, was shift my belief systems and thoughts, so my mind felt safer and more comfortable with how my life was changing. Here’s what I do.
4 Steps to shift big blocks and limiting beliefs; when you feel confused, bewildered and frightened.
1. Let go of the former beliefs.
Beliefs are simply thoughts that you have decided is true for you. As you change, and as life changes, some of these beliefs are no longer true or valid. Nor do they support the person you are becoming.
I have an inkling that, the less beliefs we are attached to, the easier, and happier we are, however it is quite challenging to function in this world without some beliefs, unless you dedicate yourself to life as a monk in a cave. So we have beliefs, and some of them stay and other we let go of.
I find writing the catharsis of my soul. I often don’t even know what I think or believe, until the words come flying out from under my pen. Writing for me is the purification and purgation of my thoughts and emotions that results in renewal and restoration. I write down what I’m feeling, why I am feeling that way, why I feel scared, and what beliefs are holding me back, making me feel stuck, confused or resistant about change and the future.
While writing, for me, is my ‘thing’, it’s important to figure out what your ‘thing’ is too. Maybe it’s painting. Maybe it’s running or kick-boxing. Maybe it’s digging in the garden. Whatever helps you sink deeper, past the superficial repetitive thoughts, and gives you a clear understanding of what the real issue is, is your ‘thing’.
Haven’t found it yet? Start trying out different facets of self-expression and discover which ones you enjoy the most, and lead to themes clarity swiftly and with ease. The point here, is to gain clarity on what you are thinking and feeling, so you can give yourself permission to let go.
2. Mourn the loss.
Like everything in life, we form attachments to those thoughts, beliefs and feelings that are familiar. At some point we welcomed them into our lives, because they formed a purpose. They protected us, empowered us, inspired us or enlightened us. But as we grow and change, some of those thoughts become outdated, and can start to make us feel stuck, out-dated, deflated and small.
When you are changing and letting go of blocks and limiting beliefs, you have to physically mourn the letting go of those blocks and beliefs. This is when you’ll feel really sad for no reason, cry easily, and feel generally a little low and mournful. This is good. Mourning the loss of former blocks and beliefs, means you are truly letting go, and making space for something brand-spanking new and wonderful in your life.
3. Leave space / Replace with new beliefs.
Leaving space for the new to enter your life is imperative. The way to do that, is spend lots of time meditating and practicing trust. For me, this is a favourite thing as I can literally feel my cells changing as I am filled with light, wisdom and guidance. Learning to trust and even enjoy the unknown, and the open space, feels like magic.
But if you’re the kind of person who needs something a bit more tangible than ‘space’ to hold onto as you move forward then decide what new beliefs you want to create that will support and uphold the new you, now. They will become clear to you by doing your ‘thing’ once you’ve figured out what that is. When I’m writing, I’ll often begin by setting intention that I am being guided, and the answers that I need will reveal themselves. And they do.
4. Integrate with action.
Once we have let go, mourned and replaced the blocks and limiting beliefs, we need to integrate them. You do this by practicing mindfulness in your actions and reactions. In Step 3, you left space or found new beliefs to replace the old ones with. Thought this process you will have decided on new ways that you want to experience life and behave in the world. Use this as a guideline and pay attention when you accidentally fall back into old behaviour or thought patterns.
Actively choosing the new way of being and feeling, over and over again, integrates it into your life and body, and become your new norm.
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