Sometimes loneliness is your Soul crying to spend time with you.
The bitter-sweet pangs of loneliness that at times reverberate through our bodies and souls, usually signify that we are in a phase of recalibration and inner transformation. Despite this positive note to a challenging feeling, it is, nonetheless, something that affects all of us deeply, from time to time.
Let me address loneliness with one simple concept:
Loneliness is an illusion created by your mind.
Everyone you meet in your life — even total strangers — are already intimately connected to you. The idea that we are all separate and distinct beings is nothing but an illusion. We are all parts of a larger whole, like individual cells in a body.
No matter how separate you may feel you are, you have always been connected to a vast ocean of conscious intelligent energy.
What loneliness really is, is believing in separation. When we separate ourselves from everything and everyone else in the world, we create a disconnect, and hence feel totally, and completely alone.
So let’s reframe loneliness, and use it as a platform for growth. Be lonely. Learn to be alone. This is how you deal with loneliness.
Feeling lonely, from time to time, is perfectly natural. It’s okay to feel lonely. You can even enjoy that deep sadness and separation that comes from the illusion. Sit with it. Allow yourself to feel it.
Some of the greatest insights and creative contributions to the world, come from disconnect, from separation, from loneliness.
Feeling lonely, can be a beautiful thing.
The danger is, to be reactive to the sensation of loneliness, and to want to instantly fill that sense of pain, the sadness, the time and space, with someone or something.
Your ability to be alone, whether you feel lonely or not, is what sets you apart from the crowd.
I love this quote:
All of your unhappiness comes from your inability to be alone. | Jean de la Bruyere.
What that means is that, when we try to cover up our discomfort with an unfamiliar feeling, by avoiding it, eating our feelings, and filling up our space and time with activities or people, we exasperate the real issue at hand: the misconception that we are separate from the world.
If you look around at the general population, “busyness” is an excuse for not wanting to feel lonely. It’s avoidance of being alone. Because god-forbid, maybe then we would have to face our own truth.
So is over-eating. As is every addiction, ever.
Loneliness, is not so much about being or feeling alone. It is more about our disconnect.
So, I thought I’d share with you, what I do when I feel lonely. Because I also suffer from the illusion of separation from time to time.
Firstly, I do so with awareness. Pay attention to what else is going on in your life at that time. Did you have a weird conversation with a friend or loved one? Are you overly tired or exhausted? Have you been pushing yourself too much lately? Where are your thoughts at? Have you been focusing on a negative train of thoughts more than a positive one?
Often, when we feel lonely, there’s more to the story. When you discover what the trigger is, for how you are feeling, you recognise your truth and can change the core issue, instead of being reactive.
Secondly, I recognise that loneliness is part of the spectrum of human emotion, and not something to run from or be afraid of. I journal, cry if I need to — because sometimes loneliness is simply pent-up emotions that need releasing, sway around to sad songs, and allow myself to spend some time feeling sorry for myself, if that’s what I feel I need.
But I give myself a time limit to dwell in the loneliness. Maybe 24 hours. Maybe a week. Depending on the circumstances.
That way, I get to fully express and feel what I need to express and feel, without guilt, or fear, or bulldozing over an important emotion. Loneliness is time I get spend in communication with my Soul, where I can listen and hear my own truth.
At the end of my time, I often feel refreshed, inspired and ready to approach life from a different viewpoint.
Sometimes we need the cathartics of loneliness to process some deeper feelings. Often they’re ones we don’t even understand. Being accepting of that, and allowing ourselves to feel, without being reactive, is the most transformational practice for growth, insight and emotional as well as psychological maturity.
Once we recognise loneliness to be an illusion, and something that we sometimes need to experience, we can use it as a portal for our own evolution. We maintain the safety of knowing we are held and supported, even if in that moment we don’t feel it, while having permission to feel our own depth: the source of creativity, inspiration and expansion.
Be lonely. Learn to be alone. Choose to practice awareness, and allow the sensations to be your teacher. This is how you deal with loneliness. You turn it into a platform for your own growth.
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