May the next few months be a period of beautiful transformation.
Those are the words I see, written in large letters, on the 1st of October, in my journal.
It’s as if those words called in exactly that. Or maybe it was a premonition. On second thought, I think I already knew that this was happening, because it had already begun.
I haven’t done one of these big, epic personal shares for a while. and now it seems, is the perfect time.
Those of you who have been journeying alongside me for a while, are familiar with my freedom-based lifestyle and Gypset ways.
In 2015 alone I’ve lived in 2 different cities in Australia, spent 2 months in Bali, travelled up and down the East Coast of Australia 4 times, and have recently moved to New Zealand for up to the next 6 months.
Every day I wake up grateful and delighted to have this kind of freedom to choose and live the way that I want to. Until I don’t.
Until I feel this.
The conflicting paradox of life on the road.
I mentioned it previously at the end of my time in Bali. That I was really craving having a home base. Nesting. Hunkering down in a fort, that I call my own, and decorating it with all the woven weaves and shiny trinkets that I’ve collected on my adventures.
But, because of plans and practical issues and commitments, it just couldn’t happen. Herein lies the conflicting paradox of life on the road. Wanting both the freedom to up and go and leave whenever I want, and yet simultaneously have a safe haven in which to restore my energy and create from.
So instead, I spent a month with my love, traveling down the East Coast of Australia; then another month traveling through the North Island of New Zealand, until two weeks ago, when we finally stopped in a stunning coastal town on the South Island: Nelson.
I had a tremendous amount of resistance during those months, to what was happening, which created so much unhappiness.
I know this stuff. I practice and preach acceptance, and letting go of mental conditions and expectations of how life should unfold as a precedent to inner peace and happiness.
And yet, I still met challenges.
I had to face myself.
What that means is the past 3 months have been a period of intense growth for me.
I was struggling with my sense of value and purpose, in the world. Knowing what I can do, and receiving external feedback from the world, wasn’t enough. I needed to feel like my life, work, my efforts, and my aspirations meant something.
The worst part was, I felt like I was letting people down.
September, October and November 2015 were 3 tough months for me. Full of ups and down and insides outs, curve balls and challenges.
Sounds like normal life, right?
It is. But they really pushed me to my edge. They were months that make you want to throw your hand up in the air, and scream “I give up!” and then become a nun in the Italian alps. Or vanish to some forgotten place in Central America, with a new identity. I’d change my name to Sophia, and speak in a broad accent, accentuating all my vowels.
While the fantasy of running away is fun, instead I choose to practice using these experiences to see where I am out of alignment in my life and what I need to do to get myself into a place where I can at least feel better about where I am at. Back in the flow, back to feeling good, back to alignment with my truth, my love and my soul.
I recognised that my problem was that I wasn’t voicing my needs. And that I had allowed my boundaries to be pushed and extended so far, that I was at breaking point.
It’s a common mistake that, when we are very close with someone, and you agree on almost everything, you think that they magically just know what you need. That’s the mistake I made.
I kept compromising myself, with the subconscious belief that I wasn’t important enough to ensure that my needs were being met. I kept accepting a standard of living that was less than desirable, in order to keep peace in my current situation and relationship.
When I travel, I travel slowly, and in comfort. I choose a place to stay at least a week or two, I find a beautiful environment to work and live in, and explore from there. That means that I feel grounded and supported in my travels, I have the time and space to take care of myself, and my business, while also having adventures.
In these circumstances however, traveling with a partner, we were moving every couple of days, often not knowing where we would stay, if we could have showers or whether there was a space with internet to connect and work. It was exhausting. And not how I want to live.
I live my life on a very simple premise:
Whatever I am experiencing in my life, I can either accept it, or change it.
While I am really good at practicing acceptance, sometimes acceptance doesn’t cut it. And we have to change it.
When I finally voiced my concerns and needs, everything changed. We found a beautiful home to call our own for 3 weeks, while we find something more permanent. All of my requests, and intentions that I had set in my manifesting journal transpired and were fulfilled.
I also upgraded the way I was supporting myself physically and creatively: I increased my greens, started taking Echinacea and Vitamin C, plus astring Magnesium which totally changed my level of positivity around.
The lesson that I was being taught over these 3 months was around: asking, listening and receiving. Over and over again, This was the message I was receiving, and while I understood it, it took me those 3 months, to apply it and start experiencing what it truly meant.
So often the answer is that what we need to do is stop trying, and simply learn to allow.
Allow the goodness. Allow the ease. Allow the abundance. Allow the peace. Allow the time and space, allow the means, the clarity and the path to all that brings us joy.
Gratefully, I had 5 books, by my side throughout that time, supporting me and keeping me sane, as I struggled with my resistance and the lessons I was being taught.
“Ultimately, a happy you will be the greatest contribution you can make toward a happy society.” If those words don’t pique your interest, then this book is probably not for you. Very pragmatic, easy to read and well written, author James Altucher reminds us how important it is to choose yourself, because if you don’t, your life experience will match that. He applies this concept to money, business, relationships and so on, and I was grateful to have the reminder, when I was not in alignment with my needs, that I am empowered, and could do something about it.
In the first few pages of this book, I became really, really excited. I thought “Finally! Someone is going to give me all the answers to being a fully fledged, empowered woman, who embodies every aspect of her self-expression and femininity!”
Ha! I laugh at myself now.
By the end of the book, there was not a single new idea or nuance, shared, that I am not already fully familiar with, and practicing, in the most part. But what it reminded me was that we all already have the answers to our own questions, and all we need to do is revisit our own inner wisdom, and act from the art, with love and trust. I needed to read those words when I did.
I really enjoyed reading every word of this one. While it’s a book about men and women, and how we relate to one another, and more importantly: how to create an amazing relationship, the lesson that I was hearing over and over was that the key is to be still, listen and receive. When we become really good at listening and receiving, life gives us so much more. I noticed areas in my life wherever I was feeling lack, that were actually very abundant, when I listened and received more. This book brought about a beautiful transformation in me; one that has been wanting to be integrated by my soul for a while now.
In a moment of complete narcissism, I bought this book (all Kindle editions of course, since I travel too much to carry a library around with me) because one of my dear friends noticed that my name was mentioned in the final pages. I needed to know why!
Light Is The New Black is all about giving ourselves permission to stand out in our uniqueness and fullness, and shine our light into the world, through being present in every moment and doing all things with love. Gorgeously and simply written, it’s like a memory to all girls, to allow ourselves to be girly and sweet, and to recognise what we truly are: light.
Have you ever read a book that, while you love it, you struggle to get through it, because some of your beliefs are being stretched or confronted, and so you have resistance to the content, or the exercises? That’s how I’ve been with this book. Asking and receiving, alongside listening, which essentially is another form of receiving, have been a deepening practice for me, over the past few months. One that this book really challenges me on, and I love it. Maybe you feel that same way, in which case, get this book and read it!
These past 3 months have been a time of unprecedented growth, big breakthroughs and deep love and connection. My meditation practice depend, my self-love muscle grew stronger, I had new learnings around consciousness and business and wealth. I deepened my self-knowledge and had a string of realisations that have brought me to where I am now.
And where I am now, feels amazing.
The rest of this year is devoted to creating a new foundation of commitments, values and boundaries for myself, in all areas of my life. Followed by making new plans and devising strategies that allow me to uphold this new level of living and being.
Essentially, what these past months have been about, is a vibrational life upgrade, that requires my commitment to be reflected in my choices, actions, and experiences.
It’s a new beginning, just in time for the New Year.
What an exciting time.