For the men who say you are feminists.
You say you’re a feminist, but I think you got confused somewhere along the way.
When you talk about equality, the only equality you seem to mean is that I pay my way, equally to you. That when the bill arrives at the table, I take my half and hand over my cash for it.
Beyond that, feminism is just a word you throw around to make yourself feel good. You say you’re a feminist because you say you believe that women should have the same rights you do.
You say, you’re a feminist, but you tell me you are entitled to expect me to always have perfectly manicured lady-parts for you.
You say you’re a feminist and in the same breath tell me that you want me to have a c-section, because otherwise I might not be as ‘tight’ for you.
You say you’re a feminist but insult women who openly enjoy sex as much as you do. You take great pride in revealing your sexual victories, yet deplore women who do the same.
You say you’re a feminist and yet sneer and dismiss me with a comment about bragging, when I proudly share how much money I’ve earned this week, even though you often do the same.
You say you’re a feminist yet you assume that I will care for our potential children, just because I work from home.
You say you’re a feminist and yet I can count on one hand, the number of times you have washed our sheets, or made the bed, or swept the floors in over two years.
You say you’re a feminist, but if my opinion is too strong for you and my growth too expansive for you, you close off from me.
You say you’re a feminist, but I think you got confused.
Let me clear this concept up for you.
Equal to you, does not mean, that we pay the same as you, and then still go on to live out all of your machismo assumptions.
Equality in terms of gender requires you to recognise women as being full human beings with their own unique set of strengths, abilities and values that vary between each one of us.
Feminism was never about being the same as men. It is about being recognized as the unique divine creations that we are.
We are in holy communion with the moon and stars, everyday. Our blood and our moods shift with the tides from morning to night. We have fluctuations in energy that we must honor, and through those fluctuations creations become living, breathing manifestations.
Our strength lies not in our arms, like yours, but in our hearts and our ability to change and adjust with rapidity, to shine light in the places that are dark and to grow another human inside our bodies.
We work out of devotion and self-expression and to support ourselves and those we love. Unlike you, we don’t use our work to gain a sense of purpose. We are born with purpose, the purpose of being a woman.
When we cried “feminism” we wanted to be recognized as the valuable, powerful and equally important and necessary feminine source that we are.
Instead we got caught up with shoulder pads and proving our worth and fighting for the rights to be considered the same as you.
But we are not the same as you.
And still we don’t receive the same financial remuneration or recognition for the work that we do. Yet, you say you’re a feminist, and therefore I have the honor to pay my way, just like you.
When you say you’re a feminist, what you mean is that you’ve still not understood our strength as women, nor understood your powerful role as a man. So you’re hiding behind the words of equality as a shield for not stepping up to your wholeness and fullness, nor to honoring our differences.
For the men who say you are feminists.
I think you got confused.
But here’s the thing. If you really want to be a feminist, here’s what you can do:
If you want to be a feminist, know yourself so well, that you can hold space for anything, including a woman’s ever changing emotional landscape by being whole and strong within yourself as a man.
If you want to be a feminist, learn to feel and express your feelings without hesitation and fear.
If you want to be a feminist, respect the choices a woman makes about her body, about her sexuality and about the way she chooses to manicure her lady-garden or wear her clothes.
If you want to be a feminist, worship at the gates that bring life forth, without objectifying them as a portal to your pleasure.
If you want to be a feminist, see your role as a parent as important and valuable and equal and necessary as a woman’s.
If you want to be a feminist, encourage and celebrate her accomplishments whether financial, physical or in the kitchen, as she does yours.
If you want to be a feminist, do the chores in the house as your greatest service to the woman who you love, rather than something you can avoid and let her do.
If you want to be a feminist, grow and expand alongside her, by stepping up to the pedestal you are being offered through her.
For the men who say you are feminists, this is your chance.
Illustration: Ambivalently Yours