Sometimes it feels like the entire world is out to smush us into tiny perfect little boxes. This ends up making us feel terrible about ourselves. We wonder why our legs won’t fit or our hair keeps trailing out or the way we do things causes creases in our box.
From inside the box we will never be good enough. Because it simply doesn’t fit.
I have sometimes had days where I would struggle with the concept that to be accepted I must fit myself inside a box. And those days I forgot myself and tried.
I would do my hair like a model I once saw on Pinterest and wonder if I should try out a new cut or get my eyebrows microbladed. I’d say the things that I know are expected of me to say instead of what I feel. I would bemoan my figure and it’s short, curvy body, and stick legs and arms and come up with some ridiculous exercise plan that I never follow. I’d wonder if I’m successful enough, on social media enough, making enough, and listen to some business coach tell me how to set very pragmatic, material goals.
But none of that gave me the feeling I was really craving: to be accepted, just as I am.
What I have learned over the years is this: at a certain point you just have to accept yourself. No-one can accept you for you. It’s all you.
When I first made that decision I would repeat a mantra in my head, over and over again. Sometimes I would whisper it to myself. Sometimes I’d say it to the mirror.
I deeply love and accept myself.
Once you have made that decision the fun begins: you get to decide who you are, and what that looks like. You get to reinvent yourself! Over and over and over again. No boxes necessary.
Here are 19 ways that I live my life my way, live outside of the box and choose to be a rebellious game-changer.
1. I get my hair cut maaaaaaybe once per year. The rest of the time I let friends hack at it, I get experimental with or it, or it just grows.
2. I don’t take things personally. I know that whatever someone is saying, even if it’s directed at me, is actually about them. Not taking things personally means that I am free from guilt, fear, and expectations that others may try to place on me.
3. I always check in with what I think and feel before I do anything. I know that my truth resides within me and nowhere else. Which means that before I take action or make a decision I need to make sure that it’s right for me. Checking in is as simple as feeling my body and asking it how it feels about this thing. An easy, light, expansive feeling means I’ve got a “yes”, a heavy, dark, contracting feeling means it’s a “no”.
4. I quit getting my legs waxed and took my power back. After years (and probably $1,000’s dollars) spent in fancy waxing salons, I decided I’d had enough. I invested in a high quality epilator, this one to be exact, and have never been happier. My legs, underarms and lady-parts are soft, smooth and hair-free, whenever I want them to be. No extra hassle or cost.
5. I make up my own working hours. I know that I am most creative in the first 4-5 hours of the day… So that’s when I work. And on my two mentoring days per week, when my days often fills up, I focus on connecting with my clients. Plus: I use astrology to guide me on what I do, and on which days.
6. I don’t follow fashion trends. I adore clothes and feeling beautiful in the things I wear, but I genuinely have no idea what’s in style. I wear what makes me feel good: mostly pretty dresses, cute blouses tucked into jeans, skirts with t-shirts, and leggings with long tops and my long hair piled up on top of my head.
7. I practice radical self-trust. What that means is that I trust what I feel above any external influence. I don’t always get it right. But when I do, and I follow that, everything makes so much more sense.
8. I have a daily nonnegotiables list. It includes: alone time, lemon water in the morning, sweating every day, writing every day (even if it’s just journaling), meditation, eating lots of greens, being creative, nurturing relationships, and day-dreaming. If they don’t happen, nothing does.
9. I rarely scroll Instagram or Facebook. I’d rather be creating than consuming.
10. I allow my intuition to guide me in every area of my life. I am not shy to admit that I have no idea what I am doing 90% of the time. I’m completely comfortable with not-knowing because I know that when I trust my intuition and follow that guidance, only the best can come of it. Sometimes it does feel confusing because the path ahead isn’t linear, and that’s ok.
11. I don’t care. That sounds like a really harsh statement but what I mean is: I don’t care about what others think of me or why things happen. I care about accepting what is and making the best of what I feel to be true, in every single moment. Not caring is the best thing ever.
12. I meditate, but not in the ways that popular culture depicts. My meditation is messy, raw and unfiltered. I meditate sprawled out lying on my back on my bed, I meditate lying in the grass, I meditate when I am walking in nature, I meditate when I do the dishes, I meditate chopping vegetables, I meditate folding clothes. Any mundane, simple task becomes a meditation in my day. I don’t do cross-legged-lotus-position “official” meditation. Instead, it’s an ongoing moment-to-moment practice in my life.
13. I refuse to use plastic bags everywhere I go. It’s simple and easy and we should all be doing it.
14. I make doing my ‘inner-work’ a priority. I know that my entire life is a reflection of what is going on inside. I believe that we are all on a spiritual-physical quest to reach, embody, grow and learn. We are all becoming. And the only thing that I have found that makes this quest fun, playful and inspiring is bey being open to it, and willing to do the work that is required to move through the various lessons that it brings.
15. I dance to almost any music. It’s embarrassing but I literally can dance to anything. Some people are very set around what music they find acceptable and what not, and while I certainly favour some over others, music stirs my soul and my hips start to move.
16. I will do almost anything for freedom.
17. When everyone goes one way, I go the other. I have a strange terror that rises up and makes the hairs stand up on my back, when everyone turns and starts taking the same direction. I innately don’t trust it. Popular trends make me uneasy and I question why everyone is trying to take the same path. It’s unnatural.
18. I often work sitting or kneeling on my yoga mat or bed. They say that sitting down for long times isn’t good for people, and I don’t. I lie or kneel or sit on the floor.
19. I stopped wearing underwire bras almost as soon as I started wearing them. While I enjoy the lacy sexiness, subtle protection and support of a bra, I feel very, very weird about the whole wire thing. Thank goodness that bralettes in all their fanciness are currently trending. On a side note, did you know that in 2009 Elena Bodnar invented the Emergency Bra, which doubles as a gas mask? Fascinating.
In what ways do you stay out of the box and lead the way as a rebellious game-changer? I’d love to know…