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Read this if: you have a tendency to go into overdrive and exhaust yourself, trying to make your dreams come true.

Read this if: you have a tendency to go into overdrive and exhaust yourself, trying to make your dreams come true.


How do you allow space for the things you want, to come, without going into overdrive making them happen?


My friend Olivia recently asked me this question. I am so glad that she did, because it’s something that I also struggle with. Finding that balance between passion and inspired hustle; and trust and patience, is an art.


Here’s what I’ve discovered.


Fear is the greatest driver. When we start to push, force and go into overdrive, it’s because we are afraid that things won’t work out, that we don’t deserve what we want, and that we have to work harder to prove our worth. The moment our actions a result of fear instead of love, we become imbalanced.


Running a business means that I am 100% responsible for every dollar I make, and every dollar I spend. That kind of responsibility can feel scary sometimes. It pushes all the buttons: what if people don’t like what I make; what if no-one wants to hire me; what if my proposal is rejected. Yet self-employment requires me to continuously put myself out there, to be seen, in all my human, messy glory, with my successes and failures, all the time.


Every day I am required to do my work, to show up and share. This is a beautiful thing. On some days this kind of sharing feels natural, easy, and effortless. On other days it feels icky, strange, and constrained. Discovering that fine balance between generosity, vulnerability, unconstrained openness, and holding things close is a daily circus act.


On the days when it doesn’t feel so great, I notice that I have an unprecedented fear lurking about: what if I’m not working hard enough to make as much money as I need to pay for the rent / mortgage / travels / clothes / courses and experiences that I want?


It is those days that I move beyond inspiration, into overdrive and exhaustion. I hurriedly add items to my ‘to do’ list. I come up with more complicated and spectacular projects and programs. I push myself a little harder and drive myself to stay at it a little longer. Gone is the gentle trust that I am always supported and everything is working in my favour. Instead I become a hamster in a wheel, turned by the fear of my inadequacy.


Finding the balance is a spiritual practice. The only way that I can find my own unique balance between taking action (inspired hustle) and practicing patience (trust), is by being very present and centred in my body at all times. I can feel, moment to moment, when I cross the line from love to fear.


Since we’ve been traveling I’ve been experimenting with letting go of this pressing sense of obligation to ‘make things happen’. What happens if I don’t fulfil all my tasks on my ‘to do’ list?


What I’ve discovered is this: nothing happens. I don’t miss out on opportunities for growth.


Things continue to hum along as usual, but without the same sense of urgency. Nonetheless, the exciting feeling of rapid growth is also no longer there, simply because I’m not putting the same amount of energy into my business.


What is astonishing is that this slower approach feels to have stronger foundations. My email list has doubled since we set out on our adventure. My Instagram following has grown 200%. My wait-list for 1:1 mentoring is almost full for the first half of 2017.


I worked much less and much harder at it all, giving in to allowing life to come first instead of pushing, forcing and trying so hard.


It turns out the key to this kind of growth is patience, trust and consistency, rather than hustling in overdrive and diving deep into overwhelm.


In the future, I want to remember this, anytime I drop off my spiritual practice of staying present and slide into fear, that I always have a choice, and the choice that supports me the most is the one that feels relaxed, effortless and fun.


It all comes down to self-love. When I love myself enough to respect my energetic boundaries, I find the balance between doing and allowing easily.


Because I love myself, I can tell when I am striving out of fear of not being enough for the world, instead feeling inspired to put my all into something because it brings me joy and gratification. Sometimes that thing I am doing isn’t necessarily fun or comfortable, but the learning, the devotion and the growth that come with it, are exactly what I want and need.


In all, my answer to the question above is this: if you are asking yourself that question, you’re probably already out of balance and in overdrive. Pull back, and ask yourself this question: How can I accomplish what I have set out to achieve while staying in alignment with my body, heart and soul? And then feel the answer, instead of think it.


Photo: Original source unknown.


Free New Moon Manifest Journaling Ritual



Moon dust in your lungs, stars in your eyes, you are a child of the cosmos, a ruler of the skies.


The new moon, the very first crescent you see in the sky, marks the beginning — a time for renewal — for you to recreate yourself and your life, by setting intentions and putting into motion the things that you want to manifest.


At the new moon there is a strong and potent opportunity for new possibilities — the atmosphere is empty, receptive and full of potential — which makes it an optimum time to plant seeds of intention for your greatest desires, biggest dreams, and grandest wishes to manifest in your life.


In this New Moon journaling ritual, I am sharing exactly what I do, every new moon to create a life filled with love, harmony, joy, success, abundance, connection and happiness.


Now, you can do it too. I’d love you to join me with this monthly ritual. Simply enter email address, and I’ll send you a free copy of my Full Moon Manifest journaling ritual directly to your inbox.



Et voila! Access is instant!


If you have a friend who would love to take part in this ritual too, send her this way. This magic is made more potent with more of us practicing it.


What else can be done? [Sobering words on a world filled with inequality.]

What else can be done? [Sobering words on a world filled with inequality.]


I recently spent a week living in a tiny village in the countryside of southern Cambodia volunteering at a community school for children who otherwise would not receive an education. It was barely a village, really. It was a long stretch of red dirt road, lined with corn farms and rice fields, with a few huts dotted along the way that served as shops, selling ice, beer, rice wine, and basic necessities.


I passed the week painting moon designs and bohemian patterns on the volunteer accommodation, practicing english and playing with the kids, and guiding them through a 30 minute yoga session every afternoon, followed by dips in the local swimming hole to wash off the day’s sweat and dust.


It was a very, very simple life — very few comforts and basic amenities — as this is how these people live. For them, this is “normal”. For us, it would be classified as “poverty”. We slept on the floor on a few very thin mattresses that gave little relief from our bones crushing up against the ground. Our toilet was a few minutes walk away from our accommodation, a little Asian-style squat-hole-in-the-ground, no toilet paper, but a water bucket to flush with. The shower worked… rarely. I showered a total of 2 times during that week. We cooked over a fire, learning how to make one-pot vegetable-and-noodle dishes with limited resources.


Many of the children were expected to work on the farms during the day, and came to school sporadically, and only for a few hours, from 2pm to 5pm. They looked happy. The way that children are innocently accepting and happy.


During my time there I often caught myself thinking about our western dissatisfaction and “lack thinking” and constant striving for more. How these people live with so much less. How happiness is relative, and not dependent on results or accumulations. Why it is that some of us are born with privileges like clean water, health care, access to education, financial abundance and limitless options and choices. While others are born into poverty, corruption, financial struggle, and very few choices.


Buddhists believe that detachment from material things helps us see the inequities of life as relatively unimportant: they are temporary, superficial to our spiritual essence and inconsequential in our pursuit of everlasting spiritual fulfilment. In this view, each lifetime is an opportunity to either grow and expand, or shrink and retract as a spiritual being through the choices you make in your human experience. It’s a kind of game of karma points. You win some, and you lose some, based on how accepting you are and what you make of your life.


It’s a very nice, accepting way to be. I am sure acceptance is much easier than suffering. Nonetheless, I notice that I often feel angry, the muscles in my body tightening, when I see so many things that are being accepted, that are incredibly unfair.


We arrived in Siem Reap, the centre for the famous Angkor Wat temples, a few days ago. Apart from the majestic beauty of the jungle-fairytale temples, I hate it here.


It’s dusty and filthy. There is trash overflowing in piles against every building. Children are begging on every corner, asking for food and money. Not because they really need it, but because it’s more profitable for their parents. There are thousands of desperate people standing outside the cool air-conditioned doors I am hiding behind, frantically trying to sell things to tourists: tuk tuk rides, motorbikes, food, clothes, cheap souvenirs made in China. The hotels are mostly dumps and don’t match the glossy photos they sell their rooms with on the websites.


If I could, I would advise you never to come here. It’s a shame to see that a precious, historical site is being prostituted out for cold, hard cash without the respect and care that it deserves.


This is the overall feeling in Cambodia. Anything that makes money is exploited here: child sex tourism is a huge problem; international baby adoption is a ragingly corrupt business; endless names of available drugs are whispered in dark shady corners for sale to anyone brave enough to dare. And that’s just what I see before my eyes. I can’t even begin to imagine what is happening down narrow alleyways, and between handshakes from stout, grinning politicians and businessmen.


All these things make me feel many different conflicting things.


I feel really, really angry. Because the people who are suffering are the ones who haven’t enough money or opportunities to educate themselves to say “it’s not okay” to the corruption, and “no” when someone offers them a week’s wage to take their little baby girl away.


I also feel a kind of shame. A shame that I have it so much easier and better than so many of them.


And then, a confusion. Those children living in the countryside, with their sweet, wide-eyed innocent joy… Weren’t they exceedingly happier than most children I see in our western world? They live such a simple life, unaware of the troubles that others may have. Maybe it’s not us who are privileged, but them, for ignorance is bliss.


I firmly believe that real change has to come from within. And while I soberingly know that there is very little I can do to make a difference  a real impact on the people living this reality here right now — I believe that I can practice and teach what I preach: if we want the world to change, we have to change, first and foremost.


What else can be done?


Intuition is seeing with the soul.

Intuition is seeing with the soul.


Intuition is seeing with the soul. — Dean Koontz


Intuition is a phenomenon of bridging the heart and the mind, through an intangible sense or feeling. It describes the ability to acquire knowledge without inference or the use of logical reasoning. The word “intuition” comes from Latin verb “intueri” translated to the word intuit, “to contemplate”.


Intuition is often interpreted as the ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning.


It is an ability available to all of us, commonly known to be an aspect of our right brain function, and requires strengthening, just like a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it is and the faster it responds.


The universe sends us directions through our intuition; and we receive them through an inner voice, a tug in the heart, a sense, a vibe, a deep inner thought, a feeling, a certain subtle knowing, an energy that directs us along the way. We each feel this intuition in a different way and because it is subtle, it can seem elusive. If we pay attention we can connect to it in the centre of our body, like a deep inborn guidance system wired to the divine.


Have you ever been in a situation where you heard a very quiet, yet distinct intuitive warning, and ignored it, only to look back in hindsight and think “I knew that was a bad idea!”?


Yes? No? Maybe?


I have been in that situation tonnes of times!


It was around the time that I decided to start listening to my intuition more, that I noticed just how often I was getting myself into trouble, by ignoring the wisdom that the universe was consistently sharing with me.


I was 23, and I decided, after many, many mishapsmore than I’d like to admitthat I was finally ready to heed the strong persistent signs, voices and feelings that were arising as my intuition. So I set an intention, and made a pact with my intuition that I wrote in my journal.


Why not write one yourself?


Set the intention to connect to the universe and write a letter to your intuition, making a promise and a pact to start listening, paying attention and heeding its call.


Here’s a template to get your wheels turning…



Dear Intuition,


I am sorry I have been ignoring you for so long. It’s not because I don’t appreciate you, but because I was taught not to listen and trust you, or that you are wrong.


Thank you for the way you have _____________.


I now make a pact and a promise to connect to your guidance and hear your wisdom.


Please guide me when I  _____________.


Please speak louder when I _____________ and show me the signs even if I _____________.


I may not always heed your call as I learn to recognise you more. Please be patient with me and show yourself in ways that I can understand.


Thank you for being my _____________, my _____________, and my true _____________.


I love and appreciate you.


[your name here]



Soon after I wrote a letter, very much like this one, literally days later, I found myself in another one of those ‘situations’.


I was meant to go on a date with a very cute boy; a dreadlocked ballet dancer. On the morning of that day, I woke up, stretched and went outside to our backyard in my panties and t-shirt for a few minutes to catch some sun. Moments later, the back door slammed shut, and for the first (and last) time of living there, was suddenly locked out of my house.


Barely dressed, I walked around the sides of the house, looking for ways to break in. Nothing. The neighbours weren’t home and there was nowhere I could go. So I sat down and waited.


I heard my phone ring. I ran around the house and saw it, happily buzzing away on my bed, with no way to reach it. I was late for my date.


Several hours later my housemate arrived back home, and let me in. I apologised profusely to my date and rescheduled. Only to discover that this very cute boy, had some serious anger problems, a drug addiction, and was on too many counts entirely wrong for me.


In hindsight, I realised that my intuition was trying to tell me very loudly (as I had asked) not to meet this boy. But I was stubborn and determined and had to find out for myself.


This particular incidence prompted me to completely surrender myself, my life, and my decisions to the wisdom of the universe, as communicated to me by my intuition.


Over the past 12 years, since that fated day, my intuition has grown in strength and precision, and is now my only counsel for the choices I make and the way I live my life.


What it took, was to learn to listen, hear and take action on the direction of a gentle guidance, that often doesn’t have a logical explanation.


I had to practice, from moment to moment, being very still within myself, to check in, ask for guidance and pay attention to the direction I was being guided in.


Practice taking time throughout the day, checking in with how you feel, and adjusting your choices and environment to align with what feels right for you.


Photo: Camille Moir Smith


If you want to work on the road whilst rapidly wandering around the world…

How to work while traveling. (Photo taken in Phenom Phen, Cambodia).


I want to take my work with me, and travel the world. How do I do that?


It’s a question that I have been asked many, many times since I started my business and took it with me around the world 4 years ago, and even more so recently, as I rapidly explore every nook and cranny of South East Asia for the latter half of 2016.


Here’s my advice:


Book a flight. If you want to take your work traveling, the very first step is to actually set your plans in motion. Nothing will happen until you take that leap.


When I decided to take my work traveling, I made that decision because I was already traveling, and I needed to work. I figured it out along the way. I didn’t wait until the conditions were right. Because they’re never going to be right. Traveling is a messy, unstructured, crazy, time-zone-changing, slipping-through-the-days way of life. It forces you to become very, very present and very precise with the use of your time.


Promise yourself that you’re going to make it work. When you prioritize your dream: working while traveling, you stop trying to make your dream fit the box of how you think working while traveling looks like. Because it doesn’t look like that. There’s many, many (too many) people who call themselves digital nomads and post photos of themselves sitting around by pools all day, sipping cocktails. That is not the reality of working while travelling.


The reality is waking up at 5am in the morning to be ready for client calls because of crazy time-zones. It’s having problems connecting with decent internet to work with 24/7. It’s having cold showers, and crazy bed-head hair, and no makeup because you lost you mascara in transit somewhere. It’s doing all your days work between 6am and 10am in the morning, in the darkness of your dingy hotel room, because your boyfriend who doesn’t work while he’s traveling, likes to sleep in.


It also means that you spend most of your days really living. Work is no longer the main focus of your days. There’s a much healthier work / play balance because you are here to play. To explore, to taste, to try, to see, to hear, to breathe, to walk. And that makes it all worth it.


Drop your expectations. The idea of working while traveling and the reality of working while traveling are two very separate things. It’s not going to be anything like you think it will be. Having expectations will confine you to trying to live out those expectations. The best thing you can do is be entirely open to how things come about, surrender to it all, and keep showing up and doing your work, every day.


When I used to travel on my own, I would spend a month or 2 or 3 or maybe even more if I really liked it, in one place. This allowed me to create a daily routine and rhythm, much like you would at home. Since traveling with J, who doesn’t share my preference for slow travel, we’ve been on a steadily paced race to see as many different places in SE Asia as possible, until the end of the year. Since June we have traveled through New Zealand, Malaysia, Borneo, Brunei, Burma, Thailand and have just arrived in Cambodia, with still Laos and Vietnam ahead of us. It means I’ve had to adjust my approach to work, to make it work.


I am not working anywhere near full capacity, and have pulled back on almost everything, with my focus on doing the bare minimum to keep the wheels of my business turning. Instead of having a weekly schedule, I write blog posts and emails to my people when I want to, and am only working with the clients that signed up to work with me prior to our travels. My main focus is on social media, which has become much, much easier since closing my public Facebook page, and building relationships on Instagram and more personally on Facebook, so that when I slow down next year, I have a ready platform to interact with and sell to.


Be organised. I have several tricks that I use to stay organised. One is that I block tasks in my calendar, for example my 1:1 client calls happen in blocks of four hours on Tuesdays and Wednesdays only. Julien knows we can’t travel on those days, because of that, making planning efficient and easy. I also start my work early most mornings, so I can enjoy the day with the rest of the world, and not have to worry about missing out or not having finished my tasks.


I write my daily ‘to do’ lists as tasks in my calendar, so I don’t have to fiddle around with paper, and can just look at my phone to see what needs to be taken care of that day. I write all of my client notes, ideas and everything I need to capture when I don’t want to open my laptop in my amazing Filofax planner. Plus, many of the apps I love and use are listed here.


For additional organisation, you can read my non-negotiable travel-essentials and packing list here.


I have an ongoing draft in my emails titled ‘Quotes + SM Drafts’. This is where I write all my social media content in moments of inspiration so that when I want to post, and I don’t have anything potent ready to share, I just go here, and pick something out. Because some days are filled with living, and don’t leave time to assimilate, and share.


Get a sim with data. Internet is insanely unreliable anywhere you go (even Europe!). When you rely on internet to do your work, this singular thing will be your greatest source of frustration. Fortunately, you can ease that frustration tremendously by getting a new sim with a good data plan in every new country you go. I still sometimes have issues but much, much less so, because I can simply hotspot to my phone or work directly off it, whenever I need to. Getting a sim and data is also surprisingly affordable. I arrived in Cambodia yesterday, and bought a sim for $1 USD and 2 gig of data for $2 USD. Easy, right!?


Be flexible and adaptive. The biggest trick to successfully working while traveling is being flexible to the constant changes, and being highly adaptive to them. You cannot control what or how things are unfolding and the more you try, the harder it gets. You have to let go of all that and just do your work, no matter what it takes. It doesn’t matter how you do your work, it only matters that you keep showing up and doing the work.


Most of my work happens on my bed sitting in all sorts of pretzel shapes. I know no-one cares whether I was in a beautiful office or cafe or not. What they care about is the impact, compassion, wisdom and knowledge that I bring. If you are making a difference, and people are paying you for it, then you’re a success. It’s that simple.


Stop “trying” and “hustling” and “making it happen”. Be effortless.

Stop "trying" and "hustling" and "making it happen". Be effortless.


I’ve spent the better part of the past few hours flicking through pictures of Alexa Chung on Pinterest. I mean; isn’t she beautiful? She exudes this super-casual sense of cool, that I am sure is made easier by having access to a wardrobe of masterpieces made by talented designer from around the world. I’m quite certain Alexa Chung is my spirit animal… (That exists, right?!)


What intrigues me the most is this feeling that she doesn’t have to try hard. She’s effortless. That’s her charm. And her secret.


In a world of in-your-face melodrama, never-ending voices vying for your attention and a calamity of “how do life” guidelines rising from every direction, nothing feels as sweet, spacious and nurturing as calm effortlessness.
It’s magnetic. It’s wildly attractive. And it is what has everyone asking for more.


Maybe effortless is going to be one of my guiding words for 2017. It’s certainly something that is captivating me as an all-encompassing approach and lifestyle.


But how do you become effortless when you are ambitious, excited about fulfilling lofty dreams and enthusiastic for a life lived BIG?


You stop trying.


For so long we’ve been told to “work hard” and “try harder”. To “hustle” and “make things happen”. And when we didn’t do those things we felt infinitely less deserving.


The repercussion from this push-push-force-force-try-try culture?


A generation of women (and men) who are overwhelmed, overworked, unsatisfied, depleted and suffering from various illnesses that result in extreme exhaustion.


Clients, friends and colleagues often come to me in tears, wondering what is wrong with them. Asking why they can’t keep up with this pace. Collapsing under the pressure to live an artificial life driven by the fear that they will miss out on living their best life, making their mark, finding their “thing”.


Clearly the way we have been going isn’t working. It certainly doesn’t work for me. One of the reasons (amongst many) that I chose to start my own business was to rebel against the hectic modern lifestyle and instead to live at my own pace while still fulfilling my lofty dreams and making a difference through my work and my words.


I notice that it is in the times that I stop trying, when I surrender and let go of the reins, that I find myself taking the biggest leaps towards living a life that is meaningful to me, and helpful to others.


In order for me to be my best self, I must be effortless.


It was when I took a week away from my business that I filled my 1:1 mentoring books for the year.


It was when I stopped trying to work out every day and eat my greens that my body shaped itself into its best form.


It was when I stopped trying to find topics to write about that the inspiration suddenly flowed from my fingers.


It was when I stopped looking for opportunities that an exciting creative project landed in my email.


Stop trying.


It’s the key to that captivating effortlessness.


Which is the key to a better, sweeter, kinder life.


Photo: Alexa Chung

Trusting your intuition implicitly, is not only reserved for the people of the jungle. You can do it, too.

Trusting your intuition implicitly, is not only reserved for the people of the jungle. You can do it, too.


There is a mesmerizing story about a tribe that lives deep in the Amazon jungle. They say that they communicate with the trees.


Whenever they leave their village to go hunting, or to visit another tribe, they touch the trees to feel what’s going on back home. If they feel harmony, they continue on their way. If they feel danger, they return immediately to protect their home and people.


These instinctive natives have learned to be still, using the trees as a source of connection, a conduit to their intuition, and know to completely trust what they feel. Having lived this way their entire lives, this is natural to them.


Trusting your intuition implicitly, is not only reserved for the people of the jungle. We can do it, too.




Trust is a big word in our society nowadays. In many way it’s something that has been lost, along with our connection to ourselves and the universe.


To feel trust, you must first and foremost trust in yourself. It means being devoted to your heart and soul, to attune to what it is you really need, and to have integrity, strength, and to support for yourself.


It means you keep the promises that you make to yourself. And that you stop seeking validation for your wants, needs, choices and commitments. Instead you trust, that what you are being called toward, is exactly what is meant for you.


Learning to trust your intuition, is like learning to trust in any other relationship. It requires a daily allegiance to your self — that deepens your ability to let go of control — and surrender to the wisdom of your intuition and the universe.


The more you choose to trust, and let go, the more you can trust and be supported by your inner compass.


A few days ago, I fell into a vortex of extreme apathy. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I didn’t want to work on anything. I didn’t particularly want to speak to anyone. I simply wanted to lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.


This is a very unusual incident for me. Someone who is wildly enthusiastic about almost anything, and constantly inspired to create something, I struggled with my lack of interest. It felt confusing and I constantly felt I should be doing something; anything.


I compromised with my apathy and resulting guilt by spending 3 days on my bed mindlessly watching movies. I wasn’t doing anything, but I was kind-of still doing something.


Intuitively, I knew that had to listen to this deep pull inwards. But trusting that intuitive message, that collided with my social conditioning to always be doing something — to constantly be productive — was difficult. There was a part of me that insistently reminded me of my to-do list, my commitments, and all the things I could be doing instead.


Wisely, I ignored the fear, and chose to trust myself.


In those days, I have fundamentally changed, in a way that I have been wanting to. I feel at peace. I feel content with where I am right now. When I pass the mirror I see beauty. When I walk the streets I feel appreciative of every person, every occurrence.


Gone is the subtle anxiety that lingered at the edges of my daily experience. Gone is the adrenalin-driven push to get things done and make things happen. Replaced instead, with a sense of relaxation, a gentle softness, joy, patience and an even deeper connection with my inner guidance.


Listening to my intuition and simply stopping for a while, has brought me into a space of feeling that everything is happening perfectly, and that I no longer have to lead. It’s something I have been wanting to feel for some time now. It is in this stillness, that I now discover my motivation, direction, inspiration and guidance.




Navigating my “sliding doors” moment: on becoming an eccentric old lady; and a psychic compelling me to have babies.

Navigating my "sliding doors" moment: on becoming an eccentric old lady; and psychics compelling me to have babies.


The last few months have swept past. In many ways they feel like the end of an era for me — a closing of doors — while the sun is streaming through some newly opened windows. I am at my own personal sliding doors moment. I glance one way, and then the other, and I know that, right now these two paths diverge, and create very different possible outcomes for me.


I have always felt that life has a measure of fate. It’s the detail that we create and manifest through choices and perspectives; but the journey will take us whichever way we are meant to go, no matter how much we avoid and resist it. Eventually we have to let go. And trust.


Last year, in August, I went to see a psychic. She had been highly recommended to me by various friends and happened to be in Ubud, Bali at the same time I was.


I wanted to get some insight into my business. I was thinking about stopping my 1:1 mentoring and instead having a digital product biz. We sat down at the little table outside her apartment and she asked me what I wanted to know about. Then I shuffled the cards, so my energy could weave its way into the reading. She turned over the first 3 cards. You’re not pregnant are you?


I laughed at the absurdity and replied with a firm no. She smiled, and I shuffled again. Well, kids are most definitely in your future.


We hardly touched on the questions I had about my business. Card after card after card showed: house, marriage, kids, kids, house, marriage. My business questions were answered with an assurance that my work would flourish and come into its capacity when I have dirty-fingered chubby little ones of my own. The words that remained strongest in my memory were these:


When you choose to see the magic in the mundane, you will find your destiny.


I left that reading feeling confused, shaken, overwhelmed and a little bit sad. This was not part of my master plan. Not that I even had a master plan. It is just that domestic bliss didn’t really factor into my life.


I am independent woman, with the world at her feet. I am healthy, educated, financially secure, well-traveled, intelligent, with a voracious appetite for tasting every nook and crevice of life. I have the freedom of choice.


I decided to forget about the reading. I enjoy visiting psychics and palm readers, as much as I enjoy receiving massages and mentoring. They help me see life from a different perspective, and open areas up in myself, that might otherwise be closed. I know that their words, however, cannot define me. Only I can do that.


Now, fourteen months later, I am observing real, tangible differences in my life. I am sitting under the crisp, white sheets of a hotel room in northern Thailand, enjoying a delicious week to myself, while my boyfriend is volunteering with elephants in the jungle. I have space and time to just think.


For many years I chose an untethered, impulsive, and freedom-fueled life. Yet, recently, other desires have been creeping in.


Recently, I noticed the charm of travel start to fade. My patience for the ignorance of other travelers has worn thin. My frustration with how tourism is changing the integrity of tribal cultures is high. My curiosity about other people and places and ways of life has been replaced with a sense that I have absorbed all that I need to know, for now. That instead, it’s time to create something, and make a difference in my own world, with all the experiences and insights I have collected.


After twelve years of gallivanting across every edge of our beautiful earth, I have had enough. I am craving stillness and nesting. I am at a point where travel has become more tedious than exciting; it no longer fills my heart and ignites my spirit the way it used to, and instead I keep fantasising on how I want to decorate my home. Which brings me to my sliding doors moment, where I find myself right now. And I keep hearing those words.


When you choose to see the magic in the mundane, you will find your destiny.


I have always had this adventurous vision of myself: me all grown up and getting old; living in some peculiar brick-walled apartment in Berlin or London, or maybe even New York. If New York, I would have married some random person, whom I never saw, for the visa, just because I like doing things that people say are too hard, or impossible. I would be wise and worldly and extravagantly weird; forever single; and yet always in some deeply emotional love affair. A traveling, minimalistic, eccentric, cat-lady, with an eclectic collection of treasures from all around the world.


There is a danger of this kind of life: the risk that you get so comfortable in your ways that you become rigid and make it harder to leave space for the richness that the messy interlacing of other lives bring.


Yet, I kind of mourn for her; that woman I could become.


At the same time I wonder if, by actively avoiding having a home and family, I am missing out on an adventure greater than I can ever imagine. One that is an enormously enriching life experience, and ultimately part of my destiny.


As fate has it, right now, I am sliding into a different kind of world than I had ever imagined for myself.


At the end of this year I am moving to small town, in a country I have barely spent a week in, with a man I dearly love. He is sweet and sincere; grounded and reliable; honest and kind. Our conversations have turned into gently-laid plans: we are looking for a house to buy, preferably from a cute little old granny with a big garden and a white picket fence. There’ll be chickens, and dog, and a goat. Maybe babies.


Even though, not so long ago, I said no thank you, not for me.


The adventurous free-spirit in me is discovering a whole new playing ground.


When you choose to see the magic in the mundane, you will find your destiny.