Flirting is a playful yet subtle form of communication …. an expression of interest in one another. It’s an exquisite game of gestures, eye contact, touches and double entendres that we often play with each other. It’s about taking things lightly and playing with thoughts and ideas, twinkling words that are creatively spun from lips, perspectives shared, secrets gently touched upon by the glance of an eye, with the flutter of an eyelash.
Flirting gives a sense of intimacy, a suggestive allure of what might come.
But what if we didn’t just flirt with the ones that we desire but with everyone and everything we encounter in our lives?
From my experience there is a very, very fine line between the flirtations with a sexy man and the flirtations with a client, a service provider, a friend, a loved one. That fine line is simply the content. It is absolutely possible to flirtatiously talk business and remain professional while also creating an intimate experience that allows the other person to feel heard, understood and receptive to what you have to say.
This is outlined by studies as follows:
Apparently flirtation between men and women is gaining new respectability thanks to a spate of provocative studies of animal and human behavior in many parts of the world. The capacity of men and women to flirt and to be receptive to flirting turns out to be a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our psyches. Every come-hither look sent and every sidelong glance received are mutually understood signals of such transcendent history and beguiling sophistication that only now are they beginning to yield clues to the psychological and biological wisdom they encode. Basically flirting is a way of sussing out whether you are a good match.
It works the same way with the people in other areas of your life. Every connection we make with others is important in some sense whether it is with the local newsagent, your chiropractor or a potential or long-running client or friend. When you communicate, especially in the first instance, you are finding out whether you can work well together. How well you work together also affects the outcome of your transactions with one another. Would you rather have a great relationship with your newsagent or one that doesn’t put a bleep on your radar? Flirting allows the connection to become fun, lighthearted and easily comfortable. People feel special, appreciated and liked (which is all everyone actually wants anyway) and respond in kind with sweet suggestions, loving service and kindness. This absolutely makes life SO much better and more enjoyable!
Start to use your natural charm and flirt your way through life and watch it transform into a giddy carousel of delightful moments:
1. Smile. Like your life depends on it! Smiling puts everyone in a good mood and gives the impression that you are friendly. I remember sitting at uni in an Abnormal Psychology class where we were studying mood disorders and our lecturer demonstrated that the simple act of smiling could change people’s moods even if they weren’t feeling good to begin with. She made us put our pens in our mouth and bite on them which raises the corners of your mouth up and stay like that for about 5 minutes. It didn’t take long for everyone to begin giggling ….
2. Engage with the person by listening attentively and showing real interest in what they have to say. Whether we are aware of it or not we can sense when someone is truly listening or if they are just nodding and smiling or are to self-absorbed to show they care. Listening is generally more important than talking as I have mentioned previously here. Show the person that you have heard them by reiterating what they have said in your own words. People shine when they are given that kind of recognition!
3. Find something you have in common and elaborate on it. This allows you to make the other person feel like they belong in your world …. and a sense of belonging is something that people deeply crave at all times. I think that’s why people often devise to talking about the weather … it’s is certain to be a common talking point because it’s something you both get to experience.
4. It is probably inappropriate to touch someone whom you don’t know that well, especially if it is a professional relationship however you can certainly touch them with your words. Compliments work great! Especially if it’s about something they are wearing, carrying or using in that moment. Women tend to prefer compliments about their face (think eyes, smile or hair), men prefer compliments about their tools, gadgets or sense of humour.
5. Be open in conversation. If you easily share something personal that the other person can relate to they instantly feel a human connection with you. Something simple is perfect like showing your vulnerability or joking about something slightly funny and embarrassing that happened to you. We all want to know that everyone else is human too.
6. Eye contact. It’s simple and super important to look the person you are speaking to in the eye. Even if you are just giving each other shy glances, make eye contact a part of your normal interactions. It says SO much about a person when they have the heart and confidence to look another in the eye and simply be who they are. After all, it is said that the eyes are the window to the soul!
References: Psychology Today: Flirting Fascination, Image source.
