Are You a Good Judge of Character?

 

In general, I consider myself a good judge of character. I get a sense of what people are about and how they are directing and living their lives and I base my judgement on that. I watch for behaviours and listen to the words they speak in case they trigger any unrest, some kind of unsettling feeling within me. Integrity, authenticity, honesty, respect, these are all some of the characteristics I look out for when meeting and getting to know a new person. With some people I get what they’re about straight out – with others it takes me some time to get beneath their shell. If they allow me.

However, every now and then I am surprised. All the behavioural and verbal signs point me in one direction, yet then someone else tells me of their own judgement of that same person,, and it in no way matches my own. Obviously we all experience people in different ways, and based on our own personal experiences decide what we think. I generally believe that, despite someone else’s experience, I can still choose to have a completely different experience of that same person. But what do you do when a friend tells you that your judgement is off? That what you thought of someone, based on personal interactions, is untrue? Do you continue to trust your own judgement? Do you hear your friend out and take their concerns on board? Who do you decide to trust and why?

Here is Buddha’s take on this:

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.  Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.  Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.  Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.  Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.  But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.  ~Buddha

Sometimes our friends have the good intentions to warn us of their own experiences of others, however each person’s experience is skewed according to their own beliefs and ideas of the world in that moment. One persons beliefs aren’t necessary mirrored in another person’s experience. We all have completely differing relationships with each other, all with different values and expectations, with different element that each person brings into each of our lives. I expect that the people in my life to share my values and assume that I am not in vibrational alignment with the people who don’t. I also make a conscious choice about whom to embrace into my life and who to let go. Therefore, it’s all a learning experience of understanding one-another and judging what characters fit well into your life which allows all of us to continuously grow and refine ourselves as humans, as a people, as a global community.