by Vienda | 25 Feb 2024 | General
“Your conclusion that there isn’t enough of something—whether it is enough land, or money, or clarity—stems from you learning, without meaning to, a vibration that holds you apart from what you want.” — Abraham Hicks
A few years ago I had a boyfriend who was the most frugal, ungenerous man I have ever met. He would always choose the cheapest options in the supermarket, suggest low-to-no-budget dates and if we did go to dinner he would meticulously calculate the total and then split it with me. Generally, he hesitated to offer any gesture that might cost him financially.
He was so cheap that everything we did felt small, suffocating and limited.
During the four years of our relationship, our financial situations shifted. I met him in the second year of my business when I was barely making enough to get by but by the end of the four years, I outearned him by almost double.
The difference between him and I was that I did the work.
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He had a ‘lack’ mentality. So he scrimped and calculated and pinched.
I was familiar with this type of thinking. I also had been brought up to believe that there is never enough. But I didn’t like the way it made me feel.
I wanted to feel expansive. Abundant. Free.
I wanted to feel like money was never going to stop me from living a good life.
The difference between having a lack mentality and an abundance mentality?
Perception.
Resulting in your life experience.
Perception is our belief in what is true.
Our experiences are the tangible results of what we believe.
Often, I hear or read conversations based on beliefs that there is not enough in the world:
- “There aren’t enough good jobs to go around.”
- “We are running out of natural resources. Water, oil…”
- “There’s not enough money for everyone to be wealthy.”
- “There isn’t enough food to feed all the people on the planet.”
- “The economy is on a constant downturn. No one can thrive with this.”
After years (and years and years) of studying human behaviour and psychology, I’ve come to understand one straightforward concept: whatever we believe, is true for us. Our beliefs dictate the experience we have of the world.
Here’s another perspective:
- It’s estimated that we have over 8 billion people in the world. As a small example, the world military expenditure is estimated at over 1,700 billion USD, to give you a tiny idea proportionally on how much money there is in the world. So yeah: There is more than enough money for everyone in the world. Our beautiful lesson to learn here is how to get into that stream of delightful money, by looking at our beliefs and deciding to change them.
- We all have different interests and passions. Some people love to write. Some people love to invent. Some people love to sing, to build, and some people love math. One person’s menial job is another person’s dream. This is not true for 100% of jobs, sure; but with eight billion very different people living on this planet, you’d be surprised at what different people enjoy, and consider a good job.
- We can all thrive, despite whatever the economy is supposedly doing. Some of the biggest, most successful brands and businesses came from a time when they were challenged. It’s those limitations that add fuel to genius and result in incredible success.
- Hunger is caused by poverty and inequality, not scarcity. For the past two decades, global food production has increased faster than the global population growth rate. The world already produces more than 1½ times enough food to feed everyone on the planet. That’s enough to feed 10 billion people, the population peak we expect by 2050.
- Or as Prof. Steve Horwitz says “There are economic reasons why we will never run out of many resources. In a free market system, prices signal scarcity. So as a resource becomes more scarce, it becomes more expensive, which incentivizes people to use less of it and develop new alternatives, or to find new reserves of that resource that were previously unknown or unprofitable. We have seen throughout history that the human mind’s ability to innovate, coupled with a free market economic system, is an unlimited resource that can overcome the limitations we perceive with natural resources.”
Let’s circle back to my ex-boyfriend. He was a middle-class man, with a helicopter licence and a passion for law enforcement and access to endless opportunities. But he had a deeply ingrained lack belief that stemmed from his childhood upbringing and father’s role modelling.
Although he could easily make more money than the average person, he still felt that he never had enough money to afford even the simplest of things.
The more lack he felt, the more life affirmed his belief that there was not enough money.
There’s a psychological term for this exact thing.
It’s called our reticular activating system.
It acts as the library of our belief system. These beliefs affect our perception of thoughts. Then our perceptions control how we feel about one subject. Or another.
His reticular activating system caused him to seek out experiences that support his belief that there isn’t enough.
And so suddenly he would be hit with a huge unexpected bill. Or make a critical decision in an investment, losing large sums of money. Or his well-paying job became redundant.
Because this is how the reticular activating system works.
This doesn’t only apply to finances. It applies to every area of life: Relationships, health, happiness. Everything you experience in life is affected by what you believe is true. (Your reticular activating system.) Your beliefs create your perceptions, and vice versa.
When you believe that there is not enough of what you want there won’t be. Because you can’t ask for something that you don’t believe exists, is possible, or is true for you.
You have to change the integral belief first, and foremost, and then start calling in what you want.
How?
It’s easy.
Start looking for and seeking out evidence to support the belief that you want. Find research that supports the sentiment there is more than enough…money, jobs, natural resources, etc.
In this way, you can break your lack mentality by choosing a new perception, a new stream of thoughts on any topic.
This is called reframing in psychology. it works the same way. When you start to believe something new, your reticular activating system starts to take effect and produce those beliefs as tangible, practical results and experiences in life.
I’d love to help you re-write the economic rules you have set for yourself.
Join me for her wealth, now. Spaces are limited.
It’s 100% up to you what you choose to believe. You get to design your life any way you want. If you want to believe in lack. Do it! May you have a powerful, positive change in the world through your beliefs. If you want to believe in abundance. Awesome! And may you have a fulfilling and enchanting positive impact on the world through your beliefs.
by Vienda | 3 Feb 2024 | personal update
“What was your miracle today?” The text reads.
I just sat down in my new favourite cafe, a small red, white and pink oriental/hipster/millennial vibes place that’s cute and kitsch with an obvious identity crisis, laptop in tow. I pull my phone out and read those words, words we have been sending back and forth to each other. An invitation to look for the miracle that happens each day.
Yesterday’s miracle was a delightful Greek lunch date with a man I consider just a friend which poured over into an art gallery and music adventures through Cape Town’s city centre streets and ended with a kiss.
The other miracle was the deep sleep that followed.
I order a ‘red cappuccino’ from the stocky African man behind the counter, flustered and sweating in his busyness — essentially a shot of strong rooibos tea made like a coffee — and return to my seat at a bench that has small cards labelled with “for laptops”.
I don’t notice the elderly man who sits down next to me until he turns and asks “Where are you visiting from?” I smile at him and say I live in the U.K. wondering how my Europeanness stands out. He tells me his daughter lives there naming a town in Surrey that I do not know.
We chat about travel and Cape Town, how the world has changed from recognition in the past three years and how social media is doing a number on human beings.
I tell him about my philosophy and my guilt.
That we are not meant to have so much information to filter through our minds, that I choose not to watch the news nor engage in the mad goings-on of the world stage because if/when I do it does irreparable damage to my mental health and that I feel guilty that by making this choice I am not offering a positive contribution to the world.
He presents a warm grandfatherly wisdom-filled smile.
“I think it’s the opposite. I think you are doing far more good for the world by refusing to engage with the drama on the world stage that is not a real part of your life because it means you can be present with what is real. The best thing you can do is make choices about the kind of life you want here and now. Is that a privilege? Sure. That’s the gift you were given. Make use of it.”
Solaced and grateful for his words I smile and thank him before the conversation is hijacked by a runaway dog who scampers into the cafe followed many confusing minutes later by a stressed dog walker with seven other dogs attached to his waist. My elderly companion finishes his coffee and says goodbye.
Maybe that was today’s miracle, I think.
After he leaves I weigh his words and how they fit into my current perspective of the world and my place in it. These past few months what I’ve really learned is just how privileged I am. And not to take any of it for granted.
Seeing people suffering without access to basic resources and human rights has lit a fire in me.
Not the fire you might think.
I do not think omgoddess, life is so unfair whydoIhavealltheseresourcesandtheydon’t. I should have/take less.
No. I have known for a long time that life is ‘unfair’. Life is unjust all the time. People die. People hurt. Life is unequal. Just look at nature.
The fire that has been lit in me was that, while I am alive, I might as well make the most of what I have available to me. And in making the most of it, I can also be generous with what I have.
When I appreciate what I have, I am abundant. When I feel abundant, I am free to give back more of myself and my resources.
In speaking to this, I softly opened earlybird enrolments for Her Wealth: a five-week money course for women starting at the end of this month. The early bird option has limited spots and ends on Saturday the 10th at midnight. Enrol here.
There’s a hot wind blowing in from the interior today, warm air wafting in currents between sweaty bodies as the desert tries to extend its reach to the Atlantic Ocean shore. I brought a Balinese fan out with me and am fanning strangers as I weave my way down to the water’s edge to keep cool.
I spend my days walking along the ocean, taking dips in the ice-cold water, making new friends and working: running my personal brand, seeing private clients, meeting with my The Mentor Training team (enrolments open again soon), and overseeing Plannher my stationery label.
Speaking of…
I have 3 new spaces to work with me starting in March. Press reply to this if you want to know more about what that might look like.
Mentoring topics always seem to move in seasons. What has been coming up for my recent clients is this internal reorienting of who they are, who they want to be and what that means for their place in the world. We are only just grasping how the past three years have impacted us as individuals and as a collective and we are all at a crossroads of some kind to make decisions about the future.
January’s her way circle was on precisely this topic: crossroads navigated by stepping back from the cacophony of external noise and turning the gaze inward, so we can collect the subtle signposts that are offering us a new way forward.
Amidst these explorations of my own, as I restructure the way I work with a focus on relaxing and softening into my professional life and letting it all come to me more with ease at the helm, I’ve changed my mind about a few things.
One of them is that, originally, the her way circles were going to be for paid subscribers only. Now, I’ve decided that, in the spirit of generosity, I want to keep them free for everyone.
Here is the replay, to watch, for all.
I’ll be back in your emails mid-next week with an invitation to the next one which will be on the topic of ‘worthiness’ or ‘worthfulness’ and how we decide on and prescribe our self-worth, both financially and in our sense of self and esteem.
The depth of gratitude I feel for the sun and sea right now is immeasurable, my appreciation coupled with a heartfelt yearning for ‘home’. Home. It’s the first time in a long time that I have allowed myself this kind of nostalgia.
Another little miracle happened a few days ago when the perfect flat, in the perfect location, at the perfect price opened up for me in Forest Row. Just at the right time.
It found me, after I had given up my search, and posted an ad on Spareroom.co.uk hoping it would act like a note to the Universe. It did and it worked and now I get to go back to the village love and left only a few months ago.
A big piece of my sense of worthiness is allowing myself to have places that I feel I ‘belong’ to. They all have to do with people that I cherish the most alongside nature and lifestyle.
I have travelled to so many places and after almost 20 years of that, all that’s left is blurred images of landscapes held together by threads of love and friendship. My yearning to explore the unknown outer terrain has been replaced by a desire to explore the unfamiliar inner ones.
This trip has re-inspired my re-indigenisation into my traditional roots: Italian and Austrian and then going further to British, Romanian and Arabic. I want to learn and remember where I come from and the rituals and connections to nature that my ancestors practised.
This seed was planted two years ago when I read Sand Talk by Tyson Yunkaportawhich I recommended in one of my emails to you. It sparked something in me and started a revolution around the legacy I want my life to have which is to integrate and honour both the past and the future. This is why I keep being pulled back to Europe, to where my indigenous lineage lies.
by Vienda | 30 Jan 2024 | General
The other day a friend and I met up for dinner and we talked a lot about financial independence and how important it is to be financially independent to feel well, to have good self-esteem, and to be able to make choices that benefit all.
Over several 4-bites-per-serve sized seafood mains that should have been tapas, shared out equally, and glasses of white wine from the vineyard we looked out on, we relished our momentary opulence.
Ultimately, we agreed, that what we all want is to feel secure, circulate wealth, enjoy our lives and do good.
The past six months have brought about some pretty drastic changes across the globe. Costs of living heightened, wages barely increased, some people lost jobs and it all felt kind of extreme and demeaning and unfair.
Just as we had come out from under a domino of disasters, did we need another reason to feel squeezed in our lives?
No.
But.
We get to do some really cool shit with money.
We get to live in homes with running water and heating or cooling respectively to our needs. We get to choose the foods that we like grown under the conditions of our preference. We get to go to places and see art under soft lighting or artists under spotlights sweating for their craft. We get to be those artists graciously demanding to be seen by paying for the tools required. We get to go places and have adventures and meet people who like the things we like. We get to walk down mostly safe streets and drive down mostly asphalted roads and buy steaming cups of coffee and bagels or doughnuts or little energy balls made of dates and coconut…
All those simple delights require some kind of exchange.
The exchange of currency.
Money.
Ultimately it’s an imperfect system. Like every other system in the world.
We can either feel resentment and bitterness around its deficiencies and cringe and complain about the day-to-day of our lives and the necessity to exist in this imperfect system to support ourselves. But that isn’t going to make life any better or easier.
Or…
We can accept that change is small and incremental. That change happens slowly and then eventually hopefully all at once. That what we can do, while we chip away at creating a better future, is learn how to play the current game.
On our terms. Our way.
As women, especially.
We need to learn how to play the game of money.
Whenever I speak to women about money three big stakes come up:
- Feeling WORTHY and able to hold on to/manage/be good custodians of larger sums of money
- Being able to ASK FOR and RECEIVE the amount of money they want/need/are worthy of, whether in a salary or in a business where they are selling products and services.
- How they FEEL about money, the two ends of the spectrum being either shying away from talking about and looking at your money/accounts — or being overly controlling, but either way feeling FEAR.
I took this conversation to Instagram and asked:
WHAT IS YOUR MOST SPECIFIC MONEY CHALLENGE YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE?
There were many many many good answers but these were the most common:
Sitting on the edge of the ocean in the sand on the weekend I watch a little hermit crab scurry past on its 10 little legs moving sideways over tiny sand dunes. He stops. Hesitating many times. Circling me. Searching.
I see him find a shell. A tusk-shaped spiral a little bigger than his own. He turns it around. Waddles past several times. Looks inside. Stops, again.
A few moments later that little crab crawls out of his shell, naked and alone, without protection or a home. So vulnerable. Anything could happen.
He circles his old shell a few times. Stops. Then scurries to the new one and hides inside. Slowly, slowly those 10 little legs reappear. Sideways, he’s off again.
I’ve never seen a hermit crab change shells before. It reminds me of growth. And those terrifying moments of complete defenselessness, unprotected and alone. I find myself in that strangely vulnerable place again.
Being self-employed and responsible for 100% of my income I started thinking about all the ways this could all go wrong. Old habitual thought patterns arose.
Expansion is always preceded by contraction.
I find myself in this place, every time I take a leap and grow. First comes the inner struggle. Then comes the discomfort. Then the awareness and the willingness to change. Followed by results.
I’ve been doing this process every year or so since 2014. 10 years of educating myself about finances means I know a thing or two.
I’d like to share it all with you.
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by Vienda | 2 May 2023 | Travel + Freedom
Folklore tells us that in Mallorca the majority of the population lived in the country, from the country and mostly in poverty. Agricultural land was the most prized possession which was located mostly inland away from the more barren, rocky sea-side.
As is common in patriarchal culture, the most productive and fertile land was handed down from father to eldest son(s) and the least desirable land was inherited by the lesser members of the family, the women.
Until the 1950s came around Mallorca when became a luxury destination with stars such as Liza Minelli and Frank Sinatra who came and stayed at the Grand Hotel in Palma and went to Palma’s finest club, Tito’s.
Across the next 10 years, the island experienced a transformation of epic proportions with 360,000 tourists visiting the “Isla de la Calma” — the island of tranquillity — and the once undesirable land underwent a building boom to house these visitors.
The women suddenly became rich, while their older brothers continued their agricultural struggle inland. A great discord began between families. One that continues to rival siblings to this day.
I was based in the southeast, San Augustine (or Sant Agusti in Catalan) a short 15-minute drive outside of Palma. Just far enough out of the city to feel peaceful and close enough to the sea to be in that turquoise body of water within a 5-minute walk.
When people ask me for tips on places to go when they come to Mallorca, which is often, I can tell you the places I have most enjoyed. And some I will keep to myself because not everything is for everyone and some things need to remain sacred and secret.
Let me add… if you want to go anywhere outside of Palma, you will need a car.
GO: My favourite places to visit.
Sant Elm (also known as San Telmo in Spanish) is a charming coastal village in the far southwest corner of Mallorca. Mostly abandoned by locals, it is inhabited mainly by tourists and vacation homeowners.
The Sant Elm to La Trapa hike is one of the best coastal trails in Mallorca. Along the way, you’ll enjoy breathtaking views of Sa Dragonera (Isla Dragonera) and the Tramuntana Mountains.
Valldemossa is a village steeped in old-world charm that lies in an idyllic valley in the midst of the Tramuntana mountains.
Deià is an idyllic village of green-shuttered, honey-coloured houses that has become a millionaires’ hideaway in the shadow of the Teix mountain, part of the Tramuntana mountain range. Although it could have been just another pretty Mallorcan village in the west of Mallorca had Robert Graves not decided to make it his home…
Fun fact: The English poet and novelist first moved here in 1932 with his mistress Laura Riding and returned in 1946 with his second wife. Muses followed, friends came to stay and, before long, Deia had established a reputation as a foreign artists’ colony. However, Graves was hardly the first to discover Deià, an 1878 guidebook noted its “collection of strange and eccentric foreigners” and it has stayed that way ever since.
Pollença in the north of the island is an ancient town of attractive narrow streets and an impressive main square, lined with cafés, restaurants and bars. It also boasts a larger and very busy market on Saturdays.
Costitx is a sleepy little village located in Mallorca’s rural es Pla region, in the heart of the island. It has its own Natural Science Museum and beautiful sights worth a visit.
Santanyí is a historic rural town famous for its gold-stone architecture. It’s charming, with quaint cobbled streets, and a majestic church and appeals to most for its slow pace of life. Market days are on Wednesdays and Saturdays and are the best day to come and soak up the atmosphere, as locals (mostly Germans) come out in full force to buy local produce.
Botanicactus is one of Europe’s largest botanical gardens, with bamboo and palm trees and dozens of varieties of cacti. These gardens were opened in 1989 in Ses Salines because of the scarcity of rain in the area. The centre of the garden is full of cacti, surrounded by Mediterranean species.
& SWIM:
Cala Deià is a tiny, cove beach just outside of the much-loved mountain village of Deia, in the heart of the Tramuntana mountains in the northwest of Mallorca.
Bugambilia is a beautiful small beach with a restaurant that serves excellent paella, where the owner and staff treat everyone as family.
Illetes Beach Club is a beach I walk across to get to the next one on my list but sometimes stop for a smoothie. It is beautiful but feels pretty built up and touristic.
Cala Comtesa is the beach I go to most as I find it the wildest and most beautiful close to home. It also has a restaurant with decent food.
Es Trenc is magical and there is also a super cute beach shack/magic forest right next to it which is amazing after the beach.
Cala Lombards a stunning cove beach in the southeast of Mallorca, near the small village, Es Llombards.
Cala s’Almonia is a beautiful inlet with limestone walls and turquoise water. No sandy beaches, but a stunning area for swimming.
DO: The most fun things to do.
Sa Fonda: in Deia, and across the island, these famous summer parties attract everyone from boho people to celebs.
Flea Markets: Mercadet de Segona Mà in Plaça de Porta Santa Catalina-Palma every second Saturday of the month, Consell Flea Market on Sundays (the best!) & Mercadillo de Son Bugadelles on Saturdays.
Vintage Stores in Palma:
De Tu A Mi
UNICO Vintage Store
Rita’s House Of Vintage
Secondhand First Brand
Seattle Vintage Store
My Michelle Vintage
La Simo
Festivals: Mallorca Live Music Festival, & all the local festivals in each season.
EAT: The best places to eat in Palma.
Zaranda
Ramen Otaku
Surry Hills Coffee
Taqueria Manataco
Tiki Taco Palma
Mistral Coffee House
Temple Natura Café Garden
La Molienda Bisbe
NU Market & Coffee
Mama Carmens
IZAKAYA
Mestís
Boski
The truth is, I never fell in love with Mallorca.
There are places that light you up and make your soul come alive. And there are places like this one, that are beautiful on the surface. But lack substance.
I found things to love about it. I adored the nature and the sea and felt connected to the land. I was fortunate enough to meet and be a part of an eclectic community. But if it weren’t for the people I befriended, I would have left after my first 6 months.
Mallorca is a very transitional place that is overflowing with tourists. In the height of summer, the energy becomes frenetic from people landing and leaving.
People — often starved of sun, relaxation and connection — come to devour as much of everything that is missing in their lives. Which leaves this island feeling depleted and devoid of soul and essence.
by Vienda | 2 Apr 2023 | Intuition + Manifestation
On Tuesday we were sitting in the sand at my favourite Cala, a brisk 30-minute walk away from my home in Mallorca. I had to pull my sunglasses off the wipe away the tears.
She had just shared a concept made tangible by the well-known psychotherapist Francis Weller that speaks to the collective grief we all share at coming here.
To have a human experience and not receive the love we thought we would get from our parents, nor the community to receive us, nor the depth of emotional intimacy from one another, nor the opportunity to serve something larger than oneself. Our souls are left searching for some meaning, a reason for why we are here at all, if those parts of ourselves aren’t met.
My eyes immediately welled up. “I feel this so deeply” I replied to her.
The great illusion is that life eventually arrives after enough effort and searching.
Life never arrives.
Instead, we continue to search and live our lives in pursuit of greater understanding, greater compassion, and greater levels of creativity that we add to the world.
This is life.
It’s fun, it’s painful, it’s happy, it’s depressing.
Consider the fact that you’re on a planet spinning eastward at 1,040 miles per hour while it travels on an elliptical course around the sun, at 66,600 miles per hour. You’re sustained by a rich protective atmosphere with oxygen to feed your lungs and brain and food all around you. You get to do almost anything you want while you are here.<
While you and everyone else are searching for why, we are living in a world where life involves overcoming adversity. No matter what kind of life path you have chosen, you’re going to deal with discouragement, frustration, and situations that are, shall we say, “less than ideal.” It is a journey of falling and failing and learning with rare punctuations of triumph here and there.
But hope can make life mean something.
It tells us “You can do this”.
It’s easy to be wrong about truth, but it’s impossible to be wrong about hope.
Hope is the way purpose and goodness propel us into the future. Hope sustains us because it sustains the need we have to believe that something good is on its way.
So…
- Start the new thing.
- Take a chance on something.
- Become your own biggest advocate.
- Look everywhere for what is life-affirming and adds to your life.
- In the battle between your head and your heart, go with your heart.
- Open yourself up to new friendships, communities, and people.
- Accept that life is always changing and that you can, too.
- Remember that you are hope.
