“Why can’t he just be a man?” The number of times I have heard this hefty comment from my girlfriends about their current lover, boyfriend or husband, or thought this myself is countless. But what exactly do we mean when we say this?
It means we want you, the men, to stand in your masculine power and not get emotionally involved with our whimsical highs and lows.
By our very temperament, women are bound by the ebb and flow of nature. We live our lives by a rhythm, not governed by us, but by hormones, environmental impacts including the moon and countless other influences. As women, we are quite comfortable with this and are used to riding the waves of emotional impetuousness as they may come. Sometimes we react to them, sometimes we traverse them, either way ever knowing that they will go by.
What we are experiencing is not about you. It is our feminine wiles which include a continuously extensive range of emotional experiences that we draw upon that makes us the intuitive, creative and sensitive lovers, nurturers and carers that we are.
What makes it incredibly tedious however is when you, the men, start to involve yourselves and react to our emotional journeys. Women are accustomed to act on impulse. Impulse directs our journey, however we need our men to be the steadfast mast to accompany us in our adventures.
The next question that women commonly ask then is “Why? Why do they do this?” It is integrated into us to understand things so we may change them. We are driven to improving our current state of being.
There are many reasons for this, all of which play their role. Men have lost their sense of identity, have been shaken at the root of what being a man is. The last 50 years of incremental changes have been confusing and let’s be honest, most men aren’t that good at change in general.
Men are eating too much chicken and soy products and other foods full of triggers that change their natural testosterone and hormone balance. We suddenly are living in a society when men carry unusually high amounts of oestrogen in their bodies.
Men are missing out on crucial opportunities to explore and find themselves and connect with other men on a deeper level. Men are also no longer enduring a form of rite of passage which allows them to move from being boys into becoming men.
It’s about providing a space of safety and comfort despite emotional ups and downs with the knowledge and recognition that these upheavals are not meaningful and will pass.
This generally leaves them in a Peterpan-like status, forever the little boys clutching onto their mothers apron strings, unable to navigate their adult emotions because they have never learnt how to.
Clearly, there are some men who have moved past this impediment within themselves and have become empowered individuals with a strong sense of who they are, where they stand and what roles they choose to play. They are, however, few and far between.
Certainly this brings us to the next and final question. How? How can men learn to be men again, as we women so delicately put it. Or how can men learn to be empowered individuals once again?
This is a passage of self discovery unto itself and each mans journey is unique. This is the part where you, the men, must choose to look forward with the intention to grow and change and figure it out for yourselves. The moment that you make the choice within yourself and are willing to become the empowered man that is lying dormant within you, the opportunities show up. For some men it is joining a men’s group, for others it’s reading books, doing seminars or weekend retreats. Others prefer exercise, meditation and indulging in creative past times. Most men use a combination of methods to overcome obstacles and become more themselves, more men. This is where you need to figure out what works for you.
Until then, women the world over ask you to please; listen attentively, be there for us, but practise compassionate detachment to our highs and lows. Our emotional journeys are not about you and we need you to remain strong and uninvolved in them so that you can present us with the balance that we crave in our relationships with you. Be the men we need you to be.

Pin It on Pinterest