Over the past 8 years, I have written over 700 articles on this blog. Every single one was a labour of love poured from the crevices of my heart, soul and mind. The world, and life, are changing, and so is the way I share my work and words with you.
I now reserve most of my writing here: all work-related and professional updates are in my newsletters, and all my personal cadence and musings on the mystery of life are found in my secret substack letter ‘kismet’.
Plus: I also have a podcast called re.define that you can listen to on Spotify.
Here are 100 of your favourite articles, essays, and stories from the last few years. They are organised by topic and then sequentially from newest to oldest. Enjoy!
YOUR #1 FAVOURITE
IF YOU NEED INSPIRATION
Two months ago, at the climax of a covid-induce fever, I decided to reclaim my life.
Determined to reprioritise the things that are most important to me: community, connection, time in nature, a sense of motion and movement in life, and creativity, I decided to go all-in, with the little things that are the backbone of life. Simple pleasures. And edit out the rest. I also decided to restructure my business.
Over the past 8 years, I have written 100,000’s words. Over 700 articles. 100’s of entertaining emails. I was published in books and blogs and magazines. All for free.
Writing is my lifeblood. It’s the one thing, I do every day, with great pleasure. It helps me know what I think. It acts as a neutral observer. It often acts as my therapist. If you ask me what I want to ‘do’ with my life, my answer is ‘to write’.
One month ago I began a long-form secret subscription letter called ‘kismet’. A new space where I could freely explore the mysteries of life and my personal fate via words to share with you. In that month, I have written 4 articles for you, each including an audio recording and guided journaling practise video at the end. You can read, listen to, and journal along with me, here.
All 4 of them are free.
I suppose, secretly, deep down, I have always wanted to be acknowledged as an artist. One that writes. Whose life centres around creative expression. And for that expression to be validated through an energetic exchange.
In a world of highly consumed, fast-paced social media so many of us creatives are exhausted from the energetic imbalances of giving more than is often adequately returned.
I am on an assignment to change that.
Late last week I turned the subscription into a paid one. From now on, all new articles (aside from some occasional public posts) will be for paid subscribers only. The subscription is £8 per month.
This gives me the freedom for unfiltered expression for those who truly want to be a part of this kismet world with me, and offers me the privacy to honestly write about everything I want to write about.
What you will receive each month is:
- Subscriber-only posts, incl. audio versions, guided journaling prompts or videos and the full archive of past articles.
- You can post comments, be a part of our intimate conversations and join the ‘kismet’ community.
That night I lay in bed submerged in the deepest gratitude that people want to pay for my art as the first few paid subscribers signed up and I just… cried. Tears of thankfulness, tears of disbelief, tears of relief to have the courage to do something that I’ve wanted for a long time. To be paid for my art.
I am so excited to continue this adventure with you. Thank you for being here. You can join the free or paid subscription to ‘kismet’ here.
To get a feel for my writing:
- start with my blog and work your way through, or…
- for the popular personal updates that inspired ‘kismet’, go here
- for my musings on psychology, the soul and the human experience, try this
- for all my best tips, tools and behind-the-scenes insights into the way I run my business, click here
- for stories on body image, beauty, confidence and the random recipe continue here
- for submerging yourself into stories on travel and freedom, go here
- for my intimate explorations on love and relationships, go here
- for all things intuition and manifestation follow along here
- for all the books I’ve read and recommend, read here
- to explore your creativity with me click here
Today began as a usual Monday morning… I awake with my furry lover curled in the crook of my knee, kiss him good morning and open the terrace door to let him out. In the bathroom, I remove my aligners, scrape my tongue wash my face… and then crawl back into bed. Half an hour later I awake again. Strange, I think, that never happens.
I move to the kitchen and fill the kettle with filtered water to prepare my morning hydration: 450 ml of warm fresh lemon and ginger. While the kettle boils I stretch. Left, right, hip circles, spine rolls. I’m feeling a little achy.
I take my lemon and ginger to the sofa and start my face yoga routine. The glands by my armpits ache a little. I massage them to activate the lymphatic system. I work my east up my chest neck and face and then prepare breakfast. Fresh strawberries with natural yoghurt and green tea. My body continues to feel achey so I dance, gyrate, stretch some more and then sit down to work.
Inbox zero and most of my DM’s replied the aches seem to increase. I try some more movement practices but nothing helps. I sit down to begin work on some copy for one of my programs but my body won’t comply. The aches turn into shakes and I realise I’m freezing despite the 23 degrees and full tracksuit and socks attire
I get back into bed. And shake and shake. It’s too much. I can’t stop. I go get a Valium, the one thing I self-medícate with and only on the rarest occasions. I get back into bed m, cover myself with blankets, and will my aching muscles to relax.
My mind wanders to a memory, to yesterday, Mother’s Day in many parts of the world and the pangs of sadness I felt about my motherlessness.
The tears come. Streaming down my face, wet pools mark the pillows of my bed as I grieve a childhood without a mother or father present in my life. I hold myself in my arms and let myself weep. I remind myself that ‘I’ve got me’. I know I need to feel this. I need to let it wash through me. The only way out is through.
I believe these physical symptoms are part of the surfacing of suppressed grief, guilt and shame around a situation where I was an innocent child on the receiving end of a host of adult unresolved traumas. It’s why I do this work. Because these patterns… end here. With us. With our willingness to process them, validate them, release them and choose new ways to illuminate the world with the precious gift each human is made up of love.
I stay in bed. The aches and chills are still with me. Yet I know this too, shall pass. My devotion is simply to stay with the wounded child within until she feels safe and loved again. Everything else can wait.
Walking into a thick, tall pine forest. With each step, the trees grow denser and slowly start to block out the sunlight until it is almost entirely dark. A constant twilight descends. It is neither day nor night. I am neither fully here nor elsewhere. I am half awake half asleep. Half broken half whole. Half grieving death half reaching for life.
I start to stumble unable to see where I am going. A subtle panic advances escorting every step. Memories… memories from the many lives I’ve lived in the past 40 years, distress from the many hurts I’ve felt the past 40 years, regrets from the many mistakes I’ve made in the past 40 years… rise up and humble me. All the things I had left untouched, unresolved, unanswered, unwitnessed, unacknowledged haunt me.
I cry for 18 months until there is nothing left to cry about. I forgive all I had shared pain in, atoned the regrets and felt the ravages left by a lifetime of bypassing the extremities of my humanity. The path through the forest, still in that twilight half-darkness, beckons me to continue despite the many junctures at which I question my sanity, my life, my purpose, my place in the world and everything I had once thought to know true.
Then slowly, day by day, little speckles of light start darting through the trees. The forest floor becomes dappled with sunshine as the trees grow slighter. Tiny moments of joy begin to creep into what had become a hardened and heavy heart. Involuntary protection from the aches it has persevered. Endless desolation is replaced by recognition of beauty. A new soft loving openness breathes itself into me.
And there I am. On the other side of the darkest forest, I have ever moved through. An initiation is complete. Maiden to mother. Truths revealed. Maturity claimed. Limitations frontiered. A new woman has emerged.
After 2 years of really intense growth and healing, I am coming out with an entirely new version of myself. While I’m still walking into life like an unsteady newborn I’m really excited and heart-wide-open for what this newest iteration of myself is bringing.
On a pragmatic level, there are so many aspects that have been named, faced and redefined. All things relating: romantic relationships, platonic relationships, familial relationships, and in particular my insolent unwillingness to the way I have played out childish narratives in all of those. All things feeling supported: finances, the entire concept of belonging, having and providing myself with a physical home both bodily and environmentally, community and the paradoxical intersection between my codependency patterns and tendency towards avoidant attachment responses when triggered. All things spirituality: how I had spirituality bypassed all of the above because I was too spiritually evolved and had already transcended it all until my spirit guides LOL’ed into their coupes of cava and hauled me back to my humanness reminding me that I am as evolved as the next person I walk beside and judge.
It has been a journey. I’ve made it past the edge of the treeline after that mammoth cosmic forest swallowed me whole halfway through 2020 and spat me out only days ago. Thank you for your patience while I figure out how life works on this new playing field again. Thank you for being the dappling light of love and encouragement, even if you didn’t know it, on the days I felt the darkest. Thank you for being there alongside me.
From one mere mortal made of stardust to another, I salute you.
This note is coming to you from seat 22B of a Vueling aeroplane on a 55-minute flight to Barcelona. It’s my first flight since leaving Mexico pre-pandemic at the start of 2020. The cabin is eerily quiet, a few people quietly muffling through mask-covered mouths, we have been spaced out with seats between passengers kept free. A flight attendant is pushing a piece of luggage, whose wheels squeak as she passes, to another part of the plane.
I pull my mask down to take a sip of water from the small bottle I bought in the airport to see me through the flight. Normally I would bring my flask but I am travelling with a tight constraint of hand luggage only for our 3-day-2-night girls weekend.
This flight is bringing me so much nostalgia. Gone (for now) are the days of lighthearted travel and whimsical interactions. The past two years have left us fractured with limited reprise. I personally hardly recognise myself compared to the woman who last boarded a plane.
There are times in life when it asks you to take everything you ever thought was true and deconstruct it in such a way that the only thing that is left is fierce and fiery truth. The woman I am today is no longer shrouded in a cloud of wishful thinking and denial but instead has humbly submitted herself to the truth. And the truth is, that it’s all so much more uncomplicated. It, being: life, purpose, and what we truly need. What really matters is simple.
The past 18 months have been the deepest wintering of my life. Both in terms of my surroundings (there was no summer in the UK last year) and in terms of my soul journey. In times when I thought it couldn’t get any tougher, it did. What happened was a pragmatic and practical pilgrimage to clear the way and make space for true healing, health and joy.
I’ve realised that the real work is in clearing the way. Always.
It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it?
That the only way to move forward is to stop and look around at what we have always done and decide whether that’s actually what we want in our lives. And then to clear the path through facing our truth, burning it down, clearing the blocks/beliefs/ideologies that we then recognise as false.
It seems counterintuitive because we’ve all been socially conditioned to believe that our worth/success/wealth/deservability is a reflection of how much we do, how hard we try, how many goals we meet. So we do more, try harder, reach for bigger. And it’s never enough.
Which feels deflating and defeating. But the conditioning is deep and strong. So we berate ourselves. “I’m clearly not doing enough”.
But our souls. Your soul, and mine. They know. They know this isn’t true. In fact, it’s so inaccurate that our souls send us depression and anxiety and injuries and breakdowns to remind us. To bring us back home. To truth. To what really matters.
Because it’s not about how much you do.
It’s about how you be.
It’s about your energy and how you interact with and approach everything within you and between you. It’s the energy with which you show up each day, each living breathing moment that you are given this gift, the miracle of life.
I had to check myself and the narrative I had started to create in my mind, thoughts and words in recent times. Life sometimes tears us down, but how we respond to it, is what matters. I didn’t really have a choice. Life compelled me to peel back the layers and address some of the ways I was victimising myself, giving away my own power, playing within lines that neither match my desires nor hopes, and shirked responsibility for some of the ways my life was unfolding. I had to witness parts of myself that I do not like, and allow them to crumble so that nothing stands between me, who I am really am and life, anew.
For the first time in a long time, perhaps ever, I see clearly, what is before me. Who I am. And that every desire, impulse and ambition is tied to an underlying intelligence that we are all part of. Guiding us back to the truth.
That being is all there really is.
And within that ‘being’ exists the messy, non-linear, unpredictable and extraordinary human life experience.
Ok… so when I started this note, I wasn’t expecting all of this to stream out of me like this, but here we are. We’ve just had an announcement from the captain that we are beginning descent so I am leaving you with the things I originally opened my laptop to tap out a note to you for.
The answers to the two questions I have been asked most frequently about my two offerings:
1. the difference between mentoring, coaching & therapy
2. 10 steps to figure out your ‘thing’ for when you’re not sure what your ‘thing’ is or how to start it
I know I’ve been gracing you with my thoughts, words and heart a little more frequently recently. Let me know how you feel about it in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you.
So much of life is optional, not mandatory.
But we forget that, don’t we? We inflate ourselves with a grandiose succession of ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ and find ourselves slipping beneath the surface of why we came to Earth in the first place. I am absolutely certain that we are here to have a profoundly enjoyable experience. To sip on the ecstasy that is a life fully lived. And yet…
The past few weeks I keep bumping up against the fact that my entire system is currently rewiring itself. Every time I think I’m done, every time I impatiently try to move on, life puts me back into my place, into the present moment and makes me feel every emotion until I am fully purged. I’ve been in a season of doing the slow, incremental, unglamorous work of questioning one belief system at a time.
Redefining my life, my work, the way I use my time, my existence piece by piece. Remembering anything is possible when I work through patterns and conditioning like an archaeological soul excavation. I’ve had to let go of so much and questioned myself so deeply and had to teach my nervous system that it’s safe through it all one breath at a time.
I keep surrendering to these waves of needing to be still and rest as new information settles into my bones. All these initiations of deeper understanding and wisdom, a continuous cycle of death and rebirth, as old ideas and paradigms are dying in the face of new ones blooming. I find myself incapable of doing anything productive in these moments that sometimes last for days and I keep having to remember to surrender to it. To not fight or resist it.
There’s a rewiring on fundamental topics happening:
- How I nourish myself and what that means in the face of a wellness industry that thrives off convincing me to follow trends
- The intersection of worth, value, output and income and how we have been fed the idea that they are conditional
- How nature, the feminine and creativity are one and the same and require uncompromising protection right now
- That how and where we invest our time is where we invest our lives…
This is why I am excited to present to you: BOUNDARIED. A 2-hour Zoom workshop with me and my spellbinding friend
Claire where we teach you to have the audacity to map out your own hours and the self-authority to do something different to the cultural norm.
Full Moon — Wednesday, February 16th
9am LA / 12pm NYC / 5pm London / 6pm Barcelona / 4am Sydney
2-hour Zoom Workshop
Everything is changing. Everything is changing.
And it feels… terrifying. But also, so good.
We are all biologically and intrinsically motivated by the desire for more. More of the good stuff: more ease, joy, love, pleasure, abundance, time, presence, connection… Because by nature we are pleasure-seeking beings. It’s an urgent need for satisfaction. An inbuilt reaching for our own evolution.
Just like all of you my life and work are ever-evolving, shifting, growing. I am currently in the process of scaling my business and it is stretching me in ways that I haven’t been stretched before. I paid the biggest tax bill ever in December and the VM business became an LTD company because it outgrew my little sole trader setup. I hired a new accountant and set up payroll, and then went ahead and soft-launched two mentoring programs for 2022 to my ‘Her Way’ peeps… And then days later, after a few conversations with people I respect whom I shared my niggling feeling that something wasn’t right with, cancelled those programs, refunded my students and went back to the drawing board.
It was both exhilarating and frightening. Birthing something from inside you that is bigger than you, is no small feat. I’m leaning into some really new terrain and going all-in but my nervous system is saying “are you sure this is safe?” so there’s that inner struggle and the work of soothing and supporting my body so it can hold space for the expanse of what I am calling in.
And it reminds me that there are always two things at play in our evolution:
1. The conscious, surface desire for more. To expand, to grow, to evolve.
2. The subconscious, interior desire to feel safe. To stay with the confines of what it knows.
Every time we learn and grow we face an inner struggle that comes with the discomfort of stretching and growing pains. The unravelling and deconditioning of beliefs, systems and structures, while holding ourselves in a foreign no-man’s land to leap forward into the unknown more-ness of our desires.
I’m so enthusiastic and also, so so so confronted by the largeness of what I want to offer the world, an extension of the insight, healing and growth I have myself moved through the past two years, and I won’t pretend that I don’t feel some impatience and frustration with myself and the non-linear path this journey is taking me on as I wait for the nudges that move me forward. I have to let go and trust.
This article originated from my subscriber-only email. Please join us if you wish to reader such words in the future: