I woke up the other morning, my eyes wide awake, heart beating fast, mind running at a zillion miles per second.
“Iwonderhowmanyreadersmypostyesterdaygot. OoooIbettergocheckmyemail. ShouldIwriteaboutmyfriendsawesomecourse? Iwonderifmytonesoundedauthentic. Whattimeofthedayisthebesttimetoconnectwithreaders?” Etc, etc, etc.
It was 6.30am.
And I was like. WTF is going on here! I never, ever signed up for this! The reason I have created my business and life the way that I have, is to do the opposite. To live from a place of spaciousness. With freedom. Time. Peace. Calm. NO thinking at a million miles an hour.
So what brought this on?
It was brought on by a very short-lived and minor divergence from my path. You see, ever since I launched the new look of my site two weeks ago, I’ve had well-meaning people from all sorts of different walks of life, kindly add their two cents, on how I can make my business better, what I should be writing about, what strategies to include, what action steps to take and so on, and so on, and so on.
Though their words and efforts were meant kindly, it kind of rocked me off my centre. I’m always up for suggestions, there is no work that doesn’t have room for improvement, everything is always changing and evolving. But in their words, refinements and suggestions, I lost myself.
I lost why I do this.
 

 
My why, is to connect with you beautiful like-hearted souls that know that there is more to life, than the bland prescription society has given us, and want to explore what that is. And how to create it. I want to share my own journey on how I do this, my experimentations, and what I discover, and help those of you who want to join this crusade alongside me. We have so many more choices and possibilities available to us than we often realise and recognise. My purpose is in unveiling this, and helping you choose a different path. One that fulfills you in all ways.
But somewhere between upgrading my website, and sitting here before you today, I lost that thread a little. And it felt awful. I started posting words and sharing things, that in part, were me. But they didn’t feel like me because they were tainted and influenced by the words and opinions of others, that, while their intentions were good, are completely out of alignment with who I am. And the way I do my work.
The way I generally work is with my muse on one shoulder, whispering the words that I write, in my ear, and my understanding of how grammar and structure and practicalities all work together on the other, so I can share with you what I’ve got. There’s no strategy. There’s no system. It’s pure, unadulterated inspiration. A sharing of words, worlds and souls.
As soon as I realised what was happening, I stopped. And for a while I just wanted to delete everything that had just happened – that didn’t feel like me. But I didn’t. I waited. I forgave myself for being led astray. Gave gratitude for having experienced this – a spell which countless others fall under. And then I wrote this. My confession: that I erred off my path, as we all do. And that I’m back. The real me.
It’s so good to be back.