When I was in my 20’s I was so certain. I held a genuine belief that the way most people live their lives was a sham. That they are sheeple. That they cannot be aware, or present, or awake to life, by taking a traditional route. I was sure that I, by choosing a less-taken path, by questioning the status quo, would arise to better answers.
I spent my entire 20’s following my heart and immediate impulses. I wanted to consume, absorb and take into me every single possible life experience that I could. I felt I had to, in order to know who I am and what I want. Everything existed for me right here and now, in the current moment. I saw two-thirds of the globe, opted out of the conventional marriage-house-kids and made truly living the guiding focus of my life.
It was a carefree, simple, wild kind of life. I lived where I wanted to whenever I felt called to a place. I loved who I loved, freely. I found creative ways to make money including palm reading, working as a receptionist, making jewellery, working at music festivals, selling sunglasses, serving tables, writing. Always moving, always changing, never staying still for long. I was hungry for experiences that made me feel something. To feel truly alive.
A different kind of reality set in as I grew into my 30’s. I experienced a big reset in the form of family trauma surfacing, seeing how I was allowing certain beliefs and patterns to sabotage my path, and negotiating the new desire to leave a positive legacy in my wake. I had to honour a process of grieving, of committing myself to do my inner work, much of which has been reflected in my work with clients and courses.
The way I saw the world completely changed. I changed. What I want, changed.
I saw how in all my innocent righteousness I judged people who made choices differently to mine. Without compassion to their unique plight. Without understanding that, they too, are doing the best they can with the circumstances they arrived in. Without recognising that I might make those exact choices and share those same beliefs at some point.
It feels like life and time have stretched and grown. I can see the endpoint more clearly. I can draw on the reflections of the past to know the expanse I have to work with. Integral to this is the stripping away of layers to reveal the truth and remembering that our worlds are shaped by perception and perspective and nothing more. That is why we each have such a unique life experience. That is why one person’s truth can be so wildly different from another’s.
How many times I was so certain about things. How often I have learned that, when given a broader perspective, nothing is certain at all.
I am a recovering hypocrite. And with it, a new version of myself has emerged. This year is a new beginning. Hello, 2020.
Dear universe,
I take back all the infinite times I judged others for doing the things they were doing and making the choices they were making.
I have now realized that I too, at some point, might do those same things, and make those same choices coming from a completely different perspective that I could never have been aware back when I made those judgments.
Oops. I am sorry. I didn’t know that back then.
