We left off last time with the girl in our story realising that although she was finally free from the grips of a horrible situation, her mind was now keeping her captive through the memories and thoughts and beliefs she had gathered up to this moment. Okay, so she probably wasn’t actually aware of that yet, however she knew that things weren’t quite right. She just knew she had lost a part of herself and had no idea how to get that back. She wanted her innocence back. And so, as if timed perfectly the girl was then thrown into the awkward slippery slide of adolescence and all that those chemical confusions this contains.
By the time she waded her way through to what is considered the beginning of adulthood, she had come no closer in finding her authentic self again, yet had thrown herself into exploring life. She travelled the United States, Asia and Europe with a curiosity akin to that from her earliest years but with a certain distrust of life and oblivious to all the good that could be if she allowed it. She certainly was still locked in the cold and lonely tower of her own creation. On a freezing winter’s day in London she decided she was fed up with the cold and wanted to do something else, something that might give her life more meaning. It was decided that she would move to Cairns, Australia (the hottest place she could find) and study psychology to give her an understanding, a greater insight into herself and other people. As this is something that had always remained pure and untouched within her from childhood: her love of people.
Three years passed in which she studied, lived and loved and lost and experimented and played and worked and grew and then one day, suddenly, she woke up. Not just in the physical sense but actually awoke from the dream of a life lived in the shadow of subconsciousness. She woke up with a feeling that engulfed her entire body that was so indescribably exquisite she could barely begin to understand it. And with that feeling came a rush of realisations that pulsated in waves throughout the weeks and months that followed. Of forgiveness and understanding of the past. Of sweet relief that she didn’t have to carry any of her history around with her. That her past did not make her who she was and that who she is perfect …. perfectly human as we all are. Of deep acceptance and appreciation for everything in life. Of being completely and entirely responsible for life, the understanding that everyone is able to create anything and everything they could possibly conceive. That thoughts created reality and when you open your eyes life is actually incredibly beautiful. It was as if she had finally come home. No longer alone. No longer a hurt, wounded child protecting herself from people who were acting out because somewhere along their life they also had been hurt. The little girl was now a young woman, and she was free.
She turned 24 in the months following that passed in a state of utter bliss and peace. All the residual angst from a challenging childhood dissipated and was replaced by peace, wisdom and a deep connection with the present moment. The greatest lesson of that time: all that matters is right NOW.
The strong sensations that were carried through the experience eventually became less intense and she realised that there is no beginning or end for the odyssey she was on, she would never reach the point where the journey reached its end within her own life, everyday she just had to take it moment by moment….and see what happens.
It was perhaps a year later that our central character finally made some sense of what she experienced and how it had left her completely transformed and changed. She read books by Eckhart Tolle, Paulo Coelho, Abraham Hicks and Louise Hay plus many more and came to the intellectual understanding that she had had what psychologist consider a peak experience. Unfortunately our human language is insufficient in being able to express the tremendous range of emotions, sensations and feelings that such an experience evokes. The greatest gift however was the entirely new and fulfilling level of understanding that she was left with. The simple truths that make life so much better.
My point is this….your life experiences, your story is separate to WHO YOU ARE. These are simply external events that you have the opportunity to use to become more aware of what it is you want. It’s the contrasts that give life depth and breadth.
The moral of the story is that we all go through shit. We all have some kind of history of hurt and suffering. But that it serves us. And we can all transform our lives, become conscious and truly awake by letting the story go. It’s what I know for sure…….which I will share with you next time…
Image source 1 + 2.
