Late September on a brisk autumn afternoon in London I hopped on a Zoom video call with my astrologist Carolyn to look at what the stars hold for me for my year ahead. She told me there were two key themes for my natal year from August 8 to the following August. Relationships. Creativity.
As 2019 rolls forward my beliefs and understanding of relationships are shifting again as I learn to become a gentle custodian of the kind of relationships I want to foster in my life. The first changes began late last year as I was navigating what my kind of future could look like.
I was struggling with my personal social conditioning that told me that I needed to seek out safety and security in my intimate relationships at the cost of sovereignty and freedom. With freedom as one of my highest values, I was left feeling like I had two options: 1. be single forever, which would never work for me, I need the physical intimacy that comes from emotional connection to live; 2. cut parts of myself off to fit the old relationship model.
From all my years of personal growth and inner work, analytical psychology and spiritual studies, there is one thing I know for sure: if I want something in my life to change, I have to change. Life is always mirroring who we are and what we believe. Besides all that, real self-love is calling yourself out on your shit in order to grow, so here we are.
Listen as I speak about my unhealthy habit of choosing overtly controlling, dominant men, gave away my power and lost the art of asking for what I want and dive deep into lessons around vulnerability and cracking that hard shell we often wrap ourselves in as a form of very ineffective protection.
