As a writer, there is an incredibly fine line between being open and honestly sharing my life experiences, and compromising the sanctity and privacy of my personal life. In my world everything is everything, there is no separation. It’s all connected and heavily influenced by all that is.
One of the greatest joys I have writing here is my freedom of speech. I share with you all that I have from my heart and soul. I want you to FEEL me, not just read me, and I know you do. I love that I have the opportunity to voice my feelings, thoughts, desires and lessons as I go through them, that I can share them with you and knowing that as a fellow human being, you resonate and understand them.
At times I do feel confined to write and speak in the ways that are deemed socially acceptable. To not stir the common understanding too much, but mostly I just write what is real and true, no matter how raw it feels.
Recently, it’s been more difficult for me to share with you, authentically, where I’m at. Because where I am at isn’t the most comfortable place for me right now. And because it involves someone else. Some months ago I entered into a relationship with a curious, unique and loving man. It’s been a tumultuous relationship to date. Full of passion, high emotions, tears, anger, love, sadness, disappointment, kindness and deep connection. We are both willful, passionate and deeply enamored. And we are the same. And completely different. Concurrently.
It’s a challenge facing yourself every day, having your values and beliefs questioned and wondering where you stand. It feels like a process of recalibrating. All the old beliefs that are just lying there are being hashed up to be looked at and removed if they no longer serve me. It’s an internal cleansing process of the soul.
I was watching Spirit Science recently (you must watch this series, it is brilliant and will change your life, the link is here) and noted something poignant to me. In a society which values independence so highly, we are losing our harmony with all things, since we are all connected and everyone and everything is interdependent. I, myself, have accustomed myself to function as an independent unit, separate from all things physical, the only connection that I’m constantly and acutely aware of is that to my source, the spiritual realm, which unites me with everything again.
I have noticed I have a tendency to cut myself off from people whose values and behaviors are not aligned with who I am and where I am at in my life. I practise compassion and also keep those people at more than an arms length instead of accepting their worth and value in their own way. Yes, it is good to be able to say no. Saying no is often a form of self love and makes room for what you actually DO want in your life. But does that mean you have to reject other people?
Other people’s choices and actions can only affect you as much as YOU (or me in this case) allow them.
I digress. Without sharing in detail all the life, love and relationship lessons, transformations and inner turmoil that I am processing right now, I just wanted to share with you that I am facing some challenges. And I’m working through it. I’m keeping life simple. Listening to my feelings, honoring them and and taking action in the best way that I can. And this current life experience is affecting my writing, what and how I am expressing myself and the way I want to share with you.
So please. Be patient with me. Send me love. I will be more open with you again once I’ve cleared my inner space.