YES and NO are probably the most used words in any language.

Everyone, all around the world responds with different forms of YES’s and NO’s. We shake our heads in different directions depending on our culture, we sign and we speak. Yet how often do we truly consider what we are saying with these simple and straightforward words? How often have we said YES when we meant NO? How often have we said NO when we actually maybe weren’t sure, were afraid or hadn’t asked enough questions?

As a girl especially, I have been conditioned to say YES more often than not. I have been taught to behave in ways that please others, which means agreeing to their requests and terms without questioning whether this was something I really wanted to do or say.

Despite this, I taught myself many years ago to listen to myself and always say what I mean. Until I fell into an intimate relationship which blatantly shone light onto all of my weaknesses and suddenly I found myself back at square one, trying to please others while disregarding myself. According to Process Psychology, often when a person comes into a situation that is threatening or creates an enormous sense of negativity, they will automatically respond with the initial age-old reactions, in my case, saying YES when I actually meant NO to protect myself. This is something I learnt to do when I was little. I am ever so grateful for the realisation that I just needed to dig a bit deeper to release those old processes and transform them into what I actually want: to honestly, openly, lovingly say exactly what I mean.

This weekend I challenge all of us to say exactly what we mean, when we mean it. Take a breath, sit with stillness and then answer with love. You may be surprised just what comes out of your mouth!

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