“When I’ve figured this out perfectly, then I’ll start.”
When I’m successfully living my non-conventional life, then I’ll start putting myself out there.
When I’ve finally figured out how to carve out the time I need for myself and the time I can give of myself, then I’ll have kids.
When I’ve signed up that one client or paid off that last bit of debt, then I’ll start investing in my self-care and personal growth.
When I’ve lost 10 pounds and got a better job, then I’ll be ready for the relationship that I crave.
When the people I love stop doing those annoying things they do, then I’ll be happy.
— she who makes her own fate —
There have been times in my life where I have thought every single one of the statements above. Maybe even said them out loud to someone I trust. But mostly: I thought them. I thought them and then I waited patiently for that perfect time to magically appear.
Strangely, however, it never did.
So I started asking myself why. Why wasn’t I moving forward with things I clearly wanted?
What I learned was that I was scared. Not just scared — terrified, petrified and intimidated — of making mistakes, of people seeing me for the vulnerable human that I am, of not being good enough for my own dreams.
I felt two things: seriously frustrated and annoyed with myself: likegoddamnithowlongamIgonnakeephidingfrommyowndreams, and also compassionate: there’s a little girl living inside me who was told “no” and that she “couldn’t possibly” for a really long time. I had to (and still at times do) parent myself out of that dark corner that I keep slinking into.
I knew that I had to make my own fate.
There are two main tools I use to get out of the “not-enoughness” feeling that keeps me stuck in fear and unwilling to take action:
1. Letting go of the past. I sometimes write about the challenging and somewhat traumatic childhood I had. Not in detail because they are stories of the past, but they sometimes provide context to my stories, and so I touch on them. We have all been broken, at least a little bit, somewhere along the line. Recently I wrote about the 5 easy steps I use let go of terrible memories, and stop reliving the past. In summary, I systematically forgive myself for each memory I was holding onto, every shred of pain that I was choosing to hold in my body. Every memory and pain that arose for me, I would forgive myself for holding on to. And then I accept that what happened, happened and forgive the individual involved in each memory and experience. You can read exactly how I do it here.
2. Journaling. I journal to cultivate my relationship between my logical brain and my much wiser, more ancient intuition. When I journal I ask myself questions like: Where is the resistance coming from? Why do I feel that it’s safer to hide than to shine? What is stopping me from stepping up and actually living the dreams I hold for myself? How can I move past it? I filmed a video about my journaling practice that you can watch here.
These two practices impact change. Change creates space for something new, and allows you to start doing the things you know are necessary, for the life you want to start. It allows you to make your own fate.
— and knows her magic —
It’s easy to defer your own dreams into a time in the future, where everything will be perfect. At least, it’s easier. It means you don’t have to take responsibility for taking action now, because you will, definitely, at some point, soon, when the stars align and everything is perfect and ready and in place, do that thing that you say you want to do.
I’ve noticed that a lot of the women I work with tend to downplay their own magic: the incredible, selfless, limitless acts and their own magical existence, because they don’t consider what they do, enough…
But if you actively choose to do the little things every day required to lean in the direction of the kind of life you want for yourself, you’re doing it — you’re making your own fate — and it’s going to be fine. That bigger sense of not having wasted your life on the little fears invalidates all those when’s that you are waiting to happen.
Because you’re doing it. Even though it’s not perfect, or ready, or the way that you think it should be, before you start.
If these words resonate and you are interested in upping your fate-making skills, I’d like you to send you an email with something that might help. Sign up up here.
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