what is freedom? (I want to be wild and free)

what is freedom? (I want to be wild and free)

 Processed with VSCOcam with p5 preset

 
It is in the circumvent moment of taking a leap of faith that we taste true freedom.
It is in the letting go that we gain so much more.
Saying no leads to better yes’.
When we let go of expectations that we feel the sweetness of success.
As the dreamer we realise that our dream was being realised all along.
It’s not judging…..and relinquishing the need to care about what others think.
It’s in the shedding of tears, in feeling lost and still moving forward.
It’s having tremendous faith…..that everything will work out….better than fine.
It’s in the questions we pose of ourselves, just enough to widen our horizons and move past our limitations.
Freedom is being a bright beacon of light…..clarity, honesty and love….no matter what else is going on around us.
 
When disappointment turns to longing turns to the realisation that what we thought we wanted we didn’t actually want.
 
It’s in the receiving….graciously, openly, without feeling we owe something in return.
It’s in the giving selflessly…altruistically without expecting anything in return.
It’s in the loving someone fearlessly…completely, whether or not they may love you back
It’s in the intoxicating joy, the serenity, the happiness without a reason.
It’s in realising that no-one’s got it all figured out ….. and nothing is permanent.
It’s when we teeter beyond our imaginations with nothing but trust and hope to catch us.
And when we do fall, we fall up….and everything gets unexpectedly better.
It’s in reinventing yourself every single day.
It’s when simplicity takes over.
This is freedom.
 
 

The Help: a film review + the power of positive affirmations

I watched The Help last weekend. It’s a beautifully told, well rounded story on the racial revolt and the times of change during the early 1960’s in America.
Within the film is interwoven a fine love story between a black maid, Aibileen and her very cute and chubby young charge, the daughter of the housewife for whom she works. The housewife herself is rathe inept in the art of raising children and all the loving, tenderness and caring fall on Aibileen.
Every morning Aibileen wakes the little doll of a child and starts the day with:
“You is kiiiind, you is smaaaart and you is important.”
The little girl is taught to repeat this mantra, which is such a beautiful and endearing way to start the day. Aibileen, the maid often recalls this sentence of positive affirmations whenever the little girl is reprimanded by her mother who is quite self centred and cold to the child believing that this sweet little thing is too fat and not pretty enough.
(*Spoiler alert!) Nearing the end of the film there is a final scene of this love story between the black maid and the little girl where Aibileen is fired and thereby is forced to leave the little girl to whom she clearly has a deep attachment and love for. In this scene she repeats the affirmation when she says goodbye saying “Always remember what I taught you. You is kind, you is smart, you is important. Repeat it!” With teary eyes the small toddler finally repeats the wisdom back to her maid in the sweetest small voice full of emotion.
This was a breaking point for me and I kind of lost it and wept as if my own heart had been broken.
What struck me the most however was that even a relatively uneducated black maid who wasn’t give the opportunities that all men and women in our western society, disregarding of race, have in our day and age, she understood the power of self love and affirming oneself. She was teaching the little girl that no matter what happened, as long as she believed in herself and repeated her positive affirmations, everything would work out.
I highly recommend watching this gorgeous film, even just to gat a small taste of comprehending what happened in the early 1960’s when racial issues were overcome in the face of customs and laws that stated otherwise through the enchanting love for each other and sense of self dignity and standing up for what is right. Here is the trailer to whet your senses:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVTMkINRChk[/youtube]
 

112 dreams to realise in 2012 ~ my romantic listomania

112 dreams to realise in 2012 ~ my romantic listomania

Every now and then I like to share a bit of a list-making frenzy with you. Actually, making lists is not my forte however today I am compelled to do so. I’ve decided that this year is the year it’s all happening and according to positive psychology and quantum physics the best way to make your dreams come true is to state them. Out loud. Publicy. And tell people. Make it real in your head. So here we go:

  1. Remember to breathe.
  2. Bake. For my friends. I love to bake and haven’t done so for hmmm… at least a year now. I want to make decadent, delicious cakes and cookies for the people I love.
  3. Tune into presence. All the time. Sit in my sweet spot and trust.
  4. Finish stitching, beading and creating the leather handbag I started making in London in 2008.
  5. Read more books than last year….
  6. Go to L’etoile in Paddington. TICK! Thank you Allen for this one …. you are an angel.
  7. Eat less sugar. I’ve fallen off the sugar-free wagon a little since Christmas and I need to get back on it. I feel so much better when I’m not consuming sugar.
  8. Spend a weekend in Melbourne.
  9. Go to Burning Man in late August.
  10. Spend a month in New York.
  11. Travel through South America from the bottom up ending my journey at the Rainbow Gathering in Guatemala in December.
  12. Write an e-book/ course.
  13. Write at least two guest posts per month. (So far so good, I’ve had one published this month with another scheduled coming up)
  14. Meet the most fascinating, inspirational people that I have ever encountered.
  15. Be a better friend. (Sometimes I am terrible at keeping in touch and showing how much I care …. I want to do so more.)
  16. Get clear on what is important in my life and welcome people who share the same values.
  17. Fall in love.
  18. Go gently. Don’t be so hard on myself.
  19. Practise the art of allowing.
  20. Life harmony is not the same as life balance. I don’t have to have all the balls in the air at the same time.
  21. Listen more slowly.
  22. Tell more stories.
  23. Write to my grandparents at least once a month. I know it means so much to them.
  24. Sell all the designer clothes that I never wear. And spend the money on something I really, really love!
  25. Commandeer an iPad.
  26. Go to Officeworks and stock up on notepads. My collection of scribbled on papers scattered across my room is starting to move from charming chaos to enigmatic mess.
  27. Manage my time a little more efficiently. (Plan without planning – if that’s at all possible! The trouble is, my nature rejects schedules and plans … I kind of have to trick myself with this one!)
  28. Break up with social media. “It’s not you – it’s me! Let’s just be friends and hang out sometimes, rather than spending every single minute together! (You’re suffocating me!)
  29. Over the winter, watch all the films that I keep getting recommended and never see. I think this one needs a list. Any movie-buff-list-makers out there who want to help? Email me!
  30. Perfect the back-walker. I can go back. But I can’t seem to quite kick over yet. Soon.
  31. Get over my body image issues once and for all. Gulp. This one is scary. (Let’s practice a little radical self-love shall we!)
  32. Stretch myself. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Try new things.
  33. Be more compassionate and understanding. We are all humans after all.
  34. Host a dinner party. Complete with fairy lights and candles and live music and chocolate gateau.
  35. Learn about wine.
  36. Organically, gracefully and easily develop my business so it flourishes and is successful on all levels.
  37. Allow lots of space for the unexpected.
  38. Slow down.
  39. Play with children, more than I have been.
  40. Kiss a man with a moustache. Just for the experience.
  41. Relax. Allow my body to fully relax.
  42. Let go. Of control. Of knowing the outcome. Of expectations. Everything. I’m quite good with this but imagine how amazing life would be if I completely let go of trying to control it. If just showed up, did my part, shared my sparkle and let what ever may happen, happen. Wow! Just the idea blows my mind. 
  43. Go to Tetsuya’s in the city.
  44. Ride the rides at Luna Park with my sister and take loads of photos of our silliness.
  45. Make green smoothies. I know they’re good for me. I even like them. But I’m just not making them.
  46. Remember not to take life too seriously.
  47. Practise my Spanish.
  48. Write a loooong letter to my mama about everything. She doesn’t know me at all. Maybe she never will but I can try!
  49. Make peace with my ex. I really hope he speaks to me again one day and we can be friends. I guess breaking someones heart makes them not want to talk to you anymore.
  50. Enjoy each moment as it comes. Feel the width and the breadth of it. Taste it. Smell it. Be in it.
  51. Figure out how I can monetize my talents. Seek out someone practical who can help me. I need a second brain for this. Ammm so …. anyone?
  52. Buy socks.
  53. Write every single one of my friends a love letter and send it via post. With stamps and everything. Amazing!
  54. Print this insane listomania out and put it somewhere I can see it so I actually remember to do all these things.
  55. Figure out how to use all of my flying points with different airlines and hotels to the best of my advantage. I have no idea and it’s all so confusing. I need help from someone who is good with numbers and details. Both things that I detest. (I’m one of those people who still uses their fingers to count. Yes. I know.)
  56. Go for a long weekend away to Byron Bay.
  57. Convince my landlady to put me on a rolling lease. I really hate stiff contracts. They make me feel uneasy. It’s like clipping my wings.
  58. Go to a sex toy shop with my sister and check out the goods without acting like a demented teenager. Really. I shouldn’t be embarrassed about these things anymore.
  59. Create the MOST AMAZING COSTUME EVER for Secret Garden festival in March. With face paint, warrior-fairy style. And a leopard print kimono.
  60. Be still. Allow more stillness into my life.
  61. Spend my money more consciously. Don’t buy crap. Buy beautiful things that last a long time. And less of them. Spend my money on things I really value. (I can be a tad frivolous at times!)
  62. Don’t think too much.
  63. Don’t think about what other people might think. It really doesn’t matter.
  64. Have fun. All the time. (I do this anyway but there’s no harm in reminding myself.)
  65. Go on an exclamation mark detox!!!!! They seem to creep into everything I right far more than is appropriate.
  66. Proof read my writing a bit more before I publish. Euch! It’s that whole attention to detail thing! I hate it.
  67. Have at least one afternoon/evening totally to myself per week. I need time alone to recharge.
  68. Discover new intricacies about the people I call my friends. I love exploring the people in my life.
  69. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to fail. Move through and past those fears. Do it and see what happens. Either way it’s a wonderful learning experience.
  70. Convince my employers to gift me with a new iPhone. Because I deserve it.
  71. Go through my inbox and file and tidy and organise the 1000’s of emails that are making life a little convoluted.
  72. Practise gratitude the moment my mind wanders into a realm of complaint. And any other time. It works so good and makes life amazing.
  73. Communicate my feelings and thoughts more clearly. Face to face. In spoken words.
  74. Cry if I feel like it. Things sometimes are worth crying over. Give myself the permission to feel my emotions and then get over it. I tend to skip straight to the get-over-it part. The feeling part is important too.
  75. Take the time to sit down and write more. Often I write while also doing 20 other things at the same time. Little inspirations come to my mind and I jot them down; my mornings often involve me bouncing between the bathroom and the notebook on my bed. Perhaps if I took the time to sit down with them I could take it a little deeper. The again if I wait to write when I have time, the thoughts may have already passed. It’s like trying to capture a cheeky pixie. Very slippery.
  76. Hold his hand. ‘Cause I like it. I’m obligation free. It’s just a gesture of affection.
  77. Don’t cut my hair. At all. Not even once this year. Just to experiment and see what happens.
  78. Make a dream catcher from dried vines, wool, shells and semiprecious stones and feathers I have collected over the past 10 years of my travels.
  79. Allow myself to move from super groomed to a little more wild again. I’m tired of the common “Sydney” look. I’m breaking free.
  80. Have a really beautiful dinner with my dearest friends for my birthday. Complete with sparklers and birthday cake and lots of wine.
  81. Learn how to dance with a man.
  82. Do something really super romantic and wonderful at least once a month.
  83. Fly a kite.
  84. Go sailing or on some kind of boat trip. Cause I love it.
  85. Have more real, deep and meaningful conversations. I hate small talk and mostly I just move away from it. Perhaps if I could engage people to communicate a little deeper I could stay in the conversations for longer.
  86. Be more accepting of others. I’m an idealist. A philosopher. A dreamer. I expect everyone else to be this way too. But I realise they’re not. And that’s ok.
  87. Have patience. With life. With outcomes. With myself. With others. Things often just need time.
  88. Host a Mad Hatters Tea Party. We can all be Alice. I’ll try to find some magic mushrooms. 
  89. Define exactly what I want my life to look and feel like. Get clear on it. Write it out and go live life on my own terms. Use my imagination and then go beyond even that. High aspirations. No expectations.
  90. Tell all the people I admire, how and why I admire them. They inspire me and deserve to know so.
  91. Go on lots of picnics.
  92. Stop checking Google Analytics stats quite so much, my monthly excel spreadsheet is truly quite sufficient. Focus on what’s actually important instead. (Building an Empire of Revolutionary Love).
  93. Write down my dreams as soon as I awake. Something magical might come out of them.
  94. Learn how to make chocolate soufflé.
  95. Write a gig review. Just to try it out and see if I can do it. It seems daunting and intimidating but I go to so many festivals and music gigs, it’s certainly a valuable skill I could develop.
  96. Experiment. With everything.
  97. Go on a road trip without a destination in mind. Discover new and wonderful places.
  98. Hula hoop lots more and learn some really cool tricks I can show off at parties. (Perhaps buy a hula hoop so I can do this).
  99. Read every single Dr Seuss book ever written.
  100. Make at least one video blog aka vlog for viendamaria.com this year. Get help with the post-production so it looks AMAZING!
  101. Go to Confest at Easter and present some workshops ….. on topics not yet decided.
  102. Do a flash-mob-dance-off.
  103. Stay awake all night and watch the sunrise at the beach. And then skinny dip in the ocean.
  104. Minimise my collection of belongings. Do I really need all those books and things? Less is more I say.
  105. Burn my journals and notebooks from the past 10 years (after I’ve copied out all the juicy stuff).
  106. Blow bubbles in the park and play with glitter and take photos of these little moments of joy and amusement.
  107. Create a photo album of my life for my family.
  108. Sell all the 100’s of pieces of jewellery that I have collected to sell from my travels over the past few years.
  109. Wear more accessories. Aiming to look like a pirate crossed with a nymph.
  110. Expand my music collection. Open my ears to new and wonderful sounds. Try out something new.
  111. Go for walks along the beach in the winter, even when it’s cold.
  112. Trust in the process of life. It is truly very amazing and magical, even when my mind tries to conjure up ridiculous ideas of defeat.

Tell me. Do you share any of these? What dreams are you going to fulfil this year?
 
Image source.

wanderlust + my aching heart

wanderlust + my aching heart


home is not a place. it is a feeling.
to me, I feel most at home in the spaces between. the space between somewhere and elsewhere. I love the feeling in the train, in the bus on the motorbike, when you know you’re going somewhere but without expectations or knowledge of that place. it’s a sense of freedom. the sense of flinging yourself into the arms of the world with no idea of what might happen and pockets full of faith.
I haven’t travelled for 2 years now. quick breaks, holidays, yes. but that’s not travelling. that’s just leaving your current reality with the intention to return to the safety of what you know. travelling is letting go. completely. of everything you know + watching, waiting, becoming an observer. surrendering to the unknown and seeing where it takes you.
and my heart hurts because of it. this feeling washes over me in waves akin to having your umbilical cord cut. separated from that which nourishes you.
for some months it subsides as I converse with myself that right now I am making the choice to stay. because sometimes it’s good to stay. to grow roots. to feel grounded in a space. things grow when you stay. relationships flourish + form. and that just because the north wind blows doesn’t mean I must rise + throw myself into the tempest
then it returns and breezes about my shoulders. sings sweetly into my ears. into my soul.
“let me carry you away with me”
like a long-lost lover it intoxicates me with whimsical dreams of undiscovered shores. exotic sights and sounds. the song of wanderlust is enchanting and casts a spell over me. an inner struggle passes through and I bide my time with promises for the future. promises which I know I will keep. because it’s in my blood. my heart will not stop drumming the gyspy beats until my feet once again are wayfaring.
ergo until the opportune moment arises I persevere. adventures in this concrete jungle are just as wonderful as those in lands unchartered. they simply come with a different set of rules. it’s more challenging to surrender control. to let go. but staying in one place gives you the richness and depth of life that travelling cannot. so, for now, I stay. be still my gyspy heart.
 

 
Image source 1 + 2.

2011 you’ve just been heaven! thank you … and you … and you! x

2011 you’ve just been heaven! thank you … and you … and you! x


So 2011 has been a pretty amazing year all round…I finally found my feet in Sydney and life has catapulted in all sorts of creative and inspirational directions but the truth is, it’s always the people that make it! So here’s my gratuitous adoration in the form of a love letter to you.
Thank you to the girls:
Girlfriends…..you are like sweet honey to my soul. You always know when to nurture me, entertain me ……and when to let me make my own mistakes.
Thank you for loving music with me the way only girls can.
Thank you to the sister that saves my days with dirty comedy and laughter until my stomach hurts, feeding me at every possible opportunity and bursting into tears with me at any unreasonable hour on account of any irrespective impulse. You are the one I lean on. Thanks for moving to Sydney to be with me. (Even though I know you moved here for your boyfriend!).
Thank you to the little blonde girl who held my hand through uni years ago and is still holding my hand now, has saved me from many capricious moments with boys and listened to my whims and fantasies for hours. Thank you for sharing my ridiculous obsession with philosophy and trying to understand EVERYTHING even though I know I can’t. My world would not exist the way it does without you.
Thank you to the gorgeous trio, my United Nations girls with whom we represent (almost) every corner of the world. You’ve made Sydney sane for me and been my family. Thank you for allowing me to entertain you with my fanciful stories of the local dating scene, for letting me scold you when you were frivolous with your judgements and ringing me with all you boy dilemmas. Thank you for being worried for me and laughing with me and thinking of me with all of your sweetness and love.
Thank you for safely escorting me home when I’ve had enough to drink. Thank you for being foolish and faithful and honest. Thank you for telling me when I look good. Thank you for worrying when I don’t. Thank you for telling me that you appreciate me and welcoming me into your homes and hearts.
Thank you to all of you who have let me interfere with your love lives (always with my best intentions), for letting me ramble fantastical notions about life and  love and stuff ….. and nodding and smiling even when it doesn’t make any sense.
Thank you for letting me play with your cute little babies and then hand them back to you at the end of the day. And then scaring me with stories of childbirth and motherhood. Your rock my world!
Thank you for my glittery twitter posse, you define the meaning of girl power! You are all so talented and unique and creative, I feel so blessed to be able to call on you with my every distress and confusion. Thank you for listening and always coming back with such relevant solutions. Thank you for all your support and being on this radical, cosmic twitter-verse ride of technology with me.  You are all heart!
 
Thank you to the boys:
Boy(friends)…..you are the strength and the power that stabilises my whims.
Thank you to those of you who managed to just be my friend when all I really needed was a friend. Thank you for listening and sharing your masculine views. Thank you for giving every story two sides of perspective, for your kindness and strength and pulling me back in line when I am flighty and impetuous and my feet are no longer on the ground. Thank you for laughing with me at my stories and feeling protective over me simply because I’m a girl.
Thank you for loving music with me the way only boys can.
Thank you to the 10 english lads that embraced my chemical romances and indulged my musical whims towards electronic grime. You were there for me when I just needed to take my life down to gutter level for a few months and relive some of that twisted melodic madness that is London.
Thank you to the young sweet lover who warmed my bed for a few months and thereby helped me move swiftly on from the last relationship that I had just barely escaped before it fell apart in ruin and shambles. Thank you for being so attentive and eager to please. You were the medicine that my deprived body longed for. Unabashed. Non-commital. Perfection.
Thank you for the random drunken compliments and deep and meaningful conversations with strangers on my late night walks home.
Thank you for all the funny dates that I went on which gave me endless romantic comedy-esque stories to share. You boys really make me laugh. Thank you for the awkward goodbyes and the half-mouth-half-cheek-missed-kisses. Thank you for the endless text messages of endearment ….. you always put a smile on my face.
Thank you for the short-lived love affair with the man we now call Buzz Lightyear….(the resemblance is uncanny!) Thank you for making me feel like a little minx in the bedroom after renouncing my nun-hood after 6 months of just pure unadulterated dating. Thanks for making me feel like everything I said and thought was spectacularly brilliant … you did wonders to my self esteem!
 
I really love and appreciate you all! Thanks for playing with me this year. Let’s do it all again! x HAPPY 2012 KIDS! It’s just getting better and better every year!

NB: There are so many more of you to thank but I couldn’t fit you all in together …. to all of you scattered around the globe, I am often thinking of you and carry you with me in my heart always. 
And just FYI: I am taking the first week of 2012 off to do pretty much nothing and will be back with our regular schedule in the second week of January. Happy holidays! x 
 
Image source 1 + 2 .

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