my current inner turmoil + life challenge

my current inner turmoil + life challenge

20120926-120628.jpg

As a writer, there is an incredibly fine line between being open and honestly sharing my life experiences, and compromising the sanctity and privacy of my personal life. In my world everything is everything, there is no separation. It’s all connected and heavily influenced by all that is.
One of the greatest joys I have writing here is my freedom of speech. I share with you all that I have from my heart and soul. I want you to FEEL me, not just read me, and I know you do. I love that I have the opportunity to voice my feelings, thoughts, desires and lessons as I go through them, that I can share them with you and knowing that as a fellow human being, you resonate and understand them.
At times I do feel confined to write and speak in the ways that are deemed socially acceptable. To not stir the common understanding too much, but mostly I just write what is real and true, no matter how raw it feels.
Recently, it’s been more difficult for me to share with you, authentically, where I’m at. Because where I am at isn’t the most comfortable place for me right now. And because it involves someone else. Some months ago I entered into a relationship with a curious, unique and loving man. It’s been a tumultuous relationship to date. Full of passion, high emotions, tears, anger, love, sadness, disappointment, kindness and deep connection. We are both willful, passionate and deeply enamored. And we are the same. And completely different. Concurrently.
It’s a challenge facing yourself every day, having your values and beliefs questioned and wondering where you stand. It feels like a process of recalibrating. All the old beliefs that are just lying there are being hashed up to be looked at and removed if they no longer serve me. It’s an internal cleansing process of the soul.
I was watching Spirit Science recently (you must watch this series, it is brilliant and will change your life, the link is here) and noted something poignant to me. In a society which values independence so highly, we are losing our harmony with all things, since we are all connected and everyone and everything is interdependent. I, myself, have accustomed myself to function as an independent unit, separate from all things physical, the only connection that I’m constantly and acutely aware of is that to my source, the spiritual realm, which unites me with everything again.
I have noticed I have a tendency to cut myself off from people whose values and behaviors are not aligned with who I am and where I am at in my life. I practise compassion and also keep those people at more than an arms length instead of accepting their worth and value in their own way. Yes, it is good to be able to say no. Saying no is often a form of self love and makes room for what you actually DO want in your life. But does that mean you have to reject other people?
Other people’s choices and actions can only affect you as much as YOU (or me in this case) allow them.
I digress. Without sharing in detail all the life, love and relationship lessons, transformations and inner turmoil that I am processing right now, I just wanted to share with you that I am facing some challenges. And I’m working through it. I’m keeping life simple. Listening to my feelings, honoring them and and taking action in the best way that I can. And this current life experience is affecting my writing, what and how I am expressing myself and the way I want to share with you.
So please. Be patient with me. Send me love. I will be more open with you again once I’ve cleared my inner space.

what’s for you won’t pass you by

what’s for you won’t pass you by


 
remember that.
sometimes we rush about trying to grasp our “opportunities” ~ to reach our dreams + goals. sometimes we need a reminder that it’s unnecessary. because it will come to you.
I woke up this morning with three reminders in my inbox with exactly this phrase.
“what’s for you won’t pass you by”
clearly I needed that reminder. the world was making sure I got it. maybe you need it too.
in a time where everyone is rushing about making their lists of goals + new year’s resolutions and taking the new year by the horns so to speak, perhaps it’s also time to take a step back and allow things to gestate. + trust. that you will get exactly what you need + want at exactly the right time. because you will.
know what you want. yes. remain clear + focused. yes. but you can stop trying so hard. right now.
we are taught to “go for it”. get it. catch it. strive for it. plan it. pursue. push. harder. faster. better. MAKE IT HAPPEN. TRY. GO. DO. they are such poignant words.
what would happen if you knew that all you had to do is ::: show up. be present. do what you love. follow your heart. give your gifts. + allow the rest to come.
you are special. unique. what’s for you is entirely different to what’s for someone else. there’s enough for everybody. deep down you know it.
lean back. relax. breathe. allow. sense it all coming. at just the right time.
there is a delightful comfort and sense of relief when we fully know + allow ourselves to experience that trust the comes with knowing that you will get what you need + want. that everything will be okay. in fact it may just be wonderful. it will probably blow your mind.
be aligned with what is. have faith. not only does it feel good. it makes life so much easier. you know it. I know it.
because what’s for you won’t pass you by.
 
 

mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?


 
I want to talk to you about self image. It just one of those things that strikes me as something we all need to get a bit more real and clear about. We live in a society where aesthetics and beauty are highly valued and aspired towards. And, to be honest, I think why not. I absolutely advocate that we look after ourselves and make an effort to shine in our own individual ways. I’d rather hang out with people who have a distinct sense of style and are conscious of their health and wellbeing than not. But all that effort put into how we look seems to be leaving some rather vacuous. And it’s disappointing. Because I know there’s so much more to people.
Perhaps society isn’t encouraging us enough to build on our self awareness as much as our outer aesthetics. Perhaps people aren’t seeing the immediate benefits of uncovering each of our uniquely enormous fields of untapped potential. But we are society. So it’s our responsibility. So here I am, writing to you with all of my heart, reaching out and encouraging you to please see beyond the mirror, deeper into who you really are and recognise yourself as being a vibrantly distinct and unique individual. You are one of a kind. There’s no one else like you. Please find out all that it is that encompasses you and show me. I want to see you. The real you.
What I see so very often when I work with clients is that their poor self image stems from a lack of self acceptance. Often people are terribly hard on themselves, usually something that they learnt to do along their journey into adulthood. And self acceptance is impossible without a sense of who you are. When people haven’t developed their own sense of self and self acceptance …… it breeds a sense of insecurity. Which leads to self contempt (wildly crippling) which leads to botox, boob jobs and bald men buying sports cars. Apparently. Far too often people reach for a band aid to hide the problem rather than getting to the core of it. No amount of fake tan, designer clothes or beauty products are going to improve to self image.
Only hustling your soul to come back out of hermitude can do that. Firstly, you have to get to know yourself. And accept yourself. Then learn to like yourself. And then even love yourself.
For sure it’s a journey that in some ways never ends as we continuously evolve and change but a well worthwhile one from which you will reap the benefits for the rest of your life.
Being insecure in who you are and how you look tends to give off an unattractive air. It dulls your natural appeal and charisma and squashes what makes you stand out. People can sense these things. And when you feel like a lesser version of yourself, you lower you expectations for yourself and for your life. This affects everything. Life is reflective so you will always get what you put out.
I strongly urge you to take back your power and to improve your sense self and confidence. But how? I hear you ask…. Where do I start?
What sets us apart from other animals is our awareness of experience. The mind is the mechanism by which we observe and encounter these experiences. The mind tells us….this just happened. It is made to recognise and assimilate the information. We can’t stop it from doing that. We think. Yep, it’s what we do. But what we can do is choose what thoughts to have, and even more importantly what thoughts to pay attention to. 90% of our daily thoughts are merely repetitions. The same thoughts we had yesterday, and the day before and the day before that.
Clean out your mental closet by becoming aware of when you berate yourself in any way. Wether you do it to protect yourself from ridicule or because you simply don’t think highly enough of yourself, just become aware of the thought patterns that arise and make a choice that you want to change them. Awareness of the habit and consciously changing your thoughts to something that makes you feel good will create the inner change. Notice the difference between how you feel when you tell yourself something dissenting as opposed to something uplifting. Choose to change the negative thought patterns into positive ones. You know you deserve to treat yourself better.
Stop comparing yourself to other people. I think this is one of the most detrimental habits that we all have ….. to compare ourselves to others. It’s a terribly effective way to tell ourselves that we’re not good enough because we aren’t living up to someone else’s standards. Create your own standards! Let go of what others are doing, saying and what they look like. Figure out what works the best for you.
Give yourself the approval that you would normally seek out from others. Become self-approved. The Daily Love has plentiful articles on this here. Start looking within for answers and trusting that the answers you come up with are the right ones for you right now. This will centre you and bring you an inner peace that permeates the rest of world.
I implore you to examine your idiosyncrasies and discover your authentic self. Because that is the most attractive, beautiful, delicious and inspiring version of yourself that exists.
Image source. 

less is more: minimalism + why “stuff” doesn’t make your happy

less is more: minimalism + why “stuff” doesn’t make your happy


 
Over the past few years I have observed a steadily growing trend around minimalism and the rejection of owning huge collections of personal belongings. And this is a trend I actually really like… It’s very “me”. Don’t get me wrong I love stuff, especially beautiful, expensive, endearing, shiny, sparkly stuff, stuff that makes me feel good. However they key here is on how it makes me FEEL. I strongly dislike clutter and waste. I would even use the word hate here.
To be completely honest, I don’t agree with using the term minimalism but people often feel the need to label things in order to understand them so we will just go with that for now, won’t we! To me it’s more of a lifestyle choice, something that makes sense to me…..it’s part of my personal journey and it makes me feel good to have a handle on how much stuff I have and aspire to own. Minimalism is also one of the core concepts of Buddhism (but they don’t call it that, clearly!).
What I am seeing now is that we are the new generation of consumers who recognise the value of experiences and information over material possessions. We want to feel something, experience something, remember something from the purchases we make rather than just have a pile of plastic with made in china printed down the side to show for the hours that we work and the money that we earn. We see the value in life to be greater than the value in things. We recognise that our sense of self is not built through the ownership of grand collections of things but rather by the exotic collections of memories, stories and experiences that we take with us through our lives.
Have we perhaps learnt this from the forbearing generations of mass consumers and waste-makers that have died with the regret of not spending enough time with loved ones and fully enjoying their life while they had it? Or perhaps has it been the global financial crisis that has shocked us into acknowledging the disparity between having stuff and enjoying the simple things in life?
I would say that the inclination towards a simpler life it is a culmination of both these factors plus many more, engulfed in our natural progression and evolution into a better, greater, happier life and world.
How much stuff is a lot or a little is also very individual and perspective based. My younger sister thinks that I hardly own anything. A friend of mine who visited me recently said I had lots of stuff.
According to me – I have just the right amount – enough to comfortably cover all my first-world needs and wants but not too much. I am the opposite of a hoarder. Is there a word for that? Sometimes to my own detriment, when I regret throwing something out, but mostly to my benefit. I consistently de-clutter my life and give away as much as I can to friends or charity shops when I have no need or use for it any longer, because I deeply dislike the sense of having too much stuff filling my life. I need white space to think + breathe + create. I spend all my money on rent, good food, music, books, learning, gigs, technology, travel and clothes. On knowledge, joy and memories. In my mind clothes equate to being an experience as they colour and flavour the events I attend in my mind and help create special memories. As in “remember that time I wore those sparkly silver leggings to dinner and the magician who did those amazing card tricks was really hot?” (true story).
The minimalist trend is lead by people like the fascinatingly talented writer Ev Bogue who wrote about his experiences of living with as few physical possessions as possible which bottomed out at 47 in May 2010. He shared his journey of living his life simply, joyfully, abundantly without having a huge collection of attachments to cart around, with millions of readers and has inspired many to join him on this path. Leo Babauta from Zen Habits continuously shares his vision on living simply, minimalistic with scores of hints, tips and insights from his own practices to fuel the fire of why less is more. He recognises that focusing on happiness and creating an amazing life through experiences is less about the things that you own and more about the moments of joy you create.
The Guardian in the UK recently printed a story on the falling rates of consumerism which is fascinating and in my opinion very exciting. We’re all on the same path with recognising that having stuff doesn’t make is any happier and in fact can add stress in our lives.
This movement towards “less is more” has spread into other areas of our lives: smaller homes, more white spaces in design and visual output, websites, simplifying businesses, jobs, offices and obviously our trend setters of technology such as Apple. We value our time + relationships + lifestyles over working ourselves to the bone until we crash and burn just to keep up with the Joneses of the world (which by the way is also called conspicuous consumption). We also consider the greater impacts of our actions: environmentally having less means creating less of a carbon footprint, it creates more freedom, more time and saves more money.
On that note, I love spending my money. On high quality, expensive things and experiences. But perhaps fewer of them. For me life is more about process rather than content. I really treasure and care for the things that I own. I’m not wasteful. And I know that for me, out of sight is out of mind. If I can’t see it, I probably won’t remember to use it…..so I make everything as visually accessible as possible while also making my home look lovely. I live in what some would call a tiny studio apartment. It is basically a bedroom with a bathroom and tiny kitchenette. I love, adore and cherish it.  It has everything I need. It is my very own sacred space. And I have a million dollar view of Rushcutters Bay with the boats sailing across the glittering Sydney Harbour and even a corner of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Do I need more? No. Thank you. I am deeply content and happy with what I have.
As Graham Hill says in his TED talk below “let’s make room for the good stuff”.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8YJtvHGeUU[/youtube]

loneliness + it’s sentimental sweetness

loneliness + it’s sentimental sweetness


Every now and then I hear of people adjudicating their sense of loneliness as being the crux of their current life’s suffering. I like to ponder what loneliness really is ….. Is it the heart’s wanton yearning for love…… to give and receive love? Is it the soul’s search for its counterpart in another? Is it the craving for a deep understanding and connection with another human being? Or is simply the physical desire to be close to another person, the seeking out for the tender touch of a loving companion? I will suppose that all of these notions are true at some time or another for each and every one of us.
Ever reliable wikipedia expresses loneliness to be:
an unpleasant feeling in which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships
This explanation brings to my mind several concepts that I wish to appeal to you.
Loneliness is a subjective experience however not one that is necessarily unpleasant. Perhaps it does not have the fun and excitement of happiness and joy however it has an equally precious place in the continuum of human emotions. In fact the sweet sense of loneliness has been the precursor for many artists and creatives greatest works. People are filled with a sense of longing that gives birth to great bursts of inspiration. The contrast that the sense of loneliness provides compared to the feeling of being socialy awash gives our creative minds the time and space to culminate our experiences and create something new from them, even if it simply a fresh understanding.
Emptiness is a good thing. You cannot make space for new people in your life if there is no space to fill. If you want to embrace a new relationship into your life then emptiness is a prerequisite is it not? Enjoy the feeling that there is space in your life for new and fulfilling relationships with people you haven’t met yet.
Loneliness does not simply stem from “inadequate levels of social relationships”. People can have a great many friends or family members whom they consider close and yet still feel lonely. It is not the quantity of personal relationships that count but the quality of them. It is about how deeply we connect with one another. Which also brings me to the concept that aloneness and loneliness are by far not at all the same. One can be alone and not lonely….. And one can be completely emotionally and physically interlaced with another and still feel deeply lonely. I confess today, that one of the loneliest times in my life were when I was in a relationship which I knew from the external perspective appeared quite perfect. The relationship I was in didn’t fulfil my personal needs for a deeper connection with another person and also didn’t allow me the space and trust to seek that closeness out in other friendships. By contrast I have now been single for close to a year and it just happens that this year has been one of the most fulfilling, fascinating and self-completing years thus far.
Every now and then, like to today, I lean into my own personal sense of loneliness – a feeling full of sweet sentiments that is deeply wistful with longing to be understood and accepted by another. It is a feeling that I have learnt to enjoy. I find it settling and reassuring that despite my efforts to be a whole and gratified human being I still have the sense that I am a part of something bigger than simply me, that I still crave others to complete the circle of my life experience. I allow the yearning to wash over me – a longing that becomes a creative outburst to share and connect with others around me – people who may share my sentiments.
Something that I have pondered often is my observation that loneliness appears to be more prevalent in larger cities than elsewhere. Often the loneliest people are those who are surrounded by so many. Perhaps we have become so deeply entrenched into our own little nuclear worlds that we have lost the art of connecting with one another. We have developed a false sense of separateness from those we do not know and forgotten that we are all in fact connected and a greater part of a whole. I have been following a friends attempt on twitter to reach out and connect with fellow commuters on the bus every day with many failed endeavours which he comically outlines in 140 characters to be due to people’s attention to their iPods and Facebook and so on, everyone on a solo mission with no awareness of those around them.
Recognising our own sense of loneliness as a deep desire to belong and be a part of something greater is a wonderful stepping stone in self realisation. Loneliness is something that we can all learn from and get comfortable with since, like all emotions, is something that will eventually fade and give way to somethings else. As Buddha might say this too, will pass. If you have been struggling with your feelings of loneliness there are some easy ways to transform it from something lacklustre to something transcendental.

  • Value the friendships and relationships you currently have. Everyone in your life brings something unique and precious with them and your appreciation of other’s gifts, talents and individuality will give you a sense of richness.
  • Don’t elect one single person or a romantic relationship to cover off all of the interactive human connections in your life. Your personality is far too complex and intricate to be matched and complimented by only one person.
  • Nurture your sense of self. The more you know and understand yourself, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier it is to open up and connect with others. People are attracted to people who like, know and are comfortable with themselves.
  • Allow yourself to feel lonely from time to time. Don’t run from the feeling by grabbing you phone and calling the next available person. Give yourself the time and space to stay with the feeling rather than resisting it. Recognise it as a little message from your innermost self as a desire to connect more deeply. not only with other but with yourself too.
  • Enjoy having time alone. Now is your chance to be completely selfish and do something just for you. Run a bubble bath. Read that cheesy novel. Write. Sing. Make or create something. Dance naked through the house. The dream is yours!

Pin It on Pinterest