by Vienda | 20 Oct 2012 | Love + Relationships
To say I’m excited is an understatement! Thrilled. Delighted. Overwhelmed. Dizzy with happiness and gratitude, certainly. And so much more.
Early this year I was given the opportunity to contribute to a series of books called Adventures in Manifesting. I was given creative freedom to write a chapter in the Love and Oneness book of the series, along side many amazing authors whom I admire so greatly including Danielle LaPorte and Lisa McCourt.
You find out more about Adventures in Manifesting here.
My chapter is called It’s All About How You Feel Because Feelings Are Magnetic. And here’s a quick little sneak peek at what I wrote:
The secret of manifesting is living from your heart.
This means coming from a place of authenticity, self-acceptance, and self-love. It is a feeling practice. After all, feelings are magnetic. And you cannot feel with your head. You feel with your heart. And to be able to feel with your heart you have to get honest with yourself; really honest.
To clear the pathway of manifesting, you must fully accept yourself, just as you show up in every moment.
Because it demands self-awareness, self-acceptance is the cornerstone to allowing the magic of creating your world with your thoughts. The clearer you are with your authentic self, the more speedily and direct the pathways to manifesting become. Behind authenticity lurk the fundamental values and beliefs that you have garnered over time in relation to how you have been socialized (taught to behave in a certain way and conform to society).
It’s so wonderful to have the opportunity to not only do what I love, which is to write and share what I know to be true for our human experience with you, but also to have it published in a REAL book, with real pages, for you to pick up and read any time you would like! Having something tangible in your hot little hands makes it all so much more real, doesn’t it!
The books will be available in all good bookstores as well as on Amazon from early November onwards. I will send you a love filled reminder full of excitement once they are available for purchase in your local area (or interweb!).
If you are interested in buying a copy of the Love and Oneness book wherein my chapter lies, eager for you to pass your sweet eyes over it and devour its contents right now, it is possible to get a pre-released copy by clicking on the link here, where you will also find the other books included in the Adventures of Manifesting series full of wisdom and adventures from many other amazing authors as well.
How our publishers of the Adventures in Manifesting series describe the book I co-authored, Love and Oneness is:
32 Stories to Align with The Power of Love
This amazing book peels back the layers of the human spirit to uncover your own exquisite beauty and unlimited potential. Whether you wish to attract your soul mate or twin flame, create more inner peace and harmony, or embrace the rising consciousness of love and oneness, these stories will inspire and guide you on your own journey. You’ll also discover how to feel blissfully comfortable in your own skin, release the pain of past relationships, and seek your own happily ever after from within. Each chapter is heart-warming for your soul, proving that with love anything is possible.
Featuring contributions from Lisa McCourt, Danielle LaPorte, and many more.
In stores November 8, 2012 – pre-release copies available from Älska now!
To add to my incredible gratitude and excitement for this beautiful and abundant experience, yesterday I received a very sweet and kind review (my first) of the words that I share with you in this book.
“I finally got my book a couple days ago and yours was one of the first chapters I’ve read…just opening at random…. I loved it so much! Read it right before bed, made me feel so good and I blame it for me having a fantastic day today despite challenges.” | ALTHEA DE LAS ESTRELLAS
Isn’t that gorgeous or what! So darlings, go ahead, come support all of our work and buy the book or books as your whims and hearts guide you and share the love that we have for you in our words.
by Vienda | 26 Sep 2012 | Psychology + Soul
As a writer, there is an incredibly fine line between being open and honestly sharing my life experiences, and compromising the sanctity and privacy of my personal life. In my world everything is everything, there is no separation. It’s all connected and heavily influenced by all that is.
One of the greatest joys I have writing here is my freedom of speech. I share with you all that I have from my heart and soul. I want you to FEEL me, not just read me, and I know you do. I love that I have the opportunity to voice my feelings, thoughts, desires and lessons as I go through them, that I can share them with you and knowing that as a fellow human being, you resonate and understand them.
At times I do feel confined to write and speak in the ways that are deemed socially acceptable. To not stir the common understanding too much, but mostly I just write what is real and true, no matter how raw it feels.
Recently, it’s been more difficult for me to share with you, authentically, where I’m at. Because where I am at isn’t the most comfortable place for me right now. And because it involves someone else. Some months ago I entered into a relationship with a curious, unique and loving man. It’s been a tumultuous relationship to date. Full of passion, high emotions, tears, anger, love, sadness, disappointment, kindness and deep connection. We are both willful, passionate and deeply enamored. And we are the same. And completely different. Concurrently.
It’s a challenge facing yourself every day, having your values and beliefs questioned and wondering where you stand. It feels like a process of recalibrating. All the old beliefs that are just lying there are being hashed up to be looked at and removed if they no longer serve me. It’s an internal cleansing process of the soul.
I was watching Spirit Science recently (you must watch this series, it is brilliant and will change your life, the link is here) and noted something poignant to me. In a society which values independence so highly, we are losing our harmony with all things, since we are all connected and everyone and everything is interdependent. I, myself, have accustomed myself to function as an independent unit, separate from all things physical, the only connection that I’m constantly and acutely aware of is that to my source, the spiritual realm, which unites me with everything again.
I have noticed I have a tendency to cut myself off from people whose values and behaviors are not aligned with who I am and where I am at in my life. I practise compassion and also keep those people at more than an arms length instead of accepting their worth and value in their own way. Yes, it is good to be able to say no. Saying no is often a form of self love and makes room for what you actually DO want in your life. But does that mean you have to reject other people?
Other people’s choices and actions can only affect you as much as YOU (or me in this case) allow them.
I digress. Without sharing in detail all the life, love and relationship lessons, transformations and inner turmoil that I am processing right now, I just wanted to share with you that I am facing some challenges. And I’m working through it. I’m keeping life simple. Listening to my feelings, honoring them and and taking action in the best way that I can. And this current life experience is affecting my writing, what and how I am expressing myself and the way I want to share with you.
So please. Be patient with me. Send me love. I will be more open with you again once I’ve cleared my inner space.
by Vienda | 25 Sep 2012 | Psychology + Soul
Something I have been delving into over the past few months is exploring and embracing my shadow. And as the synchronicity of my life always plays out, this month I just began studying a Psychology unit as part of my course and delving heavily into the kings of the shadow theory – Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud.
The society we live in turns a blind eye to the ‘dark side’ of human nature, aka our shadow. From the earliest stages of our lives, as young babies and early childhood – throwing a ‘tantrum’ is often perceived as a bad thing and often put to a quick halt of repression and the conditioning thereby plays out as we grow through adolesce that showing anger, fear, sadness, or any emotion for that matter is a sign of weakness or ‘weirdness’. We are told how to feel, what to feel and when it is socially acceptable to do so. So no wonder we are all so confused when it comes to connecting to our self, as to answering the simple question ‘How do you feel today?’ Most of us reply ‘good’, or ‘fine’. When in actual fact we might not be ‘good’ or ‘fine’ we might be pissed off or extremely angry or going through some heavy internal processing; yet we don’t dare reply these words of complete honesty, in fear of our shadow being seen and thus the fearful consequences of an unknown reaction out of our ‘character’.
We all have a shadow. My interpretation of the shadow is likened to popular story character development. The shadow is the ‘bad guy’ – the character that silently swims amongst the dark unconsciousness of everyone they may encounter. They are on a path of self and social destruction and usually the social outcast. The shadow yet challenges the light and popular characters beyond measure. The shadow is the character we often on face value dislike, yet are so intrigued by and kind of love because they have no filter, no moral code or anything to lose through their destructive behaviours. They say and do what we all wish we could without consequences. Our own shadows embody exactly this. It is the part of whom we are that we chose to filter. Its that part of us that is capable of the worst acts possible to human kind, it is the bitch in us, the feisty fire, the manipulator, the controller – all those ‘bad’ parts of us that we know we are capable of yet we chose not to reveal them in fear of non acceptance and social isolation.
According to Jungian psychology, shadow is a part of the unconscious mind, both individually and collectively. Shadow consists of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and instincts. Everyone carries shadow to one degree or another. It is part of who we are as human beings and it is part of what we collectively bring as we are in relationship with each other. We don’t want to talk about it because we want to focus on the light and the things we love. We want to pretend it isn’t there and in so doing we actually give it energy and life of its own. By ignoring our shadows, causes a whole host of issues.
Carl Jung wrote, “the less the shadow is embodied in an individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. Shadow is instinctive and irrational and thus is prone to projection onto others.” We don’t so easily see it in ourselves but we do see it in others and in our group dynamics. Which is why certain it is so effective to be aware of people/groups that trigger dark feelings in us – as this is normally our shadow being revealed. Because we instinctively project it out and onto others, it becomes difficult to speak about or to own and it seems simply easier to try to ignore it, pretend it doesn’t exist, believe we are better than it. The more we try to ignore it, the greater the likelihood it will take root in us and in our group dynamics, ironically doing exactly what we have been trying to avoid: getting in the way of progress, harming interpersonal relationships, feeding judgment and frustration and just generally wearing us down.
Thus it is so important to be aware and embrace our shadow; for to accept one self wholly, we must accept all parts of ourselves – and this includes the shadow. This goes for all our relationships not only with ourselves – for us to accept and love truly from our hearts; we must embrace both the light and shadow in all our relationships. By sweeping shit under the rug is just denying the inevitable and the recipe for neurosis and plain old unnecessary drama. The shadow doesn’t have to be revealed in extreme ways like going around and telling everyone what really think of them, although this would make for such a more honest world. It can be explored in many safe ways. My personal journey of self-acceptance has thus taken this route of late. I do a lot of 5 Rhythms dance, and during the ‘chaos’ dance, this is when my shadow reveals. I go into a dark place and feel angry, controlling, manipulative, violent and wild. I have been consciously feeling into, embracing and acknowledging it. Through this I am feeling more comfortable with those parts of me that I know I am capable of yet I fear in my own a way, ironic; I fear, fear. But by acknowledging and slowly starting to accept is slowly closing that gap of fear and repression. And thus loving myself WHOLLY, the good and the bad.
What if we just knew that shadow exists and acknowledged it, making it normal for people to name, explore and be curious about? And, what if, in our curiosity, we could throw ourselves open to what can be learned from shadow as it shows up and, in the process, disempower shadow’s potential to derail us, our mission and our relationships? What would it take to open up to this exploration? Definitely some food for thought!
Guest post by Nadine Ominski from Nadine Lee Nutrition.
Image source: Photo Net
by Vienda | 3 Sep 2012 | Travel + Freedom
The beautiful and endearing Rachel from In Spaces Between wrote a fantastic piece titled Do The Work: Inspired Action in the Face of Procrastination recently. I sat there reading her wonderfully strung together words, nodding my head thinking, “Yes, yes, I totally know what you mean. In fact I was there pretty much all of last week”.
In reading these musings that so many of us resonate with, I wanted to add another element.
Sometimes procrastination is necessary. It is part of the process in creating content. We are socialised to be DO’ers. To accomplish tasks, to meet deadlines, to fulfil commitments and to generally be productive with a tangible outcome that can be measured. Words written. Assignments completed. Dishes done. Facebook updated. Dog walked. Art project finished. Creative process outlined.
However, I notice within myself that when I consciously choose NOT to feel guilty about neglecting to do what I have assigned myself and just accept where im at right mow, no matter how much I love to do it, if I’m not feeling it in that moment, then there is no point in forcing it out of myself. Of course, there are plenty of times where I have work to do, work that I adore, but I just don’t feel like doing it! And so I let it go, move on. In the letting go, the inspiration returns, in it’s own time, providing with it a flurry of new ideas and the drive to let it all tumble out of you.
Rachel’s article wouldn’t have been what it is had she not tapped into herself, let it go and accepted that right now, she wasn’t going to accomplish what she had set out for herself to do, and in that letting go inspired her to write and share with us a topic that we all deal with, some on a daily basis. Procrastination.
Sometimes, it’s about letting go and accepting yourself in the space that you show up in this moment. When I plague myself with guilt and try to force a creative element out it seems to extend my romance with procrastination. When I let it go and focus on doing things that make me feel good, I easily and happily return to the project I have at hand.
I think these moments in time of not-doing, are as equally valuable as the times where we are creating output. They are the times where we absorb the lessons and inspiration around us in order to share something of value. These are the times where we connect with BE-ing rather than DO-ing and this is beneficial in order to have content to create and share. After all, I believe it was Elkhart Tolle that asked “Are you a human Being or a human Doing?”
Image source unknown.
by Vienda | 28 Aug 2012 | Love + Relationships
Where do your boundaries lie?
Are you aware of them?
And most importantly, do you honour them?
When I arrived in Haarlem, Netherlands a few days ago to visit a wonderful, enigmatic woman whom I met in India 4 years earlier, we very quickly fell into a deep and comfortable conversation around all things important, life, self love and acceptance, trusting your inner wisdom and of course relationships of all kinds.
At some point I asked Linda how she would explain how to recognise and set boundaries in life, especially the ones where you have to say “no” or “this isn’t right for me” to people that you love and care about.
She very simply and beautifully explained that boundaries are when you no longer feel comfortable or good in a situation. When the feeling of discomfort starts creeping into your experience, it’s a sign that in this moment, right now, this place, person or situation is no longer serving you. That it’s time to change your experience.
Knowing and honouring your boundaries is inherent to loving yourself and respecting your own needs and feelings on a day to day basis. It’s about putting yourself first and making space for your needs to be met rather than simply meeting the needs and expectations of those around you.
Saying “no” and “this isn’t for me” can be very challenging for all of us when we have to state our boundaries to someone we love. In loving ourselves we also care about how those around us feel.
Here is the key factor however. When the person responds with love and understanding that this is how you feel in the moment and accepts your decision without violation, you know that your relationship with them is a healthy, loving and supportive one.
If they respond with resistance, anger or some kind of negative remarks, remember that this response is about them, and not about you. Accepting others comes from accepting the self first, and clearly the loved one has some work to do on themselves.
Remain calm, loving and firm that this is what you have to do for yourself and that your love and care for them is in no way diminished by your saying no and respecting your own boundaries. Maybe not at the time, but later they will come to love and respect you for standing your ground and may even learn to love themselves more through your example.
