by Vienda | 12 Jan 2015 | Psychology + Soul
Like a magnet, your yearnings pull you towards your strengths. So, if you catch yourself longing repeatedly to do something, therein lies your strength. Never underestimate the power you have within you.
Traditionally a lot of focus is put on “improving”, “changing oneself” + fitting in to pre-formed molds. Instead of being taught to seek out what comes, naturally, easily, gracefully from ourselves we are taught to fight that + instead choose the things that are challenging and difficult in order to “grow”, evolve + learn.
What if.
Just imagine.
What if we were to learn from pleasure rather than pain?
What would that FEEL like?
To me it feels so much lovelier. I can breathe easier. I feel so much more supported. My life feels expansive + I’m excited and thrilled by what I do. I feel as if my talents can be shared + that I’m heading in the right direction. I’m moving with the flow. Life is easier this way. I’m not fighting against anything. I’m in tune with myself + my purpose.
It took me years to even start realizing that what I love to do, + what I am good at are my strengths. Now that I am clear within myself of where my natural talents and strengths lie, my life moves with grace and ease. Some of the natural talents that I possess + use on a regular basis are:
En·chant·ress (n-chntrs)
1. A woman of great charm or fascination.
2. A woman who practices magic; a sorceress.
I am an enchantress. I can speak with anyone and charm them. But only if I want to. I can also be cold and distant if I don’t like you. With great ease and finesse people are lured into my web of magic and fascination. It’s a love thing.
Creative Thinker / Dreamer. There’s always a way in my world. I am a unicorn of possibilities. Nothing is impossible.
Portal of Transformation. I am passionate to make things happen and conjure dreams into realities in this world. Be it connections with people or internal changes in me or others thinking and belief systems. I am passionate to be a portal of transformation in this life. For myself and everyone whom touches my path.
Spiritual Perceiver . I see things as a whole, which encompasses so much more than just the physical and superficial part of life. I feel and sense the depth and meaning in everything and can illustrate how things fit together when seen as part of the whole. This gives everyone a clearer understanding and ultimately a sense of complete-ness.
Working with my strengths means I can give you the best of me. I can share my unique + well rounded knowledge, power + insights because these come easily to me. They’re the things I love to do, they are the areas I have the most wisdom in, they’re my talents that set me apart from everyone else.
Your strengths are ultimately the keys to your happiness and success. Here are the four steps find out what your strengths are.
1. What gets you really, super happy + excited?
Notice the things that you really love doing, those things that get your heart rate up + have you skipping around at the thought of them. Write down a list of things that make your soul sing, your heart pitter-patter + your mouth involuntary turn up into a smile. Then whittle the list down to your top 5.
2. Where do you stand out?
Your strengths are highlighted in the areas where you do things a little differently to everyone else. Your approach will be unique. To name your strengths, you want to identify those moments and articulate how you are different. Write down the top 5 areas in which you stand out.
3. What do your friends + family tell you?
Oddly, we are often blind to our owns strengths, however those around us who love us are not. Ask the 5 people who know you the best to name your top strength. When someone compliments you on something well done, pay attention! They are telling you one of your strengths.
4. What do you call your strengths?
Once you have your 3 lists from asking the top three questions, compare them + see where they overlap. Order the strengths that have been repeated in number order from the ones most mentioned to the ones least. Take the top five and give each of them a unique name that is special to you. Perhaps one of your strengths is Storyteller, Lifestylist, or Social Wizard. Perhaps you are an Investigator or Siren. Find an exciting word that best describes each of your strengths and then own that, encourage yourself in the direction of your ease, love and joy + enjoy learning + growing as you become more + more yourself.
For a more specific study + test on Strengths read this post here.
by Vienda | 19 Feb 2013 | Psychology + Soul
Yes, you.
You are already perfect. Just as you are.
You have everything that you need, simmering within you.
You are a portal of manifestation. A co-creator with the universe.
You are an alchemist of subliminal proportions. Even your own imagination cannot fathom what you are capable of.
You have the capacity to create everything you dream of. Everything you think of. You are magic.
You are everything you want to be. The most perfect estimation of yourself is in you.
Allow it to reveal itself to you by BE-ING. Be present, still and acutely aware in every moment.
Act only from the heart, from the bubbling love and joy within you.
Perfection expresses itself as nature does. Unexpected, full of twists and turns, surprising, beautiful, wonderous.
Life wants you to fully express yourself in the perfection that you already are.
You have been given this opportunity in life to know yourself. To observe yourself.
To be aware of yourself in order to be able to conjure whatever you like into your reality and bear witness to the miracles of life.
In this very moment, right now, you are the majestic culmination of all of your thoughts, beliefs, life experiences and ancient history of your past and many lives lived before. Right now you are at the leading edge of your own existence.
In this realm, time and reality do not exist. They are simply measures used to compare one manifestation from another. To experience your own unique evolution in space as your learn to powerfully propel the wizardry that you were born in hand with.
Recognize your own perfection. Connect to your deep seated soul centre and co-create with the universe.
This is your playground. And you are already perfect.
by Vienda | 11 Dec 2012 | Love + Relationships
Life always seems to repeat lessons in life until I get them. My recent lessons have been about friends who carry a lot of anger, and have a tendency to express their inner angst, frustration, animosity and rage against the world. I understand their feelings, I hold enormous amounts of compassion for everyone’s point of view of the world. There is a lot to be angry about in this world, if that is the reality you choose to believe in.
Yet, obviously, I have much less understanding when those negative emotions and temper tantrums are projected and directed at me! This at times will occur when there are people in your life and world that are carrying this kind of fury around with them. Every now and then a tempest storm will break out, the anger must be released and woe be you if you happen to be standing in the firing line!
So, what do I do?
Lesson #1. Don’t take responsibility for other people’s emotions.
Firstly, I recognise that this emotional outburst has nothing to do with me. It’s all them, baby! Just because it has been directed at me and this person is annoyed because I have not or am not fulfilling their emotional expectations doesn’t mean that their reaction is actually about me.
Every single one of us is responsible for our own feelings, reactions and emotions. What YOU are feeling is all yours, and has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s YOUR emotional reaction. So own it. And perhaps consider choosing a positive one instead!
Lesson #2. Release and forgive the person for directing their negativity at you.
Secondly, there’s nothing worse than carrying anger and resentment around for what someone else has said or done to you. Let go of any resentment as quickly as possible and forgive them for acting out, by recognising from Lesson #1. that it wasn’t about you anyway.
Notice if certain parts of your body have tensed up in response to the experience and relax them, do something that makes you feel really good (there’s lots of good ideas in the 88 ways to love yourself till you levitate listomania!), meditate, chant or say to yourself that you love and forgive this person until it feels true for you. There are lots of ways, by now you ought to know yourself well enough to know what works for you!
Lesson #3. Ask yourself what you can learn from this experience.
Thirdly, I always wonder why I have attracted this experience, these angry people into my life? What is it within me that I am to learn from this?
Your answer might be different to mine but what I learnt from my recent experiences with angry friends was that I needed to forgive and heal the part within myself that had a fearful or hurt reaction to their anger. I had to practise what I preach which is that….
Lesson #4. If we want to change and heal our external world we have to change and heal our internal world first.
So my lesson in these circumstances was to heal, love and forgive myself in order to change and heal the part within me that was creating experiences and putting myself in circumstances where I was relating and spending time with people who felt and expressed a lot of anger. Healing that part if myself heals and changes the experience.
And as I was recognising and extracting my lesson from the current experiences I was having I synchronously discovered the following story which I just HAD to share with you.
Simple Steps to Healing: I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You
by Dr. Joe Vitale
Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients – without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate’s chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person’s illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.
When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane?
It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t logical, so I dismissed the story.
However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho’oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn’t let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more.
I had always understood “total responsibility” to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it’s out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We’re responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility.
His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.
Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.
“After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely,” he told me. “Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed.”
I was in awe.
“Not only that,” he went on, “but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work.”
This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: “What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?”
“I was simply healing the part of me that created them,” he said.
I didn’t understand.
Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life – is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.
Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.
This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy – anything you experience and don’t like – is up for you to heal. They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change you.
I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho’oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone – even a mentally ill criminal – you do it by healing you.
I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files?
“I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again,” he explained.
That’s it?
That’s it.
Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len’s method. I kept silently saying, “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” I didn’t say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.
Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward action to get that apology. I didn’t even write him back. Yet, by saying “I love you,” I somehow healed within me what was creating him.
In short, Dr. Len says there is no out there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you.
And when you look, do it with love.
Note: This article is edited from the book Zero Limits by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Len.
Dr. Len states that we are all responsible for everything that we see in our world. By taking full personal responsibility and then healing the wounded places within ourselves, we can literally heal ourselves and our world.
Dr. Len suggests a four-stage process for this work. Whenever a place for healing presents itself in your life, open to the place where the hurt resides within you. After identifying this place, with as much feeling as you can, say the below four statements:
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
Image source unknown. Found on Tumblr.
by Vienda | 6 Sep 2012 | Psychology + Soul
Today’s guest post is brought to you by the wonderful Connie from A Life of Perfect Days, a fellow life coach and very talented writer and deep thinker.
I am continuously being contacted by people who want to know how to change their life. People often ask me “how do I begin to change?” or “where do I start?” or “what is one of the first things I can do?”
My response to these beautiful seekers, is generally quite long winded and detailed. How do I possibly sum up the process for life transformation in a few paragraphs! There is no single solution to this question. There is no quick fix. At the end of the day, there is really only one answer. If you are genuinely wanting to change your life, then you have to do the work.
Do the work.
I recently caught up with a darling friend, Vienda Maria, and we spent quite bit of time sitting on a grassy hill at Bondi Beach gazing over the water, and chatting about how it is exactly that we have changed our lives. Both of us admitted that we had gone through quite a process of transformation over the past few years. And while we had each taken our own journey and unique path to get there, we had one common factor. We did the work.
DO THE WORK
The work is not about making things happen, taking excessive action and bulldozing over all of your fears. The work is an inward journey.
It is about clearing out all of the crap that stands between where you are and where you want to be. The inner crap. The limiting beliefs. The unsupportive stories. The disempowering self talk. The self-destructive habits. The fear. The doubt.
It is not about labelling these aspects of your self as bad and doing your best to get rid of any of them. Quite the opposite. It is about embracing them, loving them, and releasing them. Forgive yourself for holding on to them for so long, and then let them go.
The work is unique to each individual. It is intimate and personal. It is precious and beautiful. It is purposeful and meaningful. There are lessons to be learned. Truths to be remembered. This journey is about discovering who you really are and letting go of anything else that is not that.
I can not give you the answer to your problems, and I can not tell you the solutions. I can not tell you what your outcome will look like or give you a map of how to get there. Only you can find that. Only you will know that. The answers are inside of you. No where else.
HOW TO DO THE WORK
So, my answer to people who want to know where to start is know thyself. Turn inwards. Reflect. Find out who you are. Do the work to peel back the layers of bulls**t you have been telling yourself over the years, and discover your true potential.
I have used many different practices over the past few years, which have facilitated my peeling back of the layers of false illusions so that I could discover my truth, connect with my heart, and live out my passions.
I have meditated, received life coaching, attended buddhism retreats, seen energetic healers, read book, after book after book. I have practiced affirmations, spent thousands of dollars attending personal development programs, seen psychics, practiced EFT and reiki. I have done physical cleanses, practiced yoga, attended workshops, applied NLP, prayed, begged and surrendered.
Through this whole time, there has been one practice that has been a consistent and ongoing practice through my journey.
I have journaled
I began journalling when I was about 12. I used to write in a little floral diary with a small gold lock. I used this diary to attempt to process the teenage angst I experiencing. As I matured, so did my writing. From around the age of 18 my journal became my crutch, my lifesaver, my support. It was the one thing I would turn to whenever I was experiencing challenges.
As I have travelled along my journey of releasing all my limitations and discovering my truth, journalling has enabled me to document my transformation. During this time, it allowed me to create clarity, to self-reflect, to process my emotions, to make sense of my thoughts, and to reconnect with that loving and supportive voice inside of me.
THE PRACTICE OF JOURNALLING
Journalling is a beautiful practice that you can take on to get you started on doing the work. There are numerous ways that you can journal. I used to only be able to write on blank paper with felt tip pens. Now I actually prefer to journal on the computer, but if I do write on paper I tend to prefer a lined notebook with a hb pencil.
If you are new to journalling, try to set aside a time each day where you will write. It might be first thing in the morning, or just before bed. It will help you to integrate this new practice as a habit.
To help you on your journalling path, here are 5 different ways that you can use journalling to support your transformation, and help you reconnect with your truth
Setting Your Intentions Journalling
WHEN TO USE: When you wanting to live as a creator and intentionally set your energy for the day by consciously deciding who you are going to be.
HOW TO USE: At the start of your day, write out your intentions. For example: Today I intend to be calm and productive. Today I intend to eat foods that nourish my body. Today I intend to be loving and kind to all people I meet. Then throughout the day, check in and assess how you are going with living in line with these. This is a powerful way to empower yourself to create your life as you want it to be.
Gratitude Journalling
WHEN TO USE: When you are feeling flat, low, unhappy or when you are finding yourself focusing on all the things you do not like or want.
HOW TO USE: When this happens, stop, pull out your journal and begin to write a list of all the things you are grateful for and appreciative of in your life. You will be amazed how blessed you will begin to feel. As you begin to shift your focus from what is lacking to what amazing things you already have, you will be blown away by what you start to attract.
Self-Healing Journalling
WHEN TO USE: When you are in a period of confusion, needing guidance or support, needing clarity, or wanting to emotionally process some stuff.
HOW TO USE: Sit down with your pen and paper and just start to write. You do not need to have a plan of what you are writing. Just free-write. Do not stop to think, or re-read what you have written. Just allow it all to pour out without any judgement. Only stop once you find that you are starting to feel better. This process will help uncover what is going on in your unconscious mind, and will allow you to express and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings.
Acknowledging Yourself Journalling
WHEN TO USE: When you are working towards a goal and you feel as though you aren’t making progress. When you want to acknowledge yourself for what you have achieved.
HOW TO USE: Every day before you go to bed, sit down with your journal and write out everything you did that took you one step closer to your goal, and then acknowledge yourself. So often we do not stop to celebrate our small success. You may have made one phone call to a potential client, completed your morning exercise, meditated for 10 minutes, written that important email, followed your eating plan, or spent 30 minutes working on your business plan. Small steps add up over time, and recognising your daily actions will do wonders for your confidence and self-belief.
Vision Journalling
WHEN TO USE: When you know you want to create something new, yet you do not have much clarity around it yet. When you want to create a vision for your end result, and when you need some inspiration.
HOW TO USE: Use your imagination to start dreaming up the most amazing vision of your life that you can. Think in colourful detail without any limitations. Write it as you want it to be. Describe every aspect of your dream – what it will look like, feel like, smell like. Write out a typical day in your dream life. Fantasise and visualise. Dream your biggest dreams and write them out in intricate detail. This practice enables you to connect with your dream and as soon as you can really feel it, you are already half way towards achieving it.
Image by Dan Mountford Photography
by Vienda | 6 Jul 2012 | Biz + Blogging
Much is said across the blogging community about developing your authentic voice. Less is said about how blogging helps you unfold your authentic self.
As many bloggers will agree, finding your voice, your own unique style, format and way of sharing with your audience takes time. The six months to one year of initial blogging is a steep learning curve from trial and error as you experiment with different styles, formats and ideas to find out what works for you.
In the midst of this, you are learning to a articulate your thoughts, ideas and develop your brand in a clear and entertaining way. You begin to discover insights about yourself and the way you express yourself that you were never aware of before. You’re always considering how your real-life experiences can be used full translated into valuable and compelling resources for your readers. Suddenly your entire life become a walking, talking research and experimentation unit.
As you become clearer on the messages you want to share, you also become clearer on who you are as an individual and how your viewpoint affects yourself as well as others.
Blogging in itslef creates a spectrum of continuous self-awareness, asking questions and building your knowledge base. Not only are you growing the spectrum of your blog, you are growing as a person. Each time you publish a post, you reveal a little more of yourself, you increase your own awareness as well as grow the knowledge and awareness of your audience. You share your talents and skills on your blog in order to help others and simultaneously seek to help yourself. Blogging, after all, is the art of solving people’s problems in this wonderful age of information. And our problems, we realise are also the problems of our peers, friends and communities.
So how does blogging make you a better person?
- You become a better communicator. You are continuously learning to articulate and express your message in several different formats so that all kinds of people can be reached. This practise alone makes you more aware of how different people absorb information differently which is subconsciously translated into your daily life. (I recently wrote a long letter to my mama and finished it off with bullet point to surmise my main arguments just to make sure “she gets it”… Ha!)
- You develop your unique authentic voice. It is said many time over that the best way to create compelling content is by being completely yourself. This requires a bit of soul searching wherein often the process of blogging helps to navigate you to that point of figuring out who and what you are in order to share your authentic voice.
- You learn to better deal with the highs and lows of life. Blogging comments, google analytics and social media give you a good idea in the real-time realm how you, your brand and your ideas are coming across to your audience. Some people will love you, some people won’t. You learn that you can’t please everyone and that most importantly you must remain true to yourself.
- You learn to react quickly in intense situations and your problem solving skills rocket skyward. A link is broken, your site is down, something has gone wrong. But it’s ok. You take a deep breath and figure out how to solve the problem and perhaps come up with a solution so it doesn’t happen again. You know that sometimes these things happen and that it’s not the end of the world.
- You meet likeminded people. Internet and the blogosphere have become one of the best ways to meet wonderful amazing people who are on the same wavelength as you. Like attracts like in cyberspace and suddenly you will find yourself amongst a group of the most fabulous and fascinating friends imaginable who totally “get you”.
- Self awareness spurs on self development. The two move hand in hand. From all the analysing and collecting ideas from your daily life to share with your audience comes the automatic response of building and growing on that which you already are and know. You are continuously taking your thought processes deeper and wider in a wild array of topics, developing your own knowledge and how that this reflected in your life experience.
- Blogging makes you a happier person. Not only are you giving value to people and contributing to the world, but you are sharing your art, you passion and wisdom with those who choose to seek it out. Now that gives everyone a good sense of fulfilment!
- The commitment and constancy that blogging brings to your life gives you a well-rounded sense of achievement. Human beings thrive from having to complete something on a consistent basis, especially if and when the rest of their life may be a sort of unexpected chaos, and research that a practise of anything (such as blogging) improves your general sense of self and wellbeing.
Not only are you giving value to others but you are also giving enormous value to yourself. Each and every single time you hit that publish button.
