Some days my meditation feels like hungrily sucking on a mother’s teet, sometimes it feels like an unsettled turbulent engagement where I just can’t seem to connect, sometimes it’s sweet and feels like milk and honey, sometimes it’s filled with epiphanies and wisdom, sometimes it’s empty and quiet, sometimes it’s satisfying, sometimes it’s agitating.
Every day, meeting myself in meditation and connecting to the limitless universe looks and feels different. I’ve been meditating for 15 years now. Some years devotedly, daily. Some years halfheartedly, weekly. This year I recommitted to my practice and it’s true what they say: you get what you put in. I’ve celebrated a homecoming, a sense of belonging and a new level of self-awareness this year, that makes staying present and centred the only thing o need to do each day.
I’ve met parts of myself I’ve never know existed before and it’s intoxicating. It’s true what they say that the entire universe exists within you. The landscape of exploration is as infinite within as it is without.
I think meditation has become another commodity. Another “thing” to check off the list of things to do to be a perfect being so you can be worthy of existence. Lol. That entire statement is ego bs that we are wanting to transcend through meditation and yet ego has used this very tool to keep you stuck in navigating the superficial landscapes that our world is made up of.
I want to simplify meditation by sharing with you how I meditate. Because I want you to see that you don’t need to do or be anything to meet your self there.
- I like to meditate when I first wake up while my mind is still and quiet, so I either stretch out in my bed or reposition the pillows behind me and sit up.
- I breathe deeply and centre myself into my body.
- My focus is on feeling the body and keeping my attention away from my mental narrative and instead on how I feel.
- Over and over as my mind wanders I bring myself back to how I feel.
- Eventually, sometimes within a few minutes, sometimes not for 20 minutes, I hit the sweet spot. That space of complete unity, surrender… a feeling of having arrived.
- The journey there can be scattered, agitated, restless. It can also be sweet, smooth, easy. Sometimes it feels fluid, sometimes it feels full of resistance. It doesn’t matter how I get there. That’s just part of moving past the mind.
- And then I stay. I stay and I sit there until I feel full.
- There are no expectations, no “getting something” or “results”.
- It is what it is. It’s different every time.
Over time, you meet yourself in this space. You get visions and epiphanies sometimes. You get to escape the agitations of life sometimes. You get to just be still for a minute sometimes. Most of all, you get to know your truth, your authentic self, in this space. And that is the best feeling of them all.