home is not a place. it is a feeling.
to me, I feel most at home in the spaces between. the space between somewhere and elsewhere. I love the feeling in the train, in the bus on the motorbike, when you know you’re going somewhere but without expectations or knowledge of that place. it’s a sense of freedom. the sense of flinging yourself into the arms of the world with no idea of what might happen and pockets full of faith.
I haven’t travelled for 2 years now. quick breaks, holidays, yes. but that’s not travelling. that’s just leaving your current reality with the intention to return to the safety of what you know. travelling is letting go. completely. of everything you know + watching, waiting, becoming an observer. surrendering to the unknown and seeing where it takes you.
and my heart hurts because of it. this feeling washes over me in waves akin to having your umbilical cord cut. separated from that which nourishes you.
for some months it subsides as I converse with myself that right now I am making the choice to stay. because sometimes it’s good to stay. to grow roots. to feel grounded in a space. things grow when you stay. relationships flourish + form. and that just because the north wind blows doesn’t mean I must rise + throw myself into the tempest
then it returns and breezes about my shoulders. sings sweetly into my ears. into my soul.
“let me carry you away with me”
like a long-lost lover it intoxicates me with whimsical dreams of undiscovered shores. exotic sights and sounds. the song of wanderlust is enchanting and casts a spell over me. an inner struggle passes through and I bide my time with promises for the future. promises which I know I will keep. because it’s in my blood. my heart will not stop drumming the gyspy beats until my feet once again are wayfaring.
ergo until the opportune moment arises I persevere. adventures in this concrete jungle are just as wonderful as those in lands unchartered. they simply come with a different set of rules. it’s more challenging to surrender control. to let go. but staying in one place gives you the richness and depth of life that travelling cannot. so, for now, I stay. be still my gyspy heart.

Image source 1 + 2.

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