I always knew I was going to create a life on my own terms. I also knew that to do so I had to be a little strange, outlandish, run against the current, have people disagree with me, and dislike me. I was ok with that. One of the greatest gifts that being parentless has given me is the freedom to command my life as my own. I have the privilege to create a life that I please out of my values, beliefs, and inner knowings fuelled by oodles of determination, stubbornness, and magnificent dreams.
It was inevitable that I would end up working for myself. I was a terrible employee: I would do that bare minimum; I felt utterly invested and dispassionate about my employer’s goals and aims; I questioned the working hours because I knew I could get more results faster and resented having to drag them across a full working day. More than anything, I wanted space and time to actually enjoy my life. I’ve always been of the opinion that this sweet, short, wild ride on Earth is supposed to be a sensual, playful, joyful one. Served with a side of soul-growth.
But building a business, from the ground up, on a shoestring was no walk in the park. It required me to dig deep, face some of my biggest shadows, and learn to do things that I had judged myself as incompetent at. Because building your own business is the most intense personal growth program you could ever take. There’s nothing you can get away with if you want to succeed. I fielded some excellent questions from Instagram last week that I am excited to answer for you today.
What was the hardest thing? And maybe still is… and how are you dealing with it?
Overcoming my own limited beliefs and conditioning. I’ve had to break through so many of my won glass ceilings in areas including money, time, value, self-trust, and believing what is possible for me. It’s an ongoing process that probably will never end because that’s what growth looks like. I notice that when I hit a block and everything seems to stand still like it’s holding its breath wondering “can she do it, can she break through this one?” I really resist at first because what I am hitting up against is so foreign. That’s the hardest part. Once I’ve acknowledged that to get to the other side I need to change my belief system, perception and do some soul excavation and bodywork I have something tangible to sink my teeth into and then can find my flow again.
How do you release the fear of not having/making enough money in your own business?
This fear is an invitation to look at your relationship with money. It’s a fear that exists within you with or without your own business but becomes amplified when you own your responsibility to provide for yourself in a very real way. Which can feel both thrilling and terrifying. Your relationship with money will have to be addressed to be able to move through the fears and break the glass ceiling of how much money you can actually make. I have a course on how I did it, called ‘Affluent’ that is self-study instant-access.
Here are 4 articles I’ve written on the topic:
- 7 simple shifts to have more money (that anyone can do).
- The money story that kept me in poverty for 10 years.
- Whether you think there’s not enough money/jobs/men/etc, or not, either way, you’re right…
- You can start changing your relationship to money and have more of it right now. If you’re ready.
How do you balance working on your inner world and supporting others when it gets tough?
Self-care is paramount and one of the gifts of working for myself and is that I have had the chance to really get to know myself, what works for me, and what I need to function at my highest level. The thing is, life is really hard at times but in those challenges, we are being stretched and offered more depth, more compassion, more tools that we can then pass on to others. I really trust that what I’m learning and going through is what my work is here to communicate and give to the world. The two go hand-in-hand for me, rather than being separate. So I keep showing up, with presence, and spill whatever is moving through me out into the containers of my work that I have created, trusting that they will need with whom and how they need to.
How did you get the confidence to become a mentor? How did you know that you could do it?
Training and practice. I studied Psychology and as part of my degree undertook many practical counseling hours under observation in clinical settings which gave me the mentoring framework and human cognitive behavior understanding. I also took a business course called BSchool that offered me the foundational knowledge for developing my online business. When I was ready to take the leap a did a few free practice sessions, then started charging and incrementally raised my prices as my confidence, value, and expertise grew.
Once per year, I partner with my friend Claire and BSChool to create a unique experience for women like us to take BSchool too, with us to guide you.<
How long did it take your confidence to gain momentum so you could fully believe in yourself?
I would say 2 years. The first two years of running my business were a rollercoaster ride of fear, self-doubt, and anxiety where I wasn’t sure it would quite work. But since then, every year has become more and more relaxed, fun and easeful and I’m 100% here for that. Those first two years were worth all the freedom, creativity, and evolution in me and my work ever since.
What’s the most powerful way to invite people to your offerings? I am not keen on social media and am struggling.
Find creative ways to get in front of the people your offerings are for. Think about it… where do they hang out? where do they work? what are their struggles? what do they read/watch/listen to? How can you position yourself so you can help them? When I started social media was not the monster it is now, and I got my first year’s worth of clients through the following articles I wrote for larger digital publications: Betty Means Business; Thought Catalogue; Rebelle Society; TinyBuddha. You have to think outside the box and listen to your intuition for those opportunities that are waiting for you.
Have you ever felt like you were hijacking yourself by stepping into the unknown?
No. I love the unknown, I love risk, I love the adrenaline of being at the edge of my discomfort. I will always and forever keep stepping into the unknown. That being said, doing so doesn’t necessarily feel easy and without fear or doubt for me, I’m just devoted to my growth so implicitly that it leaves me no other choice.
Do you ever occasionally wish you chose a “normal” path for any reason?
It never was an option for me. Do I sometimes resent “adulting”? Yes. I resent the mundanity of life that is required to live but I also have trained myself to view this aspect of life as a spiritual practice. To humbly acknowledge, embrace and find the fun and gift in the aspects of life and my work that doesn’t delight me as much.
How do you navigate the isolation of working for yourself?
I like working alone. I never felt isolated in my work until I was forced into a year of lockdowns. I have always cultivated friendships with people on a similar path with who I would spend time, co-create with or meet for co-working dates. I really enjoy my own company and I am skillful at tapping into my creativity and getting lost in the magical world of imagination and innovation to create my work and income.
How do you keep boundaries when helping others?
Having healthy boundaries is an art and a skill and I truly believe the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. So if you don’t have good boundaries in your life then you probably don’t have them in your work either and you have to learn them. I had to learn them. Due to my upbringing, I had zero healthy boundaries which brought me a lot of lessons. With time I learned how to listen to my body and make boundaries in an embodied way. Now, with lots of practice and dedication to this work, things that don’t match my energetic values and boundaries rarely even come into my field. So it’s not even a thing for me anymore. But it certainly was a journey to get here.
What’s next for you and your work?
I don’t have a plan, but I have a sense that it’s going to shift into more intense in-person work, half-day and full days with me; group work in 1 and 3 month online programs; and literature. I have so many books in me: both novels and autobiographical stories and at some point, I’m going to finally start spilling them all out.
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