Author: vienda

 
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend about how rapidly our beliefs can change when we experience an ‘aha’ moment. She was telling me about her ardent launch into mindfulness, changing her mindset to create the experiences she actually wants, manifesting and spirituality. She also spoke about how disappointed she felt, that her partner was stubbornly skeptical and not at all open to her new insights.
 
I often receive emails and notes with a similar quandary and question.
 
“How do I get my skeptical partner to share these amazing new thoughts and beliefs that I have accumulated and brought into my life?”
 
It’s normal that when we learn something new, something that has a massive, positive impact on us, that we want to share this with our beloveds. But what if they don’t want to know or hear about it? What if they’re headstrong about change?
 
It is very common in any relationship, for women to bring in the new ways of thinking and to influence change. Women are generally more fluid, more open, and more ready to absorb new ways of seeing the world. Is is often up to us, to share these insights with our men. But not in the ways that you think, as I show you in this video.
 
In pagan times, the only way that men could connect with their gods and spiritual practices, was through women and nature. Women have always had a direct connection to the spiritual source and are able to tap into that much more easily.
 
In this video I show you exactly what you have to do, to get your loved ones to share your views.
 

 

 
This morning I wake up, wriggle around in bed for a while, thinking. I remember to meditate, and enjoy the bliss and stillness. Until I get distracted by a thought more powerful, right now. I reach for my phone, and go to check my Instagram feed.
 
I am joyfully overwhelmed by the response to my post last night. As I move onto Facebook, I find the same. Comment after comment, in agreement with my musings on how awkward I can feel in social situations, because of the way I feel people.
 
I know that, by the laws of attraction, you always attract your kind. One of my favourite phrases is “your vibe attracts your tribe“. And it does. In this instance, I saw just how true that statement is.
 
There is this thing that happens, when we awaken, and start to connect to that Other part of ourselves… The limitless, the ethereal, the wisdom, the infinite source of love and all things. We start to communicate soul to soul, and connect with people, and the world in a different way.
 
We can feel when food hasn’t been prepared with love. We can tell if there’s something wrong, even if we don’t know what it is. We just know and can sense the unseen layers of our of Universe shifting and moving around and within us. Now. And now. And now. In every moment.
 
This kind of awareness requires a very unique and specific kind of sensitivity. It’s a rawness. It’s truth. It’s openness.
 
All that sensitivity, rawness, openness and truth. It sometimes requires a little protection, when we are out and about in the world, feeling everything. So I wanted share the 5 covert practices that I use, to protect my energy, especially when I am feeling sensitive.
 
 
1 Centre yourself.
I remember New Years Eve quite a number of years ago — my boyfriend at the time and I were in Tenerife, Canary Islands, at the time — and he was getting really worked up at the cab driver for getting lost. I could feel his energy whirling around in all directions and him losing his inner equilibrium. “Stop for a moment Kyle! Pull your energy back in, and centre yourself“. It worked. Moments later he was calm and easy to communicate with again.
 
You centre yourself firstly by paying attention to where your energy is. Are you pushing it out of your body, or is it gently resting within you? If it’s pushing out, pull it back in, and centre it. As soon as you do this, nothing can bother, offend or harm you.
 
 
2 Practice stillness.
Last night I was at a dinner party, where the men were playing a game that I call ‘my dick is bigger than yours‘. Clearly, that’s not to be taken literally. It’s when people try to outdo each other through speaking loudly, and sharing examples of how they have done and achieved all these great things. It’s pure ego identification, and depending on my mood, I can find it quite humorous and entertaining.
 
It is in those situations that I practice stillness. Not wanting to give their game any energy, negative or positive, I practice a form of meditation in which I allow my mind and body to become completely still and just observe. Doing this means that no part of me is affected by the ongoing retribution, nor does any part of me feel inclined to jump in and play along.
 
 
3 Create a bubble around yourself.
I use this one particularly when I find myself feeling little uncomfortable around someone, in new environments or in big, buzzing cities, where there are many, many, many people. I simply imagine a big, translucent bubble of energy around me, that moves in and around people and objects as I make my way through life. It gently creates a sense of security, and I know I am safe, and that any negative energies from the outside world, can’t touch me.
 
My beautiful friend and musician Marina, does something similar. She imagines zipping up a body suit of energy, from her toes, over her head and down her back, before she steps out into the busy streets of London. I love this. I’m sure it must be safe and cozy in there.
 
4 Listen to what your body tells you.
Having this kind of sensitivity and awareness is actually really special, because it means that you can sense what is going on, before it physically or visually happens. Sometimes that means literally removing yourself from circumstances that don’t feel good. Listen to your body, it might be telling you that this space is not for you right now.
 
I have countless stories of times where thing just didn’t feel right, and I left, only to discover the next day that something strange or dangerous had happened. There have been so many near misses, that I have come to deeply appreciate this part of me, that warns me when something in my environment is off. Learning to distinguish between fear, and that intuitive knowing is easy: one is a voice (fear) and the other is a feeling (intuition / soul).
 
5 Learn to say no, thank you, more.
I am getting better and better at this all the time. I say no, to things that don’t light me up all the time now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel the pangs of guilt, or the fear of missing out. I just know, that I am happier doing things that make me truly happy, rather than things that are expected of me by others of social norms. It’s the best way to protect your energy from things that aren’t necessarily for you. And thereby making space for things that are.
 
Saying no, is honouring who you are and your energy. It’s like saying “I respect who I am, I understand my needs and boundaries, I have a sensitive soul and I love that about me“.
 
 
Image from Posy Willow.

 
Have you ever felt really guilty about something you did in the past? And then, held onto that guilt for weeks, months or even years afterwards?
 
Last night, I was writing in my journal, when I realised that I still carried around this enormous sense of guilt for something that had happened over a year ago.
 
 

 
 
It’s quite personal, but I’ll go into it, as briefly as I can.
 
If you’ve been journeying alongside me for a while, you will know that early last year, I went to Australia to spend some time with my mother. We have had a really tumultuous relationship since my teens, and I thought “Hey, I’m all grown up now. Maybe if I just love her until there’s nothing left but love, we can fix this, and have a beautiful, loving, kindred mother-daughter relationship.”
 
Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out that way. We went around in the same old circle we always do.
 
My mother fears rejection more than anything else in the world, and so, to protect herself from what she fears the most, she rejects those around her that love her, over and over, and over again. With violent words, unkind gestures, with hate and anger.
 
My inner wisdom tells me that she does this because she wants to be proven to, that she is loveable, and worthy of love. Which of course, she is. But, as anyone who has done even the tiniest little bit of work on themselves, would know, you can only experience the love that you believe you deserve.
 
No matter how much someone else loves you, you have to love you, first. Otherwise you never get to experience it.
 
This has been one of my patterns: Thinking that I can rescue someone with love.
 
It used to play out consistently in my personal relationships, until I became aware of it, and cleared it. It wasn’t until I spent time with my mum again, that I realised that this unhealthy pattern originated with her, and still needed to be cleared at a deeper level.
 
So I made a really challenging decision.
 
I decided that her behaviour towards me was unacceptable and destructive. And that I was not allowing it be a part of my life any longer. I decided to stop having contact with her for a while. And within this choice, ,y mothers fear of rejection, played out, in reality.
 
Now, we all know that a “good daughter” doesn’t say “no”, to her mother. Herein was the core of my guilt. I want to be “good”. But at the cost of what?
 
Guilt is an emotion that we carry around with us, when something we have done or said, is out of alignment with our beliefs or values and therefore creates cognitive dissonance.
 
Cognitive dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs or behaviours which produces a feeling of discomfort: guilt.
 
There are 3 reasons why you might feel guilty:
 
1. Sometimes you feel guilty  when you recognise that your choices and behaviours have been out of line, because you have violated your own ethical code. This is a healthy recognition of behaviour that you can change by making a different kind of choice in the future.
 
2. Other times you feel guilty because you are maintaining your boundaries, and saying “no” to someone. This is a more complicated type of guilt, because you feel cognitive dissonance for having decided to protect yourself from someone else that is violating your ethical code.
 
3. And the third reason you might feel guilty is because you are under the assumption, and take responsibility for someone else’s misfortunes, or challenges, believing that you have caused them. An important note here: No one is ever responsible for anything except their own life experience. Read this, to understand why.
 
 
While, the reason we feel guilt, is to bring to our awareness that something we are doing or experiencing is out of alignment with our values, holding onto guilt is incredibly unhealthy and destructive. What we need to do is recognise the lesson that we are learning from this experience, change our beliefs around the situation, and release the feelings of guilt.
 
In today’s video, I share with you how to free yourself from guilt, in 5 easy steps.
 

1. Acknowledge the guilt.
2. Get clear in why you feel guilty.
3. Decide that you are ready to let go of the guilt.
4. Write a positive intention on releasing guilt.
5. Trust that your intention is being realised, and let it go.

 
Some time ago, I shared on Instagram, that a few years ago, I had made a ‘no-drama’ policy in my life. And you asked me to write about it. How to make a ‘no-drama’ policy in your life.
 

 
The truth is, I wasn’t always that wise. There was a time in my life, when I used to thrive off drama.
 
I’d exaggerate stories, entertaining people with flair and finesse, as I took them through an emotional rollercoaster-ride of flamboyance, on subjects that neither mattered nor made a difference in anyone’s life. I’d create friction in relationships, others’ or my own. I’d find ways to make simple, every-day-things to become grand stories of dramatic irrelevance. It made life feel so exciting, and interesting and meaningful.
 
I know I’m not the only who has felt that way. Turn on the TV and all you will see is people indulging in their dramas.
 
I believe, the only reason why any of us have ever imbibed in drama, is because we didn’t feel that, by being our peaceful, contented, authentic selves, we are enough. Again, and again this context rises its ugly head, in so many forms. The fear of not being enough.
 
According to psychologists, the need to create drama in our lives is simply a form of attention seeking.
 
According to one study “Excessive attention seeking is not a character flaw. It is a brain wiring response to early developmental trauma caused by neglect.”
 
Having said that, this neglect doesn’t mean that you didn’t receive enough love as a baby. It means that your parents weren’t able to be present with you, because they didn’t feel that they were enough. It is right here, that these patterns begin.
 
When we learn, at an early age that, when we are not receiving attention, we are unworthy or unimportant, we seek out situations that increase or sense of value and self-worth. We create drama.
 
The obvious answer is drama gets attention. However, it is more than that. Drama causes the pituitary gland and hypothalamus to secrete endorphins, which actually mimics the pleasure centres activated by drugs like heroin. We get a rush that feels good, when we create drama.
 
There is also another factor. Because using drama as a drug feels good, it is rewarding. Reward uses dopamine, the brain’s happy dance drug. You feel happy for a moment, rewarded for the drama, and therefore learn to do it again and again, whenever you don’t feel so happy.
 
Add all those elements together: not feeling worthy / important / enough + seeking attention + drama + feel-good chemical reactions =  your classic attention seeking drama king or queen.
 
But is drama healthy, happy and fulfilling? I think we would all agree that, nay, at some point it becomes tedious, time-consuming and generally just exhausting.
 
So, how do we stop? We put a ‘no-drama’ policy in place.
 
1. Start with you.
The first place to put a ‘no-drama’ policy in place, is with ourselves. You can stop, right now, just like that. By deciding “Nope. Nope. I’ve had enough. No more drama. It’s enough now.” That’s the very first step.
 
Deciding to stop with the drama is also an act of self-love. Instead of drama, you have more time and energy to cultivate an appreciation for yourself, just the way you are, and get to know who your authentic self is, and what she wants. This is a beautiful thing. And far more fulfilling than any extravagantly exaggerated attention-seeking stunt.
 
Recognise when you are creating drama, and stop. Aim to find an alternative solutions. If you are craving attention, is it because you wish to be seen, or because you want to be validated? How can you give yourself that? If you’re bored, how can you create more excitement and adventure in your life?
 
 
2. Avoid other’s dramas.
Most people who continuously invite drama into their lives are addicted to the chemical reactions that it creates in our brains. They often present themselves as victims of life, instead of recognising their fully-fledged role in their experiences.
 
Choose to spend time with people who have made the same commitment to themselves, as you have: “No more drama.”
 
Create a reputation for not participating in drama. When people know that you won’t buy into it, they won’t involve you in it anymore. Simply don’t engage in their stories or react to their dramas. Also, don’t listen to their stories or give them support when you know that they’re drama addicts. You are just feeding the addiction.
 
One of the best ways to do this, is to simply be present, hold space for that person, and not react in any way, either negative or positive. You calming presence will give them space to recognise their habits, and just maybe, stop, for a moment.
 
Common warning signs/ risk factors of drama or a dramatic person are:

• Having one supposedly serious problem after another.
• Constantly telling other people about one’s problems.
• Extreme emotionality or frequently shifting, intense emotions.
• Claiming to have experienced negative events that are highly implausible.
• A boring job or mundane life.
• Making claims without sufficient evidence or a lack of detail about supposedly serious events.
• A pattern of irrational behavior and reactions to everyday problems.

 
 
3. Be mindful.
Practicing mindfulness of how you speak with yourself or others brings an entire new world into your spectrum. When you no longer seek attention through drama, you have more space to be who you want to be.
 
You will be more creative and productive. You will start adding value to the world and have a positive impact on others around you. And this give you the sense that you are more than enough, and give you the confidence and recognition that you are worthwhile, without seeking attention and validation for others.
 
That, right there, is happiness.
 
Image source unknown.

In my first and second Finding Love videos, I spoke about how, in order to invite the love that I wanted into my life, I had to let go of someone from my past, with whom I had unconsciously made a strong soul contract, that, energetically, worked much like a marriage. This meant that I couldn’t pursue any new love interests until I energetically divorced this person.

In today’s video I share my story of how I broke a soul contract that was holding me back from finding love, suddenly started attracting so many sexy men wherever I went, and then met and fell in love with my current partner, all within two months!

Here are 6 steps to breaking a soul contract, as I encountered and followed from Spirit Science:

1. Sit somewhere quiet and comfortable. Close your eyes and start by taking 10 deep slow deliberate breaths.

2. Think of the person with whom you want to cut ties.

3. Scan your body. Try to visualize a cord coming from the heart or any other region in the body your mind is pulled to being connected to this person. Selenite wands help with body scanning and clearing.

4. Keep breathing and imagine how it feels to cut this cord between the two of you. If you have a similar experience to me I could feel the density and size of the cords and why they were placed there. Imagine cutting the cords.

5. Ask your higher self and subconscious mind to release all contracts and/or subconscious obligations with this person. This includes all energetic invasions in your environment (car, house, etc), ask for the release and complete return of your original energetic balance within your body.

6. Lastly, picture sending this person love and gratitude for hard-learned lessons and thank the universe for the return of balance to your body and your physical environment. Visualize closing this energetic portal.

I’d love to know about your own experiences with soul mates, soul contracts, and ending those commitments with love and letting go! Share them with me in the comments below.

 
A few days ago I shared the 7 Steps to Finding Love. (Part 1.) video with the first 3 steps outlined. It was incredible to see how much it resonated with many of the women who watched the video and some of the experiences you shared with me as a result. Damn, you rock! Your really blew me away with your response.
 
I am delighted to share Part 2. with you now.
 
7 Steps to Finding Love. (Part 2.)
 
4. Love Yourself.
If we don’t love ourselves, we can’t expect others to love us. I will say it a million times. Your life is experience is a direct reflection of what is going on within you. And the things that you are seeking outside of yourself are exactly what you need to give yourself, first and foremost. So many women tell me that they have so much love to give, and yet they are not experiencing love in their lives. The reason is that in order to receive love, you need to firmly be able to receive it from yourself. An open, loving heart, begets the experience of a loving relationship, but then earth must be open and knowing how to receive love to begin with.
 
5. Do Things You Love Doing.
I feel this is self-explanatory, but allow me to expand. If you go out doing things you don’t really enjoy, you may meet men, that is true. But you’ll probably meet men that you don’t really enjoy, and that aren’t the right match for you. When you are immersed in things that you are passionate about, that excite you and light you up, your beauty shines through every part of you, and you will meet men who are on the same wavelength. Do things you love doing, and you will meet other people who love doing those things, and lo and behold, you already have something beautiful in common.
 
6. Write A Manifestation List.
This part is super fun and easy. It’s where magic comes in. And clarity is magic. In order to know what you at calling into your life, you have to get really clear in what it is you actually want. So this is where you write a list, in present tense, of what exactly you are waning in your love. How does he make you feel? What kinds of things do you do together? What values does he hold and respect? How does he balance and support you? What do you bring into his life? Get really, really clear on the dream, in order to recognise it in reality.
 
7. Embody What You Want.
Again, here it’s important to remember that your life experience is a direct reflection of what you already are. Common desirable traits are: Trust. Commitment. Fun. Spontaneous. And here lies the clavette. You what to feel trust. But do you trust yourself? What’s your relationship with your own inner voice and are you trusting of it? You want commitment. But how committed are you to yourself? Do you place your own needs and dreams at the highest regard? Where does your commitment lie? I can go on, but I know you’re smart and can work out the rest!
 
Did you enjoy these videos? Do you want me to make more? Let me know in the comment below!
xo