Category: love

 
“Happy Birthday” read the subject line. I clicked on the email. The same two words were repeated in the body. “Happy Birthday”. Nothing else. It stung more than if there had been no email.
 
It’s been 6 years since I spoke to my mama. Every September I remember.
 
I love my mama. Every time I think of her which continues to be often, I send her love and wish her peace. I truly hope she finds peace. I also believe that she loves me. And that she has always done her very best. My mama has an undiagnosed and untreated range of mental illnesses. Her actions are steeped in trauma and wounding. And she has been unwilling to ask for or to receive help.
 
She was young, 21, when she had me. Crazily in love with a short, cocky Italian fuckboy (hi, papa, love you :) she wanted to have his baby. So she did. He didn’t care. He told her so. She did it anyway.
 
One of my earliest memories is toddling in line while a soft, round Spanish woman ladled milky porridge into bowls and asking for mas azucar (more sugar). She laughed at me with sweetness and warmth and gave me more. I must have been around 18 months. We were living in Tenerife on the Canary Islands and I spent the evening hours in night-care while my mama sold roses to the tourists and my papa sold weed.
 
My next earliest memory is in a small apartment in Salzburg, Austria, my birthplace. I want my mama to play with my big, blue 80’s style rotary dial telephone with me. But she’s crying. She’s always crying. She doesn’t have time for me because she’s too sad.
 
Looking back I realise that she most likely had anxiety and depression for as long as I remember. She was always stressed, anxious, worried, crying. I imagine she didn’t have enough support or help and she was scared.
 
When I was 6 she married a man 25 years her senior. I think she married him for safety and security. He verbally and emotionally abused me for the entirety of their 8-year marriage. In all the classic ways: constant insults and attempts to humiliate me, frequently being yelled and screamed at, blamed and made for feel guilty for everything, acting ‘nice’ in front of others but then saying the most hateful things to me as soon as their backs were turned.
 
She did nothing to stop it. “I did it to protect you!” she said. Silence is compliance, I say. During that time she bore two more children and suffered a mental breakdown I’m not sure she ever truly recovered from.
 
I forgave her. She was doing the best she could. Plus, she’s my mama.
 
But then, I recognised something else.
 
The abuse didn’t stop. It just changed hands. There were erratic mood swings and strange, inconsistent behaviour. There were days where she was so loving and kind. She really wanted to be a good mother. There were days where hate and anger poured out of her she would palpably vibrate with it. It was like something evil possessed her.
 
My world when I was with her was so confusing. She didn’t make any sense. I never knew what mood I would find her in or how she would react to the simplest things. Any question might set off a day of hostility or violent words for no clear reason. I had to tiptoe around her and her ever-changing moods, never safe, always with a constant sense of threat.
 
I accepted it all. It was all I knew. I thought it was normal. It took me years to unlearn the persistent tension in my body from the sounds of voices yelling, car doors closing with a bang, hard angry footsteps, or any footsteps, walking towards my room.
 
I stayed with friends and family often and then left home as soon as possible. The first time I was 16. But I kept coming back.
 
Like an addict seeking that next hit. I returned over and over again thinking that if only I was good enough, if only I loved her enough, if only I could do what she wanted, maybe I could help her. If I was better, things would be better. Maybe we could have the kind of relationship I had always wanted.
 
Across the next 17 years, I came back and tried to heal our relationship many times. The last time was 6 years ago.
 
It was 2014, I was in the first year of my business and struggling financially as I invested all of myself in making this infantile dream real. I had grown so much, I thought. If I stayed centred in my heart and open and loved her through all her ups and downs maybe things would change. I also needed a place to stay for a few months.
 
They didn’t.
 
We had a few ignorantly blissful days, to begin with. The magic 3 days, I called them. It was always good for up to 3 days. And then it was not.
 
I tried to stay open. I wanted to be good. I had forgiven her so many times already. I just wanted to love her. But as the days and weeks passed and violent, aggressive words sprayed out of her mouth I shut down. My heart hardened. I stopped speaking openly. I never reacted. I just became silent, as I always did. It was not safe. Silence is my sanctuary.
 
A long time ago I learned a very effective coping mechanism: forgetfulness. I can’t remember everything that happened. I wrote all the stories in my journal. So I would remember. But I burned that journal as I always have with my others. What I do remember are tiny snippets.
 
I remember standing in the kitchen leaning on one leg with my left hand on my left hip. She suddenly turned and screamed at me that my stance was an attack on her. I remember being bewildered and sad and turning away.
 
I remember her creeping past my door listening to my telephone conversations and then bitterly accusing me of calling her a bitch to my friends on my phone calls. I never spoke of her to my friends. I was too embarrassed to tell them about her. She must have misheard me.
 
I remember her neighbours looking at me with pity when they learned that I was her daughter. I wondered what they said or knew about her.
 
I remember sometimes watching her scream at me for unexplained reasons and seeing something that looked like the ugly skull of a demon extend out of her face as she poured her rage out at me. I don’t know if it was real or if it was a way that my subconscious tried to make sense of something that didn’t.
 
And then one day, I gave up.
 
After 3 days of helping her landscape her garden she screamed at me when I didn’t help her cut down branches from some trees that belonged to the local council land appending her lawn.
 
“No matter what you say or do, I will always love you,” I said. “But you can’t treat me like this.” She muttered something violently with hostility on her face. I turned, packed my bag, and left. That was September 6 years ago. We haven’t spoken since.
 
I promised myself that that was the last time. I couldn’t keep repeating the pattern. It was insanity to keep trying. I had to stop. I had to let go.
 
It took me 2 years to grieve the end of my relationship with my mama and countless hours across a wide range of modalities to heal. I had to learn how to reparent myself. I had to learn how to have healthy boundaries. I had to learn to feel safe.
 
When I first started going to therapy in my early 20’s while studying for my psychology degree the therapist told me that sometimes people have children to try and meet their own needs for love, and make that child responsible for their sense of meaning and purpose. I never forgot that statement.
 
Every year she sends me an email for my birthday. “Happy birthday” it reads. Nothing else.
 

 
I used to judge people who openly were compulsively obsessed with their furry friends. I judged them because I had no idea how you could completely lose yourself to an animal in that way.
 
Then, one day, in April 2019 a woman left a little kitten with me to foster while she found him a permanent home. I was clear with her: I could only keep him for 2 months at the most. I had plans and flights booked and furry beings didn’t fit into those. I gave him a home, named him Danger Zone, googled about kitty-litter and cat-development and played with him knowing that I’d have to give him up soon.
 
At 2 months when I hadn’t heard anything from his original owner I contacted her “How’s the forever-home search going?” She never replied. And then literally disappeared. I half-heartedly began to reach out and search for someone who could take him, convincing myself that it was best for him (and me). In the meantime I found cat-sitters to stay in my home while I went on my trips.
 
But something had happened… Somewhere along the way, I have become one of those people. I’m completely obsessed with my cat. He pre-occupies my mind all the time and I miss him when we are apart for more than 8 hours.
 
It’s the way he reaches out his paws to touch my toes when I’m standing by the basin to do my makeup or at the sink to wash the dishes or hold my hand when I’m working and the way he throws his entire body onto mine so as much of us is touching whenever I am still long enough, and the way he rests his little head on one ankle and stretches his back paws out to touch the other while I’m sleeping, and the way he cries at the door when he hears me coming home, and the way he looks at me, with this deeply devoted love when I kiss his little nose, and the way he nips me when I’ve gone away too long, to let me know that he’s not pleased… Somewhere in there, he has completely captured every piece of my heart and wrapped it around his silky little paws.
 
On my last return, things changed. I made one final attempt to find him another home. And found myself completely depressed and in tears the entire time. I surrendered to this new love of mine and completely accepted that he is to be part of my life from now on. And it changed everything.
 
There’s science behind this inexplicable obsession with my cat.
 
Cats are, by nature wild and a product of natural and not artificial, selection — they domesticated themselves — choosing humans to live with. Unlike dogs, cats aren’t programmed to please people. They choose you which explains why cat people seem to have an incredibly deep bond with their pets. It means that when cats give and receive affection, it’s not necessarily in exchange for food or because their DNA is hardwired to do so. It’s because, like humans, they feel inspired to express it.
 

I have always known it but now am not afraid to proudly say, I am 100% a cat person. A renowned study by psychologist Samuel Gosling examined personality traits of people who label themselves “dog people” and “cat people,” and found that cat-lovers tended to be less cooperative, compassionate, and outgoing than those who dig dogs and tended toward more anxiety and depression. Cat people were also found to be more artistic and intellectually curious than dog people.

 
Danger has taught me so much about life and love. I see him as a divine teacher. “The Egyptians looked at the cat the same way they looked at everything, as a way to explain and personify the universe,” explains Egyptologist Melinda Hartwig. They saw cats as spiritual protectors of the astral plane and powerful healers.
 
Also, he’s magical. Since ancient times, cats have been a vital part of the magical arts and have left their mark on the world of divination, folk healing, and occult sciences. So much so that all over Europe across the 11th century, the Catholic Church tortured and executed cat owners for witchery.
 
And so I find myself in a curious position where my life has expanded to hold both of us. Next year we are moving together, a journey that heightens my anxiety as I navigate the challenges that bringing and Mexican cat to Europe entails and worry that he will hate this journey with the hope that he survives it. His flights are booked, the airline-specific cat-crate purchased and lined with sheepskin, his pet-passport is on the way and micro-chip and rabies vaccine soon to be inserted. All this extra effort because my heart has been stretched wide with a new obsessive kind of love.
 

 
I laced up my black trainers while simultaneously texting a WhatsApp message. “I’m running a tiny bit late… time just ran away with me! If I leave now it’ll take me about an hour to get to you. Does that still work for you?” Rosie responded, “Okay why don’t I meet you halfway at Dalston, then we can walk down the canal to Victoria Park back towards mine.”
 
Rosie is a journalist, and one of the most thoughtful, intelligent and considered women I know. And she’s a prolific, well-balanced writer. Her monthly emails are amongst the very small handful that I am subscribed to and actually read. A few years ago she interviewed me for an article titled ‘Life coaches on Instagram break the first rule of therapy — that’s why it works’.
 
We remained friends and, whenever I’m in London, make an effort to catch up.
 
“Can I ask about what’s going on in your love life?” she asked, eventually, inevitably. We spoke about the brief 3-month relationship I had been in recently, and how it didn’t quite support my natural independence and freedom-focused values. Somehow we moved on to the relationship before that; the one where we bought a house together and made life-plans. The one where I learned that love is not enough.
 
“You were so brave to leave,” she said. “Not really,” I responded “It was more like choosing between life and death. I was like a plant wilting, slowly dying. I had to choose life.”
 
For someone (me) who has dedicated their life to growth and expansion, in ways that are unfamiliar to others, I explained that I felt suffocated and like I was forced to contract in both recent relationships. Both of them gave me what I needed at that moment, they taught me lessons and shone a light on things that I needed to see, in the particular context that they were shown to me. The recent one distinctly revealed to me the areas in my life where I was playing small, believing that I needed the support of a partner to make certain big life decisions, and holding back in my creativity and my work.
 
The way I see it, I explained, is that each person has a particular sized container within which they feel safe and comfortable in, to be themselves with another. That container is determined by their upbringing, their conditioning, and their personal life experiences and life choices. Women require a man who can hold a container small enough for a woman to feel secure and big enough to give her space to explore, grow and experience herself in.

John Wineland articulates this beautifully when he says that it’s a deep responsibility, to hold a woman. He gives voice to 3 key factors to be able to do so:

1. Breathe deeper than she does.
2. Get stiller (develop your inner stillness) than she does.
3. Get wider than she is, so she can feel the infinite.

 
My ‘container’ has exceptional breadth and depth. I’ve spent the past 15 years dedicated to exploring the limitlessness of myself and how I can create a life that reflects the vastness of our Universe. Some would say that I have no limits, but that’s no true. I know where the boundaries lie: in the areas that I am still peeling away the layers of myself.
 
It will take someone truly exceptional to hold that kind of space for me. It’s something that I am willing to be patient for.
 
Outgrowing a relationship is a sign that your container is expanding. Neither partner is wrong. Rather each partner is working within the confines of what they consider safe, and how much they value their own limitlessness and expansion. Sometimes we grow together. And sometimes we grow apart.
 

 
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend about how rapidly our beliefs can change when we experience an ‘aha’ moment. She was telling me about her ardent launch into mindfulness, changing her mindset to create the experiences she actually wants, manifesting and spirituality. She also spoke about how disappointed she felt, that her partner was stubbornly skeptical and not at all open to her new insights.
 
I often receive emails and notes with a similar quandary and question.
 
“How do I get my skeptical partner to share these amazing new thoughts and beliefs that I have accumulated and brought into my life?”
 
It’s normal that when we learn something new, something that has a massive, positive impact on us, that we want to share this with our beloveds. But what if they don’t want to know or hear about it? What if they’re headstrong about change?
 
It is very common in any relationship, for women to bring in the new ways of thinking and to influence change. Women are generally more fluid, more open, and more ready to absorb new ways of seeing the world. Is is often up to us, to share these insights with our men. But not in the ways that you think, as I show you in this video.
 
In pagan times, the only way that men could connect with their gods and spiritual practices, was through women and nature. Women have always had a direct connection to the spiritual source and are able to tap into that much more easily.
 
In this video I show you exactly what you have to do, to get your loved ones to share your views.
 

 
This morning I wake up, wriggle around in bed for a while, thinking. I remember to meditate, and enjoy the bliss and stillness. Until I get distracted by a thought more powerful, right now. I reach for my phone, and go to check my Instagram feed.
 
I am joyfully overwhelmed by the response to my post last night. As I move onto Facebook, I find the same. Comment after comment, in agreement with my musings on how awkward I can feel in social situations, because of the way I feel people.
 
I know that, by the laws of attraction, you always attract your kind. One of my favourite phrases is “your vibe attracts your tribe“. And it does. In this instance, I saw just how true that statement is.
 
There is this thing that happens, when we awaken, and start to connect to that Other part of ourselves… The limitless, the ethereal, the wisdom, the infinite source of love and all things. We start to communicate soul to soul, and connect with people, and the world in a different way.
 
We can feel when food hasn’t been prepared with love. We can tell if there’s something wrong, even if we don’t know what it is. We just know and can sense the unseen layers of our of Universe shifting and moving around and within us. Now. And now. And now. In every moment.
 
This kind of awareness requires a very unique and specific kind of sensitivity. It’s a rawness. It’s truth. It’s openness.
 
All that sensitivity, rawness, openness and truth. It sometimes requires a little protection, when we are out and about in the world, feeling everything. So I wanted share the 5 covert practices that I use, to protect my energy, especially when I am feeling sensitive.
 
 
1 Centre yourself.
I remember New Years Eve quite a number of years ago — my boyfriend at the time and I were in Tenerife, Canary Islands, at the time — and he was getting really worked up at the cab driver for getting lost. I could feel his energy whirling around in all directions and him losing his inner equilibrium. “Stop for a moment Kyle! Pull your energy back in, and centre yourself“. It worked. Moments later he was calm and easy to communicate with again.
 
You centre yourself firstly by paying attention to where your energy is. Are you pushing it out of your body, or is it gently resting within you? If it’s pushing out, pull it back in, and centre it. As soon as you do this, nothing can bother, offend or harm you.
 
 
2 Practice stillness.
Last night I was at a dinner party, where the men were playing a game that I call ‘my dick is bigger than yours‘. Clearly, that’s not to be taken literally. It’s when people try to outdo each other through speaking loudly, and sharing examples of how they have done and achieved all these great things. It’s pure ego identification, and depending on my mood, I can find it quite humorous and entertaining.
 
It is in those situations that I practice stillness. Not wanting to give their game any energy, negative or positive, I practice a form of meditation in which I allow my mind and body to become completely still and just observe. Doing this means that no part of me is affected by the ongoing retribution, nor does any part of me feel inclined to jump in and play along.
 
 
3 Create a bubble around yourself.
I use this one particularly when I find myself feeling little uncomfortable around someone, in new environments or in big, buzzing cities, where there are many, many, many people. I simply imagine a big, translucent bubble of energy around me, that moves in and around people and objects as I make my way through life. It gently creates a sense of security, and I know I am safe, and that any negative energies from the outside world, can’t touch me.
 
My beautiful friend and musician Marina, does something similar. She imagines zipping up a body suit of energy, from her toes, over her head and down her back, before she steps out into the busy streets of London. I love this. I’m sure it must be safe and cozy in there.
 
4 Listen to what your body tells you.
Having this kind of sensitivity and awareness is actually really special, because it means that you can sense what is going on, before it physically or visually happens. Sometimes that means literally removing yourself from circumstances that don’t feel good. Listen to your body, it might be telling you that this space is not for you right now.
 
I have countless stories of times where thing just didn’t feel right, and I left, only to discover the next day that something strange or dangerous had happened. There have been so many near misses, that I have come to deeply appreciate this part of me, that warns me when something in my environment is off. Learning to distinguish between fear, and that intuitive knowing is easy: one is a voice (fear) and the other is a feeling (intuition / soul).
 
5 Learn to say no, thank you, more.
I am getting better and better at this all the time. I say no, to things that don’t light me up all the time now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel the pangs of guilt, or the fear of missing out. I just know, that I am happier doing things that make me truly happy, rather than things that are expected of me by others of social norms. It’s the best way to protect your energy from things that aren’t necessarily for you. And thereby making space for things that are.
 
Saying no, is honouring who you are and your energy. It’s like saying “I respect who I am, I understand my needs and boundaries, I have a sensitive soul and I love that about me“.
 
 
Image from Posy Willow.

 
Have you ever felt really guilty about something you did in the past? And then, held onto that guilt for weeks, months or even years afterwards?
 
Last night, I was writing in my journal, when I realised that I still carried around this enormous sense of guilt for something that had happened over a year ago.
 
 

 
 
It’s quite personal, but I’ll go into it, as briefly as I can.
 
If you’ve been journeying alongside me for a while, you will know that early last year, I went to Australia to spend some time with my mother. We have had a really tumultuous relationship since my teens, and I thought “Hey, I’m all grown up now. Maybe if I just love her until there’s nothing left but love, we can fix this, and have a beautiful, loving, kindred mother-daughter relationship.”
 
Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out that way. We went around in the same old circle we always do.
 
My mother fears rejection more than anything else in the world, and so, to protect herself from what she fears the most, she rejects those around her that love her, over and over, and over again. With violent words, unkind gestures, with hate and anger.
 
My inner wisdom tells me that she does this because she wants to be proven to, that she is loveable, and worthy of love. Which of course, she is. But, as anyone who has done even the tiniest little bit of work on themselves, would know, you can only experience the love that you believe you deserve.
 
No matter how much someone else loves you, you have to love you, first. Otherwise you never get to experience it.
 
This has been one of my patterns: Thinking that I can rescue someone with love.
 
It used to play out consistently in my personal relationships, until I became aware of it, and cleared it. It wasn’t until I spent time with my mum again, that I realised that this unhealthy pattern originated with her, and still needed to be cleared at a deeper level.
 
So I made a really challenging decision.
 
I decided that her behaviour towards me was unacceptable and destructive. And that I was not allowing it be a part of my life any longer. I decided to stop having contact with her for a while. And within this choice, ,y mothers fear of rejection, played out, in reality.
 
Now, we all know that a “good daughter” doesn’t say “no”, to her mother. Herein was the core of my guilt. I want to be “good”. But at the cost of what?
 
Guilt is an emotion that we carry around with us, when something we have done or said, is out of alignment with our beliefs or values and therefore creates cognitive dissonance.
 
Cognitive dissonance refers to a situation involving conflicting attitudes, beliefs or behaviours which produces a feeling of discomfort: guilt.
 
There are 3 reasons why you might feel guilty:
 
1. Sometimes you feel guilty  when you recognise that your choices and behaviours have been out of line, because you have violated your own ethical code. This is a healthy recognition of behaviour that you can change by making a different kind of choice in the future.
 
2. Other times you feel guilty because you are maintaining your boundaries, and saying “no” to someone. This is a more complicated type of guilt, because you feel cognitive dissonance for having decided to protect yourself from someone else that is violating your ethical code.
 
3. And the third reason you might feel guilty is because you are under the assumption, and take responsibility for someone else’s misfortunes, or challenges, believing that you have caused them. An important note here: No one is ever responsible for anything except their own life experience. Read this, to understand why.
 
 
While, the reason we feel guilt, is to bring to our awareness that something we are doing or experiencing is out of alignment with our values, holding onto guilt is incredibly unhealthy and destructive. What we need to do is recognise the lesson that we are learning from this experience, change our beliefs around the situation, and release the feelings of guilt.
 
In today’s video, I share with you how to free yourself from guilt, in 5 easy steps.
 

1. Acknowledge the guilt.
2. Get clear in why you feel guilty.
3. Decide that you are ready to let go of the guilt.
4. Write a positive intention on releasing guilt.
5. Trust that your intention is being realised, and let it go.

 
Some time ago, I shared on Instagram, that a few years ago, I had made a ‘no-drama’ policy in my life. And you asked me to write about it. How to make a ‘no-drama’ policy in your life.
 

 
The truth is, I wasn’t always that wise. There was a time in my life, when I used to thrive off drama.
 
I’d exaggerate stories, entertaining people with flair and finesse, as I took them through an emotional rollercoaster-ride of flamboyance, on subjects that neither mattered nor made a difference in anyone’s life. I’d create friction in relationships, others’ or my own. I’d find ways to make simple, every-day-things to become grand stories of dramatic irrelevance. It made life feel so exciting, and interesting and meaningful.
 
I know I’m not the only who has felt that way. Turn on the TV and all you will see is people indulging in their dramas.
 
I believe, the only reason why any of us have ever imbibed in drama, is because we didn’t feel that, by being our peaceful, contented, authentic selves, we are enough. Again, and again this context rises its ugly head, in so many forms. The fear of not being enough.
 
According to psychologists, the need to create drama in our lives is simply a form of attention seeking.
 
According to one study “Excessive attention seeking is not a character flaw. It is a brain wiring response to early developmental trauma caused by neglect.”
 
Having said that, this neglect doesn’t mean that you didn’t receive enough love as a baby. It means that your parents weren’t able to be present with you, because they didn’t feel that they were enough. It is right here, that these patterns begin.
 
When we learn, at an early age that, when we are not receiving attention, we are unworthy or unimportant, we seek out situations that increase or sense of value and self-worth. We create drama.
 
The obvious answer is drama gets attention. However, it is more than that. Drama causes the pituitary gland and hypothalamus to secrete endorphins, which actually mimics the pleasure centres activated by drugs like heroin. We get a rush that feels good, when we create drama.
 
There is also another factor. Because using drama as a drug feels good, it is rewarding. Reward uses dopamine, the brain’s happy dance drug. You feel happy for a moment, rewarded for the drama, and therefore learn to do it again and again, whenever you don’t feel so happy.
 
Add all those elements together: not feeling worthy / important / enough + seeking attention + drama + feel-good chemical reactions =  your classic attention seeking drama king or queen.
 
But is drama healthy, happy and fulfilling? I think we would all agree that, nay, at some point it becomes tedious, time-consuming and generally just exhausting.
 
So, how do we stop? We put a ‘no-drama’ policy in place.
 
1. Start with you.
The first place to put a ‘no-drama’ policy in place, is with ourselves. You can stop, right now, just like that. By deciding “Nope. Nope. I’ve had enough. No more drama. It’s enough now.” That’s the very first step.
 
Deciding to stop with the drama is also an act of self-love. Instead of drama, you have more time and energy to cultivate an appreciation for yourself, just the way you are, and get to know who your authentic self is, and what she wants. This is a beautiful thing. And far more fulfilling than any extravagantly exaggerated attention-seeking stunt.
 
Recognise when you are creating drama, and stop. Aim to find an alternative solutions. If you are craving attention, is it because you wish to be seen, or because you want to be validated? How can you give yourself that? If you’re bored, how can you create more excitement and adventure in your life?
 
 
2. Avoid other’s dramas.
Most people who continuously invite drama into their lives are addicted to the chemical reactions that it creates in our brains. They often present themselves as victims of life, instead of recognising their fully-fledged role in their experiences.
 
Choose to spend time with people who have made the same commitment to themselves, as you have: “No more drama.”
 
Create a reputation for not participating in drama. When people know that you won’t buy into it, they won’t involve you in it anymore. Simply don’t engage in their stories or react to their dramas. Also, don’t listen to their stories or give them support when you know that they’re drama addicts. You are just feeding the addiction.
 
One of the best ways to do this, is to simply be present, hold space for that person, and not react in any way, either negative or positive. You calming presence will give them space to recognise their habits, and just maybe, stop, for a moment.
 
Common warning signs/ risk factors of drama or a dramatic person are:

• Having one supposedly serious problem after another.
• Constantly telling other people about one’s problems.
• Extreme emotionality or frequently shifting, intense emotions.
• Claiming to have experienced negative events that are highly implausible.
• A boring job or mundane life.
• Making claims without sufficient evidence or a lack of detail about supposedly serious events.
• A pattern of irrational behavior and reactions to everyday problems.

 
 
3. Be mindful.
Practicing mindfulness of how you speak with yourself or others brings an entire new world into your spectrum. When you no longer seek attention through drama, you have more space to be who you want to be.
 
You will be more creative and productive. You will start adding value to the world and have a positive impact on others around you. And this give you the sense that you are more than enough, and give you the confidence and recognition that you are worthwhile, without seeking attention and validation for others.
 
That, right there, is happiness.
 
Image source unknown.

In my first and second Finding Love videos, I spoke about how, in order to invite the love that I wanted into my life, I had to let go of someone from my past, with whom I had unconsciously made a strong soul contract, that, energetically, worked much like a marriage. This meant that I couldn’t pursue any new love interests until I energetically divorced this person.

In today’s video I share my story of how I broke a soul contract that was holding me back from finding love, suddenly started attracting so many sexy men wherever I went, and then met and fell in love with my current partner, all within two months!

Here are 6 steps to breaking a soul contract, as I encountered and followed from Spirit Science:

1. Sit somewhere quiet and comfortable. Close your eyes and start by taking 10 deep slow deliberate breaths.

2. Think of the person with whom you want to cut ties.

3. Scan your body. Try to visualize a cord coming from the heart or any other region in the body your mind is pulled to being connected to this person. Selenite wands help with body scanning and clearing.

4. Keep breathing and imagine how it feels to cut this cord between the two of you. If you have a similar experience to me I could feel the density and size of the cords and why they were placed there. Imagine cutting the cords.

5. Ask your higher self and subconscious mind to release all contracts and/or subconscious obligations with this person. This includes all energetic invasions in your environment (car, house, etc), ask for the release and complete return of your original energetic balance within your body.

6. Lastly, picture sending this person love and gratitude for hard-learned lessons and thank the universe for the return of balance to your body and your physical environment. Visualize closing this energetic portal.

I’d love to know about your own experiences with soul mates, soul contracts, and ending those commitments with love and letting go! Share them with me in the comments below.

 
A few days ago I shared the 7 Steps to Finding Love. (Part 1.) video with the first 3 steps outlined. It was incredible to see how much it resonated with many of the women who watched the video and some of the experiences you shared with me as a result. Damn, you rock! Your really blew me away with your response.
 
I am delighted to share Part 2. with you now.
 
7 Steps to Finding Love. (Part 2.)
 
4. Love Yourself.
If we don’t love ourselves, we can’t expect others to love us. I will say it a million times. Your life is experience is a direct reflection of what is going on within you. And the things that you are seeking outside of yourself are exactly what you need to give yourself, first and foremost. So many women tell me that they have so much love to give, and yet they are not experiencing love in their lives. The reason is that in order to receive love, you need to firmly be able to receive it from yourself. An open, loving heart, begets the experience of a loving relationship, but then earth must be open and knowing how to receive love to begin with.
 
5. Do Things You Love Doing.
I feel this is self-explanatory, but allow me to expand. If you go out doing things you don’t really enjoy, you may meet men, that is true. But you’ll probably meet men that you don’t really enjoy, and that aren’t the right match for you. When you are immersed in things that you are passionate about, that excite you and light you up, your beauty shines through every part of you, and you will meet men who are on the same wavelength. Do things you love doing, and you will meet other people who love doing those things, and lo and behold, you already have something beautiful in common.
 
6. Write A Manifestation List.
This part is super fun and easy. It’s where magic comes in. And clarity is magic. In order to know what you at calling into your life, you have to get really clear in what it is you actually want. So this is where you write a list, in present tense, of what exactly you are waning in your love. How does he make you feel? What kinds of things do you do together? What values does he hold and respect? How does he balance and support you? What do you bring into his life? Get really, really clear on the dream, in order to recognise it in reality.
 
7. Embody What You Want.
Again, here it’s important to remember that your life experience is a direct reflection of what you already are. Common desirable traits are: Trust. Commitment. Fun. Spontaneous. And here lies the clavette. You what to feel trust. But do you trust yourself? What’s your relationship with your own inner voice and are you trusting of it? You want commitment. But how committed are you to yourself? Do you place your own needs and dreams at the highest regard? Where does your commitment lie? I can go on, but I know you’re smart and can work out the rest!
 
Did you enjoy these videos? Do you want me to make more? Let me know in the comment below!
xo
 
 

 
Let’s talk about L O V E!
 
Last week 3 clients, 2 friends, and 1 random stranger whom I met in a cafe, all started telling me about their desire to find love. Yet this desire feeling very unfulfilled. So I decided to create a resource around finding love.
 
When we women want love in our lives, it’s much more than simple companionship. We want to be wanted. We want to feel desirable and beautiful. We want to be supported in our dreams and ambitions. We want to be held, touched and passionately made love to. And above all that, we want a deep soul connection.
 
All of the women that I spoke to last week, were feeling defeated, tired and frustrated in their quest. Finding love seems ubiquitous and yet simultaneously unreachable to them. Yet in this distress, nor forward motion can happen. But I know, from experience, that finding love doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, it can be really very easy. We have to become clear channels for receiving, in order to call in the love that we want.
 
Broken down into two parts, here are the first 3 of the 7 steps to finding love.
 
7 Steps to Finding Love. (Part 1.)
 
1. Stop Looking.
It is in the surrender of what you want, that you will find it. While we are desperately seeking to fill a man-shaped-void the energy that we carry with us, is one of lack. The sensation of lack is one that pushes away, rather than attracts what we want. It is when we release our desires and know that they are coming to you, at exactly the right time, that the manifestation of finding love accelerates.
 
2. Release Blocks.
More often than not, there is a reason why the love you seek isn’t finding its way to you. The reason is that you have some kind of subconscious, invisible barrier up, that is stopping that love to come to you. In order to be able to receive the love you want, you have to resolve the blocks that are stopping it from getting to you.
 
3. Give Yourself That Which You Desire.
When you fill you own well with the things that you desire, you interact with the Universe from a space of wholeness and completion. It warrants that you receive more of what you are already giving yourself, which isn’t possible when you are waiting for someone else to fill that void. One of the best ways to find love is the work on the lower three chakras.
When we are unresolved in the lower three chakras, then we are always hungry for energy. This energy can come in the form of money, attention from others, emotional neediness, or energy acquired through sex. When we are unresolved in the lower chakras then we feel we want more energy and that we are not getting enough. In finding love, this becomes the major source of resistance and conflict.
You can get a basic understanding of chakras in a post a wrote some time ago here.
 
Part 2. of the Finding Love can be seen right here.
 

The way that the moon affects our tides, our feelings and emotions, and our monthly cycles, is a mystical wonder to behold. I have always been fascinated with the moon and, like the Greeks and Romans, I see it as some kind of powerful force that both supports and guides me.
The moon affects the Earth in physical ways; its gravitational pull helps to create our ocean’s tide. The Earth and Moon are attracted to one another like magnets. The moon tries to pull on everything on the Earth to bring it closer, but the Earth is able to hold onto everything except the water. Since the ocean is constantly moving and the Earth is unable to hold onto it, tides form.
I have always believed that the moon’s gravitational pull not only has an effect on our oceans but it also has an effect on our brains and emotions — after all, the human body is mostly water.
Whenever I look up into the night sky and see the moon, I know that, by understanding the cycle the moon is currently in, helps me to understand and guide my decisions, emotions and the way I am feeling about, and responding to life right now.
Here’s my guide to understanding the moon and its effect on our daily lives.
 

NEW MOON
New beginnings, fresh starts, optimism, hope and faith.
The New Moon, or “low ebb” of the Moon, signals preparation for a new cycle. The actual day of the New Moon is an ideal day to write down a simple list of what we hope to achieve or to manifest in our lives—to put it out there in the universe.
From New Moon to Full Moon is a good time to initiate new projects and plant seeds. People in general are more receptive to new ideas. This two-week period is the time to make plans and get supplies, to gather our strength, to let ourselves be fortified by getting plenty of rest. The New Moon is also a good time to replace negative habits with new buy levitra online healthy habits. The New Moon is very positive in nature.
If you want your hair to grow more quickly this is the ideal day to give it a trim. It’s also the most auspicious time to start a new health or exercise regimen, make lists of your aspirations for the coming cycle, plant seeds, or start new creative projects.
 

WAXING MOON
Building, accomplishments, creativity, strength, growth and learning, positive transformation.
For the two weeks from the New Moon to the Full Moon, the Moon is increasing in light. This is the waxing Moon. Our bodies tend to absorb and retain water as it nears and responds to the hot and dry influence of the First Quarter Moon.
It is easier to gain weight during the waxing phase of the Moon, even if we take in the same amount of calories. That is partly because we are expending less energy as our bodies are in a naturally restful phase as it is replenishing and storing energy. This tendency to gain a little weight is also because everything taken into the body is more effective now, including the absorption of calories, vitamins, and nutrients. This goes for the good things as well as the bad, and the nearer the waxing Moon gets to Full Moon, the more effective our absorption becomes.
 

FULL MOON
Abundance, harvest, wish-fulfillment, manifesting desires, sexuality, achieving all dreams, protection.
The few days when the moon is full or close to it, are kind of a crescendo as evidenced by all that full moon lore. On the evening of the full moon it appears on the horizon exactly at the moment the sun sets on the western horizon.
Full moon is a good time to plan parties and social activities, as well as sales for businesses. Creativity and intuition can feel heightened. Energy is at a peak.
 

WANING MOON
Letting go, clearing away, cleansing, releasing, shedding old patterns, undoing bindings, opening up problem-knots, making space.
Once the full moon is over, it begins to shrink down again, and this is known as a ‘waning’ moon. Tasks of wrapping up and completion of a project can flow more easily during this period.
For us, this can mean a natural time to turn within a bit, taking stock of the growth during the past cycle – sifting through the experiences, cleaning up, documenting. As the dark of the moon approaches you might notice a dip in your energy level, more of an inclination to rest, sleep and replenish.
Finalize projects, take care of last details during a waning moon cycle. If you’re wanting to declutter your home, it’s easier to do it during these weeks because you’re naturally more inclined to let go and throw things out.
Waning moon is also a good time to undertake a cleansing diet program or fast. Your body will more naturally accept the cleansing.
 

DARK MOON
Rest, Peace, deep wisdom, divination, contacting the guru within, letting things die away completely.
The dark new moon – when you can’t see it at all – is an ideal day to complete and prepare. There’s a natural lull in energy levels, similar to the waning moon during the previous week, making it an ideal time to organize and take stock to complete the last cycle and prepare for the next.