Tag: love

  • practical dreamer

    DEC 03, 2025

    We were about to run the scene for the first time on the first day when I smelled it. A warm, unmistakable wave of alcohol came off her breath as she leaned in. I froze for half a second, confused. It was 10 a.m. on a Thursday. Was she drunk? 

    I pulled myself back into character because that’s what we were supposed to be doing: acting. I’d come to this six-week course specifically to shake loose my own edges a bit, to remember what it felt like to inhabit someone else’s skin on purpose. A small, secret hope tucked inside this decision, too: maybe this would reopen something creatively, or at least remind me that I am not just one self, stuck on one track.

    She was the kind of person you’d assume had everything under control. A known actor with a recent Netflix role, returning to her craft after time away. She carried what looked like a berry smoothie — dark purple, very wholesome — and sipped it throughout class. Except the smell told a different story. 

    After class, a friend picked me up to go to the beach. I tried to explain what had happened in that confused way you do when you’re still half convinced you imagined the whole thing. I didn’t say who she was. I just kept circling around the fact of it: “And it was ten in the morning!”

    Later that night, still unsettled, I drafted a short email to the head acting school teacher. Careful, almost apologetic. I wasn’t accusing her of anything; I just… didn’t know what to do with the information. I hit send, regretted being that earnest student who “brings things up,” and went to bed. By morning, I had a reply. It said I was making “very serious allegations,” which is the kind of phrase that makes you feel both scolded and slightly gaslit. I closed my laptop and told myself to drop it. Fine. Whatever. Maybe I was overreacting.

    Over the next six weeks, there was a pattern. She’d slip out “for a coffee” or “to use the bathroom” right before her turn to perform, and come back looser, warmer, more emotionally elastic. She could give these huge, convincing performances — crying, shouting, collapsing — but something about them felt off. And I kept thinking, in that uncomfortable way you think the thing you don’t want to think: Is she showing up to actual paid work like this? Is this just… normal?

    The part that really stayed with me was the recognition of the dynamic underneath it. The quiet splitting from oneself. The subtle, daily ways people disconnect just enough to get through whatever their life requires of them. 

    Not always with alcohol. Sometimes, with edibles. More often, it’s things like keeping yourself too busy to notice you’re unhappy, or telling yourself a story that makes a relationship seem “fine,” or eating in that way that feels like both comfort and punishment. 

    The constant hum of distraction, or getting very invested in “being productive,” or deciding that honesty is optional if it keeps things smooth. All the tiny, acceptable ways we avoid being fully present with our own lives.

    Most people live like this. It’s not a moral failing. It’s a lack of awareness. A kind of spiritual autopilot. Some people live inside the roles they inherited, and others rewrite the script. Some people pretend a life, and others create one. 

    And the latter — the creators — are the ones I think of as practical dreamers.

    A practical dreamer is someone who understands that dreaming without doing is self-indulgent and doing without dreaming is pointless. They are people who keep their heads in the clouds, yes, but with their feet solidly planted on the ground. They refuse to separate beauty from utility, vision from labour, desire from action. They inhabit both their aspirations and their realities with equal care, even when one terrifies them, and the other bores them.

    Now, in this cultural moment, the stakes are higher. So many people spend their days worried that AI will steal something essential from them: their jobs, their livelihoods, the delicate illusion that they are in control of anything at all. 

    It is possible, but only if you are passive.

    If you are operating on autopilot, if you are waiting for someone — a boss, a system, a timeline — to tell you what your life should look like. Because the only way to remain alive, relevant, and whole is to choose your life. To choose it in all its contradiction and uncertainty, in all its mess and joy. To embrace your interiority, your curiosity, your irrational impulses, your instincts, and your mistakes, and to act anyway. The only way to outperform a machine is to be aggressively human. 

    What is more human than to be the creator of your life? No machine can do that for you.

    Entrepreneurship is one way to be a creator. It is about asserting yourself in the world in alignment with what you know, with what you are capable of, with what only you can offer. Freelancers, mentors, portfolio careerists, boutique founders, artists who monetise their craft, consultants who build their own frameworks, all of these are entrepreneurs. All of these are people who refuse to wait for permission, who choose to generate value from their own skills, curiosities, and insights. 

    Entrepreneurship is spiritual because it forces you to confront yourself. It forces you to notice where you hide, where you lie, where you numb, and it asks you to act anyway. It forces you to take responsibility for the way you show up as a human, as someone whose labour is not just transactional but creative, generative, alive. It illuminates your weaknesses and strengths and asks you to work with them, to outsource, to collaborate, to ask for help, to become stronger in the ways that matter most.

    I am, by most definitions, the most unlikely entrepreneur. I do not follow trends. I do not invest in long-term content plans or rigid business strategies. I believe in changing my mind, repeatedly, until I find the approach that feels right for me. I believe in knowing myself deeply — Jungian style — so that when I claim my value in the world, it is not borrowed, copied, or acted, but entirely mine. 

    I believe in noticing what excites me, what makes my pulse quicken, what pulls me forward, and letting that guide me. I believe in trusting the process, even when certainty is impossible, because certainty is an illusion and clarity is built through iteration, through showing up, through experimentation. 

    I believe that the person you should always invest in most is yourself.

    My own life — the way I structure it, inhabit it, show up in it — is my most powerful client magnet. It demonstrates that a life built on curiosity, attention, intention and deliberate action works. That it is possible. That it is magnetic. It proves that what I teach is not theory; it is practice.

    Perhaps why Practical Dreamer sold out so, so quickly. So quickly, I opened up new spaces starting next year. And why many clients move on to rolling monthly mentoring programs, working together for six months to a year to build lives that are aligned, generative, and resonant. 

    — For anyone new to my work, I am offering a December special: $100 off a Single 90-minute Mentoring session, scheduled this month. 

    — For those ready to leap, I am accepting new clients next year for the 1-Month Intensive, a space to clarify, align, and build a framework that matches your unique gifts and rhythms. 

    Spaces are limited, and the first step is simply to reach out and start the conversation.

  • half-assed

    OCT 19, 2025

    I point at the two empty stools by the bar and ask if I can have them. The maître d’ asks if I am a guest, and I shake my head. She winks at me and leads me to the bar, pulling a chair out for me. The front bar at The Ritz is full. I am meeting a woman I have never met. A blind date for friendship. 

    The bartender smiles at me in a boyish, charming way and asks me what I’d like to drink. I slowly read through the menu to fill time and settle on the pinot noir. A soft, smooth and easy wine to keep me company while I wait.

    It’s the first time that I am out at night in Paris since I arrived two weeks ago. It is getting cold, but I want to feel good and am wearing my favourite silk and lace mini dress that I thrifted in NYC in the summer and a dusty pink cashmere sweater that I bought the day before I left. 

    New York is still etched into my heart with pangs of nostalgia that I’ve never experienced before. But here I am in Paris instead and actually happier about it than I had imagined. My new friend arrives, dispelling my thoughts of the past few months, tiny and elegant, dressed in all black from bottom to top. 

    Black heels, a long black pencil skirt, a black cami, and a black sweater wrapped around her shoulders. She apologises for being late, orders the same wine, and we begin to exchange stories. She’s from Texas and, after a career in the oil and gas industry, has moved to Paris to be with her fiancé and embark on her ‘soft woman’ era. She shares some sentiments about learning to purposely drop some balls in her life to find true happiness. It was a slightly different argument than saying “you can’t have it all,” and it has stayed with me until this morning.

    It was this summer, right after my breakup, that I declared to my friend, “From now on, I’m half-assing everything!”. I had poured so much of myself into the relationship, into the move to New York, into the life that I thought I had been building with someone that I loved. 

    All my life, I have given the things that I love maximum commitment and effort, but it has not made me happy. I decided that perhaps what I needed to do instead was to start half-assing everything and deciding that that is enough.

    ‘Enough’ has become a mantra these past few months when I consider aspects of my current lifestyle that feel messy or half-assed but are otherwise contributing to my day-to-day functioning. My lack of food in the fridge or of proper mealtimes. My haphazard attempt to consistently produce work that results in income. My uncertainty about where I am supposed to live. My attempts at staying in touch with the people I love, which had been discriminatingly narrowed down to only those who can meet me at a level of self-awareness and maturity that matches where I am headed. My insufficient sleep patterns as I slowly return my nervous system to homeostasis after the most activating few months of my life. 

    Whatever it is, my effort, care, patience, limitations, love, appreciation, hope… is enough. It has to be. Because I have realised that just because something could technically be better or done better or more efficient or more perfect doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be. That better doesn’t make me happier. But that accepting an imperfect, messy life and letting that be enough does.

    This morning, sitting in my bed looking out this window, writing these words to you, I appreciate how completely letting go and letting myself do things in this more lax and half-assed way has led me here. Living in the fifth arrondissement in central Paris in a beautiful two-bedroom apartment with high ceilings that I have sublet until the New Year, hopefully giving myself enough time for parts of my life to settle and replenish in ways I need them to before I have to make any further decisions about what is next.

    It is writing and the art of noticing that have offered me the calming ability to see the agency I do have in my life. Writing has held a thread of self-respect for me in a time when it felt like everything I had had fallen apart. It has shown me that what is really happening is that my life is finally falling together.

  • hello

    a small correction, a little favor, some life updates, and win a 90-min session with me valued at $250

    OCT 03, 2025

    Hi love,

    First, a correction. In my last letter, I invited you to The Art of Noticing and told you it begins in November. That was wrong. It begins in October. OCTOBER. In two-and-a-half weeks from now. 

    For reasons that are unclear to me but consistent, apparently, since they’ve plagued me my entire adult life, I cannot seem to keep October and November straight. They’re distinct but too similar, and my brain collapses them into one long stretch of autumn/fall, indistinguishable but lovely. Every year, I make this mistake. 

    So here I am, again, correcting myself: The Art of Noticing begins in October.

    Second: I need your help. I want to shape what comes next with you in mind, not in the way marketers mean when they say “know your audience,” but in the way I mean when I say I want this work to matter. So I made this survey. If you complete it, you’ll be entered to win one of three 90-minute 1:1 sessions with me (worth $250 each). 

    There is a tiny, little catch: to enter, you also share my Substack or Instagram with five friends. Then, in the form, tell me their first names and what you said to them about my work. I know it’s a bit extra, but I want to see how this community spreads: through whispers, trust, the intimacy of one person telling another, not ads or algorithms. 

    The competition closes on Sunday, October 19th, and I’ll draw and email the winners the next day. If you don’t want to enter the competition but just want to give me feedback, you can skip the part where you share my work and just leave me your thoughts instead. Your voice and thoughts are valuable to me. Thank you.

    Third: we’re in the middle of the 8-part her way club “how to change your life” series. (Thank you so much for all the incredible email responses I get from you on this! It’s deeply meaningful to learn how this series is resonating.) And yes, I keep interrupting it. I tell myself I shouldn’t, that people like consistency, but the truth is: I have too many things moving at the same time that I want to share with you. I would rather risk over-communicating and leaving enough space between each note to you than leave something unsaid that might be useful to you or follow some arbitrary rule.

    This year has been like a holy fire. Things I thought were permanent: systems, identities, relationships, ambitions, have collapsed into ash. And while it was frightening, it was also clarifying. What survived is what matters.

    None of this was on my 2025 mood board. The mood board had other plans: more travel, maybe a new home, some whimsical goals that looked like self-portraits painted in soft light. Instead, what I got was a lesson in self-worth, in boundaries, in recognising where I’ve been overspending: emotionally, energetically, physically.

    So here’s what’s changed in ways that impact you:

    I’ve put a paywall on all of my memoir-style writing. Because writing at that level of exposure costs me something real. Metabolising in public requires energy, courage, and recovery time. It feels important to honour that. 

    What I keep free is the writing that’s more directly of service, the kind that teaches or inspires, and points you back to my work itself. It felt like an important recalibration: a quiet reclaiming of value.

    I used to think I had to build an empire. 

    But conventional business empires are expensive, time-consuming and frankly, exhausting. The truth is, I’m tired. Not of my work itself. I love what I create. I love the people I serve. I’m tired of the way I’ve been made to believe I have to show up to be successful. 

    All I want is a simple, profitable business with minimal expenses, helping people and doing what I love. 

    There are times when my business doesn’t run perfectly, but I find that even on the challenging days, I am grateful. Because I am still waking up without an alarm, writing in my bed, working from a cafe, and able to fit my work around my life instead of the other way around. And that is such a gift.

    I quit coffee again because of this, and turned to black tea instead

    People like to tell you that a successful business is fully automated, and certainly, some automation helps, but I’ve found this works too: 

    Wake up
    Write
    Create and publish one piece of content
    Go for a walk
    Lunch
    See clients
    Workout
    Dinner + friends
    Sleep 

    It’s not glamorous, but it’s beautiful, it’s effective, and it’s enough. And my body and internal system and nervous system and heart thrive in this way.

    As long as I can:

    make money helping others
    be creative in the ways that pour out of me
    have minimal overheads and expenses
    set aside a good percentage for savings
    invest in experiences that I value
    have space and time to contemplate daily
    live in a beautiful environment with sun and water 

    I am a content, calm and fulfilled woman. 

    Success to me is:

    consistent income
    living within my means
    low overheads and expenses
    financial and time freedom
    saving money for the future
    spending time with people I love
    doing things that I love
    daily nature, sunshine and movement
    a beautiful home and external environments
    work that supports me and my lifestyle
    helping people through my creativity
    a mutable, fluid daily schedule 

    Every Monday, I have a little dreaming and planning day. Corporate types call it a ‘CEO Day’, but for me, it’s a check-in date with myself: 

    I look into how I am feeling (what do I want and need)
    I check my accounts, income and expenses
    I make sure I put money in my savings
    I dream into what I want to create more of
    I lean away from what I want less of
    I organise my week ahead 

    I do this every week, no matter what. I know that whatever I pour my love and attention into is what will grow. I choose to be intentional with that. This is how I nurture my relationship with my resources.

    I don’t have all the answers. But I do have a framework I’ve been returning to as I rebuild my life right now. It’s become my quiet compass in this transition. Thank you for being with me during this transformative time in my life. 

    I hope something wonderful happens for you this weekend.

    Love,

    Vienda

    P.S. Please remember to do my survey! It’s really helpful for me. Here it is again. Thank you.

  • uncertainty

    3/8 — the third rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)

    SEP 12, 2025

    Continuing our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:

    1/8 — deciding to play by your own rules
    2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong
    3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty

    Without inherited structures, you’re floating.

    If the first rule of her way club is making the choice to play by your own rules, and the second rule is subtracting everything that doesn’t belong to your life, then, if you’re doing it right, ultimately you will be led to the third rule as a natural consequence: uncertainty.

    Uncertainty acts as a doorway. 

    You’re supposed to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.

    The moment you stop living by borrowed rules and strip away everything false, you feel lost. The familiar timelines and “shoulds” vanish. And in their absence, uncertainty arrives.

    This is an initiation.

    It might feel like failure or danger. But it’s not. It’s the proof you’re on the right track.

    This is the part where you lean in and learn what is actually meant for you on a moment-to-moment basisThis is what being truly alive feels like.

    Your potential is determined by the amount of uncertainty you’re willing to embrace.

    If you’ve been journeying alongside me for a while, you will know that I spend extraordinary amounts of time in uncertainty, which I call by various names: the unknownthe void or the magic dark.

    Here are some examples:


    Career/Work

    I figured out pretty early on, in my early twenties, that the status quo career path was not going to be able to offer me the kind of life that I wanted. I had concluded that school was never meant to teach us how to learn effectively. It was to train us to be obedient. 

    Apropos nothing, but a side note I want to venture down briefly: Now, with the rise of AI, this truth is becoming impossible to ignore. The stable, predictable career paths of our parents and grandparents that promised safety and security are dissolving. The world now demands agility, responsiveness, and creativity. It’s an exciting opportunity. It means we get to consciously and deliberately choose (in true her way club vibes) how we spend our time, how we create value, how we resource our lives. The cost is that it requires a willingness to linger in the discomfort of uncertainty, sometimes for long stretches of time.

    I had to carve out a path of my own. 

    At the time, I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go in. I had a psychology degree, a love for writing and a personality. Those were the three things I had available to me.

    It was 2012.

    I used my writing hobby to start a blog.
    I used my psychology knowledge to provide a lens.
    I used my personality to build connections and relationships.

    Over time, I learned how to trust my own rhythm, built a successful personal brand and saw how clients, ideas, and opportunities began to appear because I was willing to hold steady in the uncertainty.

    The journey of uncertainty often looks like:

    • Letting go of control
    • Trusting your intuition
    • Embracing failure as a learning opportunity
    • Discovering your true passions and strengths

    In 2022, ten years later, I became complacent.

    I lost my drive, my direction was diluted, I forgot what I stood for, and I burned out. 

    After many mini cycles of uncertainty throughout my career up to that point, I entered one large period of uncertainty that lasted almost two years. Until recently, I spent a lot of time in confusion, feeling lost and being on the verge of giving up. 

    This is where the magic dark comes into play.

    I had to spend enough time in uncertainty for the right amount of vision to form, for clarity to arrive, to be able to launch myself into a new way of life.

    I have been promising you that I will share what this journey is all about, and I will. I already have an essay drafted, but keep editing, adding to it, and rewriting it because there’s a lot to say. And today, here in this space, is not the place.


    Home/Travel

    If there’s one area of life where I seem to have an unusually high risk tolerance, it’s where I place my feet and call home.

    In the past decade alone, I’ve packed my life into a suitcase or two and moved to a small town in Canada, a village in Mexico, a coastal city in the UK, then Mallorca, and most recently, New York City, each one chosen without ever having visited before.

    Sometimes these moves worked out beautifully, sometimes not. One thing has become abundantly clear:

    There is no perfect place.

    Every place will offer you something. A piece of yourself you hadn’t yet met, a lesson you didn’t know you needed, a relationship that will shape you.

    If you can choose a place that supports the season of life you are in and leave it when it no longer does, you are doing it right.

    Landing in a new place with no safety net, no mapped-out plan, just a suitcase and the decision to trust your instincts offers a peculiar kind of initiation. There is a mix of thrill and terror as you wander strange streets, question if you belong, and feel the weightlessness of having no context.

    But there is also something else: a sharpening of your senses.

    Living without inherited structures forces you into presence. You notice what food you crave, which streets feel friendly, who looks you in the eye, and the natural rhythm of your creativity and agency. Belonging drips in slowly, one kind stranger, one favourite café, one new friendship at a time.

    Each place I’ve lived has stripped me bare and handed me back to myself with greater clarity. They’ve offered me relationships I never could have imagined and moments of beauty that would never have happened if I had stayed still.

    It’s not that relocating is easy. It is often lonely. It is unmooring. But if you can stay with that discomfort long enough to let the edges soften, if you can learn to resource yourself from within while waiting for the puzzle pieces to fall into place (or don’t, and then you get to choose again), what comes from that space is unmatched.

    My career, friendships, and creativity all have roots in the decision to keep moving until I found places that matched my internal world. Without those leaps into the unknown, I suspect my life would be much, much smaller.


    Personal Connections

    If you’ve been with me a while, you know that I just went through the most brutal breakup of my life, so I am keeping this section brief. And… I am glad it happened.

    (If you want to catch up, the whole story is tucked inside the archives; a breadcrumb trail from the day we met a year ago to the day it ended two months ago.)

    In truth, there isn’t a single romantic relationship or friendship I regret releasing. Because what has grown in the fertile soil of those endings has always been worth it: deeper intimacy, clearer boundaries, a closer relationship with myself and others.

    It is never easy.

    There is always a deep and terrifying ache right after an ending. The kind that empties your chest, keeps you up at night, and makes you question every decision you’ve made in your life. The mind spins a million scenarios about how this is the end of love, the end of goodness, the end of belonging.

    But on the other side of that ache, there is something else, waiting. Usually, exactly the kinds of personal connections you have been yearning for. The ones that needed you to be ready for them.

    You can’t skip this stage. You can’t think your way through it. You can only live it. Floating in the unknown until the ground reappears beneath you. You can never arrive here without being in the uncertain in-between.


    Creativity

    Creativity is your unique contribution to the collective. But letting yourself be seen in your creative expressions can feel life-ending. 

    Many of you reading this are here right now: standing in that moment of decision. Should I start a Substack? Should I release the thing I’ve been dreaming about? Should I show myself more fully online, or dare to call myself an artist, a writer, a maker, a founder?

    This year, my biggest leap of uncertainty was finally admitting to myself that I am a creator and giving myself permission to share what I create in a way that feels aligned, meaningful, and honest.

    For more than a decade, I’ve been publishing writing for mostly free. I had it drummed into me that content marketing was a single file path and that I couldn’t deviate from it. I couldn’t bring myself to put a paywall around the tender, personal parts until just a few months ago. 

    And then, the moment I did, when I went all in, in valuing my writing and my memoir-style expositions, everything shifted. The work deepened. The readers who stayed became more engaged. As of today, I am only ten subscriptions away from becoming a Substack bestseller.

    There are other projects: courses, offerings, collabs that I sometimes sit on for months because I am scared no one will value them, that they won’t be well-received, that they’re not good enough, that they will vanish into the void. 

    But I’ve learned that if I can stay in that liminal space, uncomfortable as it is, something happens. The edges of the idea sharpen. The delivery deepens. The work becomes more potent. 

    And the things that don’t work out feed into things that do, which, as a counter-effect, become better than anything I have created before.

    Uncertainty is a creative pressure. It forces me to listen more closely, to refine, to make sure what I’m bringing into the world is the truest version I can offer.

    And with every round of staying with that discomfort, my capacity grows. I get better at holding myself in the unknown. Better at waiting for clarity to arrive. Better at trusting that what emerges from that space will have more depth, more resonance, more impact than if I had rushed to get it out just to soothe my own anxiety.

    The act of creating while uncertain is the transformation. It is what gives the work its aliveness, its resonance. When I let myself create from that place of risk, readers feel it. Clients feel it. I feel it.


    You’re supposed to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.

    But when it comes to living an extraordinary life, which is the only way to live a life that is truly your own (and what her way club is all about), most people interpret “feeling uncertain” as a sign they have taken a wrong turn. So they give up. They run back to the familiar and comfortable life that was planned for them. The one the system approves of, even if it’s the very life they were trying to escape.

    And maybe that’s why you’re here, reading this.

    Because deep down, you know you want more for yourself than the version of life you were handed. And to enjoy your life. Not just one day, but now, and into the future. 

    To enjoy your life, you have to keep learning, growing, evolving, and changing. And there is no way to change your life without spending time at the edge of the unknown.

    Uncertainty is the doorway.

    It’s the signal that you are in the exact place where transformation can happen.

    If the first rule of her way club is deciding to live by your own rules, and the second rule is subtracting everything false, then this… this floating, this disorientation, this not-knowing, is where the magic happens.

    Stay here.
    Stay with it.
    Stay long enough for your new life to appear.


    Some related articles you might enjoy reading:

    not ready

    VIENDA

    ·

    23 JANUARY 2024

    not ready

    When I was 15 I went on a long overseas trip for the first time entirely on my own. I had signed up to be a foreign exchange student in the States fo…

    Read full story

    not yet

    VIENDA

    ·

    11 APRIL 2024

    not yet

    I’m sitting in Brighton’s Artist Residence looking out at the English Channel, frothy white foam on the tips of waves sparkling between mist and bursts of sun, and hot chocolate to accompany me on th…

    Read full story

    how I learned to put myself ‘out there’

    VIENDA

    ·

    10 APR

    how I learned to put myself 'out there'

    To answer the title, how I did it is:

    Read full story

  • the first rule of ‘her way club’

    1/8

    The first rule of her way club is simple… 

    You have to decide if you are in or if you are out.

    Because until you make that choice, everything else in your life will be decided inside someone else’s frame.

    Every life is shaped by decisions, small and large. And there is one decision that sits above them all, one that becomes the axis of everything else: the choice to refuse the life you were handed at birth, without your conscious consent. You cannot create a life of your own until you first spit out the one you inherited.

    Yet, I know, I do know… saying no without knowing what you are saying yes to can feel more terrifying than leaping into thin air. Bear with me here…

    Most of us are taught to believe that the path is already paved. Follow the milestones. Take the job. Choose that kind of partner. Buy the house. Keep your head down. Belong by blending in. Stay safe by avoiding risk at all costs. 

    But the truth is, no one can hand you your way. They can only hand you theirs. To choose yourself, you must reject the average, the conventional, the status quo. You must be willing to step outside of the structure, even when your knees are shaking, and build your own frame of meaning.

    I want you to think of your life like a frame through which you see and choose. Most people live inside a frame they did not build. It tells them what to want, what to work for, what to measure themselves against. And then one day, something cracks. 

    The desire for freedom stirs. The realisation dawns: this frame is wrong for me.

    Here’s the paradox: freedom is not the absence of barriers. It is not drifting without edges or guardrails. Left unchecked, that kind of freedom quickly becomes its opposite: chaos, distraction, exhaustion. You don’t want freedom without form. What you truly want is the freedom to shape the form yourself. You want choice.

    That is why people are drawn so quickly to external structures: human design, astrology, sacred systems, even self-help frameworks. They promise clarity, rules, a map. But as soon as they become limitations, they are no longer helpful. We are here to do whatever we want, to follow whatever expression of Self is closest to the nexus of our soul.

    When these systems become limitations (see: projectors saying they can’t take action unless they have been tangibly “invited”), we must decondition ourselves from the programming that has us operating from “shoulds.” That’s why you need to create your own system, structure, framework, or code of existence. An inner guiding light.

    You do not want goals handed down by parents, teachers, bosses, society or culture. You do not want to inherit someone else’s scoreboard. And yet, in mistaking all structure for confinement, you risk throwing away the very thing that can save you: a system of your own making. Structure is not the enemy. Borrowed structure is.

    The ones who flourish are not the ones who float freely. They are the ones who build a world they want to live inside. They create rules that make sense for them, principles that become a compass when life threatens to scatter their attention.

    That’s what her way club is about. 
    Now… are you in, or are you out?

    Most people will give you a destination. Some will give you the steps to reach it. But almost no one will hand you the most vital thing: the navigation system to set your own coordinates and chart the path.

    Her way club is a way to unearth the rules that make sense for you. Over the next two months, I will send you weekly rearrangements of perception, direction, and focus. Each one is meant to become a small hinge that, over time, swings open an entirely new door.

    Integrate them into your mind, your choices, your actions. Give yourself 6-12 months. And then look back at the life you’ve quietly built.

    I remember the first time the words “not this” rose up inside me like a prayer and a rebellion all at once. I must have been nineteen, maybe twenty. I was living in London, filling in as a temp admin for a world-famous bridal magazine while I searched for a career path or life direction that felt like me. In a room too bright, clinical, fluorescent lights buzzing above a room full of people. People who looked bored, resigned, living a life that was supposed to be glamorous but really was pushing papers around to meet the deadlines and fill the ad pages. Their shoulders rounded, already defeated by life.

    I stood there, pretending to be immersed in my work, printing page after page at the printing machine for someone else to read through and sign, my body buzzing with a strange, quiet panic.

    In that moment, I felt it in my bones: not this.

    Not this life of ticking boxes and following rules that don’t belong to me. Not this slow suffocation dressed up as success. I remember staring at the clock, the second hand dragging itself forward, and thinking if I stay here, if I follow this way, something in me will wither before it even has a chance to bloom.

    That was the first crack. The first place I realised that the path laid out in front of me was never going to be my own.

    For me, it was less of a clear epiphany and more of a visceral aversion. A slow gathering of no’s. I looked around and saw lives that felt like cages: bodies grown stiff with lack of movement and sunshine, minds dulled by routine, relationships that had calcified into resentment and silence, jobs that took more than they gave. 

    Something in me whispered, with startling sharpness: Not me. Not this. Nope.

    I will not have a partner I resent.
    I will love in freedom and respect.

    I will not hate my body.
    I will live at home in my skin.

    I will not live to please a system that is broken.
    I will build a life that pleases my soul.

    I will not silence my voice.
    I will speak the truth that burns inside me.

    I will not abandon myself.
    I will choose myself, again and again.

    That whisper was the first hint of my anti-vision. If I could not yet say what my life would look like, I could at least say what I refused and wanted, instead. And that was enough to begin.

    This is where your way begins too… with the clarity of rejection. 

    When you truly reject the outcome of being like everyone else, you begin to gather fuel. Every time you encounter something that makes you contract, something you know you cannot live with, you are being handed a data point. Write it down. Take it on a walk. Let it carve an outline of the life you will not accept.


    This is the first half of the frame: the shape of what you are walking away from. But then comes the harder work: choosing what to walk toward.

    I didn’t know exactly where I was going, but I began to set my aim, in the form of living principles. I wanted to build a body that could carry me well. I wanted a mind that grew stronger every time it was tested. I wanted work that felt like service, not servitude. I wanted to live in devotion to excellence, the soft and steady commitment to becoming myself more fully.

    Your version will look different. It must. 

    This is not about copying a blueprint. It is about cultivating your own. Every woman has her own constellation of desires, but the throughline is the same: to grow in body, in mind, in spirit, and in the work you contribute to the world.

    Still, here is the truth that stops most people: 

    The fear of the unknown is heavier than the fear of becoming like everyone else. 

    And so you stay in place. But there comes a moment when the grief of sameness, the dread of mediocrity, the ache of a life unlived, becomes more unbearable than the fear of stepping into uncertainty. That is the moment of decision. 

    That is when you know you are in.

    Over the next eight weeks, this ‘rules of her way club’ series will serve as a navigation system. Not a map to someone else’s life, but a framework to help you chart your own. Together, we will learn how to treat uncertainty as signal, how to live a life so unique it becomes spiritual practice, how to root into your inner essence and your prosperity, how to shape an outer life of belonging and contribution, how to claim the mantle of creator, and how to design a life that is unmistakably yours.

    But all of that begins here. With one decision. With one yes, or one no.

    a practice for you, to begin:

    Take ten minutes today to begin your anti-vision. On a blank page, write down everything you know you do not want. Allow this to be your sharp truth. What type of existence would kill your spirit? What kind of love would shrink you? What routines would flatten your days? Take that list for a walk. Let your body feel the weight of it, and notice how the air tastes different when you silently promise yourself: 
    Not me. Not this.

    a micro-vow:

    “I commit to the excellence of being fully myself. From now on, I choose my way.

    a note from the field:

    I often work with women who have built their lives according to rules they thought they had to follow. From the outside, they look accomplished. Inside, they are hollow, uninspired, disconnected, and alone. Worse than lonely… cut off from themselves, from desire, from the messy, vital core of living.

    And so the questions rise, sharp and relentless:

    Why start a business if it only multiplies your stress?
    Why birth a child if it means years of fractured sleep?
    Why create, when that same time could be spent doing something useful?
    Why fall in love, when the ending might split your heart clean in half?

    Because that is the point of being alive.

    This — messy, uncertain, beautiful — is what life is. And when a woman finally admits, often through tears, that she hates the trajectory she was on, the story that felt already written with a predictable ending… something shifts. 

    That acknowledgement is not despair, it’s the crack in the frame. The fracture where light gets in. The first signal of her way. Your way.

    Every new life begins there.

    comment below:

    Tell me one thing you refuse to accept for your life. What belongs on your anti-vision list?

  • every day

    There are wispy clouds like someone painted white fine squiggles in the sky with watercolours. A pair of condors is flying overhead, taking turns falling from the sky and then back up again before drifting side to side. They are beautiful, I want to remember the moment. I pick up my phone. Then change my mind. 

    I look at them some more and blink my eyes once like a shutter release to take a snapshot with my mind.

    A swallow swoops down in a perfect U shape and skims the surface of the water I’m submerged in. It is cold and wet against my hot summer skin. It is 32C at 10 am and the air is thick with heat and humidity. I am desolate and sad, and I have a tan which feels like a contradiction.

    On a Zoom call, my therapist says that I am having a delayed trauma response to a brutal rupture. My therapist says breakfast and routine are important, especially when the body is under duress.

    I try to have some semblance of a routine.

    Every day, I eat breakfast. I’ve never been a breakfast person; I don’t wake up hungry. I eat my favourite things. Pineapple. Tasteless. Watermelon. Tasteless. Eggs, scrambled. Tasteless. I try coconut pancakes instead. Tasteless. Coffee. Horrible.

    Every day, I answer emails, have Zoom meetings, and work on commitments I had made before everything fell apart, and I wonder when it will stop feeling empty and meaningless.

    Every day, I walk to the pool and lie in the sun for an hour to let the Vitamin D spill into my body with the ambition that it will fill me with some hope. When the sweat starts to form a sheen on my skin, I let the water swallow me for a while.

    Every day, I fill pages and pages of my journal with thoughts and observations, wishing they will lead me to a clue, an insight, a sign for what to do next.

    Most days, I lie still in bed scanning my body for signs of life.

    For the first time in years, I leave my message notifications on because every ‘ding’ is a vital reminder that I am not alone, that I am loved, that I have not been abandoned. Each note asking me to hold on. Telling me that this will pass.

    My world has shrunk. My system keeps scanning for signs of danger. All I want is familiarity and safety. I cannot go too far in any direction.

    In the early evenings, I walk to a cafe 10 minutes away. 

    Last night I time I ordered rainbow rolls and an iced lemongrass and ginger tea, and ate alone in silence. I think, afterwards, I could go for a walk. I love walking. But I am not myself anymore. Too quickly, the outside world becomes too much. I have to go back home. Back to lying on my bed. Back to overthinking. Desperately looking for some version of a perfect plan that will make this feeling go away.

    The cap on my electrolyte drink is so tight that I cannot twist it open. I go downstairs to ask the doorman to help me. Crying is dehydrating. 

    A man in the lobby tries to strike up a conversation. He asks me where I am from and how long I will be here. His teenage daughters blink at me expectantly. I can tell he’s trying to be kind. I want to tell him that I am sick and heartbroken and do not want his pity or his attention. Instead, I force a smile and tell him that I have a cold and lost my voice and cannot speak right now. It’s also true. I regret wanting to drink my electrolyte drink.

    Back upstairs, my mind begins its familiar looping. A restless, compulsive turning over of questions that refuse to settle: where now, what next, where now, what next. Steady and unsatisfying.

    Do I stay in the States? Do I go back to Europe? Do I begin again somewhere I haven’t yet thought of? Do I simply sit here, in this suspended place, until something becomes more certain than this?

    I move the possibilities around in my mind, but nothing sticks. Everything is blurry with maybe, and too soon. I wish someone would hand me a plan. A project I can immerse myself in that is not mine. A location to be in for something greater than myself. I don’t want to think about myself for a second longer. I want something outside of myself to exist for. I want someone to say: come here, be here, we need you here

    I keep looking at the words I’ve just written in my journal:

    Do you have the patience to wait until the mud settles and the water is clear?
    Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?

    I stare at them. I don’t know if I do or if I can. But I will try.

    I want to remember that it’s possible, and that waiting doesn’t mean giving up, and that stillness is not the same as being stuck. The only way I know how is to decentralise my attention from my mind to my body. The mind keeps cycling; the body, at least, can soften.

    So I come back to these few small practices.

    Continued here for paid subscribers.

  • rebuilding

    I make my life transparent in these letters to you. Often with more ease than one would expect, but not always. I write candidly about the way I try to meet the gaps in my care as a child, I reveal aspects of my lifestyle that are often unmoored, I hapazardly and ambitiously run several online streams of value-for-income models, and I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my romances. 

    I have been moving through some of the tenderest times of my life recently. There are moments when I feel like life is so empty and devoid of meaning and substance. There are moments when I feel like life is exploding with colour and joy. These moments are opposite, and yet they coexist. Both are true.

    And it is times like these that bring me closer to something that we all sense:

    Comfort is seductive, but it’s not where we grow. We grow on the edge of things. 

    As I wrote in my stories yesterday. You have two choices:

    a) Continue forcing the version of you that will keep your current life stitched together at the seams.

    b) Surrender to the logic-defying, painful, beautiful, soul-awakening mess of where life wants to take you.

    Both are true. Sometimes you will need to hold on. Sometimes you need to let go. Devotion and commitment show up as different things at different times. 

    For me, the answer now is surrender. And that surrender requires a rebuilding. Not of my outer world, but of my inner scaffolding. A structure made not of strategies or timelines, but of gentleness, truth, and presence. The quiet integrity of choosing to meet each moment as it is, instead of trying to bend it into something I can manage or explain. The devotion of no longer abandoning myself, even when it would be easier to. Especially then.

    I begin with sleep. With rest that is heavy and uninterrupted. With giving my body the time it needs to catch up with everything my heart has carried these past months. Sleep has become sacred. A space where I remember I am not a machine built to function, but a being designed to feel.

    I pay attention to what nourishes me through the textures of ordinary care. I eat slowly. I walk often. I stay close to silence. I let my feelings rise without trying to trap them in language too soon. I cry when I need to. I let joy rise when it wants to, and do not hold it hostage with questions about whether it will stay. I am learning that being with myself in this way is not indulgent.

    I am tuning into my natural rhythm and letting that be enough. We all contain this natural intelligence.

    The only reason you ever feel out of step with your life is that you have stopped following the natural rhythm that your body and inner essence are always trying to lead you with. 

    We have become so accustomed to having the rhythm set for us by external forces. Parents. School bells. Job descriptions. Capitalism. Performance. Survival. We have spent our lives learning to respond to something outside of ourselves, and in the process, we forgot how to listen inward.

    We have handed over our agency in so many invisible ways that we no longer realise we are allowed to curate a rhythm of life that makes sense for us. A rhythm that honours our energy, our season, our humanity. We have accepted a pace that constantly makes us feel torn and separate and fractured, not because something is wrong with us, but because something is deeply wrong with the way we are being taught to live.

    I created Planet Powered to help you remember. 

    Not to replace your inner agency, but rather as a gentle framework to be used as a stepping stone. A structure that holds you within the shape of your modern life while still making space for a sovereign choice, each and every day, to ask what you truly need, and how you want to meet the world from that place.

    This rhythm is not about productivity or performance. It is about presence. It is about remembering that you are not here to fit yourself into a life that was not made for you. You are here to create a rhythm that holds your soul.

    We begin in two days.

    join us here, now 𓁹 𓁹

  • begin again

    there are seasons of our lives that strip us bare

    There are seasons of our lives that strip us bare. That take more than we thought we could bear losing. That ask more than we believed we had left to give. And still, we begin again.

    That’s what the first half of 2025 has been for me.

    Beginning again is not always a declaration. It is rarely bold or glamorous. Often, it is quiet. Awkward. Messy. It doesn’t look like courage from the outside. 

    It looks like sitting on the kitchen floor with tears in your eyes because you don’t know which place to call home anymore.

    I’ve had to begin again — and again — more times than I thought I would. 

    Recently, it was moving continents. Leaving behind a life I built. Letting go of places, people, patterns that had once held me, and realising they no longer could. I said goodbye to my beloved cat, Danger-baby, with a grief so physical it felt like my chest had caved in. I packed my life into a few bags. I watched plans dissolve, relationships shift, and dreams turn to dust.

    It looks like trying to breathe through a kind of grief that doesn’t announce itself, because it doesn’t come from one loss, but many. Layered, silent, and unseen.

    There are days when I cannot find words. There are nights when the ache is so wide it feels like I am floating through it. There are moments where I forget who I had been, and haven’t yet glimpsed who I was becoming. I watched plans unravel. I watched myself unravel, too.

    Something deeper kept whispering. Keep going. Keep going.

    Beginning again requires a kind of surrender most people don’t talk about. The kind that comes when life has cleared the path for you. When you no longer have a choice except to let go of what was and place one unsteady foot in front of the other.

    I’ve always had a strange kind of love for these moments. 

    The ones where everything is uncertain. Because inside the wreckage, there is a rawness that is unmistakably alive. A freedom that only comes when the identities and routines and ideas that once defined us have been stripped away. There is something holy in the not knowing. Something exquisite in the beginning.

    Iit is not easy. It takes everything. 

    Emotionally, it asks you to stay present with the discomfort when every part of you wants to numb out or run. Psychologically, it demands that you examine the beliefs and patterns that built the old version of you and ask if you are still willing to carry them forward. Physically, it is exhausting. The body keeps the score. And the body also clears the slate.

    Last night, a heavy thunderstorm rolled in at dusk. The air, thick and electric, cracked open with light. Rain began to fall in sudden, urgent sheets, pounding against the windows like it had something to say. I was inside, barefoot and restless, watching it come down with a kind of reverence… that feeling you get when nature mirrors something stirring in you.

    Without thinking, I flung the door open and stepped outside. The water was cold and wild as it hit my skin. I stood there, arms loose by my sides, letting the rain drench me. I tilted my face to the sky and let it all fall. The noise, the wetness, the rush of it. My clothes clung to me. My heart beat hard in my chest. I imagined the rain washing away everything I had carried. The grief. The doubt. The heaviness of holding it all together. I didn’t need to make sense of it. I just wanted to feel clean. Emptied. New.

    There, in the twilight, in the storm, I remembered: this is how we begin. Not by thinking our way forward, but by surrendering to the forces that ask us to feel. To clear. To come back to the body. To let life touch us.

    Sometimes, beginning again looks like walking through the world in a daze, unsure of your name or direction. Sometimes it is lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, convincing yourself that breathing is enough for now. Sometimes it is showing up to work or friendship or life, while something invisible inside you rearranges itself into a shape that can carry you forward.

    For the past two weeks, I couldn’t do much more than simply exist. 

    I pared life back to its most essential parts. Walks. Water. The sun on my skin. Gentle tasks. Stillness. I needed something to hold me that didn’t require words. Something I could lean on without having to explain myself. I remembered to turn towards rhythm. I anchored myself in the only thing that made sense: time. 

    Not the linear kind. Not the kind that pressures us to achieve or accelerate. The kind that follows the body. The cosmos. The planets. The pull of the week. The way each day carries a different tone, a different invitation, a different flavour of energy.

    This is what Planet Powered is made of.

    A lifeline. A way to gently orient myself to life again. To wake up and ask, “What does today want from me?” Monday is about movement and initiation. Tuesday helps me make decisions and take aligned action. Wednesday brings communication and connection. Thursday expands my vision. Friday reminds me to soften into love and beauty. Saturday returns me to my roots. And Sunday is the space to surrender and listen again.

    I created this, not just for me, but for you. 

    For the women who find themselves standing at the edge of a life that no longer fits, trying to hear what the future is whispering. For the ones who are not sure where to begin, but know they cannot stay where they are. For anyone who longs to be reminded that the pace of your life can follow the pace of your soul. That your days can hold meaning, even when everything feels uncertain. That rhythm can carry you when reason cannot.

    This is what I want you to know: nothing is wrong with you if your heart is aching. If the path is not clear. If you feel tired or tender or unsure. This is the precious work of becoming. There is a version of you that only emerges through this particular kind of fire. Not the kind that burns you down. The kind that refines you.

    You do not need a plan. You do not need to rush. You do not need to explain.

    You just need to be with what is here now. Let the rhythm hold you. Let the ache move through. Let yourself be remade.

    This is how we begin again.

    And if you’re craving a rhythm to hold you while you do, Planet Powered is here.

    It’s a guide, a practice, a gentle structure for your inner and outer life, rooted in the energy of the seven planetary days of the week. Beginning next Sunday, July 13th, we’ll move through it together — one day at a time — inside a live community space where I’ll share daily reflections, guidance, and invitations to anchor you into the energy of the day.

    If you’re in a threshold season — if you’re rebuilding, reimagining, or simply needing to remember your own rhythm — I’d love to walk with you.

    You can learn more and join us here: https://viendamaria.com/planet-powered/

    We begin again, together.

  • what I really think of nyc

    & why I’ve stayed…

    find my list of fav cute places in nyc here on Instagram

    I heard a loud crunch, followed by the softest gasp, and turned my head. A bicycle lay on its side, a man tangled with it on the ground, and a large SUV hovered just above them, still and silent.

    In an instant, people moved. Without hesitation, strangers rushed forward, bending down, reaching out, offering presence and help. A small collision. A moment of disruption. And then, care. Simple, instinctive, human.

    That’s what New York is like. Sudden, raw, and full of heart.

    My friend Petra and I were sitting on the terrace of my favourite natural wine bar in LES when it happened, the fragility of human life, the compassionate human response brought tears to my eyes. In many ways, this encapsulates what I think of this city.


    People keep asking me “what were your first impressions?” and “did you actually even want to go?” and “what do you really think?” and “do you want to stay?” 

    New York holds you in ways you cannot hold yourself. It cradles you and asks you to let yourself be swept away by its momentum. If you cling to what you think you know and resist the current, it will spit you out. It is deeply imperfect. It is alive in a way that catches you off guard. There are layers to it, and not all of them are beautiful. You cannot escape yourself here. You meet yourself again and again. In the streets, in the faces, in the silence that exists between the sirens. 

    I think the New York that people fell in love with, the one that raised artists and misfits, the one pulsing with radical self-expression, is gone. Or at least fading. What remains is a softened echo. A diluted version wrapped in branding. You can still hear the heartbeat, but it’s muffled by rent prices and influencer cafés.

    I’ve seen this happen before. The cities stretch, and the soul thins. Creatives, thinkers, those who live at the edge of culture leave. No longer willing to mortgage their joy for the performance of a lifestyle. The New York I had hoped to meet doesn’t live here anymore. Or maybe she’s hiding. I don’t know.

    And still, the city pulls you in. There is something magnetic about the way life moves here. The pace makes you sharper. The people make you braver. Everyone is building something. Everyone is searching. 

    It has given me clarity. About what I want. About what matters.

    New York City retains a feverish optimism that anything is possible here. The American dream that you can create a new life on these shores remains intact and alive. The people cling to it, and this perspective offers opportunities to build on possibility and belief, if little substance. And that is enough. It is enough to start with. Substance comes with time.

    New York City hold the power of proximity. Most cities are built wide, so it takes an hour, if not more, to go anywhere. It is built sky-high, so everything is within half an hour’s reach, either walking or by Subway. It means you can meet people and go places without overly taxing both your energy and your time. The currency of this city is the value of your relationships. 

    That accessibility makes a huge difference.


    I came to New York for love. For adventure. For the desire to experience a different perspective and to reclaim my sense of inspiration and hope. I believed, deep in my bones, that the relationships I build shape everything that comes next. And for that, I couldn’t imagine a better place. 

    I also came to New York because I wasn’t sure where else to go.

    On Tuesday evening, I was supposed to board a flight to London, but I didn’t.

    Life cracked open in a way I didn’t see coming. Plans changed. The shape of my future shifted overnight. And so I stayed. Not because I wanted to, exactly, but because something asked me to meet it here, in the unknown, in the aftermath, in New York.


    hi friends!

    I felt like nodding my head at the fact that this newsletter is never just one thing. It’s part personal memoir, part story, part soul of my business. It contains multitudes, like I do, including updates and offerings, woven between reflections and real-life turning points. It arrives when it’s ready, not when a schedule demands it.

    Some weeks it’s a window into what I’m creating or learning. Other times it’s just a trace of where I’ve been or what’s breaking open in me. But always, it’s a long thread of my desire to be of service. To contribute something meaningful through words, through beauty, through whatever insights life offers me to pass on.

    I’m so grateful you’re here. That you let me do things this way. That you’ve never asked me to make my creative work more conventional, more predictable, more polished. Instead, you let me do it her way. And for that, I’m deeply glad. I’m working on an essay that reveals this business approach in depth because this is what I have discovered:

    Even though it’s really scary at first, it always pays off to do things your way. Even you think it’s wrong. Even when you think it’ll never work. Which is the underlying premise of her way club. To always trust yourself despite any doubt. 


    For the past months, I’ve been quietly working on something behind the scenes. A little companion guide I’ve been using in my own life for more than a decade. A way to ground, to find rhythm again, to work with the natural currents of time instead of pushing against them.

    It’s called Planet Powered…:for the curious

    Over the last few days, everything finally came together. The words, the flow, the feeling of it. It’s part written word, part gentle practice. A simple guide to living in rhythm with the energy of each day of the week. A way to tune back in, realign, and soften into how life wants to move through you.

    I’ll share more soon, but for now, I just wanted to let you know it’s here.

    And I hope it meets you exactly where you are.

  • forecast says SUN 🌞

    forecast says SUN 🌞

    grab your favourite drink and settle into your cosiest corner… this is a big update

    It’s 18:25 (that’s 6:25 pm for my American friends) and I’m almost horizontal on the floor-level white sofa, laptop perched on my thighs, a handful of hazelnuts in my left hand, slowly popping them into my mouth while typing with the right. A glass of sparkling water with lime is within reach on the white square Ikea coffee table—a table I’ve met many times, in many different places.

    The forecast says SUN 🌞 for the week ahead.

    But I’ve been tired.

    The dream-state of arriving somewhere new has started to wear off. I’ve been in Manhattan six weeks today. And while it is thrilling, trying to start a life in a brand-new place demands every form of resource: emotional, mental, financial, energetic.

    Slowly, we’re finding our little rituals, the things that make a place feel like home. 

    The Bhakti Yoga Centre has been a saving grace, offering respite from emotional strongholds on most days. Sundays have become sacred: dropping off our compost at Tompkins Square Park, stopping by Cafe Christie for a flat white and croissant, then visiting the farmers market for locally-grown, organic produce.

    Felice (pronounced fe-LEE-che, FYI) scolds me for paying $10 for two large heirloom tomatoes, so I refrain from telling him about the $11 yellow zucchinis. But supporting local farmers is the dream, no? Isn’t that what we believe in, as small business owners?

    A quick note on F: he’s more private than I am. So, out of respect, you won’t see him in my content. From here on, I’ll refer to him as F because typing “my boyfriend” or “my partner” too many times feels… effortful.

    Fridays, we explore somewhere new. In between, life rolls on with both of us tapping away at our projects in different corners of our Lower East Side studio. Me, on the sofa. Him, at the little kitchen table. I’m grateful. We landed a place in a city where housing is notoriously hard to come by.

    F knows the owners, so we’re subletting. But it’s a downgrade in quality of life. We’re paying the same to live here (where the shower is in the living room (!?)) as we were in our separate one-bedroom apartments.

    And as someone who thrives on solitude (want me to be happy? leave me alone for 6–8 hours), this transition has been… bumpy. I’ve been mitigating it with long walks (including to Whole Foods, where I can wander in peace), and by tucking into the sanctuary of yoga classes.

    But what really makes it hard to relax? It’s not clean. The dust on the radiators is a finger deep. If I wipe the floor after dropping something, the cloth comes up black. I spent days scrubbing the toilet to stop its smell from permeating the whole flat. It’s tidy, and it’s cute. But honestly? I want to ask if we can deep clean the entire place in exchange for a month’s rent. Wash the sofa covers, clean the rugs, scrub every surface.

    Have I become my mother? Maybe.


    Soon, we will have to leave again. This weekend, we started planning the summer.

    As part of our visa process, we’ll need to return to Europe for an embassy interview in Vienna. Since I’m a saltwater-and-sun child, I gently requested that we make the most of it by working from somewhere in the Mediterranean for a month or two.

    But before that: London!

    I’ll be there for five days — June 26 to 30 — and I’d love to connect with those of you nearby.

    taken on my analog camera in 2022 while on a date near London’s Kings Cross

    her way club picnic — you’re invited! 𓂃 𓈒𓏸 𓇼 

    Saturday, June 28 on Hampstead Heath
    Bring a blanket, some snacks to share, wine or cider if you like, and let’s have a sweet, easy picnic together. Partners, besties, furry loves — all welcome. A casual hangout, IRL connection, and a little midsummer joy.

    I want to picnic! 🧺

    london business intensive ⊹ 𖦹 ⁺。°

    I have one spot open for a half-day business intensive while I’m in town. These used to book out months in advance! If your name is being whispered by this invitation, reply and I’ll send you the details.

    One of my recent IRL clients said:

    “I worked with Vienda for support in my writing coaching business. With her guidance, I reached a new height, achieved a long-held goal, and signed a $6k client in just a few weeks. Throughout the process, I felt seen, heard, held, and safe. Her trust in me helped me trust myself more — the definition of a believing mirror.”

    london-based brand? let’s collaborate! ☼✧𖦹

    I’ve got one free day in London and would love to team up with a local brand for a collab. I’ve got a list of ideas… if this sparks something in you, reply and I’ll send them over. Let’s make magic together.


    let’s collaborate — online & in real life ˚⋆𓇼˚⊹

    At the start of this year, I lost my Instagram account — a space that had been home to a decade of connection, creative expression, and community. It was a weird kind of heartbreak, but also a gentle push in a new direction. One that has reminded me of something essential: we are meant to build things together.

    Since then, I’ve felt a deep desire to actively rebuild — not just my online presence, but the relationships and creative kinships that make this work so meaningful. 

    For the first time in years, I feel ready and excited to stretch back out into the world. I want to collaborate. I want to guest post. I want to be on your podcast. I want to create shared magic — whether that’s through art, words, events, education, slow business, or joyful things we haven’t dreamed up yet.

    No one is too small. If you’ve got a fledgling Substack, a niche brand, a soulful offering, a quiet podcast, or a burning idea, let’s talk

    I’ve kept a lot of myself close since my burnout in 2023, but now it feels like the season to reach out again and co-create with people who care deeply and are doing beautiful, thoughtful things.

    Whether you’re based in London, NYC or somewhere I’ve never heard of… whether you want to do something online, in person, or somewhere in between… please reach out. I’d love to hear what you’re working on and see how we can support each other’s visions.

    Let’s build this new era together.


    other work-related news:

    Running The Art of Noticing recently and now The Way She Knows has reinvigorated my desire to bring women together in soft, sacred, expansive ways. They have both been such special containers and Her Way Club is starting to take on a shape of her own making. Meanwhile, Plannher is having a sweet renaissance (only a few hundred final copies left!), and The Mentor Training is getting a full upgrade: a new teacher, deeper content, more accessible than ever. Becasue leadership with heart and integrity feels more important than ever in a world of half-human robots.


    Speaking of robots…

    On Sunday one of my besties from London sent me an AI prompt to do a holistic health analysis based on a recent photo. I normally avoid AI, but this was fun and surprisingly spot-on.

    Here’s the prompt if you want to try it too:

    Analyse my face as a professional: physiognomist, nutritionist, psychosomatologist and women’s health expert. Please tell me:

    1. How old I look visually
    2. What deficiencies and internal conditions are visible through facial features
    3. What to pay attention to for women’s health
    4. What psycho-emotional state may be influencing my wellbeing
    5. What character traits or conflicts are expressed in my face
    6. What lifestyle/diet/rest/belief changes you recommend, and a suggested plan.

    I know it’s a little ironic to take personal health advice from a robot but honestly, it offered some unexpectedly valuable insights. Nothing groundbreaking, just gentle reminders I already knew, but really needed to hear from an outside perspective. I’ll definitely be weaving a few of them into my days.


    ok, one last (also fun) thing!

    F (who is 8 years younger than me and doesn’t remember the pre-emoji era — jk, kind of) asked how I decorate my digital world with symbols. I told him I keep a running list in my Notes app. So here it is—for you, and for him (hi F!).

    CURRENT FAVOURITES

    ← ↑ → ↓ °C ½ ⤵  ◯ ◠⋒≋ 𖦹☟ ☼ ✧ 𓂃 𓈒𓏸 𓇼 இ 🝦 ஐ ˚⋆𓇼˚⊹ 𖦹 ⁺。° ☾ ☀

    SUN, MOON + STARS
    ☾ ☽ ❍ ☼ ☀ ★ ☆ ☄ ╰☆╮ ✳ ✴ ☾↠❍↞☽ ↡

    PLANETS

    ☉☽ ☾ ● ◯ ☿ ♀ ♄ ♃ ⊕ ♁ ♂ ♅ ♆ ♇

    ARROWS
    ↠ ↞ ➵ ➳ ➳ ➴ ➵ ➶ ➷ ➸ ➹ ➺ ➻ ➼ ➽ ← ↑ → ↓ ↔ ⋖ ⋗ ⋘ ⋙ ☟

    FLOWERS
    ❀ ✿ ❇ ❈ ❅ ❄ ❆ ✷ ✸ ✹ ✺ ✻ ✼ ❆ ❈ ❊ ❋

    LOVE HEARTS
    ♥ ♡ ❥ ❤

    SACRED SYMBOLS
    ◯ ◠ ⋒ ≋ ❂ ྊ ྾ ྿ ࿄ ࿇ ࿈ ࿉ ࿊ ࿋ ࿌ ࿏


    Phew! Is there anything else? Probably lots, but this is not my secret diary entry, so some things must remain close to my heart.

    Thank you for being here with me. You, who make up this community, who have become my readers, allys and viewers are so incredibly thoughtful, loving and kind and it means the world to me.

    Love,

    Vienda

  • practices that help me reclaim my self-trust

    one decision at a time

    “When I came in this evening, I was so identified with my emotion,” I said, twisting to face the teacher. “I was like: I’m so saaaaad! WWWAAAAHHHH!!!” I exaggerated, earning a few giggles from behind me.

    It was a rainy night in NYC’s Lower East Side. I was at a yoga and philosophy class.

    Speaking in front of others used to terrify me. I’d flush with heat, my thoughts would tangle, and my voice would betray me. I’d prepare what I wanted to say in advance, rehearsing endlessly in my head while others spoke. By the time it was my turn, I wasn’t even there anymore. I was so consumed by trying to say the ‘right thing’ that what came out was a jumbled mess. Then came the shame spiral. I hated the awkwardness of being seen.

    I used to think I was shy.

    But really, I didn’t trust myself.

    As I continued sharing, I said, “But then I moved and sweated and got into my body, and loosened the grip sadness had on me. I remembered that I am not my feelings, I’m just a person having feelings. And now, I feel fine! So I guess… yoga works!”

    We all laughed. That’s why we’re here. Because it works.

    It struck me again how easy it is to forget what we know when our minds are loud and cluttered. When we can’t hear the part of us that already knows

    That’s the ache of self-abandonment.

    When, at the end of the day or week, or season, you realise you’ve lived from doubt instead of trust. You ignored your intuition. You bypassed your knowing. You outsourced your truth. And now you feel like a stranger to yourself.

    That is not a feeling I enjoy. 

    You don’t trust yourself because you’ve never been taught how. Because you’re afraid of making mistakes. Because the noise of the world is so loud that your inner voice doesn’t get heard.

    Self-trust doesn’t just happen. 

    It’s not the result of being perfect or always making the right choice. 

    It’s a relationship. 

    One that begins when you decide to start showing up for yourself with consistency, clarity, and care. A big part of that is creating enough mental space to actually hearyourself.

    One of the most practical ways I anchor into my own self-trust is by gently clearing out the mental and energetic clutter. When my mind is quiet, my intuition becomes louder. My clarity returns. I know what to do next because I can feel it again.

    Here are some of the practices that help me return to that place:

    Let yourself take a proper social media break. Even one full day away can shift your entire nervous system. Delete the apps. Reclaim your attention. Eat breakfast without scrolling. Go for a walk without your phone. Remember what it feels like to live in your body, not just online. You’re not going to miss anything. Everything important will still be here when you return.

    Stop checking email first thing in the morning. Give yourself at least one sacred hour before you open your brain to the demands of the world. That slow morning is magic and deserves to be protected. Use it to write, stretch, dream, create, listen. You can reply to emails later, when your creativity doesn’t need your full bandwidth.

    Turn off all unnecessary notifications. Not every ping deserves your attention. Not every alert is urgent. Let your phone serve you, not the other way around. (The only notifications allowed on my phone are phone calls and messages.)

    Make a list of the decisions that are swirling in your mind. Take note of the unmade choices weighing you down, and decide on them. All at once, if you can. Yes or no. Now or later. Decide to decide, or decide not to decide until next month or next year. Give your brain the closure it craves.

    Close open loops. Send the email. Pay the invoice. Return the item. Follow up with the person. You will be astonished by how much mental energy you free up when you stop dragging yesterday’s loose ends into today.

    Declutter your phone. Most of us have dozens of apps we never use. Delete what doesn’t support the version of you that you’re becoming.

    Delegate what you can. For so long, I resisted delegation. But delegation is actually about accepting and receiving help. It’s wise. It creates more time, space, and energy for the things only you can do. And it gives others a chance to support you, which they often want to do.

    Make amends where needed. Apologise. Forgive. Repair. Set things down that you’ve been carrying around in silence. Even if it’s something small, clearing the emotional debris makes room for a deeper self-trust to take root.

    When you do all this, even a few of these things, you begin to soften into yourself. You feel more grounded, more lucid, more resourced. You don’t need to grasp or hustle for answers because you can access them right here, within yourself.

    This is the work of The Way She Knows.

  • you might fall in love on an ordinary Thursday and move to New York six months later

    you might fall in love on an ordinary Thursday and move to New York six months later

    …an honest letter about starting over in the world’s most famous city

    After a month in New York, I’ve concluded that it really is like living inside a movie. Yesterday, walking through the West Village, we passed one of the leads from YOU and that comedian my boyfriend calls “the ‘I’m a swan!’ guy.” I wouldn’t have recognised either of them, but he’s a pop culture encyclopedia, which I find endlessly entertaining.

    The most charming thing about this city is how hard it tries not to be American. It’s clinging tight to its immigrant roots, claiming the most obscure and beautiful bits of the many cultures that built it.

    In the vlog above, you’ll get a glimpse of my first chaotic, cosy, overstimulating, sunshine-filled weeks in the city, from yoga class revelations and focaccia-making to lazy girl makeup rituals and navigating PMS in a place that never stops buzzing. I reflect on how long it takes to feel grounded somewhere new, what I love about NYC (surprise: the water??), and the tiny wins that help me find my pace in the madness. 

    I came here with the intention to document it all. To share the magic of experiencing everything for the first time. But the truth is, while I love it here, I don’t have as much space or time as I once did. I used to languish in my creativity — let it ooze out of me like molten lava. Now, I live in a studio apartment on the Lower East Side with my boyfriend (who also works from home), and the luxury of spaciousness just… isn’t available right now.

    Which means two things: one, I need to carve out more time and space that’s mine, and two, I need to learn how to create within the chaos. To let inspiration move through me, even in the chaos and noise.

    Something is changing in me. I’m becoming someone I don’t quite recognise yet.

    Usually, I’m a step ahead of life. I can see what’s coming. But right now? Life is a step ahead of me. I’m being asked to trust. Not because everything is certain, but because I can.

    People often ask how I’ve built such deep self-trust. The answer isn’t about what I’ve done differently. It’s about what I’ve let go of.

    My self-trust lives in the space I’ve cleared for it.

    In my early twenties, when I was stumbling through my first spiritual awakening, I discovered — quite accidentally — a clearing process I now call the RRRRI Method:
    Reflect · Review · Release · Replace · Integrate.

    I’ve taught this to hundreds of clients.

    It came to me one night, maybe 15 years ago, while I was lying in bed meditating. I was new to it then, but it gave me a peace I hadn’t known before. A quietness that made space for things to rise up. The kind of space that lets truth speak.

    I carried around a lot of pain.

    My mum struggled with depression and anxiety, and as a sensitive kid, I absorbed much of it, believing it was mine. My dad died when I was ten. My stepdad, who entered the picture when I was four, was cruel, verbally and emotionally abusive. At one point, when I was six, he made me live in a caravan outside while the rest of the family was in the house. My mother joined him in the abuse. She told me later she thought siding with him would make it easier on me. 

    That’s the surface-level story, and honestly, it’s not the point. I share this not for pity, but to offer context — to show you the shape of the beliefs I had to unravel in myself.

    Maybe you’ll recognise some of them:

    I am not wanted.
    I am not lovable.
    I am not safe.
    I have to do it all alone.
    I can’t ask for what I need.
    It’s not safe to speak up.
    I must not upset others.
    There’s something wrong with me.
    I have to hide who I really am.

    That night, in meditation, I felt frustrated. I kept circling back to these painful memories. It felt like I couldn’t move forward. And suddenly, a thought came:

    These memories aren’t hurting me. I’m hurting me — by replaying them.

    They were still active in me because they were unresolved.

    I realised that every emotional block, every limiting belief, is just an unprocessed experience we’ve held onto for safety. At one point, those beliefs helped us survive. But they outlive their usefulness. And instead of releasing them, we keep them close out of habit — or fear — and they start to manifest in our lives, in our bodies. As pain. As illness. As stuckness. As stories we can’t seem to rewrite.

    That night, I didn’t get caught in the stories. I just let the feelings rise. Memory after memory. Sadness, anger, grief — I let it all come, and I felt it. Fully. Until it softened. I cried for hours. I forgave myself. For how I had carried it all for so long.

    And something in me shifted.

    Over the days and weeks that followed, I kept practising. Feeling. Releasing. Replacing. Integrating. And little by little, things began to change. I lost the extra weight I was carrying. My skin cleared. My eyes were brighter. My relationship to food, to my body, to myself softened. I began to like who I was. To see my own beauty, not just my flaws. Life itself looked and felt different.

    And now? I teach that same method inside The Way She Knows

    Because when you begin to clear out the old noise — the stories, beliefs, and inherited patterns that were never truly yours — you don’t just feel lighter. You feel free. Free to trust yourself. Free to choose what’s true for you. Free to follow your feelings without needing to explain, justify, or prove a thing.

    From that place, life starts to unfold in the most unexpected, beautiful ways. You stop gripping for control, and instead start co-creating with the world around you. You stop chasing clarity, and somehow, it finds you.

    You might fall in love on an ordinary Thursday and move to New York six months later. (That’s what happened to me :). You might find yourself changing careers, shifting relationships, saying yes to things you once feared, and letting go of things you thought you needed — not because something’s wrong, but because something inside you has become deeply right.

    When you trust yourself, you don’t need to have everything figured out. You just need to listen. You need to stay close to that quiet knowing within. And when you do, the next step always reveals itself.

    That’s the way she knows. And it’s already inside you.

    Come join us.

    We begin on Monday, May 26th, enrolment closes Friday, May 24th.

  • let life be really good

    some thoughts on softness

    Some years are made for fighting shadows, some years are made for dreaming dreams, some years are made for wholly living, some years are made for falling in love, some years are made for heartbreak, and some years are the dark, rich spaces in-between that tie all the other years together.

    There are moments in every woman’s life 𓂃 often subtle, always significant 𓂃 when she realises she’s been waiting for life to feel good later.

    I am that woman, too.

    After the move.
    After she’s earned it.
    After the next launch.
    After she’s healed enough, achieved enough, grown enough.

    It’s not that she doesn’t want goodness now.
    It’s that her nervous system doesn’t recognise it as safe.
    She’s built her identity on high-functioning self-reliance, on holding it all together, on always preparing for the next hit of chaos.

    Goodness feels foreign. Untrustworthy. Fleeting.

    But there comes a point when you get tired.
    Not just tired in your bones, but soul-tired.
    Tired of bracing for bad news.
    Tired of living on emotional adrenaline.
    Tired of feeling like peace is something you can only visit in short bursts.

    This moment is an invitation: what if life gets to be good now?

    your body doesn’t lie

    If your system is used to surviving, “good” can feel unsafe.

    Calm can feel like a threat.
    Pleasure can trigger shame.
    Stillness can summon panic.

    We don’t override that reality by shaming it. We honour it. We meet ourselves there.
    Letting life be good begins with learning how to stay with good. To recognise it. Receive it. Regulate in the presence of it.

    This isn’t just a mindset shift. It’s a somatic one.

    Which is why I ask myself:

    What are the tiny signals of goodness I can practice noticing?
    ✧ the softness of my sheets in the morning
    ✧ the kindness in a stranger’s eyes
    ✧ the miracle of a moment with nothing to prove

    The more I notice, the more I can hold.
    The more I hold, the more I trust.
    The more I trust, the safer it feels to expand into joy without sabotage.

    you don’t have to earn softness

    So many of us were raised on invisible contracts that said:

    Be good, then you’ll get love.
    Work hard, then you’ll get rest.
    Suffer well, then you’ll get your reward.

    It creates a rhythm of deprivation, where we become addicted to proving our worth through pain. It keeps us stuck in cycles of over-functioning, over-giving, over-efforting.

    But what if we broke the contract?

    What if softness wasn’t a prize at the end of your endurance?
    What if it was the starting point?

    This is the paradox of receiving: you can’t force it.

    You have to soften enough to allow it. That softness — that capacity to receive life fully — is a practice of presence, not perfection.

    It asks:
    Can I let myself enjoy this moment without earning it?
    Can I stop bracing for it to be taken away?
    Can I let it be this good, this easy, this free?

    practicing your way into goodness

    Letting life be good isn’t about bypassing the hard stuff.
    It’s about refusing to let pain be your only portal to meaning.

    Here are some ways I’m practicing:

    1. Noticing where struggle has become identity.
    Do I feel more real when I’m suffering?
    More valid when I’m busy?
    More lovable when I’m useful?

    2. Replacing performance with presence.
    Instead of performing wellness, I’m allowing mess.
    Instead of performing peace, I’m regulating in real time.
    Instead of performing power, I’m rooting into truth.

    3. Setting up small rituals that remind me I’m safe to enjoy.
    A slow morning. A spontaneous dance break. A walk without my phone.
    Tiny practices that say to my system: this is safe, this is safe, this is safe.

    4. Choosing environments that don’t require me to shrink.
    The people, spaces, and structures I choose are part of the goodness.
    They reflect back the truth that I don’t have to abandon myself to belong.

    a closing truth

    There’s a quiet rebellion in letting life be good.
    In refusing to rehearse old wounds.

    In choosing to orient toward pleasure, peace, and enoughness, not as a reward, but as a right.

    And like all rebellions, it takes practice.

    But the more we choose it, the more it becomes familiar.
    The more we hold it, the more it grows.
    And the more it grows, the more we remember: this is what we were always meant for.

    Let your life be good, not someday, but now.

    Not because you’ve earned it.
    But because you’ve remembered how to receive it.

    This is the work we do inside ‘The Way She Knows.

    A gentle, practical journey to release the limiting beliefs, patterns, and conditioning that keep you stuck and to help you reconnect to your quiet knowing.

    We start on Monday, May 26.

    Earlybird price ends on Monday with the full moon.

    The Way She Knows

  • clovers

    clovers

    about clovers, consciousness, and coming home to yourself

    The first time I searched for clovers, I was lying in the garden of my grandparents’ home, cheek pressed to the grass. I must’ve been three or four. My mother, crouched beside me, coaxed me to listen. “You can hear it grow,” she said. She weaved her hand through a patch taller than the rest, her voice low and conspiratorial. “We’re looking for a four-leaf clover,” she told me. “One in every ten thousand is lucky.”

    I was spellbound. Even at that age, I think I knew somewhere inside my tiny chest that this was what I’d always be doing. Looking for signs of the mystical, the invisible, the more-than-meets-the-eye hidden in plain sight.

    Years pass. Another country. Another version of me.

    It’s 4 a.m. in Bristol, and something wakes me. A vibration. Somewhere in the distance, a sound system is thrumming through the earth like a call. I dress quickly, wrap an oversized scarf around my shoulders, fill a water bottle, and step out into the still-blue dark.

    The streets are half-asleep, but I’m pulled forward. Down narrow lanes. Through a tunnel tagged with messages like prayers. I follow the sound, lose it briefly to the growl of a generator, then find it again. Cresting a hill, I arrive to see a hundred people scattered across a grassy knoll. A makeshift DJ booth. Giant speakers booming techno into the sky.

    Someone walks up to me immediately, parched. He gestures toward my bottle. “Of course,” I say, handing it over. When he finishes drinking, he presses a little white pill into my palm. A thank you.

    I take it without thinking, settle down into the grass beside someone I half-know. My fingers begin to idly stroke the blades. And then, suddenly, I see one. A clover. Four leaves. Then another. Then another. Seven in total, all nestled in a single patch beneath me like a private miracle.

    I fold six of them into my notebook and give one to my neighbour, giddy. I’m high. The music is inside me. The sun is coming up and everything feels full, like the veil between the seen and unseen has grown thin. My heart is pounding with joy.

    Reality, I’ve learned, is never neutral. It bends through the lens of the mind that’s perceiving it. What you see, what I see, it’s never the same thing. We’re all wandering around inside our own maps, shaped by family, culture, memory. When we insist that ours is the only truth, we miss each other entirely.

    Fast forward again. Tuscany, Italy. A villa hidden among olive trees. I’m here with a lover, invited to help with the harvest. For days, we rake olives from branches and into nets, the work sweet and repetitive, the kind that exhausts the body just enough to quiet the mind.

    On the fifth morning, I froth milk over the stove and carry two coffees outside. The children from the house circle around me, their chatter light and skittish as birds. One of them, a two-year-old girl, calls me “Honey.” She can’t pronounce Vienda.

    I feel the now-familiar pull. My eyes land on a darker patch of grass. I set the coffee down and kneel.

    “What are you doing, Honey?” she asks.

    “I’m looking for a four-leaf clover,” I reply.

    And there it is. Right in front of me. Then another. The adults gasp. I hand both to my lover. He presses them into the back of his journal like evidence.

    There’s magic everywhere if you know how to see. But so many of us have forgotten. We’ve been taught to expect danger, to defer to logic, to stay in line. We’ve been told that surrender is foolish, softness is weakness, and intuition is unreliable. And so, we trade our knowing for safety. Our voice for approval. Our inner wisdom for the illusion of control.

    But eventually, the body remembers what the mind has tried to override.

    Just days ago, here in New York, the city was swelling with that first hot breath of spring. We had plans to board a ferry across the Hudson but missed it. The next wouldn’t arrive for hours. So we walked back towards home.

    We’d both been cooped up working, he on a book that’ll be published later this year, me on a course called The Way She Knows, which had just opened for earlybird enrolments. We need sunlight. Air. Movement.

    As we meander along the river, I stop. “Wait,” I said, “I want to check something.”

    I crouch beside a small patch of green growing along the sidewalk. Something had tugged at me, quiet but insistent. I peer closer and blink. The biggest four-leaf clover I’ve ever seen. Massive. Radiant. Impossible. I show him.

    “What the heck!” he says. “It’s like you knew it was there.”

    I smile, gleeful and press it gently between two bills in my wallet. Because of course it was there. Of course I knew.

    There comes a point in every woman’s life when she realises:

    It’s not the world holding her back. Not the people around her, or the circumstances, or the past. It’s the quiet, looping stories she inherited. The beliefs. The patterns. The protections.

    I know this terrain intimately.

    For years, I lived split in two, pulled between what I felt and what I’d been taught to believe.

    Until I couldn’t anymore.

    Reclaiming myself wasn’t a single moment. It was a thousand tiny ones. Clearing those internal blocks, not just intellectually, but somatically, emotionally, spiritually, changed everything. It gave me back my voice. My clarity. My intuition. My joy.

    That’s what this two-week journey is for.

    A reclamation.
    A remembering.
    A return to the way you know.

    𓂃 𓈒𓏸

    The Way She Knows
    A two-week course to reconnect you with your inner wisdom

    Enrolment opened: Monday, May 5
    Earlybird ends: Monday, May 12 (with the Full Moon 🌝)
    Enrolment closes: Friday, May 24

  • this life is a dream within a dream ☁️

    about NYC being a place of contrast requiring inner stability, and the quiet strength of being well-resourced

    When I stepped out of JFK airport and followed the signs to the subway, I braced myself. New York is known for its edge, its abrasion. I am soft. I tend and protect that softness like a flame cupped in two hands. I wasn’t sure how it would survive here.

    I tapped my phone at the turnstile and joined a tall young man in the elevator. He wore headphones and held himself like someone accustomed to noise. Still, I turned to him, map pulled up on my phone, unsure where to go. He removed one earbud, glanced at the screen, and said in the gentlest voice, “You can’t get the F from here, but if you take the K, you can transfer in three stops.” 

    I blinked. He had such a kind presence. His softness mirrored mine. Maybe there’s space for gentleness here, after all.

    I followed his directions toward the Lower East Side. A few minutes into the ride, the unmistakable smell of urine filled the carriage. A man down the carriage—middle-aged, Chinese descent—had wet himself and begun swearing loudly. Slurring. Angry. A different kind of edge.

    This city, I’m learning, holds everything. Softness and despair. Precision and chaos. A young man with headphones offering quiet directions. An older man unravelling in public. Here, opposites coexist, unapologetically. New York is a city of contrasts, and that is, perhaps, its defining trait.

    The days have spilled into one another like rainwater pooling in uneven stone. Time behaves differently here. Moments stretch. Then vanish. Weeks slip past before I can grab hold. What I’m learning is this: I cannot tether myself to the outside world. It’s too volatile. Too fast. Too much.

    Instead, I tether myself inward. I return to a still point inside me — a quiet place I cultivate through ritual and self-devotion. I nurture it like a small garden: feeding it with breath, rest, laughter, water, movement, music. A daily act of remembrance. Of protection. Of belonging to myself.

    Sometimes, it’s as simple as walking to Whole Foods alone, sending a few voice notes to the women who hold me in their hearts. That ten-minute walk fulfils two needs: solitude and connection. It’s imperfect. But it’s enough.

    Work is another tether. Returning to it each day — whether I want to or not — grounds me. I write. I build. I teach. I remember who I am. Even when the city pulls me in every direction.

    Last night, friends made homemade pizza and poured glasses of white wine. We ate slowly, talked about art, about cities we’ve loved. And then, walking home, we passed a man with his trousers around his knees, bare bottom exposed, head buried in a trash bin. Of course. That’s New York, too.

    Right now, I’m writing this during a live co-writing session for The Art of Noticing. Eight of us are here, silent on Zoom, warm orchestral music in the background. Earlier, we spoke about a line from one of my recent essays about being a well-resourced woman. We explored how writing can teach without instructing. That sometimes, the lesson is simply in the living.

    In Her Way Club, this here community I lead, that’s what I teach: how to listen inward. How to find your way—not the right way, not the perfect way, but yourway. In writing. In loving. In parenting. In creating. In becoming.

    And to find your way, you must first be resourced. You need space. You need softness. You need access to yourself.

    Being resourced is a privilege, yes. But it’s also a practice. A skill we build and rebuild. I see it as the art of tending to our inner ecosystem. Of becoming our own safe haven.

    It means expanding your capacity to meet life without collapsing. Learning to sit with discomfort. Making choices from groundedness, not panic. It doesn’t mean you never need others. It means you’re not uprooted every time the wind blows.

    How do you become that person?

    You start small:

    • You build a daily rhythm that supports your nervous system.
    • You learn to breathe when you want to scream.
    • You create a home that feels like a hug.
    • You save a little money, even when it’s hard.
    • You learn to cook a meal you love.
    • You reach out and you know how to be alone.
    • You keep learning. Keep listening.

    This is what I’ve brought with me to New York. Not just clothes and books and dreams, but tools. Practices. A soft heart and a solid core.

    And maybe that’s enough to belong here.