Vienda Maria

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Tag: personal-growth

  • become a creator

    8/8 — the eighth rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)

    NOV 11, 2025

    The final of our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:

    1/8 — deciding to play by your own rules
    2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong
    3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty
    interlude — her way deep rest
    4/8     — trust yourself
    5/8 — inner life
    6/8 — outer life
    7/8 — life design
    8/8 — creator

    walking through the streets on errands yesterday

    Yellow-gold leaves fall like snow outside my window, drifting in gentle spirals before surrendering to the earth. Nature is shifting from outward display to inward repair, from the urgency of life to the humility of dying. Inside my body, a similar transition is underway. The lining of my womb is dissolving, shedding, releasing itself through me. There is a tenderness in this inner autumn; a sense of being thinned out, emptied, more bone than blossom.

    On days like this, I feel less like a creator and more like those leaves outside: untethered, weightless, caught in forces larger than myself. Creation feels distant, like a memory it has temporarily forgotten. 

    And yet… I know this perception is only half the truth. Because in the very same moment that life inside me is breaking down, life is also preparing to renew. What looks like loss is, in fact, nature reorganising itself. What feels like death is the unspoken prelude to emergence.

    This is the essential paradox of existence: two opposing truths held in one body, one moment, one heart. We are both the falling leaf and the seed beneath the soil. We are endings and beginnings, decay and future possibility, all at once. Maturity, real maturity, is learning to live inside that tension without collapsing into either. To honour the ache, and yet trust the regeneration.

    If you are anything like me — porous, perceptive, shaped by instinct and feeling — you have likely sensed a similar shedding on a global scale. Something in the ‘old world,’ the one many of us were taught to obey, is splitting at its seams. Systems that once seemed stable now reveal their fragility. Ideals we inherited are dissolving, and the scaffolding of what we were told to trust is quietly shaking itself apart.

    Which is why choosing to become a creator is so imperative right now. What is really happening is that humanity is quietly rearranging its resources. And you are a vital part of that.

    I don’t believe this is a collapse. I believe it is a rearrangement. A redistribution of attention, energy, power, possibility. Humanity is composting its outdated structures and beliefs, and whether you feel ready or not, you are part of that metamorphosis. 

    Which is why choosing to become a creator: not merely a consumer, observer, or critic, is not optional anymore. It is essential.

    Creation is a way of relating to life. A discipline of perception. A willingness to meet the world as an active participant rather than a passive witness. To create is to engage: with your thoughts, your desires, your environment, your body. 

    Every choice you make, every emotion you metabolise rather than outsource, every space you shape, every idea you dare to hold… these are acts of creation. Quiet ones, often unseen, but foundational.

    By this point in this 8-part series, you have already stripped away the noise. You have practised discernment. You have learned what no longer deserves your time, your energy, your belief. You have strengthened the inner ground that makes outer integrity possible. All of that was preparation for this final threshold: stepping into your life as a creator.

    Creation is not linear. It is cyclical, like the body, like the seasons, like breath itself. To create is to stay in conversation with who you are, who you are becoming, and the mystery that moves through and beyond both. You are never shaping your life alone. You are co-crafting it with uncertainty, with intuition, with timing, with forces that are ancient and wise and not always rational.

    Real creation asks something intimate and courageous of you: coherence. 

    The willingness to bring your inner life into alignment with your outer actions. The bravery to trust what you feel before you have proof. The devotion to act even when the path ahead remains partly obscured. Creation is less about control and more about participation. A dance between intention and surrender, vision and mystery, action and grace.

    We do not create because we are certain. We create because it is the only honest response to being alive.

    Being a creator begins with your personal ideal lifestyle. This is the first lens through which all your choices, projects, and decisions must pass. By now, you have an inkling of what that looks and feels like. 

    It is not just a set of routines; it is the container that supports your creativity, your energy, your relationships, and your work. It is a framework for how you move through your days and weeks, a blueprint for how you honour your body, your mind, and your desires. Before you make a decision that could impact your future, you consult with your ideal lifestyle. You ask yourself, “Does this align with the life I want to live? Does this support my growth, my energy, my joy?”

    Creation also requires radical responsibility. This is the part that most people resist. It is easier to blame circumstances, wait for permission, or hope that someone else will shape your life for you. But creators know that the only power they can fully claim is their own. You take responsibility for your mind, your body, and your environment. You choose your thoughts, you manage your energy, and you shape the spaces you inhabit. And you do it continuously, intentionally, with courage and curiosity.

    not linear at all…

    The path of a creator is not linear. 

    You will encounter problems. Infinite problems. But every problem is soluble, and each is an opportunity. Problems are the curriculum of your life. Solve the problem in front of you. Learn. Grow. Share your solution with others. Repeat. Life becomes an ongoing laboratory where progress and contribution converge. Happiness is a byproduct of solving meaningful problems. Joy arises when your skills meet a challenge, and your work serves something greater than yourself.

    Humans are tool builders. From the moment we learned to make fire, to the invention of the wheel, to the creation of the internet, we have transformed our environment through creativity. It is our most fundamental skill. And yet so many people never take the time to recognise that this skill extends to the life they live. 

    Becoming a creator is central to a good life, because it is through creation that you experience progress, purpose, and contribution. Every time you solve a problem for yourself or for others, you grow stronger, wiser, and more capable of tackling increasingly complex challenges.

    Being a creator is both intensely practical and deeply spiritual. You take the reins of your life, but you also recognise the presence of forces larger than yourself. There is a mystery, a flow, a life energy that cannot be forced, only leaned into. Creation is the dance of holding on and letting go. You set the stage, cultivate your resources, and take action, but you allow life to meet you halfway. There is grace in that surrender, and strength in that presence.

    To make this tangible, here is how I recommend stepping into creation:

    1. Start with lifestyle. Map out your ideal day, week, and month. Where do you want to spend your time? How do you want to feel? What relationships, work, and activities support that vision? Compare this to your current reality, and identify the gaps. Every adjustment, no matter how small, is a creative act.
    2. Shift your mind. Begin noticing the stories you tell yourself, the patterns that hold you back, and the beliefs that no longer serve you. Replace them with curiosity, experimentation, and a commitment to problem-solving.
    3. Take care of your body. Energy is the currency of creation. What you eat, how you move, how you rest—all of it matters. Creation requires vitality, not just motivation.
    4. Curate your environment. Your spaces influence your thinking and your actions. Choose surroundings, tools, and people that elevate you. Remove what drains you. Design an environment that reflects your values, your rhythm, and your vision.
    5. Solve a problem, share a solution. Pick one thing that matters to you. Identify the problem, create a solution, and release it into the world. Repeat. This is the engine of creation, and the path toward impact and independence.
    6. Seek support where it accelerates growth. Courses, mentorship, and community do not replace your agency; they amplify it. They allow you to shortcut the trial and error, integrate ideas faster, and find others walking parallel paths. They are accelerators, not crutches.

    Creation is not about perfection. It is about alignment. It is about being awake, aware, and active in the process of building a life that is yours. It is a practice of presence, of integrity, and of courage. And it is infinitely rewarding, because each problem you solve, each solution you share, and each step you take toward your vision is a step into freedom, joy, and mastery.

    The time is now. The stakes are everything. Your life is waiting, ready to be shaped by your choices, your attention, and your care. This is where being a creator begins.

    You don’t need to join a community, take a course, or seek mentorship to get where you are going. You could do it alone: slowly, quietly, piecing yourself together through trial and intuition. Many people do, and there is nothing wrong with that path. But in my lived experience, support doesn’t replace your power; it accelerates your evolution. It adds oxygen, perspective, and momentum to the fire you are already tending.

    We resist guidance not because we don’t value growth, but because it requires effort to integrate, to act, to change. Transformation asks something of us. It isn’t passive. It doesn’t happen from thinking alone. The discomfort people feel around learning containers is rarely about the container. It is about the part of us that fears our own expansion. Because to grow is to become responsible for a bigger life.

    Yet community, mentorship, education… these are some of the most life-altering investments we can make. Information becomes embodiment. Insight becomes behaviour. Aspiration becomes lived reality. We pay for accelerated becoming.

    I was reminded of this in a way I didn’t ask for. If you’ve been here with me through this past year, you know I walked through the most painful and disorienting breakup and rapid change of circumstances in my life. A rupture that rearranged my world from the inside out. I trusted I would heal — I always do — but I also knew I wasn’t willing to drag the grief behind me for months. So I found help. I chose support in devotion to my future self. 

    With the right guidance, what could have taken a year unfolded in four months; not rushed, not bypassed, but metabolised with clarity, compassion, and pace. That experience crystallised a truth I already knew in my bones: life moves faster, more gracefully, when you allow yourself to be supported.

    We are entering a new era. One where creators are not just artists or entrepreneurs, but the sense-makers, the bridges, the ones translating chaos into meaning and possibility. In a world that is shedding old structures and outdated authority, people look not to static systems, but to humans they trust: those a few steps ahead, living what they teach, offering perspective, skills, and orientation in real time. It’s about resonance and proximity to truth.

    If you feel the pull to build these capacities — to become someone who can shape meaning, lead yourself, create value, and root deeply into your vision — I share resources, pathways, and invitations. High-value skills. Creative confidence. Nervous system leadership. The inner and outer muscles of a self-directed life.

    You don’t have to walk into the next season alone. You can; you are fully capable. But you don’t have to. And there is a particular magic in choosing support not because you are collapsing, but because you are rising.

    For those ready to step into your next iteration, in Her Way Club, I offer pathways to accelerate your becoming:

    Her Way Club Community — $33/month
    A gentle container to practice habits, stay connected to your vision, and build momentum through small, meaningful steps alongside women walking a similar path.

    CLEAR — special opening price $150; increasing to $200
    A practical and self-honest process for identifying the patterns, beliefs, and behaviours that are holding you back, and shifting into a more aligned, empowered way of moving through the world.

    Practical Dreamer — $1,800
    A two-month mentorship for women ready to turn their ideas into tangible expression. This is where vision meets structure, where dreams become plans, and where you build confidence through real progress and accountability.

    1:1 Business Mentoring — starting at $1,250
    For the woman ready to build a values-led, creatively fulfilling, financially aligned business — one that honours her rhythm, her expertise, and her deepest calling. This is intimate, strategic support to craft offers, refine messaging, and build a business that feels like you.

    Ongoing Private Mentorship — by application, enquire within
    For those who desire close support as they evolve, create, and lead in alignment with who they truly are. This is a private, personalised journey where we go deep, build steadily, and expand your life, your work, and your inner world together.

    Becoming a creator is a lifelong journey, but the first step is conscious action. You have everything you need to begin, and every problem you face is part of your curriculum. Show up, experiment, share, and trust yourself. Your life is your creation, and the world is waiting to receive it.

  • outer life

    6/8 — the sixth rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)

    OCT 15, 2025

    Continuing our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:

    1/8 — deciding to play by your own rules
    2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong
    3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty
    interlude — her way deep rest
    4/8     — trust yourself
    5/8 — inner life
    6/8 — outer life

    Before we continue, 2 important things:

    1. Next week, starting on Tuesday with the New Moon 🌚, I am gathering a small circle of writers and dreamers for six weeks of writing together for The Art of Noticing. I’d love you to join me. Doors close on Saturday at midnight. Join here.
    2. Please continue completing this questionnaire. The competition ends at the end of this week. If you haven’t completed it yet (and you’d like the gift of working with me 1:1), please, do so here.

    Life changes in an instant. The ordinary instant. You choose a new way to view your life, and suddenly it takes on an entirely new flavour and trajectory.

    I remember the day that I decided to devote myself to living a life that is truly my own. I was living in Venice, just a couple of blocks back from the beach in Los Angeles. It was a sparkly late September afternoon, the sun in that part of the world a generous haze that fractures the light, scattering it in such a way that there are no shadows. I had just come home from a date with a curly-haired actor who lived in a garage and was delusionally committed to his acting career. If he can be so devoted to his dream, so can I, I decided.

    My dream was not anchored in what my life would look like, but how it would feel.

    I want a life that feels soul-led, heart-driven, alive, romantic, bohemian, and rich. I want a life that, if at any given moment it comes to an end, every moment of it was well-lived and full.

    On that afternoon in Venice, I surrendered my motivation for curating a life that looks good on the outside for a devotion to one that feels good on the inside. And to allow my outer life to be a co-creation between me and a higher power based on my inner life and essence.

    At first intentionally, and more recently, with a stronger desire to find my place, I have been moving between cities and countries, following the rhythm of my life and the quiet pull of my work. I don’t have a dedicated office or a desk that anchors me, but I have something far more powerful: a dedication to my expression and my work and as an extension of both, to my writing that exists in my mind, in my days, and in the life I’ve intentionally crafted. 

    On some mornings, I write in a sunlit café overlooking cobbled streets; on others, in a small apartment with the hum of a city below me. Sometimes, I’m sitting cross-legged on a patch of grass under a tree, letting my notes scatter into the wind. The space itself is secondary. What matters is the commitment, the devotion, and the intentionality I bring to it.

    This is what outer life is really about: creating the conditions for your inner world to find expression.

    The first five steps of this series built the internal architecture for this moment. 

    You’ve taken back your power, carved space for yourself, leaned into uncertainty, trusted your instincts, and begun tending your inner life. Now, all of that work begins to take shape. This is where the choices you make daily, deliberately, insistently, start to build a life that reflects your authentic self. 

    You must understand this: your outer life is a reflection of your inner life. The more intimately you know yourself, the more consciously you can build the world around you.

    Outer life can be divided into three intertwined arenas: belonging, contribution, and life design. Each is a reflection of the inner work you’ve done. Each requires courage, curiosity, and clarity.

    belonging

    Belonging is one of the quietest, yet most vital parts of your outer life. It is about the subtle, soul-deep resonance that occurs when you are seen and reflected in ways that align with your inner self. 

    There is a paradox here: authentic connection requires both discernment and vulnerability. You must choose wisely, noticing who nourishes your essence and who depletes it, and yet you must remain open, willing to reveal your true self even when it feels risky.

    I learned this while building my life across cities, coasting between cafés, shared apartments, and rented studios. Some friendships, no matter how long or familiar, feel heavy. They pull on my energy, asking for parts of me that I am no longer willing to give. Others, sometimes newly formed or unconventional, carried me and lifted me higher. Conversations sparked ideas, laughter became inspiration, collaboration became growth. I had to learn to notice the difference, to audit not only who was present in my life but how their presence made me feel in my body, mind, and spirit.

    You started this practice in rule 2: subtraction. Take stock of the relationships you have: colleagues, friends, family, collaborators. Ask yourself, who energises me? Who inspires curiosity, excitement, and possibility? Who mirrors the essence you’ve begun cultivating through your inner work? Then notice the opposite: who consistently drains, frustrates, or diminishes your energy? The goal isn’t to cut everyone away or to judge harshly, but to become conscious of how your interactions affect your alignment.

    Once you’ve mapped it, create space for the relationships that resonate and set gentle but firm boundaries with those that don’t. This could mean choosing to collaborate only with people who value your creative ambitions, or spending more time with friends who encourage risk-taking and experimentation rather than comfort and stagnation. It might mean letting go of obligations. Dinners, calls, or group chats that no longer serve your inner or outer growth. 

    In my own life, I’ve found immense freedom and clarity when I consciously chose to invest in friendships that fed my curiosity, supported my projects, and shared my love for a life that is deliberate and full.

    Belonging, at its best, is about alignment. It is choosing to be seen and to see others who reflect your values, your energy, and your evolving essence. And paradoxically, when you practice discernment, when you allow yourself to step away from the relationships that weigh you down, you also become more open, more present, and more available to the connections that truly matter. This is where your inner life finds its reflection in the outer world.

    contribution

    Your contribution to the world is the vehicle through which your inner life can be expressed and give back to the world you live in by shaping it through your creations, thoughts, words and work.

    Think of contribution as a state of mind.

    High-agency individuals do not wait for instructions or validation. They notice a problem, a need, a desire, and move toward it, creating solutions that ripple outward. Low-agency individuals wait, follow, and defer. The difference is not titles or job descriptions; it is the inner decision to act, to trust your ideas, and to cultivate the skills that make those ideas real. Entrepreneurship, creative work, leadership, and artistry all function in this high-agency space. They require the courage to take risks, to fail, to experiment, and to use life itself as a laboratory for growth.

    I’ve learned this through my own contributions in the world, by testing ideas that feel aligned with my essence. I have discovered that the work itself exposes the gaps in knowledge. It is in the doing that I learn what you don’t know and discover what only I can create. 

    Contribution occurs when: I give myself permission to start following a desire, pleasure, or an inspiration, before being ready.

    To put this into practice, start with one project aligned with your inner life. It could be writing, a business idea, a piece of art… whatever resonates with you. 

    Set aside a notebook, a document, or a blank page. Brain-dump everything that comes to mind about the project: the goals, the feelings, the possibilities. Identify 3-5 sources of inspiration: people, books, practices, or models you admire. Study them. Break down what works, what excites you, and what you can adapt for your own path. Then outline your project in phases: the milestones, the skills you’ll need, the experiments you’ll try.

    Most importantly, start immediately with what you know. Don’t wait to feel ready. Let the project teach you. Let it expose gaps, questions, and opportunities. Each day, complete 1-3 priority tasks that move you forward. Progress matters more than perfection. Over time, the work itself becomes the teacher, and your contribution becomes a living reflection of your inner life.

    life design

    There is a romantic impulse that lives in all of us. The longing for a life that feels as beautiful as it looks in our imagination. We dream of sunlit mornings, meaningful work, creative expression, and evenings that feel expansive and unhurried. 

    Dreaming is not enough. Romanticism must meet reality, and reality must be shaped intentionally to reflect your inner life. Life design is the art of building a world that aligns with your essence, day by day, hour by hour.

    Your life is not a checklist to complete: it is a way of being to cultivate. 

    Your routines, your rhythms, your work, your rest, your play, all form the architecture of your lived experience. When your inner life is tended to, the outer life begins to mirror it, but only if you make it visible through deliberate choices. 

    Life design is about crafting that visibility.

    Start with your day. Observe how you move from waking to sleeping, noticing where your energy flows, where it stagnates, and where you feel most alive. Map out routines that nourish and reflect your essence. Begin with your mornings: the way you wake, the rituals you practice, the tone you set for your day. Then structure your work blocks around your peak focus, creative bursts, and the tasks that move your projects forward. Schedule time for rest, play, and reflection as the infrastructure that sustains clarity, energy, and joy.

    You will have to compromise old ways of being to bring in new ones. There are parts of you that will have to die. It may not be easy to start living the life you want to at first. 

    Treat your life as a project. Every week, plan, iterate, and course-correct. Some experiments will fail, some will illuminate hidden desires, and some will unlock surprising ease. Creating, making, curating spaces that feel alive, or testing new habits: each is an experiment in aligning your outer world with your inner truths. 

    The key is not perfection but responsiveness: noticing what works, what nourishes, and what elevates your capacity to live fully.

    The ultimate aim of life design is coherence between your inner life and outer life. Your values, your priorities, your creative impulses, and your work all converge into a living, breathing system that serves your essence. When done well, life design allows your days, weeks, and years to feel intentional, expansive, and deeply satisfying.

    Living a life that reflects your inner world asks you to take risks. Emotionally, creatively, financially. To fail forward, knowing that each misstep illuminates the next step. It asks you to romanticise your days, letting joy, curiosity, and pleasure lead the way, while simultaneously honouring the structures and boundaries that give those impulses space to flourish.

    Have you ever been so absorbed in a book, a song, a painting, or a piece of writing that you were entirely pulled in, entranced by it? That feeling, that rush of energy and attention, is what Rick Rubin calls the ecstatic: a compass that arises in the moment. Your outer life works the same way.

    Notice when fear, doubt, or external expectations are slowing you down. This is when the inner work you’ve done: the self-trust, the enthusiasm, the surrender, becomes your guide. It is your signal that you are moving in the right direction, that you are living in alignment, and that you are capable of generating a life that resonates with your essence.

    Your inner landscape determines your outer reality. Clarity, boundaries, purpose, and energy are the tools of life design. Every choice you make, every connection you cultivate, every project you take on is a reflection of your inner world.

    practice

    Choose one project (personal, professional, or both). Identify three small but tangible steps to take this week to bring it into reality.

    micro-vow

    I will take one deliberate action this week to translate my inner alignment into my outer world. I trust my guidance and my ability to learn through action.

    comment

    What is one relationship, project, or habit you will align with your essence this week? Share below.

  • trust yourself, trust your path

    4/8 — the fourth rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)

    SEP 28, 2025

    Continuing our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:

    1/8 — deciding to play by your own rules
    2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong
    3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty
    interlude — her way deep rest
    4/8     — trust yourself

    where I am writing this to you from, today

    The fourth rule of her way club is about owning your path.

    I’ve just returned from a kundalini yoga class. At the start, our teacher said: “There are two things people fear most in themselves: their anger and their instinct. But we need both: to metabolise anger and to connect with instinct. How could anyone not feel anger in these times, with the world stage pulling antics that belong to centuries past?”

    I thought about her words all class. Anger and instinct are scary because they’re truth tellers. And truth is confronting. It forces us to face ourselves or others in ways we’d rather avoid. It makes us choose paths outside the norm.

    The kriyas focused on metabolising anger. Hot, annoying, fast movements and breath that help me unglue myself from my subconscious resistances. I have my own private anger to metabolise. Anger is a fire: it burns away what isn’t meant for you and fuels you to do things differently. Anger gives you agency to choose your most authentic path.

    Instinct is different. Instinct is information. It tells you, moment by moment, what next step to take. And every time, you have a choice: trust yourself and your path, or not and pay the consequences until life offers you the chance to choose again.

    If rule one was claiming your agency, rule two subtracting what doesn’t belong, rule three embracing uncertainty and the deep rest required to hold yourself through it, then this, rule four, is about owning your path. We are at the heart of our journey.

    Most people follow the crowd, chasing safety, belonging, and love. They measure success on someone else’s scoreboard: celebrity culture, external validation, possessions that inflate the ego for minutes rather than decades. They mistake comfort for alignment. They choose paths where the ending is visible. But knowing how the story ends doesn’t mean it’s the right story for you.

    Comfort, in fact, can be the cage that keeps potential small and life mediocre. The more your life reflects your authentic code, the more alive you feel. The more you resist it by staying small, safe, palatable the more numb you become. At some point, you have to admit: the life you’ve been living might not actually be yours.

    There are three keys to owning your path:

    • Self-trust: developing your instinct and allowing yourself to make mistakes.
    • Enthusiasm: devoting yourself to what makes you feel alive.
    • Surrender: letting yourself not know exactly how it will play out, and trusting anyway.

    This is the ‘her way’ approach to creating a life that is actually yours.

    Key 1: Self-Trust

    Everything is spiritual, even the most ordinary logistics. Self-trust is where your inner world meets the outer one. It’s deeply practical. The more you trust yourself, the easier life feels.

    Without self-trust, you continue to outsource decisions, scanning others’ opinions, adapting to their expectations, and doubting your own instincts. This is exhausting. It makes you feel wobbly and unsafe.

    With self-trust, everything shifts:

    • You get things done. Procrastination fades when you trust yourself to follow through.
    • You feel steadier and safer. The world softens when you know you can rely on yourself.
    • You grow your instinct. Each decision becomes practice, and even mistakes turn into evidence that you can handle whatever comes.

    Self-trust begins with a choice: gathering your energy back from the outside world and returning it to yourself. Each time you stop looking outward for permission and instead ask, What feels true for me? you strengthen that muscle.

    It’s about being available to yourself. That means listening inward and actually honouring what you hear with action. It means tending to your body, energy, and emotions so you have the capacity to show up for your own needs. It means following through with integrity, doing what you said you’d do because you are in relationship with yourself.

    Self-trust doesn’t mean getting it right all the time. It means allowing yourself to act in the unknown, to risk imperfection, to treat mistakes as feedback instead of evidence against you. The more you do this, the more natural and effortless it becomes.

    When you trust yourself, you stop second-guessing, stop beating yourself up, and start freeing up energy for what matters most. Life flows differently. Relationships soften. And you begin to notice how the universe meets you halfway, aligning the pieces once you’ve chosen to stand firmly in your own inner ground.

    Key 2: Enthusiasm

    To live your way, you need enthusiasm. The word itself comes from the Greek enthousiasmos, “having god within.” It’s being lit up by a divine spark. Enthusiasm is devotion to what makes you feel most alive. It’s the master key to the good life.

    To practice enthusiasm, your task is simple, but not easy: notice. 

    Notice what distorts time, what makes focus effortless, what fills you with ideas you can’t put down. Enthusiasm leaves traces: goosebumps, a quickened pulse, the sudden sense that the world has tilted open in possibility. These are signals pointing you toward your path.

    Redirect your intensity away from chasing people or external validation, and toward the skills, projects, and fascinations that nourish you. Pour your energy where it multiplies, not where it leaks. Accept what cannot be changed. Eliminate or outsource what drains you.

    Then make it real. Literally block off one to two hours each day: a standing appointment with your own aliveness. Do the things that bring you excitement, that light you up. 

    For me, that’s starting the day, phone off, writing for two hours every morning. As I have shared before, writing informs every other part of my life that literally brings my dreams and visions to life. For you, it might be something else. Devote yourself to it.

    Enthusiasm is both compass and fuel. It shows you where to go and gives you the stamina to keep going, even when the path is uncertain. The more you cultivate it, the more your life begins to feel like your own: alive, expansive, divinely guided.

    Key 3: Surrender

    Surrender is the alchemy that allows everything else to work. It’s letting go of the need to control the outcome, releasing the illusion that you can map every step of your journey, and trusting anyway. It means holding your agency and your enthusiasm, while allowing the unknown to unfold.

    Surrender begins with a choice: to step into the unknown without fear of being “wrong.” Life rarely delivers guarantees, and the map you imagined often fades the moment you try to follow it. Surrender is the practice of leaning into uncertainty with calm, of showing up fully even when the next step is invisible.

    It’s also a recognition that the universe, or life, or your own deeper self, is smarter than your anxious mind. When you act with integrity, follow your instinct, and devote yourself to what makes you alive, surrender allows the pieces to align in ways you cannot predict. You trust that the guidance you feel, the enthusiasm you cultivate, and the self-trust you’ve built are enough.

    Surrender is giving over. Giving over to the flow, the timing, the magic that only emerges when you stop resisting. It’s a practice: showing up for your life without needing to know the whole story, trusting that the steps you take, even imperfectly, are carrying you forward.

    When you surrender, you move with grace instead of struggle. You release the tension of trying to force outcomes, and you open yourself to the full richness of living her way.

    I have so many stories from this year alone about practising self-trust, enthusiasm, and surrender, stories I’d love to share. But for this her way club series (aka: how to change your life in 6–12 months), I want to stay focused on giving you the tools to take steps in your own way. I trust your innate intelligence to guide you. If you’d like more of my personal stories woven in, let me know.

    practice: the self-trust check-in

    Take five minutes to check in with yourself and your inner guidance. Write down:

    • One decision you’ve been hesitating on, and what your instinct is telling you.
    • One area where you’ve been looking outside yourself for approval.
    • One small action you can take this week that aligns with your own guidance, not someone else’s.
    • One way you can honour your energy, emotions, or body to show up fully for yourself.
    • One past moment where trusting yourself paid off, and how it felt.

    Notice the difference between what your mind overthinks and what your deeper sense knows. This is your internal compass — your self-trust — sharpening.

    micro-vow

    This week, pick one moment where you’ll act from your own guidance, not what anyone else says you “should” do. Say it aloud:

    I trust myself. I trust my path. 

    comment prompt

    What’s one small act you can take this week to follow your own instincts, rather than someone else’s rules? Share it below…

  • uncertainty

    3/8 — the third rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)

    SEP 12, 2025

    Continuing our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:

    1/8 — deciding to play by your own rules
    2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong
    3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty

    Without inherited structures, you’re floating.

    If the first rule of her way club is making the choice to play by your own rules, and the second rule is subtracting everything that doesn’t belong to your life, then, if you’re doing it right, ultimately you will be led to the third rule as a natural consequence: uncertainty.

    Uncertainty acts as a doorway. 

    You’re supposed to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.

    The moment you stop living by borrowed rules and strip away everything false, you feel lost. The familiar timelines and “shoulds” vanish. And in their absence, uncertainty arrives.

    This is an initiation.

    It might feel like failure or danger. But it’s not. It’s the proof you’re on the right track.

    This is the part where you lean in and learn what is actually meant for you on a moment-to-moment basis. This is what being truly alive feels like.

    Your potential is determined by the amount of uncertainty you’re willing to embrace.

    If you’ve been journeying alongside me for a while, you will know that I spend extraordinary amounts of time in uncertainty, which I call by various names: the unknown, the void or the magic dark.

    Here are some examples:

    Career/Work

    I figured out pretty early on, in my early twenties, that the status quo career path was not going to be able to offer me the kind of life that I wanted. I had concluded that school was never meant to teach us how to learn effectively. It was to train us to be obedient. 

    Apropos nothing, but a side note I want to venture down briefly: Now, with the rise of AI, this truth is becoming impossible to ignore. The stable, predictable career paths of our parents and grandparents that promised safety and security are dissolving. The world now demands agility, responsiveness, and creativity. It’s an exciting opportunity. It means we get to consciously and deliberately choose (in true her way club vibes) how we spend our time, how we create value, how we resource our lives. The cost is that it requires a willingness to linger in the discomfort of uncertainty, sometimes for long stretches of time.

    I had to carve out a path of my own. 

    At the time, I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go in. I had a psychology degree, a love for writing and a personality. Those were the three things I had available to me.

    It was 2012.

    I used my writing hobby to start a blog.
    I used my psychology knowledge to provide a lens.
    I used my personality to build connections and relationships.

    Over time, I learned how to trust my own rhythm, built a successful personal brand and saw how clients, ideas, and opportunities began to appear because I was willing to hold steady in the uncertainty.

    The journey of uncertainty often looks like:

    • Letting go of control
    • Trusting your intuition
    • Embracing failure as a learning opportunity
    • Discovering your true passions and strengths

    In 2022, ten years later, I became complacent.

    I lost my drive, my direction was diluted, I forgot what I stood for, and I burned out. 

    After many mini cycles of uncertainty throughout my career up to that point, I entered one large period of uncertainty that lasted almost two years. Until recently, I spent a lot of time in confusion, feeling lost and being on the verge of giving up. 

    This is where the magic dark comes into play.

    I had to spend enough time in uncertainty for the right amount of vision to form, for clarity to arrive, to be able to launch myself into a new way of life.

    I have been promising you that I will share what this journey is all about, and I will. I already have an essay drafted, but keep editing, adding to it, and rewriting it because there’s a lot to say. And today, here in this space, is not the place.

    Home/Travel

    If there’s one area of life where I seem to have an unusually high risk tolerance, it’s where I place my feet and call home.

    In the past decade alone, I’ve packed my life into a suitcase or two and moved to a small town in Canada, a village in Mexico, a coastal city in the UK, then Mallorca, and most recently, New York City, each one chosen without ever having visited before.

    Sometimes these moves worked out beautifully, sometimes not. One thing has become abundantly clear:

    There is no perfect place.

    Every place will offer you something. A piece of yourself you hadn’t yet met, a lesson you didn’t know you needed, a relationship that will shape you.

    If you can choose a place that supports the season of life you are in and leave it when it no longer does, you are doing it right.

    Landing in a new place with no safety net, no mapped-out plan, just a suitcase and the decision to trust your instincts offers a peculiar kind of initiation. There is a mix of thrill and terror as you wander strange streets, question if you belong, and feel the weightlessness of having no context.

    But there is also something else: a sharpening of your senses.

    Living without inherited structures forces you into presence. You notice what food you crave, which streets feel friendly, who looks you in the eye, and the natural rhythm of your creativity and agency. Belonging drips in slowly, one kind stranger, one favourite café, one new friendship at a time.

    Each place I’ve lived has stripped me bare and handed me back to myself with greater clarity. They’ve offered me relationships I never could have imagined and moments of beauty that would never have happened if I had stayed still.

    It’s not that relocating is easy. It is often lonely. It is unmooring. But if you can stay with that discomfort long enough to let the edges soften, if you can learn to resource yourself from within while waiting for the puzzle pieces to fall into place (or don’t, and then you get to choose again), what comes from that space is unmatched.

    My career, friendships, and creativity all have roots in the decision to keep moving until I found places that matched my internal world. Without those leaps into the unknown, I suspect my life would be much, much smaller.

    Personal Connections

    If you’ve been with me a while, you know that I just went through the most brutal breakup of my life, so I am keeping this section brief. And… I am glad it happened.

    (If you want to catch up, the whole story is tucked inside the archives; a breadcrumb trail from the day we met a year ago to the day it ended two months ago.)

    In truth, there isn’t a single romantic relationship or friendship I regret releasing. Because what has grown in the fertile soil of those endings has always been worth it: deeper intimacy, clearer boundaries, a closer relationship with myself and others.

    It is never easy.

    There is always a deep and terrifying ache right after an ending. The kind that empties your chest, keeps you up at night, and makes you question every decision you’ve made in your life. The mind spins a million scenarios about how this is the end of love, the end of goodness, the end of belonging.

    But on the other side of that ache, there is something else, waiting. Usually, exactly the kinds of personal connections you have been yearning for. The ones that needed you to be ready for them.

    You can’t skip this stage. You can’t think your way through it. You can only live it. Floating in the unknown until the ground reappears beneath you. You can never arrive here without being in the uncertain in-between.

    Creativity

    Creativity is your unique contribution to the collective. But letting yourself be seen in your creative expressions can feel life-ending. 

    Many of you reading this are here right now: standing in that moment of decision. Should I start a Substack? Should I release the thing I’ve been dreaming about? Should I show myself more fully online, or dare to call myself an artist, a writer, a maker, a founder?

    This year, my biggest leap of uncertainty was finally admitting to myself that I am a creator and giving myself permission to share what I create in a way that feels aligned, meaningful, and honest.

    For more than a decade, I’ve been publishing writing for mostly free. I had it drummed into me that content marketing was a single file path and that I couldn’t deviate from it. I couldn’t bring myself to put a paywall around the tender, personal parts until just a few months ago. 

    And then, the moment I did, when I went all in, in valuing my writing and my memoir-style expositions, everything shifted. The work deepened. The readers who stayed became more engaged. As of today, I am only ten subscriptions away from becoming a Substack bestseller.

    There are other projects: courses, offerings, collabs that I sometimes sit on for months because I am scared no one will value them, that they won’t be well-received, that they’re not good enough, that they will vanish into the void. 

    But I’ve learned that if I can stay in that liminal space, uncomfortable as it is, something happens. The edges of the idea sharpen. The delivery deepens. The work becomes more potent. 

    And the things that don’t work out feed into things that do, which, as a counter-effect, become better than anything I have created before.

    Uncertainty is a creative pressure. It forces me to listen more closely, to refine, to make sure what I’m bringing into the world is the truest version I can offer.

    And with every round of staying with that discomfort, my capacity grows. I get better at holding myself in the unknown. Better at waiting for clarity to arrive. Better at trusting that what emerges from that space will have more depth, more resonance, more impact than if I had rushed to get it out just to soothe my own anxiety.

    The act of creating while uncertain is the transformation. It is what gives the work its aliveness, its resonance. When I let myself create from that place of risk, readers feel it. Clients feel it. I feel it.

    You’re supposed to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.

    But when it comes to living an extraordinary life, which is the only way to live a life that is truly your own (and what her way club is all about), most people interpret “feeling uncertain” as a sign they have taken a wrong turn. So they give up. They run back to the familiar and comfortable life that was planned for them. The one the system approves of, even if it’s the very life they were trying to escape.

    And maybe that’s why you’re here, reading this.

    Because deep down, you know you want more for yourself than the version of life you were handed. And to enjoy your life. Not just one day, but now, and into the future. 

    To enjoy your life, you have to keep learning, growing, evolving, and changing. And there is no way to change your life without spending time at the edge of the unknown.

    Uncertainty is the doorway.

    It’s the signal that you are in the exact place where transformation can happen.

    If the first rule of her way club is deciding to live by your own rules, and the second rule is subtracting everything false, then this… this floating, this disorientation, this not-knowing, is where the magic happens.

    Stay here.
    Stay with it.
    Stay long enough for your new life to appear.

    Some related articles you might enjoy reading:

    not ready

    VIENDA

    ·

    23 JANUARY 2024

    not ready

    When I was 15 I went on a long overseas trip for the first time entirely on my own. I had signed up to be a foreign exchange student in the States fo…

    Read full story

    not yet

    VIENDA

    ·

    11 APRIL 2024

    not yet

    I’m sitting in Brighton’s Artist Residence looking out at the English Channel, frothy white foam on the tips of waves sparkling between mist and bursts of sun, and hot chocolate to accompany me on th…

    Read full story

    how I learned to put myself ‘out there’

    VIENDA

    ·

    10 APR

    how I learned to put myself 'out there'

    To answer the title, how I did it is:

    Read full story

  • subtraction

    2/8 — the second rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)

    Continuing our her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:

    1/8
    2/8

    We were sitting in my friend’s garden in upstate New York a few weeks ago. Both of us trying to reclaim our lives after they had been dismantled by forces beyond our control. Our conversation hummed with ways to feel just a little lighter when everything seemed too heavy.

    The afternoon air was warm and green. Bees staggered from flower to flower. Cooled white wine warmed in the sun. Behind us, the house held the relief and wreckage of recent change. Boxes half unpacked, a rug rolled like a sleeping animal, the door left open to catch whatever breeze might pass. My chest felt unsteady, as if the ground under my ribs kept shifting. Hers too.

    “The one thing that works for me when I’m deeply unhappy, when life feels misaligned and everything seems to be falling apart, is subtraction,” I said. “It’s looking at my life and stripping away anything that doesn’t make me feel good. Habits. Expectations. Commitments. Thoughts. Words. It’s usually less about what I need to add, and more about what I need to put down.”

    Her face lit up. “I think that’s what I need to do, too. Remove everything that isn’t essential to the life I’m rebuilding.”

    Life is so much better when you know what you’re living for.

    Most of us have been tricked into thinking that “more” equals fulfilment. That meaning comes from piling more onto our plates. More doing, more striving, more proving. A fancier job title, a fuller calendar, a prettier home, a shinier version of ourselves.

    And yet, the moments I’ve actually felt joy, contentment, relief, almost always arrive after letting something go. After I’ve stopped trying so hard to live up to some imaginary standard. After I’ve decided not to carry what wasn’t mine.

    We are far better at adding than subtracting. Adding habits, projects, rules, identities, expectations. A way to reassure ourselves that we’re worthwhile, lovable, keeping up.

    But what if the thing we actually need isn’t more? What if it’s less? A stripping down, a paring back, until what remains feels closer to who we are at our core.

    Subtraction is the quiet art of laying things down. It brings us back to center without scolding ourselves. It builds a frame we actually want to live inside.

    It asks simple questions: What habits, expectations, commitments, thoughts, words, beliefs, practices, attitudes, people, places can I subtract to get my life back on track? Where have I gotten sloppy? Where am I leaking energy, quietly wasting the life force I will never get back?

    And then, decide for yourself what that is and how much is enough.

    At a party on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut tells Joseph Heller that their host, a hedge fund manager, made more in a single day than Heller earned from Catch-22 in its entire history.

    Heller shrugs.
    “Yes,” he says.
    “But I have something he will never have: enough.”

    Knowing what you have is enough is a quiet power.

    Enough steps walked. Enough friendships. Enough discipline. Enough money. Enough clothes. Enough love. Enough joy.

    It’s the pause in your chest when you could go for more but don’t.
    It’s the quiet nod in your mind that says: this is enough.

    Enough is peace, it’s relief, it’s contentment. It’s seeing what you have, what you’ve built, what you’ve earned and letting it be enough.

    It’s the opposite of greed. and the opposite of more. It’s radical. In a world that screams more, more, more, saying enough is rebellion.

    The way you know it for yourself — the way you choose it — is exactly like the way you decided if you’re in her way club last week (or not.) You stop inheriting other people’s scoreboards. You stop following their timelines, their expectations, their “shoulds.” You pause. You look at your own life. You name what nourishes you, what sustains you, what fills your essence. 

    You decide: this is enough for me.

    From that clarity comes another quiet practice: negative gratitude.

    It’s giving thanks for the things you don’t have. For the health issues that never arrived. For the responsibilities you don’t carry. For the lifestyles, people, pressures that could have crushed you but didn’t. For the “no’s” that gave you freedom.

    We’re always told to be grateful for what we have. And we are. But what about what we’re relieved of? The space, the energy, the freedom quietly gifted by what is absent?

    Take a moment. Look around. What’s missing in the best way possible? What doesn’t exist in your life that makes it lighter, easier, more yours?

    Negative gratitude trains your attention to absence as well as presence. It shows you where you’ve already been spared, already held, already enough.

    Write it down. Say it out loud. Feel it. Let it settle in your chest. Let it remind you: life is not just what arrives, it’s also what doesn’t.

    In that garden, with my friend, subtraction, accompanied by enough-ness and negative gratitude, began to feed the same thing: choosing lightness where we can, so that what remains has room to grow roots.

    We exchanged whispered subtractions, starting small. A newsletter I wasn’t reading, a recurring Zoom meeting that made me tense, a habit of scrolling before bed.

    Each tiny release returning air to our lungs, giving space to our souls. By the time the sun dipped behind the trees, the practice of subtraction transformed from a theory into a reclamation.

    a practice for you:

    Take fifteen minutes today to look at your life through subtraction. Grab a notebook or your phone. Make a quick inventory: habits, commitments, expectations, thoughts, people, places, anything that quietly drains you or keeps you from feeling like yourself. For each one, ask: Does this nourish me? Does this serve me? If the answer is no, make a note to let it go.

    Imagine letting go of a routine self-talk you give yourself without thinking. Every morning that you think, “I should do better,” or “I need to push harder,” like a mantra. It feels harmless, even responsible. But it’s not. It’s a subtle weight you carry, a quiet pressure that shapes your whole day before it’s even begun.

    What if you simply stopped? Not replaced it with another mantra. Not “I am enough” or “I can do this.” Just stopped. 

    The silence that replaces it is startling at first. Your chest feels lighter, your mind less crowded. Instead, you notice the warmth of the sunlight on your skin, the rhythm of your breath, the hum of life around you that had been muted by the constant mental checklist. That small, almost invisible habit of self-criticism had been subtracting from your energy for years, quietly shaping your hours into tension and obligation. Releasing it doesn’t make you lazy or complacent. It makes you present, aligned, capable of pouring your attention into the things intentionally.

    the NO list:

    Here’s a little thing I love doing. I call it the NO list. It’s exactly what it sounds like: a list of all the things you’re done with. All the stuff you’re letting go of. All the habits, commitments, obligations, and little drains you no longer have to carry.

    Grab a notebook, a piece of paper, your phone, whatever works. Set a timer for five minutes. Write fast. Write messy. Don’t censor. Just let it pour.

    What are you done saying yes to?
    What are you done carrying?
    What are you done pretending is necessary?

    It could be huge: “I won’t take on another project that burns me out.”
    Or tiny: “I won’t scroll Instagram first thing in the morning.”
    It can be easy: “I won’t drink coffee past noon on weekdays.”

    Every NO you write is like a little exhale. A clearing. Space for more energy, more focus, more joy.

    When you’re done, leave it somewhere you’ll see it. Saying no is saying yes to yourself.

    Optional: Share one NO in the comments. Let’s celebrate the things we’re done with.

    a micro-vow:

    Before you close this tab, pick one thing you can subtract this week. One habit, one commitment, one mental loop. Say to yourself: I release this. I make space for what truly matters.

    comment below:

    What’s one thing you can subtract, a sense of ‘this is enough’ or a negative gratitude this week that will bring you closer to yourself? What’s the thing on your ‘NO’ list that you’re most excited about letting go? Share it below, so we can be inspired by each other.

  • rebuilding

    I make my life transparent in these letters to you. Often with more ease than one would expect, but not always. I write candidly about the way I try to meet the gaps in my care as a child, I reveal aspects of my lifestyle that are often unmoored, I hapazardly and ambitiously run several online streams of value-for-income models, and I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my romances. 

    I have been moving through some of the tenderest times of my life recently. There are moments when I feel like life is so empty and devoid of meaning and substance. There are moments when I feel like life is exploding with colour and joy. These moments are opposite, and yet they coexist. Both are true.

    And it is times like these that bring me closer to something that we all sense:

    Comfort is seductive, but it’s not where we grow. We grow on the edge of things. 

    As I wrote in my stories yesterday. You have two choices:

    a) Continue forcing the version of you that will keep your current life stitched together at the seams.

    b) Surrender to the logic-defying, painful, beautiful, soul-awakening mess of where life wants to take you.

    Both are true. Sometimes you will need to hold on. Sometimes you need to let go. Devotion and commitment show up as different things at different times. 

    For me, the answer now is surrender. And that surrender requires a rebuilding. Not of my outer world, but of my inner scaffolding. A structure made not of strategies or timelines, but of gentleness, truth, and presence. The quiet integrity of choosing to meet each moment as it is, instead of trying to bend it into something I can manage or explain. The devotion of no longer abandoning myself, even when it would be easier to. Especially then.

    I begin with sleep. With rest that is heavy and uninterrupted. With giving my body the time it needs to catch up with everything my heart has carried these past months. Sleep has become sacred. A space where I remember I am not a machine built to function, but a being designed to feel.

    I pay attention to what nourishes me through the textures of ordinary care. I eat slowly. I walk often. I stay close to silence. I let my feelings rise without trying to trap them in language too soon. I cry when I need to. I let joy rise when it wants to, and do not hold it hostage with questions about whether it will stay. I am learning that being with myself in this way is not indulgent.

    I am tuning into my natural rhythm and letting that be enough. We all contain this natural intelligence.

    The only reason you ever feel out of step with your life is that you have stopped following the natural rhythm that your body and inner essence are always trying to lead you with. 

    We have become so accustomed to having the rhythm set for us by external forces. Parents. School bells. Job descriptions. Capitalism. Performance. Survival. We have spent our lives learning to respond to something outside of ourselves, and in the process, we forgot how to listen inward.

    We have handed over our agency in so many invisible ways that we no longer realise we are allowed to curate a rhythm of life that makes sense for us. A rhythm that honours our energy, our season, our humanity. We have accepted a pace that constantly makes us feel torn and separate and fractured, not because something is wrong with us, but because something is deeply wrong with the way we are being taught to live.

    I created Planet Powered to help you remember. 

    Not to replace your inner agency, but rather as a gentle framework to be used as a stepping stone. A structure that holds you within the shape of your modern life while still making space for a sovereign choice, each and every day, to ask what you truly need, and how you want to meet the world from that place.

    This rhythm is not about productivity or performance. It is about presence. It is about remembering that you are not here to fit yourself into a life that was not made for you. You are here to create a rhythm that holds your soul.

    We begin in two days.

    join us here, now 𓁹 𓁹

  • practices that help me reclaim my self-trust

    one decision at a time

    “When I came in this evening, I was so identified with my emotion,” I said, twisting to face the teacher. “I was like: I’m so saaaaad! WWWAAAAHHHH!!!” I exaggerated, earning a few giggles from behind me.

    It was a rainy night in NYC’s Lower East Side. I was at a yoga and philosophy class.

    Speaking in front of others used to terrify me. I’d flush with heat, my thoughts would tangle, and my voice would betray me. I’d prepare what I wanted to say in advance, rehearsing endlessly in my head while others spoke. By the time it was my turn, I wasn’t even there anymore. I was so consumed by trying to say the ‘right thing’ that what came out was a jumbled mess. Then came the shame spiral. I hated the awkwardness of being seen.

    I used to think I was shy.

    But really, I didn’t trust myself.

    As I continued sharing, I said, “But then I moved and sweated and got into my body, and loosened the grip sadness had on me. I remembered that I am not my feelings, I’m just a person having feelings. And now, I feel fine! So I guess… yoga works!”

    We all laughed. That’s why we’re here. Because it works.

    It struck me again how easy it is to forget what we know when our minds are loud and cluttered. When we can’t hear the part of us that already knows. 

    That’s the ache of self-abandonment.

    When, at the end of the day or week, or season, you realise you’ve lived from doubt instead of trust. You ignored your intuition. You bypassed your knowing. You outsourced your truth. And now you feel like a stranger to yourself.

    That is not a feeling I enjoy. 

    You don’t trust yourself because you’ve never been taught how. Because you’re afraid of making mistakes. Because the noise of the world is so loud that your inner voice doesn’t get heard.

    Self-trust doesn’t just happen. 

    It’s not the result of being perfect or always making the right choice. 

    It’s a relationship. 

    One that begins when you decide to start showing up for yourself with consistency, clarity, and care. A big part of that is creating enough mental space to actually hearyourself.

    One of the most practical ways I anchor into my own self-trust is by gently clearing out the mental and energetic clutter. When my mind is quiet, my intuition becomes louder. My clarity returns. I know what to do next because I can feel it again.

    Here are some of the practices that help me return to that place:

    Let yourself take a proper social media break. Even one full day away can shift your entire nervous system. Delete the apps. Reclaim your attention. Eat breakfast without scrolling. Go for a walk without your phone. Remember what it feels like to live in your body, not just online. You’re not going to miss anything. Everything important will still be here when you return.

    Stop checking email first thing in the morning. Give yourself at least one sacred hour before you open your brain to the demands of the world. That slow morning is magic and deserves to be protected. Use it to write, stretch, dream, create, listen. You can reply to emails later, when your creativity doesn’t need your full bandwidth.

    Turn off all unnecessary notifications. Not every ping deserves your attention. Not every alert is urgent. Let your phone serve you, not the other way around. (The only notifications allowed on my phone are phone calls and messages.)

    Make a list of the decisions that are swirling in your mind. Take note of the unmade choices weighing you down, and decide on them. All at once, if you can. Yes or no. Now or later. Decide to decide, or decide not to decide until next month or next year. Give your brain the closure it craves.

    Close open loops. Send the email. Pay the invoice. Return the item. Follow up with the person. You will be astonished by how much mental energy you free up when you stop dragging yesterday’s loose ends into today.

    Declutter your phone. Most of us have dozens of apps we never use. Delete what doesn’t support the version of you that you’re becoming.

    Delegate what you can. For so long, I resisted delegation. But delegation is actually about accepting and receiving help. It’s wise. It creates more time, space, and energy for the things only you can do. And it gives others a chance to support you, which they often want to do.

    Make amends where needed. Apologise. Forgive. Repair. Set things down that you’ve been carrying around in silence. Even if it’s something small, clearing the emotional debris makes room for a deeper self-trust to take root.

    When you do all this, even a few of these things, you begin to soften into yourself. You feel more grounded, more lucid, more resourced. You don’t need to grasp or hustle for answers because you can access them right here, within yourself.

    This is the work of The Way She Knows.

  • choice architecture + invisible currents

    because so much of what we do each day isn’t really a choice, not in the conscious sense

    A month ago I was invited to teach this workshop for The Wild Ones Community. Today I decided I would share it with you too.

    The premise is that we are moved by invisible currents. Nudged by our surroundings. Directed by systems we didn’t design.

    Through this workshop, we’re going to pause and pay attention.

    To notice the subtle structures shaping our decisions — from the arrangement of a room, to the rhythms of our inbox, to the silent expectations in our relationships.
    And then… gently, deliberately, begin to redesign them.

    practical exercise (if you feel called to it)

    Choose one area of your life where you feel stuck, or where you tend to make choices you later wish you hadn’t.

    Then:

    1. For three days, notice and document all the environmental cues influencing your behaviour in that area — the physical setup, digital distractions, people nearby, time of day, even your energy levels or mood.
    2. Identify the three strongest “currents” — the forces most powerfully pulling you off course.
    3. Share your most surprising or interesting discovery in the comments below. What did you notice, now that you are really looking?

    You never know — your insight might help someone else spot a current they didn’t even know they were swimming in.

    this is where we go deeper

    One of the quiet teachings of The Way She Knows is that your inner knowing isn’t something you have to find but rather something you return to, again and again.

    And to return, we need to notice what pulls us away.

    We need to see the systems, structures, and subtle influences that guide our days and ask: Who designed this? Is this serving me? What do I want instead?

    This is an act of reclamation. 

    It’s a way of lifting the veil on the environments and patterns that keep you in loops and gently beginning to reorient them toward the life you actually want to live.

    It’s less about control and more about tending. Less about discipline, and more about designing your life to support the way you want to feel.

    That’s the deeper current of this work: To live in a way that’s attuned, not just to your values, but to your body, your seasons, your intuition, your truth.

    This is how she knows.
    Not by force, but by design.

    Maybe today something was brought into focus — a pattern, a pull, a way you’ve been shaped — The Way She Knows is where we go deeper.

    Together, we release the limiting beliefs, patterns, and conditioning that keep you stuck — and rebuild trust in your own voice. Guided by the RRRRI Method (Reflect · Review · Release · Replace · Integrate), you’ll receive daily audio teachings, soul-led prompts, and two live group calls to support you in returning to your truth and leading your life from within.

    You’re invited. If your body says yes, come join us. We begin in 14 days.

    JOIN HERE

  • how to actually change your life

    who am I when I am not running toward something new?

    For the next ten days, I am inviting you into a conversation about transformation—the kind that is deep, sustainable, and truly liberating. I’ll be sharing insights, stories, and practices from ALIGNED, my 6-week programdesigned to help you take intentional action in your life and business. This program is the culmination of years of personal exploration and guiding others through the delicate process of inner shifts that lead to tangible change.

    This work is profoundly important to me because I have lived and breathed it for years, testing its principles in my own life and witnessing its impact on the lives of those I’ve worked with. And nothing speaks to its power more than the experiences of past participants:

    “One key takeaway from this course was identifying my limiting belief: ‘I have to do it like everyone else.’ Realizing this and choosing a different story feels incredibly freeing.”

    “Having a group of people to get to know helped me feel like there was a community of like-minded individuals, offering support even as we worked on different areas of our lives.”

    “I love the way you always include accountability and listening partners in your courses. It creates such valuable connections, and I’ve stayed in touch with past participants, supporting each other’s businesses and visions in truly special ways.”

    “I took your course on money, and my entire life shifted within 2-3 months—that was crazy! I had been aware of my fears and beliefs for years but never found a way to let them go until I took your course. I am still mind-blown.”

    So much of what holds us back is invisible to us. 

    Our minds become intricate labyrinths of inherited narratives, subconscious fears, and well-worn patterns that shape our choices, often without our awareness. 

    This is why today, I want to talk to you about how to actually change your life — starting with the very thing that keeps you stuck: limiting beliefs.

    It’s been five months since I moved to this little surf town on the Atlantic coast of Portugal. Five months of waking to the sound of waves rolling against the cliffs, of salt-drenched air that clings to my hair and skin, of slow mornings wrapped in mist and coffee and the promise of something unknown.

    And yet, despite all this beauty — this wild, unpredictable, heart-expanding beauty — there have been moments when I have felt utterly, inexplicably stuck. As if something inside me was pressing against an invisible ceiling, a quiet resistance lurking beneath the surface.

    It never fails to astonish me how I carry every part of myself wherever I go — every fear, every belief, every invisible boundary I have ever built. 

    In the past five months, I’ve found myself face to face with an unfamiliar stillness, a startling absence of the urge to chase something new. It lingers like a question I can’t quite answer, so foreign that I wonder if I’ve misplaced my ambition entirely.

    I used to think that growth meant running toward something new — more freedom, more success, more peace. 

    But I’ve learned that the most important work isn’t in the external shifts, but in the quiet, often uncomfortable act of meeting yourself where you are and asking: 

    What is actually keeping me here?

    I recently ran a free challenge to help you find clarity in your life — over 100 people joined (you can, too) — and the most common struggle you shared was this: 

    How do I uncover my limiting beliefs when I can’t even see them?

    That’s the thing about the patterns that hold us back—they exist in the shadows, shaping our choices without us even realising it. It’s an inside job, and our limitations are often our biggest blind spots. 

    That’s exactly why I created Aligned —a deeply supportive, transformative space designed to help you move through those hidden limitations in a way that feels pragmatic, expansive, and fun. Because real change doesn’t have to be heavy—it can be meaningful, energizing, and deeply freeing.

    Doors close in 10 days, and there are only 12 spots available per group.

    Hit reply if you’re on the fence, or sign up here.

    the simple process I use for shifting limiting beliefs

    1. identify my current challenge

    The first clue that I am operating from a limiting belief is the sensation of being stuck. That heavy, unmoving energy that tells you something isn’t working but doesn’t quite reveal why.

    For me, in those first few months in Ericeira, I felt a deep-seated fear that no matter how much I expanded, I would always find myself circling back to the same struggles—uncertainty about what I was supposed to be doing, my business growth, and the question of whether I was truly doing enough. 

    It was familiar, frustrating, and maddeningly persistent.

    I had to sit with it. To acknowledge it and feel it.

    TIP 1: Instead of trying to bulldoze through it, pause. What’s the exact problem? Name it. Be as precise as possible. The more clarity you bring, the more power you have over it.

    2. taking ownership without shame

    What I discovered was that, after years and years of living the life I had dreamed of, my dreams had run dry. 

    I was out of alignment with who I am, and what I wanted because I didn’t believe I was worthy of having big dreams anymore. I discovered that I am someone with enormous desires. Desires that I had squashed.

    Career-wise, I blamed the algorithm (it’s changed so much!), the economy (people are spending less!).

    And then! My 12k Instagram account was hacked and then stolen from me. A decade of work, gone overnight!

    But the truth? None of that was the real reason I felt stuck. 

    The real reason was that I was clinging to old stories about my worth and ability, stories that whispered: You have to work harder to deserve more. You have to struggle for this to count.

    Taking ownership didn’t mean blaming myself. It meant acknowledging that if I was the one unconsciously building these walls, I was also the one who could tear them down.

    TIP 2: Here’s where it gets tender: can you take full responsibility for your current reality—without shame, without self-punishment? Can you look at the patterns that have led you here with compassion, rather than criticism?

    3. seeing the invitation for growth

    I know — even though, like all of us, I often need to be reminded — that my biggest frustrations are signposts pointing me toward the exact lesson I need. The solution is always to lean in and ask: What is this here to show me?

    The moment I did, things shifted. I saw how my limiting beliefs weren’t just abstract ideas—they were running the show. Success requires struggle. Ease is irresponsible. If you slow down, you’ll fall behind. And I realised: these weren’t truths. 

    They were choices.

    TIP 3: The blindspots are the areas in life we are not in alignment with because we have limiting beliefs around them. Your mind is powerful. It will always find evidence for what you believe. The good news? You get to decide what to believe next.

    4. embrace the ripple effect

    I am going through growing pangs. This is an opportunity to build something even stronger. It’s a painful shift, but these moments create space for new approaches that end up being more aligned.

    I am valuing myself and my work in ways that I should have a long time ago, but did not, because I did not believe I was enough. This shows me that my external reality was only ever reflecting what I believed to be true about myself.

    TIP 4: When you start dismantling the old stories, your life shifts in ways you can’t yet see. The work you put in today—challenging your beliefs, choosing different thoughts, moving from a place of trust instead of fear—will show up in unexpected ways. New opportunities. Conversations that change everything. A lightness you can’t explain.

    This morning I woke up, warm after many cold nights, my hair stuck to my face.

    It’s one of those mornings where everything feels a little lopsided. 

    My soy milk has curdled so I can’t make myself a matcha and have to settle for a herbal tea. My dentist appointment is cancelled because the dentist is ill. I am relieved because I don’t feel like walking the 20 minutes in the torrential downpour anyway. I journal.

    Your life is always responding to you. And if you want something different, you don’t have to work harder, force it, or prove yourself. You just have to start believing a new story — and living from it as if it were already true.

    I am learning, awkwardly, how to embody the new version of myself that I am becoming. Anticipation builds alongside the next steps life is revealing to me.

    TIP 5: What makes this process so transformative is that it moves us from feeling powerless to feeling deeply, profoundly capable. When you stop trying to change everything outside of you and instead start working on what’s within, everything shifts.

    If you’re considering joining me for either ALIGNED OFFER (business-focused) or ALIGNED ACTION (life-focused), now is the time. Doors close in 10 days, and there are only 12 spots available per group.

    LEARN MORE HERE

    If you’re unsure, email me — I’m happy to help you decide.

  • everybody has a different story

    …and you know you want to live yours

    I never planned to be here.

    It’s 7.34, and the sun is just starting to peek over the hill covered in tall buildings that shadow the village in the mornings. I am cross-legged on my sofa, wrapped in a blanket grateful for the ache in my chest that arrives whenever I sit, fingers softly poised above keys, ready to pour all of myself into the words on a page. I can hear the waves crashing onto the shore 300 metres from my balcony and the washing machine slopping wet dirty clothes around inside itself.

    What I did plan on is to feel alive.

    To me, Ericeira smells like sea salt and algae. It smells like fishing lines and burnt coffee. Most days the humidity is around 90%. It feels like walking through a neverending water wall. Mostly infiltrated by people not from here this winter the streets have been silent. The locals shuffle through their days in their unhurried solitude. The cold, humid ache that goes deep into my bones is interspersed by warm sunny hours in the middle of the day.

    Here, my everyday life is quiet.

    When I arrived I had followed something in my body that told me ‘not here’. A subtle disquiet that had been with me. Because place matters. But I had decided to stop planning and start living without knowing how this story ends.

    It brought me here.

    For so much of my life, I thought that to live a meaningful life I needed to choose my steps carefully. That it would all unravel and fall apart if I wasn’t meticulous in my decision-making and planning. It’s me and the world. I am alone. I don’t have a family to fall back on. There is always some risk involved when I do anything new and I am acutely conscious of the fact that I lack a cushion to rely on if things go wrong. Which they do.

    Frustrated with living in fear I cultivated a new approach.

    What I discovered was that there is a state of alignment you can reach in which magical things will start happening for you. I often call it kismet but really, it’s being in a relationship with the dynamic aliveness of life. Once I figured out how it worked I was able to relax and now have a lot of fun inviting that kind of serendipity into my decision-making processes and day-to-day life.

    I have very literally been in the business of living in alignment for years and I still need reminders that the way I move through life is enough.

    It’s no surprise. The rampant roar of the outside world is strong. It overpowers the subtle nudges and the cultivation of inner stillness necessary to enter into alignment. Despite years of evidence that living in alignment works I still have times of doubt and uncertainty. I have had to learn how to stay centred and not let that derail me.

    I have to be resolute in my devotion to alignment.

    I’m teaching exactly how I do this — both in my life; and in my business — across 6 weeks starting on Monday, March 10 2025. There are only 12 spaces in each cohort. Join me for ALIGNED, here.

    I could never have planned the life that was waiting for me.

    I left England last year because it dimmed my light. I was becoming someone I didn’t recognise. I had outgrown my environment and had become complacent and indolent in every area of my life. I was out of alignment. This misalignment isn’t just uncomfortable – it’s costly. It drained me of my energy, dampened my creativity, and held me back from the life I was meant to live.

    But I know I always have a choice.

    So I left and it took me on a misadventure through the Mediterranean Sea where I was redirected to a village by the Atlantic Ocean where I fell in love and am now moving to New York. I could never have planned any of this. But life, in its mystery and intelligence, did. All I had to do was let go of trying to control the uncontrollable and get into alignment instead.

    Choosing change is hard. Choosing a new story without knowing how it ends is even harder. But when you choose alignment, life moves you to where you are meant to be with so much grace and ease, that the obstacles on the way no longer matter. 

    They don’t go away. But they become insignificant in comparison to the bigger vision. The project of living your most alive, vibrant, dynamic and meaningful life.

    Aligned teaches a dynamic way to live and work in alignment, where action flows from clarity, trust, and surrender.

    ALIGNED is not just one program — it’s two distinct pathways, running simultaneously, designed to support you based on where you are right now.

    • ALIGNED ACTION is for you if you are ready to transform your personal life — activating changes in relationships, career, purpose, and finances with trust and confidence.
    • ALIGNED OFFER is for you if you are ready to build or grow an online business — creating offers that sell with ease, alignment, and momentum.

    Both programs follow the same structure but focus on different areas of life. You’ll be part of a powerful container with daily insights, live workshops, and a supportive community—all guiding you toward aligned, inspired action.

    LEARN MORE & JOIN HERE

    I don’t know exactly what is next.

    What I do know is that as long as I remain aligned, life happens for me. Things that I can never imagine or plan or prepare for. Things I hope and dream for but only reach when I move into alignment and let go.

    As these winter days and nights come to an end and spring starts to make itself known in the slightly longer and warmer days I relish the tiny moments. 

    Some afternoons I see the locals leaning out of their windows watching the world pass by and if we have crossed each other often enough we smile and nod. Bright purple and yellow wildflowers are beginning to cover the cliff edges facing the restless Atlantic Ocean reminding me of the dynamic nature of life. The damp air as I walk home in the evening carrying dates from the organic market and I look up and see the stars. A luxury that is here and won’t be when I leave.

    I can’t wait to see how this story continues.