The struggling woman archetype simply cannot exist in 2025. There’s no more room to play small.
It’s a rainy winter day here on the windswept Atlantic coast of Portugal. Winter has officially set in, and I’m already yearning for warmer days. I really do try to embrace these colder months – wrapping myself in cozy blankets, sipping steaming cups of tea – but ultimately, my soul was made to dance outdoors under that magnificent ball of fire in our sky.
Lately, I’ve been in a deep season of reflection, turning over the same question in my mind: “What life am I truly designing for myself?” To chart my path forward, I need to first understand where I’ve been.
The recent path was initiated with a leap of faith – moving from sun-soaked Mexico to the misty shores of the U.K. in early 2020 to launch my first physical product: Plannher 𓂃, a planner crafted specifically for women. Then, of course, the global panini hit (I’ve decided to rename it because if I hear “pandemic” one more time, I will actually expire).
I know this era transformed all of us in profound ways.
For me, it shattered something fundamental – this infinite trust I had carried in the world around me. Perhaps it was misguided, perhaps even privileged, but I had always held this unwavering belief that some mystical force would ensure everything worked out. That belief crumbled when I witnessed just how broken our world could be, and it hurt me deeply.
In response, I tried to make myself smaller. I convinced myself I could be content with less, shrinking to fit into what my environment seemed to expect of me. In a world I had once felt was mine to explore, I suddenly felt microscopic.
This contraction forced me to mature and face myself in ways I’d been avoiding.
Alongside my inner growth, my career accelerated at a dizzying pace – I said yes to everything, trying to keep up with a world that felt increasingly unstable.
Seeking sunshine, I relocated to Mallorca.
But something had shifted inside me. The carefree global wanderer I’d once been felt like a stranger. The magical circuit I’d existed in had shattered, taking pieces of my heart with it. I had witnessed humanity’s vulnerability, selfishness, and irresponsibility, and I couldn’t unsee it. Burned out, unsettled and unable to find my flow – which manifested in strange physical symptoms – I left Mallorca behind.
Back in the U.K., after five months of nomadic wandering, I nested in a sweet little village, in a cabin surrounded by ancient forest. But even that wasn’t enough. My soul was starving.
That’s when I had to face a powerful truth: I am someone with enormous desires.
I want it all. I want that epic, life-long love story. I want to taste every flavor this world has to offer. I want to craft a bold, meaningful, breathtakingly beautiful life. I want to be so well-resourced that I never have to compromise on experiences. I want my creative life to overflow with possibility. I want to buzz with pure, electric aliveness.
Sometimes we need others to remind us that we deserve everything we desire. My closest friends have been lighthouses in this journey. I speak to my friend Lola almost daily, and we fan the flames of each other’s dreams, encouraging one another to follow the charged desires pulling at our heartstrings. Because really – if we don’t, what’s the point of this precious life?
Through all this, I’ve realized something crucial:
To be truly free, playful, and creative, you need both financial security and the maturity to handle your resources wisely. The struggling woman archetype simply cannot exist in 2025. There’s no more room to play small.
My boyfriend and I often discuss how the real game-changing adjustments in life are actually quite boring, simple, and repetitive. You can’t hack your way to satisfaction. But you can strategically stack your habits to create better outcomes.
When I examine the areas of my life that have flourished – my career (at times), my lifestyle (I’ve already lived such a full life that fills me with pride!), my friendships (meaningful and deep), my romantic relationship (everything I dreamed of right now) – the design process has been consistent.
I followed the magnetic pull inside my body and took whatever action was required.
I showed up for my business every single day for years, long before it became financially fruitful. I made heroic efforts with my friends, driving hours just to share a coffee or offering soothing words as balm for their hearts, even when it wasn’t convenient. I said “no, thank you” to countless potential suitors and relationships, choosing solitude over settling for less than what my heart truly desired.
Eventually, piece by piece, I got what I wanted – even if it looked nothing like I’d imagined.
Because context matters. The only thing that truly matters is that it fits me like it was made for me. Because it is.
If you’re ready to redesign a specific part of your life, here’s what works:
— First, decide how you want to feel in that area of your life. Ultimately, we only want anything because we’re chasing a feeling. So get crystal clear – what feeling are you pursuing?
— Next, pay attention to what makes you feel truly alive. It doesn’t have to be directly related to what you’re redesigning. But by holding that part of your life high in your consciousness and heart, you help pull the necessary elements toward you, creating momentum.
— Create a feedback loop between your actions and the area you’re redesigning. Gradually adjust how you show up for yourself, letting the context of what you want to change inform how your life shifts.
— Finally – and this is crucial – find people who are already living the life you’re designing, in ways that you admire, and spend time with them. Nothing transforms your life faster than surrounding yourself with people who expect nothing less than spectacular for themselves.
Rinse and repeat, forever and ever, as you evolve as a human being.
Vienda Maria 