My final vlog of 2025: the last month in Paris, in all its unglamorous glory. Slow brunches and busy workdays, ethical fashion chats, pre-Christmas errands, a cold that took me out, and the quiet work of not turning difficulty into a victim story. I talk therapy (again), breakups, why we date our unresolved parental wounds, and what it actually takes to take responsibility for your life as a new year approaches. Also: three big losses, one major perspective shift, and the decision to leave Paris in search of sunlight.
My apartment is set to a tropical 24°C, a decision I stand by morally. My weather app is teasing me with numbers between -1°C and 6°C, as if any of those are meaningfully different. The solstice slipped by quietly a few days ago, and with it, winter has officially arrived. I am hibernating through the final week of 2025, emerging only for strategic walks in glimpses of sunlight and friendship gatherings.
It’s Christmas Eve. I’m in bed with my laptop balanced on my thighs. A fragile truce between closing the final loops and rest, peppermint tea stationed to my right as both beverage and emotional support. Outside, the last remaining leaves clinging to the final undecided tree outside my window have turned a dark, rain-soaked brown and are rustling in the wind.
The past two months have been a slightly feral mix of redesigning, rebuilding and upgrading The Mentor Training. The kind of work that makes you forget what day it is, question your life choices, and then suddenly remember exactly why you started.
This training was born in 2022, not from a slick business plan, but from something I couldn’t ignore. Client after client arrived in my world carrying quiet damage from experiences with people who called themselves coaches or mentors and had deep emotional influence without the responsibility or rigour to match it.
Now entering our fourth year, the training has matured. The curriculum is stronger, the standards clearer, and the focus remains on ethical, relational, embodied mentoring — not performance, not charisma, not “personal brand,” but trust.
Thank you for being here with me and reading, watching, commenting and sharing your journey as we bumped along side each other through this year. This was my last note to you from me in 2025.
I am taking January off from outward-facing work and this newsletter to replenish and rebuild after a year that took everything. If you’re a private client, you’ll see me in our video calls as usual.
If you’re a free subscriber, starting next week you’ll meet one of my inspirations every Wednesday: on the list. In November, I started this gentle, playful interview series about what women I admire are tending to, dreaming of, and prioritising, one list at a time. It’s been such a joy introducing you to women who show that anything really is possible when you choose to trust yourself.
If you’re a paid subscriber, you’ll continue to receive my most vulnerable writing: unfiltered, raw, honest stories and updates, as always. Essays I’m working on in my drafts include Bad Sex with Nice People, Inside My Notes App, and My Year of Magical Thinking.
If you’ve been thinking about becoming a paying subscriber, I’d be so grateful for your support. And there’s a little extra nudge: through the end of the year, I’m offering 25% off an annual subscription:
We were about to run the scene for the first time on the first day when I smelled it. A warm, unmistakable wave of alcohol came off her breath as she leaned in. I froze for half a second, confused. It was 10 a.m. on a Thursday. Was she drunk?
I pulled myself back into character because that’s what we were supposed to be doing: acting. I’d come to this six-week course specifically to shake loose my own edges a bit, to remember what it felt like to inhabit someone else’s skin on purpose. A small, secret hope tucked inside this decision, too: maybe this would reopen something creatively, or at least remind me that I am not just one self, stuck on one track.
She was the kind of person you’d assume had everything under control. A known actor with a recent Netflix role, returning to her craft after time away. She carried what looked like a berry smoothie — dark purple, very wholesome — and sipped it throughout class. Except the smell told a different story.
After class, a friend picked me up to go to the beach. I tried to explain what had happened in that confused way you do when you’re still half convinced you imagined the whole thing. I didn’t say who she was. I just kept circling around the fact of it: “And it was ten in the morning!”
Later that night, still unsettled, I drafted a short email to the head acting school teacher. Careful, almost apologetic. I wasn’t accusing her of anything; I just… didn’t know what to do with the information. I hit send, regretted being that earnest student who “brings things up,” and went to bed. By morning, I had a reply. It said I was making “very serious allegations,” which is the kind of phrase that makes you feel both scolded and slightly gaslit. I closed my laptop and told myself to drop it. Fine. Whatever. Maybe I was overreacting.
Over the next six weeks, there was a pattern. She’d slip out “for a coffee” or “to use the bathroom” right before her turn to perform, and come back looser, warmer, more emotionally elastic. She could give these huge, convincing performances — crying, shouting, collapsing — but something about them felt off. And I kept thinking, in that uncomfortable way you think the thing you don’t want to think: Is she showing up to actual paid work like this? Is this just… normal?
The part that really stayed with me was the recognition of the dynamic underneath it. The quiet splitting from oneself. The subtle, daily ways people disconnect just enough to get through whatever their life requires of them.
Not always with alcohol. Sometimes, with edibles. More often, it’s things like keeping yourself too busy to notice you’re unhappy, or telling yourself a story that makes a relationship seem “fine,” or eating in that way that feels like both comfort and punishment.
The constant hum of distraction, or getting very invested in “being productive,” or deciding that honesty is optional if it keeps things smooth. All the tiny, acceptable ways we avoid being fully present with our own lives.
Most people live like this. It’s not a moral failing. It’s a lack of awareness. A kind of spiritual autopilot. Some people live inside the roles they inherited, and others rewrite the script. Some people pretend a life, and others create one.
And the latter — the creators — are the ones I think of as practical dreamers.
A practical dreamer is someone who understands that dreaming without doing is self-indulgent and doing without dreaming is pointless. They are people who keep their heads in the clouds, yes, but with their feet solidly planted on the ground. They refuse to separate beauty from utility, vision from labour, desire from action. They inhabit both their aspirations and their realities with equal care, even when one terrifies them, and the other bores them.
Now, in this cultural moment, the stakes are higher. So many people spend their days worried that AI will steal something essential from them: their jobs, their livelihoods, the delicate illusion that they are in control of anything at all.
It is possible, but only if you are passive.
If you are operating on autopilot, if you are waiting for someone — a boss, a system, a timeline — to tell you what your life should look like. Because the only way to remain alive, relevant, and whole is to choose your life. To choose it in all its contradiction and uncertainty, in all its mess and joy. To embrace your interiority, your curiosity, your irrational impulses, your instincts, and your mistakes, and to act anyway. The only way to outperform a machine is to be aggressively human.
What is more human than to be the creator of your life? No machine can do that for you.
Entrepreneurship is one way to be a creator. It is about asserting yourself in the world in alignment with what you know, with what you are capable of, with what only you can offer. Freelancers, mentors, portfolio careerists, boutique founders, artists who monetise their craft, consultants who build their own frameworks, all of these are entrepreneurs. All of these are people who refuse to wait for permission, who choose to generate value from their own skills, curiosities, and insights.
Entrepreneurship is spiritual because it forces you to confront yourself. It forces you to notice where you hide, where you lie, where you numb, and it asks you to act anyway. It forces you to take responsibility for the way you show up as a human, as someone whose labour is not just transactional but creative, generative, alive. It illuminates your weaknesses and strengths and asks you to work with them, to outsource, to collaborate, to ask for help, to become stronger in the ways that matter most.
I am, by most definitions, the most unlikely entrepreneur. I do not follow trends. I do not invest in long-term content plans or rigid business strategies. I believe in changing my mind, repeatedly, until I find the approach that feels right for me. I believe in knowing myself deeply — Jungian style — so that when I claim my value in the world, it is not borrowed, copied, or acted, but entirely mine.
I believe in noticing what excites me, what makes my pulse quicken, what pulls me forward, and letting that guide me. I believe in trusting the process, even when certainty is impossible, because certainty is an illusion and clarity is built through iteration, through showing up, through experimentation.
I believe that the person you should always invest in most is yourself.
My own life — the way I structure it, inhabit it, show up in it — is my most powerful client magnet. It demonstrates that a life built on curiosity, attention, intention and deliberate action works. That it is possible. That it is magnetic. It proves that what I teach is not theory; it is practice.
Perhaps why Practical Dreamer sold out so, so quickly. So quickly, I opened up new spaces starting next year. And why many clients move on to rolling monthly mentoring programs, working together for six months to a year to build lives that are aligned, generative, and resonant.
— For anyone new to my work, I am offering a December special: $100 off a Single 90-minute Mentoring session, scheduled this month.
— For those ready to leap, I am accepting new clients next year for the 1-Month Intensive, a space to clarify, align, and build a framework that matches your unique gifts and rhythms.
Spaces are limited, and the first step is simply to reach out and start the conversation.
8/8 — the eighth rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)
NOV 11, 2025
The final of our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:
1/8— deciding to play by your own rules 2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong 3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty interlude — her way deep rest 4/8 — trust yourself 5/8 — inner life 6/8 — outer life 7/8 — life design 8/8 — creator
walking through the streets on errands yesterday
Yellow-gold leaves fall like snow outside my window, drifting in gentle spirals before surrendering to the earth. Nature is shifting from outward display to inward repair, from the urgency of life to the humility of dying. Inside my body, a similar transition is underway. The lining of my womb is dissolving, shedding, releasing itself through me. There is a tenderness in this inner autumn; a sense of being thinned out, emptied, more bone than blossom.
On days like this, I feel less like a creator and more like those leaves outside: untethered, weightless, caught in forces larger than myself. Creation feels distant, like a memory it has temporarily forgotten.
And yet… I know this perception is only half the truth. Because in the very same moment that life inside me is breaking down, life is also preparing to renew. What looks like loss is, in fact, nature reorganising itself. What feels like death is the unspoken prelude to emergence.
This is the essential paradox of existence: two opposing truths held in one body, one moment, one heart. We are both the falling leaf and the seed beneath the soil. We are endings and beginnings, decay and future possibility, all at once. Maturity, real maturity, is learning to live inside that tension without collapsing into either. To honour the ache, and yet trust the regeneration.
If you are anything like me — porous, perceptive, shaped by instinct and feeling — you have likely sensed a similar shedding on a global scale. Something in the ‘old world,’ the one many of us were taught to obey, is splitting at its seams. Systems that once seemed stable now reveal their fragility. Ideals we inherited are dissolving, and the scaffolding of what we were told to trust is quietly shaking itself apart.
Which is why choosing to become a creator is so imperative right now. What is really happening is that humanity is quietly rearranging its resources. And you are a vital part of that.
I don’t believe this is a collapse. I believe it is a rearrangement. A redistribution of attention, energy, power, possibility. Humanity is composting its outdated structures and beliefs, and whether you feel ready or not, you are part of that metamorphosis.
Which is why choosing to become a creator: not merely a consumer, observer, or critic, is not optional anymore. It is essential.
Creation is a way of relating to life. A discipline of perception. A willingness to meet the world as an active participant rather than a passive witness. To create is to engage: with your thoughts, your desires, your environment, your body.
Every choice you make, every emotion you metabolise rather than outsource, every space you shape, every idea you dare to hold… these are acts of creation. Quiet ones, often unseen, but foundational.
By this point in this 8-part series, you have already stripped away the noise. You have practised discernment. You have learned what no longer deserves your time, your energy, your belief. You have strengthened the inner ground that makes outer integrity possible. All of that was preparation for this final threshold: stepping into your life as a creator.
Creation is not linear. It is cyclical, like the body, like the seasons, like breath itself. To create is to stay in conversation with who you are, who you are becoming, and the mystery that moves through and beyond both. You are never shaping your life alone. You are co-crafting it with uncertainty, with intuition, with timing, with forces that are ancient and wise and not always rational.
Real creation asks something intimate and courageous of you: coherence.
The willingness to bring your inner life into alignment with your outer actions. The bravery to trust what you feel before you have proof. The devotion to act even when the path ahead remains partly obscured. Creation is less about control and more about participation. A dance between intention and surrender, vision and mystery, action and grace.
We do not create because we are certain. We create because it is the only honest response to being alive.
Being a creator begins with your personal ideal lifestyle. This is the first lens through which all your choices, projects, and decisions must pass. By now, you have an inkling of what that looks and feels like.
It is not just a set of routines; it is the container that supports your creativity, your energy, your relationships, and your work. It is a framework for how you move through your days and weeks, a blueprint for how you honour your body, your mind, and your desires. Before you make a decision that could impact your future, you consult with your ideal lifestyle. You ask yourself, “Does this align with the life I want to live? Does this support my growth, my energy, my joy?”
Creation also requires radical responsibility. This is the part that most people resist. It is easier to blame circumstances, wait for permission, or hope that someone else will shape your life for you. But creators know that the only power they can fully claim is their own. You take responsibility for your mind, your body, and your environment. You choose your thoughts, you manage your energy, and you shape the spaces you inhabit. And you do it continuously, intentionally, with courage and curiosity.
not linear at all…
The path of a creator is not linear.
You will encounter problems. Infinite problems. But every problem is soluble, and each is an opportunity. Problems are the curriculum of your life. Solve the problem in front of you. Learn. Grow. Share your solution with others. Repeat. Life becomes an ongoing laboratory where progress and contribution converge. Happiness is a byproduct of solving meaningful problems. Joy arises when your skills meet a challenge, and your work serves something greater than yourself.
Humans are tool builders. From the moment we learned to make fire, to the invention of the wheel, to the creation of the internet, we have transformed our environment through creativity. It is our most fundamental skill. And yet so many people never take the time to recognise that this skill extends to the life they live.
Becoming a creator is central to a good life, because it is through creation that you experience progress, purpose, and contribution. Every time you solve a problem for yourself or for others, you grow stronger, wiser, and more capable of tackling increasingly complex challenges.
Being a creator is both intensely practical and deeply spiritual. You take the reins of your life, but you also recognise the presence of forces larger than yourself. There is a mystery, a flow, a life energy that cannot be forced, only leaned into. Creation is the dance of holding on and letting go. You set the stage, cultivate your resources, and take action, but you allow life to meet you halfway. There is grace in that surrender, and strength in that presence.
To make this tangible, here is how I recommend stepping into creation:
Start with lifestyle. Map out your ideal day, week, and month. Where do you want to spend your time? How do you want to feel? What relationships, work, and activities support that vision? Compare this to your current reality, and identify the gaps. Every adjustment, no matter how small, is a creative act.
Shift your mind. Begin noticing the stories you tell yourself, the patterns that hold you back, and the beliefs that no longer serve you. Replace them with curiosity, experimentation, and a commitment to problem-solving.
Take care of your body. Energy is the currency of creation. What you eat, how you move, how you rest—all of it matters. Creation requires vitality, not just motivation.
Curate your environment. Your spaces influence your thinking and your actions. Choose surroundings, tools, and people that elevate you. Remove what drains you. Design an environment that reflects your values, your rhythm, and your vision.
Solve a problem, share a solution. Pick one thing that matters to you. Identify the problem, create a solution, and release it into the world. Repeat. This is the engine of creation, and the path toward impact and independence.
Seek support where it accelerates growth. Courses, mentorship, and community do not replace your agency; they amplify it. They allow you to shortcut the trial and error, integrate ideas faster, and find others walking parallel paths. They are accelerators, not crutches.
Creation is not about perfection. It is about alignment. It is about being awake, aware, and active in the process of building a life that is yours. It is a practice of presence, of integrity, and of courage. And it is infinitely rewarding, because each problem you solve, each solution you share, and each step you take toward your vision is a step into freedom, joy, and mastery.
The time is now. The stakes are everything. Your life is waiting, ready to be shaped by your choices, your attention, and your care. This is where being a creator begins.
You don’t need to join a community, take a course, or seek mentorship to get where you are going. You could do it alone: slowly, quietly, piecing yourself together through trial and intuition. Many people do, and there is nothing wrong with that path. But in my lived experience, support doesn’t replace your power; it accelerates your evolution. It adds oxygen, perspective, and momentum to the fire you are already tending.
We resist guidance not because we don’t value growth, but because it requires effort to integrate, to act, to change. Transformation asks something of us. It isn’t passive. It doesn’t happen from thinking alone. The discomfort people feel around learning containers is rarely about the container. It is about the part of us that fears our own expansion. Because to grow is to become responsible for a bigger life.
Yet community, mentorship, education… these are some of the most life-altering investments we can make. Information becomes embodiment. Insight becomes behaviour. Aspiration becomes lived reality. We pay for accelerated becoming.
I was reminded of this in a way I didn’t ask for. If you’ve been here with me through this past year, you know I walked through the most painful and disorienting breakup and rapid change of circumstances in my life. A rupture that rearranged my world from the inside out. I trusted I would heal — I always do — but I also knew I wasn’t willing to drag the grief behind me for months. So I found help. I chose support in devotion to my future self.
With the right guidance, what could have taken a year unfolded in four months; not rushed, not bypassed, but metabolised with clarity, compassion, and pace. That experience crystallised a truth I already knew in my bones: life moves faster, more gracefully, when you allow yourself to be supported.
We are entering a new era. One where creators are not just artists or entrepreneurs, but the sense-makers, the bridges, the ones translating chaos into meaning and possibility. In a world that is shedding old structures and outdated authority, people look not to static systems, but to humans they trust: those a few steps ahead, living what they teach, offering perspective, skills, and orientation in real time. It’s about resonance and proximity to truth.
If you feel the pull to build these capacities — to become someone who can shape meaning, lead yourself, create value, and root deeply into your vision — I share resources, pathways, and invitations. High-value skills. Creative confidence. Nervous system leadership. The inner and outer muscles of a self-directed life.
You don’t have to walk into the next season alone. You can; you are fully capable. But you don’t have to. And there is a particular magic in choosing support not because you are collapsing, but because you are rising.
For those ready to step into your next iteration, in Her Way Club, I offer pathways to accelerate your becoming:
Her Way Club Community — $33/month A gentle container to practice habits, stay connected to your vision, and build momentum through small, meaningful steps alongside women walking a similar path.
CLEAR— special opening price $150; increasing to $200 A practical and self-honest process for identifying the patterns, beliefs, and behaviours that are holding you back, and shifting into a more aligned, empowered way of moving through the world.
Practical Dreamer — $1,800 A two-month mentorship for women ready to turn their ideas into tangible expression. This is where vision meets structure, where dreams become plans, and where you build confidence through real progress and accountability.
1:1 Business Mentoring— starting at $1,250 For the woman ready to build a values-led, creatively fulfilling, financially aligned business — one that honours her rhythm, her expertise, and her deepest calling. This is intimate, strategic support to craft offers, refine messaging, and build a business that feels like you.
Ongoing Private Mentorship — by application, enquire within For those who desire close support as they evolve, create, and lead in alignment with who they truly are. This is a private, personalised journey where we go deep, build steadily, and expand your life, your work, and your inner world together.
Becoming a creator is a lifelong journey, but the first step is conscious action. You have everything you need to begin, and every problem you face is part of your curriculum. Show up, experiment, share, and trust yourself. Your life is your creation, and the world is waiting to receive it.
a small correction, a little favor, some life updates, and win a 90-min session with me valued at $250
OCT 03, 2025
Hi love,
First, a correction. In my last letter, I invited you to TheArt of Noticing and told you it begins in November. That was wrong. It begins in October. OCTOBER. In two-and-a-half weeks from now.
For reasons that are unclear to me but consistent, apparently, since they’ve plagued me my entire adult life, I cannot seem to keep October and November straight. They’re distinct but too similar, and my brain collapses them into one long stretch of autumn/fall, indistinguishable but lovely. Every year, I make this mistake.
Second: I need your help. I want to shape what comes next with you in mind, not in the way marketers mean when they say “know your audience,” but in the way I mean when I say I want this work to matter. So I made this survey. If you complete it, you’ll be entered to win one of three 90-minute 1:1 sessions with me (worth $250 each).
There is a tiny, little catch: to enter, you also share my Substack or Instagram with five friends. Then, in the form, tell me their first names and what you said to them about my work. I know it’s a bit extra, but I want to see how this community spreads: through whispers, trust, the intimacy of one person telling another, not ads or algorithms.
The competition closes on Sunday, October 19th, and I’ll draw and email the winners the next day. If you don’t want to enter the competition but just want to give me feedback, you can skip the part where you share my work and just leave me your thoughts instead. Your voice and thoughts are valuable to me. Thank you.
Third: we’re in the middle of the 8-part her way club “how to change your life” series. (Thank you so much for all the incredible email responses I get from you on this! It’s deeply meaningful to learn how this series is resonating.) And yes, I keep interrupting it. I tell myself I shouldn’t, that people like consistency, but the truth is: I have too many things moving at the same time that I want to share with you. I would rather risk over-communicating and leaving enough space between each note to you than leave something unsaid that might be useful to you or follow some arbitrary rule.
This year has been like a holy fire. Things I thought were permanent: systems, identities, relationships, ambitions, have collapsed into ash. And while it was frightening, it was also clarifying. What survived is what matters.
None of this was on my 2025 mood board. The mood board had other plans: more travel, maybe a new home, some whimsical goals that looked like self-portraits painted in soft light. Instead, what I got was a lesson in self-worth, in boundaries, in recognising where I’ve been overspending: emotionally, energetically, physically.
So here’s what’s changed in ways that impact you:
I’ve put a paywall on all of my memoir-style writing. Because writing at that level of exposure costs me something real. Metabolising in public requires energy, courage, and recovery time. It feels important to honour that.
What I keep free is the writing that’s more directly of service, the kind that teaches or inspires, and points you back to my work itself. It felt like an important recalibration: a quiet reclaiming of value.
I used to think I had to build an empire.
But conventional business empires are expensive, time-consuming and frankly, exhausting. The truth is, I’m tired. Not of my work itself. I love what I create. I love the people I serve. I’m tired of the way I’ve been made to believe I have to show up to be successful.
All I want is a simple, profitable business with minimal expenses, helping people and doing what I love.
There are times when my business doesn’t run perfectly, but I find that even on the challenging days, I am grateful. Because I am still waking up without an alarm, writing in my bed, working from a cafe, and able to fit my work around my life instead of the other way around. And that is such a gift.
I quit coffee again because of this, and turned to black tea instead
People like to tell you that a successful business is fully automated, and certainly, some automation helps, but I’ve found this works too:
Wake up Write Create and publish one piece of content Go for a walk Lunch See clients Workout Dinner + friends Sleep
It’s not glamorous, but it’s beautiful, it’s effective, and it’s enough. And my body and internal system and nervous system and heart thrive in this way.
As long as I can:
make money helping others be creative in the ways that pour out of me have minimal overheads and expenses set aside a good percentage for savings invest in experiences that I value have space and time to contemplate daily live in a beautiful environment with sun and water
I am a content, calm and fulfilled woman.
Success to me is:
consistent income living within my means low overheads and expenses financial and time freedom saving money for the future spending time with people I love doing things that I love daily nature, sunshine and movement a beautiful home and external environments work that supports me and my lifestyle helping people through my creativity a mutable, fluid daily schedule
Every Monday, I have a little dreaming and planning day. Corporate types call it a ‘CEO Day’, but for me, it’s a check-in date with myself:
I look into how I am feeling (what do I want and need) I check my accounts, income and expenses I make sure I put money in my savings I dream into what I want to create more of I lean away from what I want less of I organise my week ahead
I do this every week, no matter what. I know that whatever I pour my love and attention into is what will grow. I choose to be intentional with that. This is how I nurture my relationship with my resources.
I don’t have all the answers. But I do have a framework I’ve been returning to as I rebuild my life right now. It’s become my quiet compass in this transition. Thank you for being with me during this transformative time in my life.
I hope something wonderful happens for you this weekend.
3/8 — the third rule of her way club (aka: how to change your life in 6-12 months)
SEP 12, 2025
Continuing our 8 rules of her way club series. If you’re just joining, begin here:
1/8— deciding to play by your own rules 2/8 — subtracting what doesn’t belong 3/8 — the natural consequence: uncertainty
Without inherited structures, you’re floating.
If the first rule of her way club is making the choice to play by your own rules, and the second rule is subtracting everything that doesn’t belong to your life, then, if you’re doing it right, ultimately you will be led to the third rule as a natural consequence: uncertainty.
Uncertainty acts as a doorway.
You’re supposed to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.
The moment you stop living by borrowed rules and strip away everything false, you feel lost. The familiar timelines and “shoulds” vanish. And in their absence, uncertainty arrives.
This is an initiation.
It might feel like failure or danger. But it’s not. It’s the proof you’re on the right track.
This is the part where you lean in and learn what is actually meant for you on a moment-to-moment basis. This is what being truly alive feels like.
Your potential is determined by the amount of uncertainty you’re willing to embrace.
If you’ve been journeying alongside me for a while, you will know that I spend extraordinary amounts of time in uncertainty, which I call by various names: the unknown, the void or the magic dark.
Here are some examples:
Career/Work
I figured out pretty early on, in my early twenties, that the status quo career path was not going to be able to offer me the kind of life that I wanted. I had concluded that school was never meant to teach us how to learn effectively. It was to train us to be obedient.
Apropos nothing, but a side note I want to venture down briefly: Now, with the rise of AI, this truth is becoming impossible to ignore. The stable, predictable career paths of our parents and grandparents that promised safety and security are dissolving. The world now demands agility, responsiveness, and creativity. It’s an exciting opportunity. It means we get to consciously and deliberately choose (in true her way club vibes) how we spend our time, how we create value, how we resource our lives. The cost is that it requires a willingness to linger in the discomfort of uncertainty, sometimes for long stretches of time.
I had to carve out a path of my own.
At the time, I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go in. I had a psychology degree, a love for writing and a personality. Those were the three things I had available to me.
It was 2012.
I used my writing hobby to start a blog. I used my psychology knowledge to provide a lens. I used my personality to build connections and relationships.
Over time, I learned how to trust my own rhythm, built a successful personal brand and saw how clients, ideas, and opportunities began to appear because I was willing to hold steady in the uncertainty.
The journey of uncertainty often looks like:
Letting go of control
Trusting your intuition
Embracing failure as a learning opportunity
Discovering your true passions and strengths
In 2022, ten years later, I became complacent.
I lost my drive, my direction was diluted, I forgot what I stood for, and I burned out.
After many mini cycles of uncertainty throughout my career up to that point, I entered one large period of uncertainty that lasted almost two years. Until recently, I spent a lot of time in confusion, feeling lost and being on the verge of giving up.
This is where the magic dark comes into play.
I had to spend enough time in uncertainty for the right amount of vision to form, for clarity to arrive, to be able to launch myself into a new way of life.
I have been promising you that I will share what this journey is all about, and I will. I already have an essay drafted, but keep editing, adding to it, and rewriting it because there’s a lot to say. And today, here in this space, is not the place.
Home/Travel
If there’s one area of life where I seem to have an unusually high risk tolerance, it’s where I place my feet and call home.
In the past decade alone, I’ve packed my life into a suitcase or two and moved to a small town in Canada, a village in Mexico, a coastal city in the UK, then Mallorca, and most recently, New York City, each one chosen without ever having visited before.
Sometimes these moves worked out beautifully, sometimes not. One thing has become abundantly clear:
There is no perfect place.
Every place will offer you something. A piece of yourself you hadn’t yet met, a lesson you didn’t know you needed, a relationship that will shape you.
If you can choose a place that supports the season of life you are in and leave it when it no longer does, you are doing it right.
Landing in a new place with no safety net, no mapped-out plan, just a suitcase and the decision to trust your instincts offers a peculiar kind of initiation. There is a mix of thrill and terror as you wander strange streets, question if you belong, and feel the weightlessness of having no context.
But there is also something else: a sharpening of your senses.
Living without inherited structures forces you into presence. You notice what food you crave, which streets feel friendly, who looks you in the eye, and the natural rhythm of your creativity and agency. Belonging drips in slowly, one kind stranger, one favourite café, one new friendship at a time.
Each place I’ve lived has stripped me bare and handed me back to myself with greater clarity. They’ve offered me relationships I never could have imagined and moments of beauty that would never have happened if I had stayed still.
It’s not that relocating is easy. It is often lonely. It is unmooring. But if you can stay with that discomfort long enough to let the edges soften, if you can learn to resource yourself from within while waiting for the puzzle pieces to fall into place (or don’t, and then you get to choose again), what comes from that space is unmatched.
My career, friendships, and creativity all have roots in the decision to keep moving until I found places that matched my internal world. Without those leaps into the unknown, I suspect my life would be much, much smaller.
Personal Connections
If you’ve been with me a while, you know that I just went through the most brutal breakup of my life, so I am keeping this section brief. And… I am glad it happened.
(If you want to catch up, the whole story is tucked inside the archives; a breadcrumb trail from the day we met a year ago to the day it ended two months ago.)
In truth, there isn’t a single romantic relationship or friendship I regret releasing. Because what has grown in the fertile soil of those endings has always been worth it: deeper intimacy, clearer boundaries, a closer relationship with myself and others.
It is never easy.
There is always a deep and terrifying ache right after an ending. The kind that empties your chest, keeps you up at night, and makes you question every decision you’ve made in your life. The mind spins a million scenarios about how this is the end of love, the end of goodness, the end of belonging.
But on the other side of that ache, there is something else, waiting. Usually, exactly the kinds of personal connections you have been yearning for. The ones that needed you to be ready for them.
You can’t skip this stage. You can’t think your way through it. You can only live it. Floating in the unknown until the ground reappears beneath you. You can never arrive here without being in the uncertain in-between.
Creativity
Creativity is your unique contribution to the collective. But letting yourself be seen in your creative expressions can feel life-ending.
Many of you reading this are here right now: standing in that moment of decision. Should I start a Substack? Should I release the thing I’ve been dreaming about? Should I show myself more fully online, or dare to call myself an artist, a writer, a maker, a founder?
This year, my biggest leap of uncertainty was finally admitting to myself that I am a creator and giving myself permission to share what I create in a way that feels aligned, meaningful, and honest.
For more than a decade, I’ve been publishing writing for mostly free. I had it drummed into me that content marketing was a single file path and that I couldn’t deviate from it. I couldn’t bring myself to put a paywall around the tender, personal parts until just a few months ago.
And then, the moment I did, when I went all in, in valuing my writing and my memoir-style expositions, everything shifted. The work deepened. The readers who stayed became more engaged. As of today, I am only ten subscriptions away from becoming a Substack bestseller.
There are other projects: courses, offerings, collabs that I sometimes sit on for months because I am scared no one will value them, that they won’t be well-received, that they’re not good enough, that they will vanish into the void.
But I’ve learned that if I can stay in that liminal space, uncomfortable as it is, something happens. The edges of the idea sharpen. The delivery deepens. The work becomes more potent.
And the things that don’t work out feed into things that do, which, as a counter-effect, become better than anything I have created before.
Uncertainty is a creative pressure. It forces me to listen more closely, to refine, to make sure what I’m bringing into the world is the truest version I can offer.
And with every round of staying with that discomfort, my capacity grows. I get better at holding myself in the unknown. Better at waiting for clarity to arrive. Better at trusting that what emerges from that space will have more depth, more resonance, more impact than if I had rushed to get it out just to soothe my own anxiety.
The act of creating while uncertain is the transformation. It is what gives the work its aliveness, its resonance. When I let myself create from that place of risk, readers feel it. Clients feel it. I feel it.
You’re supposed to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.
But when it comes to living an extraordinary life, which is the only way to live a life that is truly your own (and what her way club is all about), most people interpret “feeling uncertain” as a sign they have taken a wrong turn. So they give up. They run back to the familiar and comfortable life that was planned for them. The one the system approves of, even if it’s the very life they were trying to escape.
And maybe that’s why you’re here, reading this.
Because deep down, you know you want more for yourself than the version of life you were handed. And to enjoy your life. Not just one day, but now, and into the future.
To enjoy your life, you have to keep learning, growing, evolving, and changing. And there is no way to change your life without spending time at the edge of the unknown.
Uncertainty is the doorway.
It’s the signal that you are in the exact place where transformation can happen.
If the first rule of her way club is deciding to live by your own rules, and the second rule is subtracting everything false, then this… this floating, this disorientation, this not-knowing, is where the magic happens.
Stay here. Stay with it. Stay long enough for your new life to appear.
I’m sitting in Brighton’s Artist Residence looking out at the English Channel, frothy white foam on the tips of waves sparkling between mist and bursts of sun, and hot chocolate to accompany me on th…
…as I discovered one day when I went for a walk with my astrologist Zoe on London’s Hampstead Heath
I didn’t set out to live in rhythm with the planets.
I was just trying to figure out how to get through the week without falling back into the old paradigm of life and work.
It was a decade ago, sometime in the early years of my business, that tender in-between season when you’re no longer in the old world (but still haunted by its rules), and not yet anchored in the new one. I had refused traditional work because I craved freedom. Flexibility. Something that felt like mine. But what I found was that freedom — without structure and rhythm — can feel like floating in deep water without anything to hold onto.
Each day bled into the next. I was either wildly inspired or totally untethered. I’d start Mondays trying to be productive, then spiral into guilt when I couldn’t focus. Some days I’d push myself to work until 10 pm. Other days, I’d drift, half-present, getting nothing done and feeling even worse about it.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love the work. I did. But I was still trying to move through time as if it were a flat surface. Like each day should hold the same energy, the same productivity, the same focus.
And then something shifted.
One day, I went for a walk with my astrologist Zoe on London’s Hampstead Heath. We were examining wild-grown herbs and trees, discussing how they relate to each individual. At some point, the conversation drifted to how we organise our days and how fortunate we were to go for a walk in nature on a beautiful day while everyone else was stuck behind a desk in a square room somewhere. She mentioned in passing a simple idea: that each day of the week is ruled by a planet. Each one carries its own essence. A mood. A direction. A rhythm.
Fascinated, I took myself to the British Library and fell into a deep research dive on anything I could find out about the days of the week being related to planetary systems. As it turns out, in a vast number of languages, the names given to the seven days of the week are derived from the names of the classical planets in Hellenistic Astronomy, which were in turn named after contemporary deities, a system introduced by the Sumerians and later adopted by the Babylonians from whom the Roman Empire adopted the system.
Monday is ruled by the Moon. Of course it is. Monday blues are real! That’s why it always felt so emotionally dense. Tuesday, by Mars — no wonder I always wanted to push through my to-do list that day. Wednesday — Mercury — my best meeting day. And so on…
It’s not new information. It is ancient, and that felt like remembering something I already knew in my bones. So I started experimenting.
Just gently at first. I stopped scheduling intense work-heavy starts to the week on Mondays. I started batching bold, courageous tasks on Tuesdays. I held my meetings on Wednesdays and saved my writing for Thursdays. I let Friday be soft. Sensual. More space, less noise.
The changes were subtle, but the impact was immediate. Suddenly, I wasn’t pushing against myself anymore. I had a relationship with time: one that felt intimate, reverent, and alive.
I started feeling less like I was managing time, and more like I was dancing with it. Listening. Responding. Moving in flow. The more I lived this way, the more everything began to shift.
My business felt more coherent. My body relaxed in response.
I could actually feel the difference between a Moon day and a Mercury day. I have language for my inner world and permission to meet each day with integrity and grace.
What if you knew exactly why Monday always feels a little heavier… And why Tuesdays feel sharper, more focused… And why by Friday you want to wear something cute and take yourself out dancing (or at least light a nice candle)?
There’s a reason. You don’t flail or feel your way through the week by accident.
There are real, rhythmic forces influencing your emotions, energy, and attention — every single day. But we’ve been trained to ignore that rhythm. To push through. Force clarity. Work like we’re machines.
Planet Powered invites you to live differently.
To stop fighting time — and start flowing with it.
Planet Powered is a new way to move through time — ancient, intuitive, and wildly effective.
✦ Why this matters
✔ You stop wasting energy on the wrong things at the wrong time ✔ You feel more emotionally supported and less scattered ✔ You create with more ease, confidence, and momentum ✔ You find a rhythm that’s both soulful and sustainable ✔ You stop asking “what’s wrong with me?” and start asking “what’s the energy today?”
This guide will teach you how.
Time isn’t flat. It’s textured. Alive. Rhythmic.
✦ Who this is for
You’re self-employed and want a rhythm that balances structure with flow
You’re in a corporate job but craving more soul and spaciousness
You’re a parent trying to stay grounded inside the chaos
You’re a student or seeker looking to live more intuitively
You’re done with pushing. You’re ready to align
Whether you’re an entrepreneur, seeker, parent, student, or simply someone craving a new way to relate to time, this guide offers structure without rigidity, softness without chaos, and a return to something your body already knows.
Planet Powered includes tailored guidance for different life paths.
Each day of the week carries a unique planetary frequency. It has since ancient times — and deep down, your body already feels it.
Monday is ruled by the Moon — emotional, internal, tender.
Tuesday belongs to Mars — bold, active, focused.
Wednesday is Mercury’s — clear, communicative, connected.
Thursday expands under Jupiter — wise, generous, abundant.
Friday glows with Venus — beauty, love, creativity.
Saturday grounds us in Saturn — structure, integrity, completion.
Sunday re-centres in the Sun — joy, self, radiance.
When you honour that rhythm instead of override it — everything changes.
You stop pushing against your own energy. You stop trying to be everything, every day. You stop feeling like you’re constantly behind.
Instead, you begin to flow…
This is what Planet Powered is here to help you do: Reorient your life around the energy that already lives in the week. Through a steady rhythm.
When I first left behind traditional work, I was craving freedom. But freedom without rhythm just left me overwhelmed. I didn’t want the rigid 9-to-5. But I didn’t want to drift endlessly, either. I needed something that felt both fluid and practical. A system that could hold me, without boxing me in. That’s when I stumbled across the planetary week… and everything clicked.
Suddenly, I understood why certain days flowed and others didn’t. I stopped forcing deep work on Moon days. I started writing on Mercury days, launching on Jupiter days, and resting on purpose. This rhythm didn’t make me productive. It made me present.
That’s what I want for you.
What You’ll Get
This is more than an eBook or a course: it is a living rhythm, with beautiful tools and a community of friends to help you step into it.
Let your days become a devotion.
Let your week become a map.
Let your life be Planet Powered.
This isn’t a one-time read.It’s a way of living that holds you, day after day, cycle after cycle.
✧ The Guide
A beautifully designed 114-page PDF and digital resource that teaches you the energy of each day, with poetic insight and grounded, real-life examples for all different life seasons — whether you’re self-employed, working in a corporate setting, parenting, studying, or walking a spiritual path.
Each section offers real-life suggestions, energetic check-ins, and practical ways to honour the rhythm within your unique lifestyle — so you can make this work for you, not the other way around.
Includes:
~ Tips to integrate rhythm into work, relationships, creativity and rest
~ Planetary day-by-day breakdowns
~ Journaling prompts & rituals
~ Practical lifestyle guides and tools for entrepreneurs, professionals, parents, students, and seekers
A downloadable iCal/Google Calendar layer that brings the energy of the day right into your digital schedule, so you don’t have to remember. It’s just there. Subtle. Seamless.
✧ The Spotify Playlist
An ambient, atmospheric playlist to support you through the week — music to match the mood of each planetary energy.
✧ The Community
Our private Telegram group, where we share the rhythm in real-time. Daily check-ins. Honest reflections. Celebrations. Gentle support. A place to not do it all alone.
One-Month Live (July 13–August 10)
Join us in a private Telegram group where Vienda will share live daily reflections, answer your questions, and guide you through the rhythm together.
This is more than a group chat — it’s a virtual hearth. A live rhythm lab. A space to bring structure, magic, and collective resonance into your week.
grab your favourite drink and settle into your cosiest corner… this is a big update
It’s 18:25 (that’s 6:25 pm for my American friends) and I’m almost horizontal on the floor-level white sofa, laptop perched on my thighs, a handful of hazelnuts in my left hand, slowly popping them into my mouth while typing with the right. A glass of sparkling water with lime is within reach on the white square Ikea coffee table—a table I’ve met many times, in many different places.
The forecast says SUN 🌞 for the week ahead.
But I’ve been tired.
The dream-state of arriving somewhere new has started to wear off. I’ve been in Manhattan six weeks today. And while it is thrilling, trying to start a life in a brand-new place demands every form of resource: emotional, mental, financial, energetic.
Slowly, we’re finding our little rituals, the things that make a place feel like home.
The Bhakti Yoga Centre has been a saving grace, offering respite from emotional strongholds on most days. Sundays have become sacred: dropping off our compost at Tompkins Square Park, stopping by Cafe Christie for a flat white and croissant, then visiting the farmers market for locally-grown, organic produce.
Felice (pronounced fe-LEE-che, FYI) scolds me for paying $10 for two large heirloom tomatoes, so I refrain from telling him about the $11 yellow zucchinis. But supporting local farmers is the dream, no? Isn’t that what we believe in, as small business owners?
A quick note on F: he’s more private than I am. So, out of respect, you won’t see him in my content. From here on, I’ll refer to him as F because typing “my boyfriend” or “my partner” too many times feels… effortful.
Fridays, we explore somewhere new. In between, life rolls on with both of us tapping away at our projects in different corners of our Lower East Side studio. Me, on the sofa. Him, at the little kitchen table. I’m grateful. We landed a place in a city where housing is notoriously hard to come by.
F knows the owners, so we’re subletting. But it’s a downgrade in quality of life. We’re paying the same to live here (where the shower is in the living room (!?)) as we were in our separate one-bedroom apartments.
And as someone who thrives on solitude (want me to be happy? leave me alone for 6–8 hours), this transition has been… bumpy. I’ve been mitigating it with long walks (including to Whole Foods, where I can wander in peace), and by tucking into the sanctuary of yoga classes.
But what really makes it hard to relax? It’s not clean. The dust on the radiators is a finger deep. If I wipe the floor after dropping something, the cloth comes up black. I spent days scrubbing the toilet to stop its smell from permeating the whole flat. It’s tidy, and it’s cute. But honestly? I want to ask if we can deep clean the entire place in exchange for a month’s rent. Wash the sofa covers, clean the rugs, scrub every surface.
Have I become my mother? Maybe.
Soon, we will have to leave again. This weekend, we started planning the summer.
As part of our visa process, we’ll need to return to Europe for an embassy interview in Vienna. Since I’m a saltwater-and-sun child, I gently requested that we make the most of it by working from somewhere in the Mediterranean for a month or two.
But before that: London!
I’ll be there for five days — June 26 to 30 — and I’d love to connect with those of you nearby.
taken on my analog camera in 2022 while on a date near London’s Kings Cross
her way club picnic — you’re invited! 𓂃 𓈒𓏸 𓇼
Saturday, June 28 on Hampstead Heath Bring a blanket, some snacks to share, wine or cider if you like, and let’s have a sweet, easy picnic together. Partners, besties, furry loves — all welcome. A casual hangout, IRL connection, and a little midsummer joy.
I have one spot open for a half-day business intensive while I’m in town. These used to book out months in advance! If your name is being whispered by this invitation, reply and I’ll send you the details.
One of my recent IRL clients said:
“I worked with Vienda for support in my writing coaching business. With her guidance, I reached a new height, achieved a long-held goal, and signed a $6k client in just a few weeks. Throughout the process, I felt seen, heard, held, and safe. Her trust in me helped me trust myself more — the definition of a believing mirror.”
london-based brand? let’s collaborate! ☼✧𖦹
I’ve got one free day in London and would love to team up with a local brand for a collab. I’ve got a list of ideas… if this sparks something in you, reply and I’ll send them over. Let’s make magic together.
let’s collaborate — online & in real life ˚⋆𓇼˚⊹
At the start of this year, I lost my Instagram account — a space that had been home to a decade of connection, creative expression, and community. It was a weird kind of heartbreak, but also a gentle push in a new direction. One that has reminded me of something essential: we are meant to build things together.
Since then, I’ve felt a deep desire to actively rebuild — not just my online presence, but the relationships and creative kinships that make this work so meaningful.
For the first time in years, I feel ready and excited to stretch back out into the world. I want to collaborate. I want to guest post. I want to be on your podcast. I want to create shared magic — whether that’s through art, words, events, education, slow business, or joyful things we haven’t dreamed up yet.
No one is too small. If you’ve got a fledgling Substack, a niche brand, a soulful offering, a quiet podcast, or a burning idea, let’s talk.
I’ve kept a lot of myself close since my burnout in 2023, but now it feels like the season to reach out again and co-create with people who care deeply and are doing beautiful, thoughtful things.
Whether you’re based in London, NYC or somewhere I’ve never heard of… whether you want to do something online, in person, or somewhere in between… please reach out. I’d love to hear what you’re working on and see how we can support each other’s visions.
Let’s build this new era together.
other work-related news:
Running The Art of Noticing recently and now The Way She Knows has reinvigorated my desire to bring women together in soft, sacred, expansive ways. They have both been such special containers and Her Way Club is starting to take on a shape of her own making. Meanwhile,Plannher is having a sweet renaissance (only a few hundred final copies left!), and The Mentor Training is getting a full upgrade: a new teacher, deeper content, more accessible than ever. Becasue leadership with heart and integrity feels more important than ever in a world of half-human robots.
Speaking of robots…
On Sunday one of my besties from London sent me an AI prompt to do a holistic health analysis based on a recent photo. I normally avoid AI, but this was fun and surprisingly spot-on.
Here’s the prompt if you want to try it too:
Analyse my face as a professional: physiognomist, nutritionist, psychosomatologist and women’s health expert. Please tell me:
How old I look visually
What deficiencies and internal conditions are visible through facial features
What to pay attention to for women’s health
What psycho-emotional state may be influencing my wellbeing
What character traits or conflicts are expressed in my face
What lifestyle/diet/rest/belief changes you recommend, and a suggested plan.
I know it’s a little ironic to take personal health advice from a robot but honestly, it offered some unexpectedly valuable insights. Nothing groundbreaking, just gentle reminders I already knew, but really needed to hear from an outside perspective. I’ll definitely be weaving a few of them into my days.
ok, one last (also fun) thing!
F (who is 8 years younger than me and doesn’t remember the pre-emoji era — jk, kind of) asked how I decorate my digital world with symbols. I told him I keep a running list in my Notes app. So here it is—for you, and for him (hi F!).
CURRENT FAVOURITES
← ↑ → ↓ °C ½ ⤵ ✓ ◯ ◠⋒≋ 𖦹☟ ☼ ✧ 𓂃 𓈒𓏸 𓇼 இ 🝦 ஐ ˚⋆𓇼˚⊹ 𖦹 ⁺。° ☾ ☀
Phew! Is there anything else? Probably lots, but this is not my secret diary entry, so some things must remain close to my heart.
Thank you for being here with me. You, who make up this community, who have become my readers, allys and viewers are so incredibly thoughtful, loving and kind and it means the world to me.
who am I when I am not running toward something new?
For the next ten days, I am inviting you into a conversation about transformation—the kind that is deep, sustainable, and truly liberating. I’ll be sharing insights, stories, and practices from ALIGNED, my 6-week programdesigned to help you take intentional action in your life and business. This program is the culmination of years of personal exploration and guiding others through the delicate process of inner shifts that lead to tangible change.
This work is profoundly important to me because I have lived and breathed it for years, testing its principles in my own life and witnessing its impact on the lives of those I’ve worked with. And nothing speaks to its power more than the experiences of past participants:
“One key takeaway from this course was identifying my limiting belief: ‘I have to do it like everyone else.’ Realizing this and choosing a different story feels incredibly freeing.”
“Having a group of people to get to know helped me feel like there was a community of like-minded individuals, offering support even as we worked on different areas of our lives.”
“I love the way you always include accountability and listening partners in your courses. It creates such valuable connections, and I’ve stayed in touch with past participants, supporting each other’s businesses and visions in truly special ways.”
“I took your course on money, and my entire life shifted within 2-3 months—that was crazy! I had been aware of my fears and beliefs for years but never found a way to let them go until I took your course. I am still mind-blown.”
So much of what holds us back is invisible to us.
Our minds become intricate labyrinths of inherited narratives, subconscious fears, and well-worn patterns that shape our choices, often without our awareness.
This is why today, I want to talk to you about how to actually change your life — starting with the very thing that keeps you stuck: limiting beliefs.
It’s been five months since I moved to this little surf town on the Atlantic coast of Portugal. Five months of waking to the sound of waves rolling against the cliffs, of salt-drenched air that clings to my hair and skin, of slow mornings wrapped in mist and coffee and the promise of something unknown.
And yet, despite all this beauty — this wild, unpredictable, heart-expanding beauty — there have been moments when I have felt utterly, inexplicably stuck. As if something inside me was pressing against an invisible ceiling, a quiet resistance lurking beneath the surface.
It never fails to astonish me how I carry every part of myself wherever I go — every fear, every belief, every invisible boundary I have ever built.
In the past five months, I’ve found myself face to face with an unfamiliar stillness, a startling absence of the urge to chase something new. It lingers like a question I can’t quite answer, so foreign that I wonder if I’ve misplaced my ambition entirely.
I used to think that growth meant running toward something new — more freedom, more success, more peace.
But I’ve learned that the most important work isn’t in the external shifts, but in the quiet, often uncomfortable act of meeting yourself where you are and asking:
What is actually keeping me here?
I recently ran a free challenge to help you find clarity in your life — over 100 people joined (you can, too) — and the most common struggle you shared was this:
How do I uncover my limiting beliefs when I can’t even see them?
That’s the thing about the patterns that hold us back—they exist in the shadows, shaping our choices without us even realising it. It’s an inside job, and our limitations are often our biggest blind spots.
That’s exactly why I created Aligned —a deeply supportive, transformative space designed to help you move through those hidden limitations in a way that feels pragmatic, expansive, and fun. Because real change doesn’t have to be heavy—it can be meaningful, energizing, and deeply freeing.
Doors close in 10 days, and there are only 12 spots available per group.
the simple process I use for shifting limiting beliefs
1. identify my current challenge
The first clue that I am operating from a limiting belief is the sensation of being stuck. That heavy, unmoving energy that tells you something isn’t working but doesn’t quite reveal why.
For me, in those first few months in Ericeira, I felt a deep-seated fear that no matter how much I expanded, I would always find myself circling back to the same struggles—uncertainty about what I was supposed to be doing, my business growth, and the question of whether I was truly doing enough.
It was familiar, frustrating, and maddeningly persistent.
I had to sit with it. To acknowledge it and feel it.
TIP 1: Instead of trying to bulldoze through it, pause. What’s the exact problem? Name it. Be as precise as possible. The more clarity you bring, the more power you have over it.
2. taking ownership without shame
What I discovered was that, after years and years of living the life I had dreamed of, my dreams had run dry.
I was out of alignment with who I am, and what I wanted because I didn’t believe I was worthy of having big dreams anymore. I discovered that I am someone with enormous desires. Desires that I had squashed.
Career-wise, I blamed the algorithm (it’s changed so much!), the economy (people are spending less!).
But the truth? None of that was the real reason I felt stuck.
The real reason was that I was clinging to old stories about my worth and ability, stories that whispered: You have to work harder to deserve more. You have to struggle for this to count.
Taking ownership didn’t mean blaming myself. It meant acknowledging that if I was the one unconsciously building these walls, I was also the one who could tear them down.
TIP 2: Here’s where it gets tender: can you take full responsibility for your current reality—without shame, without self-punishment? Can you look at the patterns that have led you here with compassion, rather than criticism?
3. seeing the invitation for growth
I know — even though, like all of us, I often need to be reminded — that my biggest frustrations are signposts pointing me toward the exact lesson I need. The solution is always to lean in and ask: What is this here to show me?
The moment I did, things shifted. I saw how my limiting beliefs weren’t just abstract ideas—they were running the show. Success requires struggle. Ease is irresponsible. If you slow down, you’ll fall behind. And I realised: these weren’t truths.
They were choices.
TIP 3: The blindspots are the areas in life we are not in alignment with because we have limiting beliefs around them. Your mind is powerful. It will always find evidence for what you believe. The good news? You get to decide what to believe next.
4. embrace the ripple effect
I am going through growing pangs. This is an opportunity to build something even stronger. It’s a painful shift, but these moments create space for new approaches that end up being more aligned.
I am valuing myself and my work in ways that I should have a long time ago, but did not, because I did not believe I was enough. This shows me that my external reality was only ever reflecting what I believed to be true about myself.
TIP 4: When you start dismantling the old stories, your life shifts in ways you can’t yet see. The work you put in today—challenging your beliefs, choosing different thoughts, moving from a place of trust instead of fear—will show up in unexpected ways. New opportunities. Conversations that change everything. A lightness you can’t explain.
This morning I woke up, warm after many cold nights, my hair stuck to my face.
It’s one of those mornings where everything feels a little lopsided.
My soy milk has curdled so I can’t make myself a matcha and have to settle for a herbal tea. My dentist appointment is cancelled because the dentist is ill. I am relieved because I don’t feel like walking the 20 minutes in the torrential downpour anyway. I journal.
Your life is always responding to you. And if you want something different, you don’t have to work harder, force it, or prove yourself. You just have to start believing a new story — and living from it as if it were already true.
I am learning, awkwardly, how to embody the new version of myself that I am becoming. Anticipation builds alongside the next steps life is revealing to me.
TIP 5: What makes this process so transformative is that it moves us from feeling powerless to feeling deeply, profoundly capable. When you stop trying to change everything outside of you and instead start working on what’s within, everything shifts.
If you’re considering joining me for either ALIGNED OFFER (business-focused) or ALIGNED ACTION (life-focused), now is the time. Doors close in 10 days, and there are only 12 spots available per group.
It’s 2016 and we are travelling South East Asia for 6 months.We being my boyfriend and I. The one that I moved to Canada, bought a house and planned to start a family with. Only to realise that this life was not mine. The one I left 15 months later.
I could not run my business while on the road. The pace of our travels did not match my tolerance so I focused on the one thing I could: growing my Instagram following. I spent two hours every day posting the perfect photo and inspiring caption, following accounts, commenting, and responding.
That year my following grew from 2,000 to 10,000.
I’m grieving.
When we arrived in Canada on Christmas Eve 2016 I shifted my focus. From growing to nurturing my following. I concentrated on offering the things that earn me a living: online courses, cohorts and private clients.
The numbers continued to grow.
By 2019 my poetry posts received 300+ likes and shares and my Instagram account grew to 15,000.
I wanted to make a difference in the world through my words and art so badly. So much it ached. Instagram promised me virality. It promised me fame. It promised me wealth. None of those came. Not really.
It’s 2021 and everything is changing.
I’m grieving.
Instagram started to steal my voice. Slowly, quietly, it demanded I contort myself to fit its cold, calculated design. Every day, I twisted my words, my art, my very essence to please an algorithm that didn’t know me. I was no longer creating. I was performing. For an audience I couldn’t see. For a system that didn’t care.
I started to lose followers. In flocks of hundreds. I felt disheartened, became complacent, lost my message and stopped sharing in the ways I had before.
I’m grieving.
It’s 2025 and time to grow differently.
Last Tuesday someone in Turkey hacked my account and tried to sell it back to me. They changed the name and told my followers they had bought it for 10k. But continued to try to get me to pay for it.
It was too late. The account was already too compromised.
I asked everyone I knew to report the account. Please do it too, if you can:
I’m grieving.
I’m done with Instagram. It’s a major loss to me and my business. And it’s a redirection away from Meta that has been a long time coming.
After losing my Instagram, I feel raw. Exposed. Stripped of the digital skin I’d carefully crafted over years. And in this vulnerability, I see something shifting. Something real.
We’re moving away from massive, soulless platforms. Away from numbers and likes and hollow connections. Now, it’s about real people. Real communities. Small spaces where trust isn’t a metric, but a feeling. Where a single meaningful conversation matters more than a thousand empty scrolls.
The fabric of social media is changing.
I’m grieving.
Despite everything. Despite the loss. Despite the grief. I’m still here. Still creating. Still inviting you into a space of genuine connection: my FREE Clarity Challenge.
The challenge started on Monday. But shifts don’t follow a calendar. You can still join. Still show up. Still be part of something real.
Plus, it’s more than just a challenge – it’s a movement towards more meaningful connections, both online and in life.
“what are the neg. aspects of running a business?”
“how do you define and create financial security?”
“how do you expand your capacity for increased success?”
my story • a timeline
2013 — the beginning
The first couple of years were the hardest. It was the throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks phase.
I created & promoted free challenges, giveaways, workshops, anything. (To my random little audience of 300.)
I co-created with women who were ahead. slowly, my concept grew.
In my spare time learned, learned, learned; business podcasts, books, YouTube videos, PDFs – anything I could get my hands on.
I stayed in developing countries. hello: Mexico, Guatemala, Nicaragua and Costa Rica (back when they were all still really cheap).
And then San Francisco and Venice in L.A.
I lived off savings and took on copywriting and social media contracts to support myself when I ran out of cash.
2015 — the real beginning
I remember reading that if your business isn’t making money, then it’s just an expensive hobby. Those words always stayed with me.
By the end of 2014, I had a roster of clients and a live program. My business was finally supporting me.
In 2015 I created my first ever online course that made AUD $10,000 (because I had started my business in Australia with an Australian bank account) which I filmed in my friend’s bathroom in Bali (best lighting, cute tile aesthetic) with the relentless roosters crowing in the background.
I lived in New Zealand and Bali and travelled through Southeast Asia then ended up in Canada with my partner.
2017 — the cruise
The tremendous time and energy investment into my business started to level out.
I didn’t have to work as hard to get in front of audiences, sell courses and sign clients. I was cruising and it felt good. All that effort was worth it.
I developed 4 more online courses. I taught a 2-day live workshop in London. I out-earned my partner. I left my partner.
I moved to a 2-bedroom casita in the jungle on the Pacific Coast of Mexico.
2020 — the peak
I moved to the seaside town of Brighton in the U.K. to pursue my dream of creating Plannher with a European print house.
The global panini happened.
Everyone seemed to have disposable cash and time and I was the busiest I had ever been. I had my first £10,000 month. I was fully booked out. I had over 100 attendees in my online courses.
Looking at the figures, 2020 and 2021 were big, bountiful beautiful years.
Looking at my mental health, I was quickly deteriorating.
Late 2021 I moved to the Mediterranean island of Mallorca to escape the cold British winter.
2022 — the crash
I felt dizzy, confused and disabled.
Anxiety arose out of nowhere. The energy to create and show up to my work and business was radically diminished. I questioned whether I could go on.
I burnt out.
By 2023 I crashed.
And took my foot off the gas. Slowed everything right down. I returned to the U.K. for the soft cocoon of this mothering land.
And took the year off working as minimally as possible. I dipped into my savings.
It still surprises me that I made £22,000 working 5-10 hours a week that year.
And I listened:
I needed financial stability (safety)
I needed to change my relationship to online visibility
I needed to break my addiction to the fast rush of social media
2024 — flowering anew
I took my time.
No force, no pressure, I allowed myself to be moved forward in my business by the gentle nudges of life. An aliveness seeped in. Innovative solutions landed.
The energy, the pulse and my confidence in myself and my work gently returned.
So many lessons were learned. Let’s get into those now.
the lessons • what I know now
Some years are flush and others are poor. Trust that there’s a bigger picture at play. Limitless growth is not linear or sustainable. You’ve got to know when something is enough… And save for your fuck off fund. (Lucky I did.)
There are 5 major functions of a business:
product/service development
customer service
accounting
operations
marketing
Have either weekly or bi-monthly CEO days. This is when I overview all the various moving pieces and work on my business instead of in it. It’s taking an objective perspective on what is working, what is not, and what I want and need to do to move the needle forward. I normally do this on a Monday.
50% of my job is to be a marketer. No one, no matter how good they say they are, can market your products or services for you. I know because I hired someone in 2022 and lost a lot of money in doing so. My business. My responsibility. (The other 50% is everything else, incl. overseeing and managing support and delivering my products and services.)
Feel genuine appreciation for the financial, location and creative freedoms this venture has given me. Including the intoxicating ability to make a positive difference in this world.
Less is more. Focus on the 20% of the 80/20 that produces revenue.
get in front of new audiences and encourage referrals and sharing
content marketing (emails/podcasts/social media)
build and nurture community
sell
Create and lean on systems and structures that make showing up to my “job” easy. Have clear practices & routines; use productivity tools so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time.
Say “no” more than I say “yes”. And be discerning with those yes’s.
What hurts the most? What are my biggest hopes? Dreams? Desires? Fears? Understanding that is understanding my prospective clients and students because you are like me.
Sharing the solutions that solve those problems (above) is what creates sales.
Dream. Plan. Set aims. Follow through. Rinse. Repeat.
Her biggest fear every single day was that she might run out of toilet paper.
So every day, on her way home, she would buy (another) pack of toilet paper. A story about a private client; on clients’ presenting problems; using your insight (intuition); who our clients are; fear of not standing out or being unique enough to succeed; and more…Read it here.
Your tools can be replicated… Whether it’s Reiki, coaching, mentoring, yoga teaching, or breathwork— right now, thousands of practitioners are using these same techniques. Here’s what cannot be replicated: the unique way YOU relate to these tools. Your personal experiences, your intuition, your voice. These are what make your practice truly one-of-a-kind.It’s not about the tools themselves, but how you give them shape and voice in your work. Read it here.
You yearn for a more intuitive way to help, a heart-centred approach that honours the unique journey. Deep down, you know there’s more to facilitating true healing than what traditional programs offer. As practitioners, we find ourselves armed with tools that barely scratch the surface, ill-equipped to dive into the depths where real transformation occurs. It’s a disheartening realisation. That our training or lack thereof may be holding us back from offering the profound, holistic support our clients truly need. But what if there was a different way? Read it here.
We’ve swallowed the lie whole. It’s in our bones now.
Our egos have been programmed into the structure.
This relentless pursuit of more. Always more. Your benchmark keeps changing. You never reach the finish line. The wanting never ends.
In this capitalist world that constantly whispers “more, more, more”, standing still and saying “I have enough” feels like a rebellion. A quiet revolution of the soul.
At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history.
Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have — enough.”
enough kms/steps walked
enough friendships
enough discipline
enough money
enough clothes
enough love
enough joy
enough
There is a certain magic in embracing enough.
It’s the moment you stop struggling against the current and simply float. Suddenly, you realise the river’s been carrying you all along.
As we meet mid-year, I’m learning to trust in the existing abundance.
I’m tuning into the rhythm of sufficiency that beats in every cell of my body. It’s a gentle pulse that says, “You are enough. You have enough. This moment is enough.”
In the soft light of dawn, in the quiet moments between breaths, in the space between thoughts — that’s where I’m finding my enough. It’s not a destination, but a way of being — a lens through which to view the world.
A life of abundance disguised as simplicity. A life of richness measured not in things, but in moments. A life of recognising that the cup isn’t half full or half empty – it’s overflowing, if only we have eyes to see it.
In this noisy world that’s always clamouring for more, let’s be the ones who dare to whisper “enough”. Let’s be the ones who find infinity in a grain of sand, and eternity in a wildflower.
Because when we know we are enough, we have enough, we do enough – that’s when we truly begin to live.
A THOUGHT EXERCISE:
Make a practice of writing your list of enough.
Not could it be 10x better – but does it feel in your heart like enough?
how I taught myself to have boundaries with screen time to reclaim my life
I am sitting on my bed in my cabin, a cup of tea balanced on my plannher beside me, my cat Danger Zone nuzzled onto my right arm hindering access to the keys as I tap these words to you. I’ve had a morning of private clients on Zoom, was on Instagram, in the name of marketing and now am writing you an email. A delightful form of intimate connection tapped out via Substack.
Everything I have done so far today has happened on screens.
In retrospect, we see what this journey of life really is.
What it was made up of.
In retrospect, we see that our whole life is made up of choices, one after another, in the name of love and connection.
Self-employment is an incredible privilege. I started on this path because I instinctively refused to join the 9-5 grind. It can also be incredibly overwhelming and (very) lonely. Little did I know that a few years along my work would end up being mostly behind a screen.
I work about 20-25 hours weekly in and on my businesses.
Every single one of those hours is spent on a screen.
One thing I don’t want is to look back and regret how much time I spent on screens instead of existing in the living, breathing world around me.
Technology is wonderful in so many ways. It offers me a way to contribute to society that is both meaningful and creative, on my terms. My life is (mostly) my own with the efficient ease of having communication, connection and organisation tools housed in a magical cloud in the sky.
I spend an average of 4-6 hours on screens per day. That includes using meditation apps, music apps, map apps, banking apps, notes apps, workout platforms and apps that help me in my business.
But if I’m honest, much of that time is spent on Instagram, WhatsApp, and search engines.
Yet.
Many of us strongly desire to withdraw from the outward-facing parts of life… hence the move away from screens and social media. It’s about reconnecting inwards. Allowing ourselves to feel what wants to come through us. This means that we’re no longer focused on the external noise but rather on the internal guidance.
But the world that we exist in does not allow this descent. Going inwards requires slowing down.
Slowing down is very hard in a world built on fast consumption.
It is incredibly rebellious to slow down in this world and yet… this is the only way the only place where we can find ourselves. To reconnect to those parts of ourselves that are yearning to be heard. That is here with us, beside us every step of the way; that we often remain disconnected from.
We take those moments in, in tiny sips but never fully bitten into, absorbed, inhaled, made use of. This richness and depth that is available to us all the time is accessible only through slowing down.
But screens.
They blink and flash and move fast and catch our eyes. They elevate our adrenaline, activate our dopamine and make us think that life is supposed to feel extremely exciting all the time. They impact our circadian rhythms and stop us from sleeping well and deeply resting when we need to. They suck us into a spiral of trying to keep up with ‘fast and now and more’.
When what we really seeking is love and connection.
Here is how I taught myself to have boundaries with screen time to reclaim my life.
I fill conceivable screen time with a different form of connection. I make it a priority to spend time with friends, go out in nature, read books, cuddle my cat, go to gigs and events with other living breathing humans, travel, paint, draw, dream and journal. It’s so easy in moments of loneliness to get on a screen and spiral. I ensure that I have enough heart-nourishing things happening in my life that I don’t have to.
I have a phone-free morning routine. It’s so easy to pick up my phone first thing when I first wake up. Just in case someone I love got in touch! I often think to myself. But the ripple effect of putting a device before my human self is palpable throughout the day. Instead, I leave my phone where it is in another space or room, and spend the first half an hour at least, waking up, stretching, taking my retainers out, scraping my tongue, making warm water with lemon, doing a little lymphatic drainage massage or a meditation, before I go anywhere near that thing.
I have a phone-free evening routine. I am very strict with myself on this one because it’s easy to get devoured into a sea of I’ll just look up this one last thing, when I am tired in the evenings. Instead, I place my phone on aeroplane mode, put it to charge as far from reach as possible and spend half an hour to an hour alone with just myself and my thoughts.
I use an app to monitor screen time. I use and recommend Opal, which I love both aesthetically and because it seems to kick me off whatever app I am using at just the right time as if it can sense when I’ve been overdoing it. It is crazy to me how lost I can get in the void of apps and on-screen productivity. These things were supposed to give us more time and ultimately they are stealing our time unless we reclaim it.
I consistently delete certain apps. Instagram in particular, because it’s my strongest draw to get lost in. Even if just for a few days, but sometimes for weeks or more, what a relief it is for that app to disappear from my phone. Every few weeks I go through my phone and cull apps: ones I rarely use and ones I use too much and need a break from.
I minimise my ‘follow’ list. A sure way to stop myself from scrolling is running out of things to scroll so I maintain a very small list that is focused only on necessary work-related connections, friends I can only connect with in this way, and accounts that inspire me to be a better human.
I set limits on how much time I spend on screens. One of my highest values is presence. Something that I practice in every area of my life. If I am on a screen — unless I am with a client, writing, answering emails, or designing a new project — I am not present. I have a strong pact with myself to keep my phone tucked away when I am with other people. I try to have certain windows during which I use social media. I take photos in moments and believe that not everything needs to be documented.
I intentionally cultivate a life that is more than screens. I leave my phone behind whenever I can. I put my phone in inconvenient places so I can focus on the task at hand. I spend time in parts of the world that don’t have an internet connection. I find peace there. It’s not perfect. It’s a work in progress. Eventually, I would love to exist in a way where I am not using my phone more than a few hours per day. And sometimes not at all for stretches of days and weeks. Right here and now that’s not entirely possible. I am doing my best.
These implementations are probably things you’ve already heard of. They’re not mind-blowing or new. But doing them is a whole other story. They require self-control, structure, boundaries and communicating with your people when you are available and when you are not.
Research can’t keep up with the pace of technological innovation. And being human is pretty complex. But what we do know is how spending time on screens makes each of us feel.
I know that when I hit my limit my body starts to feel ungrounded and anxious. That limit is around 4-5 hours. When I have boundaries on my screen time, I benefit from more joy, more creativity, more positive thoughts and more real-life human connections.
There exists in the world, the strange paradoxical belief that living an intuitive life requires one to be reckless and flighty. That structure cannot coexist with intuitive flow. That planning leaves no room for spontaneity. I know, because I used to believe all those things. But not anymore.
Here’s what I know.
Intuitive living and structure are two parts of the whole: they are the yin yang of life, they represent the feminine and masculine aspects that live within each of us.
The reason for the paradox that these two ends of the spectrum cannot coexist lies in the fact that most people haven’t yet learned how to marry their own inner masculine and feminine. Most people are out of balance too far in one or the other direction.
When we want to learn how to fluidly move between our own inner intuitive wisdom within the secure container of structure, we have to learn how to integrate and use both aspects. Here is a great example:
What I’ve learned over the years with plenty of trial and error is that when we use the masculine container of structure = more freedom to flow and live intuitively within that container.
It’s very much like relationships. A man/masculine energy in the relationship brings in structure that allows the woman/feminine energy in the relationship to bring in the intuitive flow. This way we steer the ship/life/business together in unity and harmony
But here’s the thing: everyone is living according to a system. And every system is perfect for the result it gets.
Here’s how I do it. (I am still learning, also.)
I create a soft structure:
— My clients are automatically scheduled into my calendar two days a week that are carved out specifically for private clients.
— I have a practice where I outline a vision for the year and then every 3 months revisit it and refine and rewrite it.
— I work with the energy of the days of the week to give my weekdays are container within which to work in.
— I set monthly intentions for my work, my personal life and finances every New Moon.
— I write weekly ‘to-do’ lists that keep me on track.
— I’m incredibly disciplined and focused.
I leave room for flow:
— I have no set routines and no hard rules around what I must do and when.
— The only commitments I absolutely adhere to are the appointments with clients in my calendar.
— I use my IntuiMethod system to stay on track with how I feel and what I need on a moment-to-moment basis.
— I prioritise rest, nature, connection and love over “productivity” and recognise that a lot of the extra work we place upon ourselves isn’t effective and doesn’t create any results beyond feeding your ego with the notion that being “busy” means you are worthy and valuable.
— I let go of things, often and easily, over and over again.
What works is to use habits, routines, and structure to create a system for yourself that supports you in your dreams and endeavours (creating a masculine container) and then allowing the power of momentum and habits to kick in to make trusting your intuition the focus as you move through your life within your system.
The issue is that most people have learned to use structure and planning as a crutch, not to support their system and lives, but as a way to feel in control and micromanage the details because they haven’t learned to develop self-trust and trust in the universe and the bigger picture. Learning to relax into the unknown and hear and respond to the intuitive nudges that are with you all day long, opens up space for possibilities that you could never plan or imagine, to fall into place.
Recently, after returning from a whirlwind trip to the UK, I thought a lot about how wildly different everyone’s relationship with money is and how broadly the topic of money is viewed. The UK, one of the wealthiest countries in the world, is a great example of how the most affluent and the poorest people in one country, live side by side.
After I came back, I reflected on what kind of life I want to live and what that means to me in terms of financial wealth and affluence. I’ve already told you the money story that kept me in poverty for 10 years and shared with you all my numbers and how I’ve transformed my personal relationship with money in my 13-part video course Affluent. But I’ve not really revealed how much money I think I need or want to have, now.
I like to live something that I call a “high/low life experience”.
High = luxuriant, opulent, rich, expensive and expansive experiences — those that cost a lot of money. Low = cost-free, natural, simple, modest and inexpensive experiences — those that aren’t about money but about appreciating what exists outside the consumer-driven culture I live in. I like to salt-and-pepper these experiences throughout my days, weeks and life. I also prefer to choose high-quality, expensive and long-lasting things occasionally over cheap, inexpensive things with questionable ethics in their production. Which is how I put together my capsule wardrobe.
For me it’s less about money and more about creating contrast and variety. Do I value an opulent hotel overlooking a cityscape over a night spent in an economic bungalow underneath the stars? No. They are both beautiful, enriching experiences that offer me a sense of connection with different parts of myself and the world. Do I prefer name brands over high-street brands? No. I want to feel beautiful and good in what I use and wear and make purchases based on material, cut and quality.
As someone who highly values choices and freedom, having more than enough money to offer me the freedom of choice is vital to me. I’ve come to the conclusion that my next benchmark aim is to make a profit of £100,000 GBP (because that’s the currency of my bank accounts) within the next financial year.
One of the lessons I teach in Affluent is stating your desired level of financial wealth. Once it’s out and in the world to see, it becomes real so much more quickly. I’ve seen this to be true time and time again.
One of the other things I teach is that it’s not about money, but rather your relationship with money that impacts how much you have in your bank account. To get started towards my aim, here are 7 simple shifts I’ve integrated into my life to have more money (that anyone can do).
— Pay attention to the habitual programming you have around money, deservability and self-worth. Something that really helps is to ask yourself and even journal around sticky points: “Is this my truth or my programming?” As soon as you shine the light of awareness on it, you have room to make a new decision and change. If that wasn’t your truth but programming, how would you act? Do that.
— Be prepared to dissolve the belief that to be worthy of good things, and financial ease and abundance in your life, you have to pay with feeling burned out. Acting from fight or flight adrenalin mode isn’t serving you (or your work or your worth or anything else). Instead, it’s time to start trusting yourself, life and your ability to attract everything you need and be supported in who you are.
— Start a Monthly Money Tracking practice where you have a little notebook (one that you really like :) and write the month at the top, and track every single penny, gift, payment and piece of abundance that comes your way. This practice shifts your focus from what you lack and don’t have enough of, to what you have and what you are receiving: from desperation to abundance. It takes a few months but it will shift everything for you.
— Make friends with your money. Appreciate what you have, look at your accounts daily with equanimity, and pay attention to the emotional responses you have to spending money, owing money, receiving money and so on. Money is an inanimate object and yet we give it SO MUCH POWER through our emotional responses to it. Money is energy and it responds to feelings of high self-worth. The better your relationship with money, the more you like it and embrace it, instead of fear it and blame it for the troubles in your life, the more you attract it.
— Money loves movement. It loves being responded to and it loves speed. Every time you avoid money (by not saying “yes” to opportunities that offer you money) it will avoid you too. Start to respond to money with speed, make making money a priority and look at the beliefs that pop up when you think about it this way. Do you feel resistance to admitting that you want money and would like more of it? Don’ feel shame for wanting money. It’s the same as wanting anything: food, water, sunshine, love.
— Open a savings account that you commit to putting 10% of your earning into for the rest of this year. You need to prove to yourself and money that you can take care of it, that is safe with you, and that you are a responsible custodian. Pay yourself first, before all the bills. I know it may feel scary because you think “but I need that money to pay for my necessities!” but if you want your money circumstances to change, YOU have to change, first.
— Start a rolling manifestation list where you put down the things that you want in your life. Salt and pepper it with big and little things, and release the expectation around how it will show up. Whenever your self-worth matches the thing on your list, it will show up for you, so your job is really just to raise your self-worth by doing things that feel good and stretching yourself by saying “yes” to more. This is meant to be fun and playful as you get to exercise your imagination and stretch your ability to want and ask for (instead of playing small).
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backwards, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
― Anais Nin
My career story and how I got to where I am now, is probably the most requested question that lands in my inbox every week. Like every story in my colourful life, it is by no means linear — it’s less about what I did and more about who I became.
The short version (what I did) goes like this: I spent 4 years at university and left with a degree in psychology. I studied Level 1 and 2 Reiki and completed formal and informal studies in the areas of emotional engineering, counselling, business, meditation, positive psychology, epigenetics and neurolinguistic programming as well as developed an analytical practice observing humans in their natural habitat. I delved into personal development out of curious compulsion and for the sake of my own growth and tested (and continue to test) everything I teach, on myself first. I became a blogger and that led to the business that I have now. I continue to study with a focus on spirituality, manifestation, astrology, marketing, photography and deepening my understanding of human behaviour.
THE SEED
It was 2007. I was wandering through the gothic quarter of Barcelona where I lived in a boat-shed-turned-studio-apartment with my best friend, and a string of DJ’s that moved in and out, based on where they were playing. On that one day, I turned to her and said “I wish I could create my own job! One where I could get paid to just be me.” It was the comment that planted the seed.
I was getting to the end of my festival career, tired of the drugs, the sleepless weeks, and the shady characters that bespeckled my otherwise rainbow-filled eccentric life. I’d spent the past 4 years contracted as an artist coordinator for underground music festivals all over the world. Something that I unintentionally fell into right after I finished my psychology degree by being charming, fun and getting to know all the festival producers.
It was the end of the year, the weather was getting cooler and the next job was at a New Year’s Festival in Portugal, still some weeks away. I knew things had to change but I had no idea what to do or where to even begin. I had outgrown the festival life. It had served me well. I had travelled and seen more of the world than anyone else I knew, stories of which I shared in monthly group emails to my ever-growing list of international friends.
Right after Portugal, I moved to London for the second time in my life, became an event coordinator for a prestigious dance company and started seeing a kind man from Manchester. A year later I was done with city life, still no closer to an answer. My self-doubt of what I was capable of and my confusion on how to even start infiltrated any ideas I came up with. I booked a one-way flight to India, hoping that I would discover the missing pieces of myself there. My boyfriend begged me to get Facebook so we could stay in touch, something I forcibly resisted because I was obstinately against the internet at the time. I eventually gave in and created a profile to keep him happy, right before boarding my plane.
THE BEGINNING
I spent 5 months travelling those magical lands, turning to write down every little insight and observation. Writing had always been my solace. One day, a sweet Swiss man who had joined me on my travels for a few days, emailed me back after one of my lengthy group emails and told me that he loved my writing and that I should start a blog. Too attached to the idea that the internet is not “natural” I resisted and dismissed his suggestion.
What I did work out on those travels were two things: 1. I, in my essence, am creative. And to be truly fulfilled and happy, I need a creative project at all times. 2. I really suck at being an employee. I had to create my own thing. I started exploring what was in front of me. I have always loved self-expression through fashion and living in London amplified that. I also wanted to do good in the world, and ethical fashion brands were amazing but the styles mostly drab. Plus, I loved drawing and designing. And I was in India — the land of textiles and inexpensive tailors. My conclusion: start an ethical fashion brand.
I continued travelling, letting this idea infuse within me: back to Europe for a final summer of festivals, then a contract to work in Abu Dhabi for a film festival, then Australia to visit my mum. Another year had passed before I took steps towards this idea.
THE FAILURE
In 2009 I took a government-funded business course to give me a foundation to this dream of mine alongside a pattern cutting and design intensive. I was terrified and deeply limited by my belief that, as a sensitive creative woman, I was not going to be any good at business.
I was right. I didn’t do any of the inner work to look at my limiting beliefs and how they were impacting my life, so my aptly named brand Etica&Ella failed. After developing the branding, the first season of designs and spending 3 months in India forming relationships with ethical production companies, and sinking $20,000 of my savings into the concept, I realised I had no idea how to market my brand and launch it out into the world, and I was already completely over having to cart around so much fabric. And I quit.
I was wiser now. I knew my strengths and limitations better, and while I smarted from the failure of my first attempt my desire to be self-employed only became stronger. It wasn’t even a dream or desire anymore. It was the only way.
In 2010, with the intention to learn how to market and run a business, I was hired as a business manager for an author and public speaker whose expertise was in marketing, with the intention that I would learn everything I could to apply to my own thing. I embarked on the steep learning-curve of coding and WordPress, started blogging and developing an online voice, and did BSchool while cocooned in the safety of that role for 2.5 years.
THE NEW VISION
I distinctly recall shaking with fear and apprehension the first time I shared a blog post on my Facebook wall. I finally pushed the ‘post’ button with the force of my second hand on my finger and waited with bated breath for something to happen. For someone to judge me. To tell me I was being ridiculous. And then… nothing happened. Nothing at all. Some hours later a couple of friends left some sweet words of encouragement. And that was it. I learned that I had to keep going. Keep writing. Keep sharing. Keep honing my skills.
While I didn’t learn as many of the marketing skills as I had hoped, running someone else’s business gave me the confidence I previously lacked, that I could run my own. Consistently blogging and sharing, as uncomfortable as it was at first, grew my self-worth and as a result, my belief in myself. It was the devoted consistency that I showed up with, that allowed the momentum to build and grow.
I still didn’t really know what kind of business I wanted. I was willing to surrender my ego at this point and live my work life the way I lived the rest of my life: with the spiritual philosophies of surrender, trust and being guided. The key lesson in this initial stages was to stop looking for validation to start doing what I felt inspired to do. To just start creating. To do it for me, first.
One day, I received an email from a reader, telling me her harrowing story about the big transition in her life that she was facing and how much my words and writing helped her. She closed the email asking if I was willing to get on a Skype call with her and guide her through some issues. She offered to compensate me. I jumped at the chance and told her that no payment was necessary. That I’d gladly support her in this way. At the end of the call, I realised something: this call was just like the counselling practicals I did after I finished studying psychology at uni. with a more intimate flavour.
A little light went on in my mind. Perhaps this is what I could do for my work! This tiny incident was the turning point for my entire career and I decided to pursue mentoring as the signature service of my business.
By mid-2012 my itchy gypsy feet called me back on the road. My tattoo-artist boyfriend agreed to join me and we booked flights to a festival in Portugal in August, and then travelled through Europe together before settling in Amsterdam, so he could work. I took on creative writing and social media marketing contracts to support myself and practice working online while travelling. I knew I needed to keep building my online presence by consistently sharing quality, free, helpful, entertaining content before I could start earning money from it. That first year, I devotedly kept showing up for my business, without receiving anything in return. I spent the second half of 2012 in Europe and then flew to Mexico for the Mayan end-of-the-world ceremony. I continued: Guatemala, Belize, Honduras, Nicaragua, a month in Costa Rica to stop and work at Envision Festival, Panama… followed by San Francisco and 3 months in Venice Beach, LA.
THE (REAL) BEGINNING
By the time I hit Venice in Summer 2013 I knew something had to give. I had to start making money from my own business. I was absolutely terrified to step out from behind the shadows of supporting other people. It was so much easier relying on others to provide me with income, instead of being responsible for the money coming into my life myself. I knew my mindset and my relationship with money had to shift and that I needed to take a leap of faith and back myself fully even though I was scared.
I’ll never forget the week that I wrapped up and ended all of my contracts. I cried a lot. The fear was almost unbearable. I didn’t have a safehold or savings to fall back on. I was running on hope, my manifestation practices and a whole lot of faith. Inspired by the pain of fear, I rebranded myself as a gypset life coach and developed my first 1:1 offering. I finally put myself out on the line and visible for the world to see. The vulnerability hangover I felt was debilitating. To my disbelief and soul-shaking relief, I had 5 clients sign up to work with me right away. It felt like a fucking miracle. I was finally doing it! My first paying clients, the first time I was really in business, the beginning of it all: August 2013.
All that networking on social media and in real life, the consistent content creation, and the relationships I’d built with people had started to pay off. Showing up, creating and sharing consistently is the only way I know to build and grow a business, something I teach and share in depth in my collaborative course The Heartful Biz. It takes time and dedication and is an investment that grows if you are patient and continue to feed it.
THE MONEY + LESSONS
That first year of business was not easy, I won’t lie. Learning to handle the ebb and flow of income (sometimes it’s scarce, sometimes there’s more), learning to keep a steady stream of promotion and marketing material progressing, wearing every hat from strategy to admin to bookkeeping, and staying engaged in a professional manner was a steep learning curve. Financially, I struggled the first year, clearing just over $18,000. The second year was much easier — it took 2 years before I finally felt supported by my work. I learned a lot about money, my relationship to it, and how to make it.
The past 3 years have since been a development of maturation as my business grows. I developed courses on topics that were frequently repeated in my private client sessions to make those resources more available to everyone. I developed PR and marketing strategies that unfold with time as our online world changes with a key focus of showing up and sharing from a heartfelt place of authenticity, integrity and vulnerability with my key message essentially being “hey, we are all human trying to navigate this strange, beautiful, messy landscape that is life, each in our own unique way, together”.
WHAT’S NEXT
This August I celebrated 5 years in business. Being self-employed isn’t for everyone. It’s tireless dedication, boundaries being tested, risks and endless learning. But I love it. It’s definitely for me. And when I am asked what I wished I had known before starting I would say these three things:
Start sooner and don’t let fear of not knowing enough hold you back.
Stop looking for validation to start doing what you feel inspired to do. Just start. Do it for you, first.
Start where you are at and give yourself permission to evolve and grow instead of hiding behind the need to have it all figured out or “be something”.
YOUR QUESTIONS, ANSWERED
You recently asked a multitude of other great questions so I thought I’d share the answers here.
Do you have an assistant or do you do everything yourself?
I have a video editor and I occasionally hire a graphic designer or accountant to help me with specific business assignments, and I usually have an intern that helps me with general administration tasks but I predominantly do everything myself. I enjoy having full creative control over my work and working in my own flow without having to explain my motives or having to manage other people. This may change in the future as I have considered hiring a full-time assistant to come on board but I’m not quite in that space yet.
What are the next steps in your business?
It’s starting to shift from a service to a product-based business. I’m slowly restricting my availability for private client sessions with my focus narrowing on short, affordable and potent courses that are more accessible to my audience. I love the creative process of teaching in this way and can see that it’s the future for personal development education. Which means that if you want to work with me in person, now is a really good time to get in touch via email: studio@viendamaria.com. I’m also running my popular signature course Manifest More for the very last time this November before retiring it as I have big plans for something completely new and exciting for next year, so if you want to learn about how I create and attract everything in my life, this is a really great course to get on board on before it disappears.
How did you manage the uncertainty of life/business?
I have really powerful practices around trust and manifestation (that I teach in Manifest More). I trust myself, I trust my intuition, I trust the Universe and where it is guiding me, and have tools that bring me back into trust and help me let go of the need to control things (which is fear expressing itself) when I find myself in doubt.
How do you make business decisions?
I 100% use my intuition for every single decision I make ever. I teach the simple process that I use in my course IntuiMethod. My intuition is the smartest, most strategic and surprisingly accurate advisor I have.
Vienda Maria 