Category: pov musings

  • my travel guide to: Athens & Delphi, Greece

    much later, when you are back in the rush and the noise of your own life, you will open a jar of honey or press a drop of resin into your skin, and remember

    If I had known that my time in Greece would be cut short, perhaps I would have done things differently.

    The three-hour bus ride from Athens International Airport to Delphi felt like I had been catapulted back in time to a place before my own birth. The highway soon gave way to narrow, two-lane blacktop that bit into the dry belly of the countryside. Out the window, the world slowed down to the pace of an older century. Long, bleached stretches of scrub oak and limestone thistle rolled past under the late-August sun. 

    Every ten miles or so, an old Datsun or a rusted-out Fiat, held together by wire and grease, would rattle past in the opposite direction, driven by a man with a face like a dried walnut, his elbow propped on the window frame, staring straight ahead into the heat.

    on the bus

    The bus itself smelled of hot vinyl, diesel exhaust, and the faint, sweet trace of tobacco smoke that had settled into the curtains over decades. We pulled off the road for a pit stop at an 80s-style service station cafe with the stillness of roadside stops where time has lost its meaning—floors of dull, yellowed terrazzo, a humming Coca-Cola cooler from another era, a counterman whose heavy eyelids suggested he had been standing there since the beginning.

    Without a word, a snail-shaped spinach spanakopita, heavy and glistening with olive oil through its brown wax paper, was pressed into my hand, and a cold tin of Coke into the other. I was asked for six euros and then ushered back onto the bus. The pastry dough, flaky and bitter with wild greens, the soda sharp enough to burn the dust out of my throat.

    By the time the bus began its low-gear groan up the switchbacks of Mount Parnassus, reaching for Delphi, the air changed. It thinned, stripping away the heavy humidity of the lowlands. Cool and sharp with the scent of wild thyme and pine needles—a dry, resinous smell that gets into the back of your teeth.

    The Pleistos Valley stretched out below like a green river of olive trees, a million silver leaves turning in the wind all at once, shifting from deep forest green to bright mercury as the mountain breeze catches them. Standing on the flank of Mount Parnassus, where the limestone cliffs rise up grey and scarred like the flanks of old elephants, you understand why the ancients thought this was the centre of the world. It feels like a hinge where the earth meets something else. The earth here doesn’t care about our small, modern lives, our schedules, or our brief, frantic journeys. It hums with a quiet, terrifying permanence. It makes you feel small, like a speck of dust blown against the rock, but it also makes you feel clean.

    After five days in Delphi, I returned to Athens.

    If Delphi belongs to the gods and the wind, Athens in the last week of August belongs to the ghosts and the blinding, white heat. The city had been abandoned. Every year, when the summer becomes an absolute hammer, the locals simply close their doors, turn their backs on the concrete, and flee to the islands or the hills. It is their holiday, but it feels more like an evacuation.

    I stayed in a small studio apartment in Exarcheia, the fiercely independent, self-made neighbourhood that clings to the steep, rocky skirts of Lofos Strefi. On a normal day, this patch of the city breathes fire. It is a labyrinth of concrete apartment blocks covered in layers of angry, beautiful political graffiti, buzzing with students, anarchists, and old men arguing over thick coffee. It is a place that smells of stale beer, wild jasmine, and rebellion. 

    But this time small hand-written signs were taped to the glass of bakeries, dry cleaners, and independent bookshops: Closed until September. Good Summer. The streets were empty of cars, the asphalt radiating a fierce, shimmering heat wave that made the apartment blocks look like they were melting into the white sky. A lone ginger cat slept under the shade of a parked scooter on Kallidromiou Street, too hot to blink. There is a strange, melancholy beauty to a great city when its human blood has been drained out of it. You see the bones of the place.

    2 (important) things:

    1. MUSES is a weekly writing & coworking group for those who want to create & be inspired in company. Learn more here.
    2. Future work-focused dispatches are being moved here. Here is the first one: you can keep becoming and still be loved.

    thank you for being here 𓇢𓆸

    Beyond the paywalled fold, you’ll find:

    DELPHI
    ~ my favourite taverna in Delphi & the best coffee
    ~ the two weekly farmers’ markets to stock up on supplies
    ~ the hike to the Oracle of Delphi & the Temple of Apollo on Mt Parnassos
    ~ the best empty beaches (even in the height of summer)

    ATHENS
    ~ the best area to stay in
    ~ my favourite cafes and restaurants (locals approved)
    ~ places to wander & get lost to avoid the standard tourist experience
    ~ the Greece-only must-have pharmacy finds


    DELPHI

    Delphi is a tourist town that most come to for a day, two at most, hit the sights and leave without really taking its essence, which is a shame. It feels like those who live and breathe the daily life here exist apart in another world to those who come and go. 

    The transient crowds leave their footprints on the main drag, but they don’t leave a mark on the town’s bone-deep reality. If you step six inches off the beaten path, you find the people who belong to the mountain.

    FOOD

    Melopoleio

    The best coffee is only at one place, the one all the old men sit outside of. They sit in the shade, turning strings of beads in their calloused fingers, gossiping about their neighbours, these slow summer days, and the frantic tourists who just came and went.

    Do not look for a menu here. Just sit down among the creaking wooden chairs and order a Greek coffee. It comes in a small, heavy cup, dark and sweet, with the muddy residue left at the bottom like river silt. You drink it slow, matching the rhythm of the old men, watching the white mountain light crawl across the stone pavement.

    Taverna Vakhos

    Real solid mountain food and dreamy prices. The first time I came by accident, escaping the late-afternoon glare. I ordered a quarter-litre of local rosé for €3 and a cold mountain lemonade to quench the dusty August thirst that had collected in my parched mouth.

    Before the food arrived, the waiter delivered a basket of bread. A quick warning: bread in Delphi is unrecommendable everywhere—dry, chalky stuff with the life baked out of it, so don’t eat it. Save your appetite for everything else. Then he brought a slab of hard, fresh grilled salty cheese spiked with wild herbs ‘on the house’. It arrived sizzling, caramelised on the edges from the fire. I carved it with a knife and fork, the centre yielding, soft and hot. It was insanely delectable—honest cooking that tastes directly of grease, salt, and the high pasture lands. I went there most days.

    MARKETS

    Wednesday mornings: Delphi

    Right in the wrinkles of the town, the small local market sets up early on Wednesday. It is a quiet affair, mostly for the old women who look like they’ve been carved out of grey limestone. This is where you get your immediate hands on the mountain: wrinkly, bitter black olives that taste of oil and smoke, and tiny, intense bunches of wild mountain oregano dried right on the stalk. The tables hold a scattering of seasonal fruits and crisp vegetables pulled from the steep terraced plots on the slopes of Mount Parnassus, alongside heavy blocks of formaela cheese brought down from the high pastures of nearby Arachova. Go early before the sun hits the stone pavement, and make sure you carry a pocketful of small euro coins. These mountain vendors have no use for plastic cards or digital transactions; they want the hard, blunt weight of metal currency pressed into their palms.

    Friday mornings: Laiki Agora, Galaxidi

    Every Friday from six in the morning, the real harvest happens just down the mountain in the nearby coastal town of Galaxidi. You have to get up before the sun has finished burning the fog out of the Pleistos Valley. This is the region’s massive produce engine. The tables are piled high with heavy, deep-purple eggplants, mountain figs splitting open with sugar, almonds, stone fruit and colossal Amfissa olives, plump and glossy from the UNESCO-protected groves below. Go early, when the air is still cold, the farmers are shouting over the crates, and the crates are still damp with morning dew. It is cheap, abundant, and unbothered by tourists.

    THE ORACLE OF DELPHI

    Corycian Cave

    The tour buses dump their passengers at the lower ruins where the marble has been polished flat by millions of leather shoes, but the real spirit of the mountain lives higher up, where the road turns to dirt and the earth gets wild.

    To find it, you have to leave the village behind and drive out for thirty minutes, pushing your car up the steep, winding mountain roads, through small mountain villages with narrow, cobblestone alleys that pinch the sides of your vehicle. The paved road eventually gives out, giving way to a rough, gravel track. You park the car where the red clay meets the scrubby pines, kill the engine, and let the silence of the high altitude drop over you like a heavy blanket.

    From there, you walk. It is a forty-five-minute trek straight up the spine of the mountain. The trail is a narrow, single-track ribbon of loose limestone and sharp gravel that slips out from under your boots if you aren’t paying attention. You walk through dense, ancient forests of Greek fir, the air smelling intensely of dry resin, hot stone, and wild mountain tea. Your breath gets short, and your calves burn as the incline sharpens, the sun beating down on your neck until your shirt is soaked through. Just when you think you’ve lost the trail, the trees break, and you see it: a massive, dark gash hidden in the grey limestone face of the hill.

    The Corycian Cave—the Korykeion Antron—is the first true sanctuary of Delphi, a place where people were bowing their heads to the earth long before the first stone of Apollo’s temple was ever quarried.

    When you step across the threshold into the main chamber, the temperature drops instantly, a cold, damp breath rising from the belly of the rock. The cave opens up into a vast, terrifyingly large hall, its ceiling soaring fifty meters above you like the roof of a cathedral built by giants. Massive stalactites, formed over thousands of years by the slow, rhythmic dripping of mineral water, hang down like frozen stone drapes. In the centre sits the “Table”—a broad, flat stalagmite where pilgrims leave their offerings to Pan and the mountain nymphs, and where modern travellers still leave silent tokens.

    The mysticism here is something that physical space inflicts on you. The cave has a strange, multi-directional acoustic quality. Every footstep on the slick rock, every drop of water hitting the floor, and the low moan of the wind outside bounce off the walls, sounding like a chorus of distant flutes or whispers just behind your shoulder.

    Sitting alone in that dark chamber you feel an ancient, shivering awe, a sense that the boundary between the human world and something wilder, older, and deeply holy has grown thin enough to touch.

    BEACHES

    Itea

    Just twenty minutes down the winding asphalt from Delphi, the road drops sharply into the olive groves and hits the coast near Itea. Most people stay on the main harbour beach, but if you push just a few minutes past the town along the coastal fringe, the pavement gives way to a narrow strip of white gravel pressed right against the olive trees. There was not a single soul there. The water was dead calm, completely shielded from the mountain winds, and so transparent it looked like a thick sheet of pale green glass. You could see every single pebble on the bottom, five meters deep, as if it were right under your hand. Entering that water here was like washing away latent layers from your soul. The only sound was the rhythmic, dry click of the cicadas in the trees and the tiny gravel shifting with the lazy roll of the tide.

    Arapis

    If you keep driving west for about forty-five minutes from Delphi, past the historic town of Galaxidi along the northern rim of the gulf, the coastline grows rugged and wild. The road tracks a stretch of limestone cliffs and ancient olive groves heading toward Erateini and Nafpaktos. Once you pass the main settlement of Agioi Pantes, you hit a terrain where the road forgets itself. We turned down an unmarked dirt track that dissolved into scrubby pines and grey boulders near the hidden coves of Agios Vasileios. At the end of that track, right by the tiny, unpeopled crescent known to locals as Arapis Beach, lay a completely secluded cove hidden entirely from the road. The beach was a mix of coarse grey sand and sun-bleached stones, completely wild. There were no plastic umbrellas, no tavernas, no voices. Just the raw edge of the continent meeting a deep, bruisingly blue sea. The water here was colder, sharper, and held a heavy salinity that made you float effortlessly. We lay under the thin, salt-bitten shade of a solitary tamarisk tree, entirely alone with the stones and the deep blue water, watching a lone fishing boat track the distant horizon while the salt dried white and tight on our skin in the fierce afternoon sun.


    ATHENS

    Most evenings, I climbed the concrete stairs to the flat concrete rooftop of my apartment building. From up there, the heat of the day was still rising from the tar, but a small, dry breeze would usually drift down from the mountains. I sat with my notebook on my knees, journaling while the sun dipped behind the jagged spine of the city. As the light failed, the sky turned the colour of a bruised plum, and the distant silhouette of the Acropolis would light up, glowing like an old bone against the dark. When the ink dried, I would head down into the dim streets to find my favourite taverna.

    Exarcheia

    If you want the smooth, sanitised version of Athens, you stay in Plaka or Monastiraki with the postcard vendors. If you want the city’s raw, beating heart, you pitch yourself in Exarcheia.

    It is a neighbourhood that clings stubbornly to the steep, rocky skirts of Strefi Hill, positioned just a short, twenty-minute walk north of the central tourist hubs, yet a million miles away in spirit. It is bordered by the grand neoclassical weight of the National Archaeological Museum on one side and the wealthy slopes of Lycabettus Hill on the other, but Exarcheia remains fiercely itself.

    It is the bohemian, radical quarter. A labyrinth of concrete apartment blocks covered in layers of angry, beautiful political graffiti, independent bookstores, and old anarchist cafes. On a normal winter day, this patch of the city breathes fire, buzzing with students, poets, and old men arguing over thick coffee. In the dead of August, even with the shutters down, the neighbourhood keeps its grit. It smells of wild jasmine, dry concrete, and a deep, historical refusal to be broken by anyone. It is safe, and it is real.

    FOOD

    Ama Lachei

    I stumbled upon this place entirely by chance, just a few minutes’ walk from where I laid my head, and it is an absolute icon of the neighbourhood. Ama Lachei is set behind a thick, unassuming stone wall that once housed an old schoolyard. Step through the gate, and the roar of the Athens concrete disappears. You are welcomed into a lush, shaded garden so deeply quiet and green you would swear you had been dropped right into the middle of the Greek countryside. Sitting there among the iron chairs, white cloths, and overhanging flowers, you forget the city outside exists. The food here is some of the finest quality I have ever pressed a fork into—a daily, shifting menu that changes entirely based on what the earth yields that morning.

    The Black Salami Microbakery

    Tucked into the sharp concrete geometry of Exarcheia, The Black Salami is a small, mighty engine of grain and fire. They do not carry a massive inventory; they bake around a hundred loaves a day using honest Italian flour and wild fermentation, and when the bread is gone, the doors close. Do not hesitate: walk in and order the pastrami sandwich. It is served on their signature sourdough, heavy and blistered from the heat, loaded with rich, salt-cured meat that melts like tallow.

    Selas

    When the August sun turns into a flat iron and the pavement starts to shimmer, you look for Selas. Hidden down a narrow pedestrian alleyway, half-swallowed by overflowing vines and surrounded by old houses from the turn of the century, this little outdoor café is a neighbourhood oasis. It is painted in bright, defiant colours and tucked right into the local street art scene. Go there in the heavy heat of the afternoon for cold drinks, cheap beer, and small plates of snacks. The service is loose, friendly, and entirely unhurried—a place to sit for hours and let your blood cool down.

    Bar Ideal

    When the sky finally turns dark and the city begins to breathe, head to Bar Ideal on Kiafas Street. It’s a design-forward, retro listening bar that looks like a 1970s cinematic set refreshed for the modern era. They spin strictly vinyl records over a crisp, analogue hi-fi system, and the tables spill out onto the cool pedestrian pavement. It is the perfect spot to get a clean, heavy cocktail, watch the local night owls gather, and lose yourself in the music and the conversation without a single tourist in sight.

    Ouzeri Lesvos

    If you want seafood that hasn’t been dressed up for a magazine cover, you go where the old men and the neighbourhood families go. Ouzeri Lesvos is an unadorned, brightly lit temple to the sea. The prices are incredibly low, and the quality is fierce. Order a small bottle of ouzo and a plate of grilled octopus or crisp, fried smelts that taste aggressively of salt and the deep Mediterranean.

    Makedonikon

    This is a tiny, old-world joint run by a crew of famously grumpy old men who have no time for small talk or pleasantries. They deal out traditional spanakopitas and baked dishes from massive metal trays behind a glass counter. The spinach pie here is legendary—the phyllo dough is rolled by hand, thick and crackling like autumn leaves, stuffed with bitter wild greens and sharp, sour feta. Take it to go, bear the old men’s brief glares, and eat it on the curb.

    Karamandlika

    Located slightly more central but completely worth the short walk out of the quarter, Karamanlidika is part charcuterie, part grocery, and part taverna. The ceiling is hung thick with cured beef legs (pastourma) and loops of spicy sausage. Sit at one of the small marble tables and order the handmade meat dumplings or the pan-fried sausage with eggs. It is heavy, historic Greek food rooted in the old Byzantine traditions—intense, spiced, and deeply satisfying.

    EXPLORE

    The tourists spend their days in long, sweaty lines waiting to see things that have already been photographed a million times. They move in packs, guided by little flags and digital maps, and they leave the city without ever having touched its true surface. I will not give you a list of monuments or ancient ruins here; if you want the history books, you can find them yourself. Instead, I recommend a different kind of travel. One where you choose a coordinate point on the map, put your phone in your pocket, and let yourself get lost until the city starts to speak to you.

    Lofos Strefi

    Right above Exarcheia sits Strefi Hill. It is not a manicured park with gravel paths and ice cream vendors; it is a wild, rugged outcrop of rock and pine trees that feels slightly forgotten by the municipality. Find any set of concrete stairs leading upward from Kallidromiou Street and just start climbing. The steps are uneven, cracked by tree roots, and covered in graffiti.

    As you go higher, the noise of the city begins to muffle, replaced by the dry, frantic scraping of cicadas. There are hidden stone benches, dirt paths that lead to nowhere, and sudden, dizzying views of the white apartment blocks packed tightly below like rows of teeth. Wander up here in the late afternoon when the shadows stretch out long and blue.

    Anafiotika

    While everyone else is fighting for space on the main pedestrian loop around the Acropolis, climb higher up the northern slope until the souvenir shops disappear. If you keep moving upward through the narrow alleys, you will stumble into Anafiotika.

    It is a tiny, white-washed village clinging directly to the sheer rock face of the citadel, built in the 19th century by workers who came from the island of Anafi. The streets are not streets at all—they are narrow stone ledges barely wide enough for two people to pass, winding between tiny, square houses with blue shutters and pots of blooming geraniums. There are no signs, no shops, and no cars. You will dead-end into someone’s tiny courtyard, or find a set of stone steps that drop into a completely different neighbourhood. Let yourself wander this labyrinth. It smells of laundry soap, woodsmoke, and dry stone, and for an hour, you will forget that a massive, modern metropolis is roaring just a few hundred feet below your boots.

    Kypseli

    If you want to see how the modern Athenians live, take a long walk north into Kypseli, one of the oldest and most densely populated neighbourhoods in the city. It is a vast grid of Bauhaus and mid-century apartment buildings with grand entrance halls and iron balconies.

    Do not look for landmarks. Just drift down Fokionos Negri, a long, wide pedestrian promenade lined with shady trees, old fountains, and rows of small cafes where the neighbourhood people sit for hours over single glasses of iced coffee. Turn off the main strip into the smaller residential side streets. Look up at the canvas awnings flapping in the breeze, listen to the clatter of dishes from open kitchen windows, and watch the older women pulling market carts over the cracked pavement. It is a heavy, human place that doesn’t care about tourism, where the true daily rhythm of Athens unfolds in the heat.

    TREASURES

    In Greece, the modern pharmacy remains an apothecary of the land. There is something deeply magical about being able to apply and use things that have held a people steadily for thousands of years, as if the ancient landscape and its cures were somehow twisted into our DNA from long ago. When you step off the blinding, sun-baked pavement and into the cool air beneath a flashing green neon cross, skip the global consumer brands. These are the true local secrets you carry home in your suitcase.

    Wild Greek Oregano Oil: A fierce, concentrated extraction of the land itself. The locals treat it as a holy grail for the immune system. It is a potent, natural antibacterial and antiviral engine, excellent for knocking out a sudden throat tickle, clearing out sluggish digestion, or wiping out a stubborn bug when travel knocks your defences down. A single drop burns like a drop of liquid mountain sun, but it does the job.

    Apivita Toothpaste: The Apivita Oral Care Line is rooted in the hives and the soil. Their formulations rely heavily on propolis—the natural resin bees use to sterilise their nests—blended with wild mastic, fennel, or myrrh, leaving your mouth tasting faintly of pure Chios mastic and lemon oil.

    Tretin Gel: In the United States, getting a tube of topical retinoid or high-grade skin texturizer can mean handing over $80 to $300 at the counter. In a Greek pharmacy, you can ask for a 30g tube of TRETIN 0.05% Gel produced by Target Pharma, and they will hand it over for roughly four euros. Travellers prize it for targeting clogged pores, accelerating cell turnover, and erasing the rugged wear and tear of sun and travel. (Note: In Greece, this specific budget-friendly gel is formulated with isotretinoin rather than standard tretinoin, meaning it acts as a powerful topical retinoid with a lighter, fast-absorbing alcohol base).

    Chios Mastiha Capsules: For thousands of years, the people of the island of Chios have harvested the crystal tears of the mastic tree resin. These capsules are a foundational Greek remedy for the stomach. If your gut is churning from heavy travel, rich oils, or the simple stress of the road, mastic acts as a soothing, anti-inflammatory balm for the entire digestive tract, settling the stomach with a quiet, ancient efficiency.

    Korres Pure Greek Olive 3-in-1 Nourishing Oil: The brand Korres is a staple of Greek pharmacy culture, and their olive oil collection utilises cold-pressed oil from the silver-leafed crests of Crete. This specific 3-in-1 oil is a heavy, golden elixir that restores skin, body, and hair after a brutal day in the Mediterranean glare. It doesn’t leave a greasy film; it absorbs deeply, smelling of real wood and earth.

    Korres Skincare & Makeup: Truly, do not leave without looking over their entire colour and care shelf. Their prices are significantly lower in local neighbourhood pharmacies than anywhere else in the world. What I use daily is their dark lip balm in a rich, berry-stained hydration that looks completely effortless, and their creamy concealer that covers the dark circles of sleepless travel nights without caking or cracking under the dry Athenian sun.


    You cannot leave a place like Greece without carrying a piece of its dust in your throat and its salt dried hard into your skin. The tourist buys a plastic trinket made in a factory across the world, packs it into a shiny suitcase, and boards a plane unchanged. But if you have walked the high, loose gravel of Parnassus, sat among the old men in the shade of Exarcheia, and let your body sink into a sea that looks like green glass, you leave something of yourself behind on the stone, and you take something older back with you.

    The tubes of cream and the bottles of mountain oil sitting in your bag are small anchors. Much later, when you are back in the rush and the noise of your own life, you will open a jar of honey or press a drop of resin into your skin. For a second, the air will turn cool and sharp with the scent of pine needles, the white Athenian sun will hammer down on a flat rooftop, and you will remember what you felt like then.

  • you have to go in

    hello.

    there’s an old greek story
    about the muses that
    i keep thinking about.

    before there were nine of them, 
    there was Mnemosyne.
    the goddess of memory.
    she gave birth to the muses,
    who were said to bring poetry,
    music, dance, history, and astronomy.

    i

    love that memory comes first.
    because most of what we make
    comes from somewhere we’ve already been.

    something we saw.
    something we lost.
    something we loved.
    something we couldn’t quite get over.
    a question that keeps following us around.
    a feeling we don’t have words for yet. 

    our lives are full of material. 

    but the strange thing about making
    something from it is that you can’t really
    stay on the surface.

    you have to go in.
    and going in means
    meeting the parts of yourself 
    you’d probably rather leave alone. 

    the fear of being seen.
    the fear that it won’t be good.
    the fear that nobody will care.
    the fear that everybody will. 

    the part of you that would rather keep
    the beautiful idea safely inside your head 
    than risk discovering what happens
    when you make it real. 

    this is the part nobody really tells you about creativity.

    you think you’re making the work.
    but the work is also making you

    it asks you to become braver.
    more honest.
    less attached to getting it right.
    more willing to be changed by what you find. 

    i think, generally, that we don’t need another idea.
    we need somewhere to go and meet the one we already have.

    somewhereto sit down.
    to return.to keep going.
    to be around other people 
    who are also trying to bring something
    from inside themselves into the light.

    that’s why i made MUSES.
    to give your making a place.

    you bring whatever is alive for you.
    the essay. the book. the business. the half-formed idea. 
    the thing you keep saying you’ll get to.
    we sit together.
    and we work. 

    you are your own muse.
    but you don’t have to make everything alone. 

    join MUSES this september.
    come bring your thing 

    writing this from my friend’s sofa 
    and a view of the top of the Eiffel Tower.

    with love,Vienda
    OTHER PLACES TO FIND ME: INSTAGRAM | SUBSTACK | YOUTUBE | WEBSITE
  • you can keep becoming and still be loved

    hello.

    ‘pivoting gives the people who love you
    more of you to love’
    is a message that has been landing
    loud and clear in the past few months.



    we treat a pivot like a subtraction. 
    there goes this identity. 
    there goes this audience. 
    there goes this income. 
    there goes everything i’ve built this far. 

    but what if pivotingisn’t subtraction? 
    what if it’s…. multiplication? 
    what if every time you change,
    the people who love you
    don’t lose a version of you—
    they get to meet another one? 

    hi! I’m Vienda

    and I’m pivoting again…just slightly. 
    you may have been with me from the beginning
    or landed with me more recently.
    and either way, you know that the foundation
    of all my pivots
    have been anchored in my writing. 

    and this, this does not change.
    not now anyway 
    but what has changed is what I am sending where

    I’m splitting course: Substack 
    for more storytelling,
    *here for more direct invitations into my work 

    which brings me to MUSES
    a weekly creative co-working gathering 
    for bringing your visions into reality.

    MORE ABOUT MUSES
    the greatest abundance is realising
    you can keep becoming,
    and still be loved. 

    and maybe that’s
    the greatest”life hack” of all. 

    writing from my friend’s kitchen counter,
    with love.
    Vienda
  • 6 steps to develop an online offering

    revealing how I develop my online courses and programmes

    I’m currently accepting applications for my two-month live business mentoring program COWORK

    While I am marketing it, I am also seeing private clients, running two other programmes, and working on two new ones in the background while I also attempt to grow. ~ want to have me on your substack/podcast? :) 

    Email me: studio@viendamaria.com

    That’s the way it is when running a business, and I wouldn’t have it any other way because it’s not just a business to me but a way to create a life. I see myself as an artist and my life as the canvas and my work as the extension of both, built into a body of work.

    I thought I’d share the behind-the-curtains aspect of creating an offering. 

    As I mentioned, I am working on two programmes: one is an update and revamp of a money, mindset and manifestation programme called AFFLUENT that I stopped selling because it no longer matched the current landscape. 

    The other one is a weekly writing and coworking subscription that I have been asked for literal years to set up, but that I just haven’t had the affinity to… that’s the thing with working like this: I need to wait to catch the wave to move and take action on certain things becasue I only create within natural forward movement cycles. I never force creation if the wave that moves something forward isn’t there.

    And so this thing, despite being asked for it so often, just hasn’t come to fruition. Until now. Last week, a client asked the same question: if I would be willing to create this kind of container where she could come and be held accountable for showing up to build her body of work. I told her what I am telling you: that I have been meaning to and that I want to, and that maybe now I will finally do it.

    So, the steps I take are:

    • momentum!!! this can come from within you ~ where you just have this really powerful feeling that you need to move towards something and pull it from the ether and turn it into something tangible OR, as in this case ~ you have been asked for something so many times, something that you actually want to create, that it is inevitable…
    • start exploring the idea. I start with a Note or a Google Doc and start playing with the overarching elements: names, what it is, where/when/how it’s held, who it’s for, how much it will cost. 

    example:

    Screenshot 2026-08-20 at 13.11.52.png
    exploring the concept directly in my Notes app
    • decide when you are ready to start offering this thing and then reverse-engineer the timeline from then to now
    • build the information page where all the information about the ‘thing’ will live, including application/sign-up button/payment processing
    • map out a marketing plan across the time you have starting now until the start date
    • BEGIN!
    • AND: look, the truth is there’s no guarantee that the thing you make is successful by conventional standards. it might not sell out, it might not fill up, it might not quite hit, it might not be the right time, etc etc etc. BUT that’s actually a very important and beautiful part of the process!

    Because IF IT DOESN’T WORK, you instantly are moved closer to something that does. maybe it needs to be reworked, maybe you need to change the timeline of the wording or the container, maybe you have some inner work to do to get into alignment with it, maybe it’s not really authentic to you, and you need to face that and get to know yourself deeper and commit to being fully expressed and seen in your flawed human imperfection in ways you didn’t really want to be when your ego was trying to protect you, etc etc etc. TRYING IS NEVER WASTED. It is part of the devotional path of the artist who is building a life and a business

    This is what COWORK is essentially about: COMMIT > MARKET > SELL.

    I know I make it sound easy, like lalalala these are the steps you take et voila, everything is magic, tralala, and on the surface it IS a bit like that.

    It IS magic imo. But underneath there is a murky dark ocean of fear, doubt, resistance and understanding the energetics that lie BEHIND everything you are creating and doing on the surface.

    In COWORK I support you not only in making the thing – taking the surface-level steps – but also guide you through the layers underneath that cripple you, freeze you and stop you from moving forward. This container is fun and freeing, as well as deep and excavating. 

    This is the work!

    Applications to join me for the last round of COWORK in 2026 close in a week. Even if you’re not quite sure yet but curious, I suggest completing the application form.

  • boys who know they are beautiful

    hello!!! ~ from very hot, very dry, very beautiful Greece.

    my actual view right now

    The jet lag doesn’t fade. It breaks like a fever, leaving me suddenly, beautifully awake in the middle of everything. For five days I had been a ghost moving through the white Mediterranean light, but now my skin finally feels attached to my bones again.

    Below me, the ancient Olive Valley of Phocis is a giant, shimmering ocean of silver-green silk rolling down to the Gulf of Corinth. The air smells of baked red dirt, wild oregano, and the heavy, intoxicating sweetness of overripe figs splitting open in the heat. Every few minutes, a sudden, cool breeze sweeps up from the gulf, forcing a million olive leaves to turn their silver underbellies to the light all at once, flashing like a school of fish. In the distance, across the blue water, the rugged peaks of the Peloponnese mountains looked so impossibly jagged and violet they almost break your heart. 

    High above them, pinned to the sky, hangs a pale half-moon, lazy and faded.

    I sit in the heavy heat, my linen dress sticking slightly to the hot metal chair, completely mesmerised. In front of me is a glass of the house rosé. The glass is thick, heavy, and coated in thick beads of condensation that pool on the rough wooden table, glueing the base to the wood every time I set it down. It is ice-cold, tart, and tastes like crushed wild strawberries and flint. A cheap, honest wine, exactly like the colour pink I want to be fused with right now.

    A young waiter appears, smelling faintly of loose tobacco and cheap cologne, with dark, heavy-lidded eyes and casual grace found only in boys who know they are beautiful. He drops a small ceramic plate onto the table with a flourish, his thumb leaving a damp print on the rim.

    “On the house,” he murmurs.

    On the plate sits a thick slab of something totally unrecognisable to my eye. It is pale, dense, and gleaming with a slick coat of green olive oil and a heavy dusting of dried mountain herbs. I look at the mystery block, then up at his beautiful, indifferent face.

    “What is it?” I ask.

    He looks at me like I had just asked him to explain the basic mechanics of the sun.

    “Grilled cheese,” he says, flatly.

    He turns on his heel and saunters off, leaving me alone with the mountain breeze, the silver trees, and the salty cheese. I turn to my journal and write.

  • last year I made a business mistake that cost me around $30,000

    being an entrepreneur demands a mental operating system that most ppl don’t have, but it can be learned if willing!

    AUG 15, 2026

    Last year I made a business mistake that cost me around $30,000. 

    Those of you who have been with me for a while know that 2025 was a fuckery of a year for me. So many things blew up and fell apart. In hindsight, all for the best! But this is one that I haven’t shared until now.

    Most of the stories I read about entrepreneurship are about someone who had an idea, followed their intuition, took a risk, and, conveniently, the risk paid off. The stories I read less often are the ones where you have the particularly humbling moment when everything you have poured countless hours into falls apart.

    I brought someone on board to help me build a specific and fairly innovative arm of my business. They had experience in an area I knew very little about, which was one of the reasons I wanted to work with them. As a person, they were genuinely lovely. They wanted to contribute something positive and held a vision of what we could create if we could bring our skills together.

    The mistake I made was that I invested in their potential rather than what they were actually capable of doing. (Ever done that with a man? I have… Never again!)

    I gave them extensive business mentoring and resources. I gave them a $2,000 business course to get them up to speed. I shared things I had learned through more than a decade of running my own businesses. I tried to give context, perspective, support, ideas, structure. I thought that if I could give them enough of the information they needed, we could close the gap between where they were and where I could see the business going.

    Over the nine months we worked together what became increasingly obvious was that we were operating from two completely different mental operating systems. They were approaching the business with an employee mindset, and I was expecting an entrepreneurial one.

    I don’t write that as a criticism. I get it. Almost everything about the way we are educated and socialised to work prepares us to be employees. We learn to complete tasks. We learn to demonstrate effort. We learn that being busy is a sign of importance and that if we work hard enough, somebody else will eventually notice and reward us. There is usually a structure around us, a job description, a boss, a set of expectations, a ladder, a system we can become competent within.

    Entrepreneurship is much stranger than that.

    There is no job description because you are making the job. No boss is telling you which problem matters most. There is no promotion waiting for you because you have worked hard for three years. There is no one to tell you that the thing you have spent six months building is not actually what anyone wants.

    You have to develop a different relationship with uncertainty, money, visibility, responsibility, failure, time, your own ego, and perhaps most importantly, reality.

    I learned an enormous amount from that experience, although I would have preferred the education to cost me less. Let me share seven entrepreneurial operating system shifts that make the biggest difference in a business that works vs one that doesn’t.

    1. your focus must be on value, not effort

    If you are working hard and not making money or making a difference, you have an expensive hobby, not a business.

    Towards the end of our nine months together, when the cracks had become too evident to ignore, they sent me a lengthy document attached to an email detailing all the tasks they had completed. It made me laugh because that wasn’t the issue. The problem was that none of their effort had moved the needle forward in any quantifiable way.

    This is one of the biggest psychological shifts you have to make when you move from employment into entrepreneurship: effort is not the same thing as value. We have been culturally trained to believe that working hard is inherently virtuous, and most workplaces reward you for being busy, useful and good at completing the things you have been asked to do. 

    Entrepreneurship is less sentimental: Did someone buy? Did the audience grow? Did the offer get better? Did this make money or create impact?

    Some valuable work is slow and invisible, of course, but you need to become ruthlessly interested in the relationship between what you are doing and what it is actually creating. Otherwise you can spend an extraordinary amount of time working very hard on things that don’t matter.

    2. you have to develop an expansive relationship with money

    I know “abundance mindset” has become one of those internet phrases that can make you want to throw your phone/laptop out of a window, but what I mean is this: you cannot build a spacious business while making every decision from fear.

    In one of our weekly calls, I noticed that many of the solutions being offered were coming from scarcity: fear that someone would steal our intellectual property, fear that something would fall into the wrong hands, fear around pricing, fear about giving too much away. They began to criticise things they had never done because they were afraid. I could see that their fear was beginning to shape the business. When you believe there isn’t enough, you protect before you create. You hold things tightly. You undercharge. You overthink. You make access difficult. You wait until you are certain.

    Entrepreneurship asks you to do almost the opposite. You have to put something into the world before you know exactly what will come back. You have to risk being seen, risk someone saying no, spend money before you know precisely what it will return, and trust that there will be another idea, another client, another opportunity if this one doesn’t work.

    An entrepreneur knows that there is always risk and is generous enough in spirit to participate anyway.

    3. everything is information

    We had two launches that didn’t work out, and I could see that they were devastated, suffered greatly and took it personally. One of the most expensive mistakes you can make in business is confusing an outcome with identity.

    I explained to them that every time something doesn’t work, it’s simply information guiding us towards what does. If only you knew the number of times I have ‘failed’ in my life! But this is part of the fun. It’s not failure in my eyes. It’s redirection. It’s so good because it refines your work and your offerings. Failure grows you as a person, which is welcome. Shrinking from that means shrinking from your own evolution.

    Entrepreneurs understand that nothing is personal and there is always room for growth and improvement. This is not a reason to lose momentum and stall because it can destroy the entire thing.

    4. authenticity has a way of attracting the right people and opportunities

    One of the reasons I brought this person on board was because they had experience in a field I didn’t, and I wanted to enter that world in a disruptive, innovative and culturally aware way. But they didn’t trust themselves or the business enough to do that, and so they kept trying to fit what we were building into a structure that wasn’t made for us. Which meant we kept being excluded because we weren’t actually being ourselves.

    You have to have your own back enough to make something that doesn’t quite fit the existing category. You have to tolerate the uncomfortable phase where nobody has confirmed that you are right yet. And you have to trust that the more specific and recognisably you your business becomes, the easier it becomes for the right people to see it.

    Entrepreneurs understand that the more authentic you become, the easier it is to find the people you’re meant to connect with. Those connections can open doors that may never have existed otherwise.

    5. you need to be okay with having a low-status life to have a high-value one

    You have to be okay with having a career that people don’t understand. Get your ego out of the way. The highest-status thing you can do is decide that you don’t care very much about status.

    We live in a culture where work is not simply what we do to make money. It is one of the ways we communicate status, intelligence, ambition, education and usefulness. Title, salary, company, credentials and job description can be shorthand for understanding where you sit. Entrepreneurship removes that shorthand, and you have to be willing to let it.

    I personally never use the terms “life coach” or “business coach” because neither quite describes what I do. Nor do I say “therapist” even though technically I could because of my psychology background. I say writer, mentor or artist and only elaborate when someone is genuinely interested. I have had to become comfortable with the fact that my work isn’t always immediately legible, because I would rather have a life that is genuinely mine than a career that is impressive to people I don’t know.

    6. you have to set your own personal boundaries around what you are available for and when you work

    So many people repeat the same systems they are trying to extract themselves from. They leave traditional employment because they want freedom and then recreate the exact same system inside their own business. You don’t have to do that! 

    It goes back to number 1 in this list, where you have to figure out what actually creates value. I love using the 80/20 Pareto principle here, where you spend time defining what 20% of your efforts create 80% of the results and value. 

    A big part of that is waking up to the idea that anything that sacrifices your peace, joy and fulfilment isn’t worth it. Instead, choose yourself! Choose what makes life worthwhile. Trust me, it’s enough.

    7. your business is a living, breathing entity that you are here to guide, not control

    Something has to end whenever we enter a new chapter of life. The biggest thing that needs to die when you become an entrepreneur is the illusion that you are in control.

    Businesses are like children. You dream them up, birth them, give them a few steady years of foundations, and then you have to start paying attention to who they actually are rather than trying to make them become what you imagined. Your customers will tell you what they want. Your sales will tell you what is working. Your boredom will tell you what has reached its natural end. The idea you can’t stop thinking about will tell you where you want to go next.

    You have to start where you’re at. Build from there. The person I had brought on last year had a big vision she wanted to execute, but didn’t understand it had to be built step by step on a foundation of proven success. They wanted to jump ahead of the game without building on something, and of course it didn’t work.

    Your business will show you how it wants to evolve. You generally don’t need more strategy, advice or ideas. You need support to do what you already know you need to do, and enough space to actually do it.

    This is the space I made COWORK for.

    If you see yourself in the points above, are growing your entrepreneur mindset and have something you want to work on, you’ll enjoy participating in my 2-month COWORK live business mentoring program with me. Cowork is designed to help you turn your ideas and raw energy into something tangible in a community of like-minded women building businesses alongside you.

    You’re likely facing the normal challenges that are part of doing deep soul work. Together, we work through the energetics and internal resistances that arise across the three practical stages every sustainable business is built on: 

    COMMIT → MARKET → SELL

    Cowork is for you if you have ideas, skills, and something meaningful to offer the world but the gap between what you know you’re capable of and what you’ve created so far feels wider than you’d like.

    With me, Viendaa type-B founder with over a decade of experience, as your guide. 

    This is probably the part of entrepreneurship I like most now: not the fantasy of arriving at the perfect business, but the strange, ongoing relationship between the person you are and the thing you are making. The business grows, and you grow, and sometimes you outgrow each other, and sometimes you discover that the things you thought weren’t working are actually trying to lead you somewhere else that is meant to be.

    apply for COWORK →

  • 8 ways to create your turning point this summer

    you have to be more afraid of wasting your life than embarrassing yourself

    AUG 09, 2026

    Every evening after I have closed down the external world — turned off my phone, closed my laptop, locked the front door, showered, washed and moisturised my face, and brushed my teeth — I like to sit in bed with a low light or no light on and let my mind wander. A scaling back of my interaction with the outside world to tend to the one inside me. I listen to the tropical cicadas’ shrill and the geckos’ loud to-kay! to-kay, and the occasional vehicle that grinds past on the dirt road below my balcony. In this tepid mental dusk, there are no intellectual acrobatics, but rather a sort of day-dreaming that brings secret longings into existence.

    When I told my friend Helen last week that one of my secret longings was to write a screenplay, direct it and act in it, she urged me to do it. I love your writing! she exclaimed. You’re so enigmatic with people when you want to be! Immediately I began to backpedal. The urge to avoid doing something so monumental and new — the entire contents of my dreams — is always my knee-jerk response to feeling overcome by my fear of total and abysmal failure. And when I reason through how impossible this dream is, I spiral further into all the potential ways I will embarrass myself.

    To want, and to dream, risks humiliation. Though I am taking the babiest of baby steps towards it every week, writing it out loud makes me want to bail and pretend the dream is actually something much smaller, more manageable, more achievable.

    It is alarming how quickly I can shut down any one of my dreams. It’s not even about this particular dream. It’s about any hope or dream or vision that I hold for myself that pushes me so far beyond a reality I am familiar with that it makes me want to immediately run. Both towards it and away from it. It’s that push-pull that will drive any sane person into a state of delirium.

    As I have written before, I love dreaming and wanting. I love the heat of it, the ache, the way it stretches me toward something beyond my current life. Dreams work to not only fuel our creativity but to define our lives. They offer us turning points again and again and again, for any moment that we dare to take hold and ride them out.

    Right now, so many of us are at a turning point. But this one is actually about becoming more yourself. And to do that, you need to put your life on the line. You can’t be passive and hope it happens to you. You have to be more afraid of wasting your life than embarrassing yourself.

    This inner tension is a universal human tragedy. Rather than convincing ourselves that our dreams and hopes and aspirations and desires aren’t so important and prioritising more practical aspects of our lives, a meaningful life will always entail a certain amount of risk and humiliation. Flourishing is fragile and vulnerable, and in pursuing it we must sacrifice parts of ourselves.

    I live a fairly charmed life and still regularly find myself making this process much harder than it needs to be. It’s misguided to assume that embracing humiliation for the sake of fulfilment requires unbridled effort. A rational part of me wants to believe that if I just try harder, my fears of failure and complete embarrassment will disappear and be replaced with everything working out magically because I willed them into place by doing everything perfectly. As if there is some headmistress in the sky measuring every action and dropping a gold star onto my head for every perfectly executed effort. In fact, this isn’t rational at all, but a form of blind hope, delusion even. 

    This is the detritus of any form of linear thinking. It assumes one step leads straight to the next. Reality is far messier and runs on a trail of unknowns and failures on the path to fulfilled dreams. When I take rational thoughts out of the equation, a more organic approach opens up. 

    When you deeply care about the things you’re trying to do, and are ready to reach the turning point for your next chapter, you have to stop trying to do everything in your power to reach for your dreams, and instead allow them to float down to meet you. The moment you stop resisting your own dreams, something else becomes possible: your life-force, creativity and capacity to initiate can begin meeting them halfway, in a way that feels intimate and alive.

    What I appreciate about the ways that we can go about this process of allowing is that it works in indirect ways. You don’t need to keep up with everyone else to create a turning point for your next chapter this summer. I encourage you to take the time to bask under the sun, eat warm berries fresh from the vine and dip your toes into a cool pool of water. Doing those things is what will get you there faster. It actually helps to accept that the fastest way to your dreams is following the smallest specks of joy and pleasure that are guiding you to your destiny.

    8 ways to create your turning point this summer

    For when you are faced with the impossible problem of feeling your fears when following your dreams, I’m going to leave you with 8 ways to create your turning point this summer.

    1. relax

    My Chinese medicine doctor said to me recently that “tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you really are” which changed my brain chemistry. So much of the anxiety that we are walking around with in the outside world comes from not trusting ourselves. We are constantly trying to anticipate what might happen next, trying to get ahead of ourselves, trying to make sure we are doing the right thing and being the right person and making the right decision, as though we can think our way into some kind of guaranteed safety.

    2. create a pattern interrupt

    We underestimate how much we practice rigidity in tiny, everyday ways, and then wonder why we find ourselves so overwhelmed when life inevitably asks us to show up differently. If every deviation from the plan is experienced as an inconvenience, a disruption, or something to be corrected, we become very good at needing things to be a certain way. By becoming a little less precious about the familiar things, we invite flexibility into our lives. Take a different route to the store. Rearrange your furniture. Work from somewhere you don’t normally work. Join me for COWORK :) Change your plans because you feel like it. When you practice meeting unfamiliar things with curiosity instead of resistance, you begin to build a different relationship with change.

    3. anchor yourself inside yourself

    In our last call one of my going pro students asked me how I manage to keep showing up to my work when I move, change homes and base myself in different places so often, and I replied that it is because I don’t anchor myself to my environment in the way that most people do. I anchor myself to my creativity and my work, which remain the same and continue on regardless of where I happen to be. There is something incredibly freeing about knowing that you can take yourself with you. Your routines might change, your surroundings might change, your circumstances might change, but the part of you that makes, thinks, dreams and creates is still there. And when you know how to return to that place, you become much harder to knock off course. Watch how much opens up for you when you stop anchoring yourself to what is happening around you and start anchoring yourself to what is happening inside you. 

    4. stop trying to please your future self

    I think we can all become strangely tyrannical towards the person we imagine we will be in the future. We are constantly making decisions for her, trying to make sure she will be proud of us, grateful that we worked harder, grateful that we didn’t waste our time, grateful that we made the sensible choice. But the future version of you is a person you have completely invented, and I am increasingly suspicious of how much authority we give her. She might not want what you think she will want. She might look back at this version of your life and understand perfectly well why you made the choices you did. She might even wish you had relaxed a little more. What feels good now? What are you curious about now? What do you want to experience before you become whoever it is you are going to become? You don’t have to sacrifice the present for your magnificent future.

    5. decide what kind of life you want to live

    The older I get, the more interested I am in this question. I find myself asking it in the most ordinary moments. Where would I wake up if I could wake up anywhere? How much would I work if I didn’t have to prove anything? What kind of life would actually feel good to live? It is a strange question because the answers are often much less impressive than I expect them to be. There is a life that you have been taught to want, and then there is the one that keeps appearing in your imagination. Maybe it doesn’t make sense on paper but makes something in you soften when you picture it.

    6. do it scared

    There is no universe in which you are going to break past your old self and become the person your new life requires you to be without feeling uncomfortable. You are going to feel scared and insecure and exposed and ridiculous. You are going to wonder if you are making a terrible mistake. You are going to have moments where the old version of you feels so much safer and more sensible and familiar that you will wonder why on earth you decided to do any of this in the first place. I think we waste an extraordinary amount of time trying to get rid of these feelings before we allow ourselves to move. We think confidence is supposed to arrive first, followed by the brave decision, followed by the new life. But it happens the other way around.

    7. do it kindly

    Something really shifted for me when I started treating myself like I was four years old. Before that, I had this angry voice telling me to push and force my way through things, as though I could bully myself into becoming the person I wanted to be. It never really worked. Eventually I just started resenting that voice, and the part of myself that was always being shouted at by it. One day I thought, why am I so mean to myself? And then, this isn’t working. I’ve got to find another way. So I decided to try treating myself with the same patience and sweetness I would give a four-year-old. If something feels difficult, I hold my own hand and try to find a way to make the next step easier. When I wasamscared, I stay with myself until it passes. etc.

    8. let yourself enjoy your life

    I am very good at being the person who is always on her way somewhere. There is always something I could be doing, something I could be figuring out, something I could be improving, some future version of myself I could be working towards. Even pleasure can somehow become part of the project. Rest so I can work better. Take the afternoon off so I can come back refreshed. Go outside because sunlight is good for me. Have fun because it is important for creativity. What if we stop making everything justify its existence. What if I lie in the sun because it feels good? What if I waste an afternoon just becasue I can? What if something can simply be lovely without being useful? What if we don’t rush towards the next chapter simply because we can see it coming. It is already happening and this life right here is enough.

  • hard launching absolutely nothing

    currently under construction + identity thrifting + lions gate birthday incoming 🦁

    AUG 02, 2026

    my latest kismet book treasure

    Unusual winds and relentless rain have settled over Indonesia, the sprawling archipelago of more than seventeen thousand islands that stretch across the equator that, for the past six months I have called home. Even here, where the jungle still swallows buildings whole and the ocean dictates the rhythm of each day, the signs of climate change are impossible to ignore.

    In thirteen days, this chapter will become part of my past. Another version of my life folded away, another home that will soon exist in memory. 

    If you’ve been reading my writing for a while, you’ll know that this past year has been defined by one recurring theme: not knowing. I’ve shared about how foggy this season of my life has felt. The path ahead, the next iteration of my work and of myself, has refused to reveal itself in the neat, crystalline way I so often wish it would. 

    Change has always been a constant in my life. We are all evolving all of the time whether we notice it or not. But I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a prolonged period of standing on the edge of something I can feel so deeply without yet being able to fully see it. It has felt at once incredibly significant and intangible, as though I’m living inside something that is reshaping my entire life while, from the outside, it looks like almost nothing is happening at all.

    Judging by the emails you send me and the conversations I find myself having almost daily, I know I’m far from alone in this. So many of you are living inside your own version of this in-between, questioning. Clear, unclear, right, or wrong, trying to make sense of the uncertainty. I keep returning to it because it makes the process of becoming something new a shared experience.

    At first, I resisted this season completely. Like most things that arrive uninvited, my instinct was to escape it, to solve it, to move through it as quickly as possible so I could get back to feeling certain again. But somewhere over the past year, the place that once felt so awful has slowly become… not comfortable exactly, but familiar. I’ve spent so long in this underground season that it no longer feels like somewhere I’m trapped, but like I’m being prepared. I have stopped demanding to know exactly when I’ll emerge and where I am going. I (impatiently) trust that I am exactly where I need to be right now.

    I can’t help but feel that this is one of the defining invitations of our time. We are being reminded to stop producing packaged versions of ourselves, to stop optimising every part of our lives and to become more deeply ourselves in the actual living of life. To enjoy where we are while we’re still messy, uncertain, changing our minds and becoming. To return to life as it is really is.

    Over the years I’ve come to trust that our individual lives are often little microcosms of broader cultural shifts. We don’t all experience the same thing at the same time, but there are seasons where enough of us find ourselves asking the same questions that it begins to feel less like coincidence and more like a real movement taking place beneath the surface.

    What I also notice is that so many people are responding to this season by making themselves smaller. As though uncertainty is asking them to quieten down, want less, risk less, become less visible, less ambitious and less expressive until the answers eventually arrive. 

    While I do think we’re collectively being invited to loosen our grip on consumption, on external validation, on endlessly chasing more things, more status and more proof that we’re doing life correctly, I don’t think that invitation is asking us to become less. If anything, I think it’s asking us to strip away the layers that were never really us in the first place so that more of our essence has room to breathe. There is a difference between consuming less and becoming less. There is a difference between simplifying your life and shrinking yourself to fit inside it.

    The universe never stops expanding. Everything in the natural world is in relationship with expansion, not as an endless pursuit of accumulation, but as an expression of life itself. I can’t help but think that we are, too.

    Whenever I see people online insisting that you must know exactly where you’re heading, have a crystal clear vision for your future, a five-year plan, and should map out every step between where you are and where you want to be to get anywhere, I shake my head. I don’t think life works quite so neatly. It never has for me, anyway.

    The only way we truly create a life that is different from the one we’ve already lived is if we allow it to reveal itself to us as we’re existing in it. Evolution isn’t something we can pre-plan because every experience changes us, and each version of ourselves makes different decisions than the one before. The woman writing this today would make choices that the woman I was three years ago couldn’t imagine making, because she hadn’t lived as much life yet.

    I’ve been sitting with a question in my journal for a week now: Who and how am I being when I’m unmistakably myself?

    Every time I have attempted to answer it, my words feel strangely incomplete. They skim around the edges of something I cannot capture. I can describe qualities, values and characteristics, but none of them quite reach the essence of what I’m trying to articulate. I realised that, like with many things, ‘who I am’ cannot be designed but rather needs to be lived and breathed into existence day by day. By showing up, by trying on different versions of self, by connecting with my inner child, by destroying old identities that have acted as protection and letting myself be raw and naked and in the void for extended periods, as uncomfortable and unsafe as that feels.

    I’ve been reading about this idea recently that we don’t have one fixed identity, but countless identities already living within us, waiting for an invitation to be expressed. Another one of my kismet book finds: “an investigation into the occult, the paranormal and the supernatural” by Colin Wilson.

    Not identities that are fabricated but real aspects of ourselves that we’ve either cultivated or neglected over the course of our lives. Somewhere along the way we convince ourselves that we are one thing. The quiet one. The responsible one. The anxious one. The successful one. The creative one. The sexy one. The ugly one. The fit one. The lazy one. They begin as descriptions that then harden into identities. We stop saying, I feel anxious today, and instead begin saying, I am an anxious person

    We stop noticing that we’ve been playing a particular role and begin believing that we are the role itself. We rehearse these identities so many times that we begin to eblieve that is who we are now.

    Children don’t have this problem. One moment they’re an explorer, the next they’re a dragon, then a teacher, then a pirate, then they’re drawing in the corner. They move so fluidly between ways of being because they haven’t learnt to choose one version of themselves and remain stuck in it forever. Which makes me think that this internal pivot is less about becoming someone new and more about remembering that I have access to far more of myself than I have allowed. 

    I’ve started thinking about these identities almost as different levels of expression of ourselves. Some identities keep us operating within the boundaries of who we’ve always believed ourselves to be. Then some identities call us into a fuller expression of ourselves. More courage. More creativity. More openness. More play. More generosity. More leadership. More love.

    There are versions of me that keep me small because they were created to keep me safe. They learnt to anticipate disappointment, to seek approval, to stay quiet, to avoid taking up too much space. I don’t judge them because they did exactly what they were created to do. But there are other parts of me too. Parts that feel expansive, creative, generous, deeply trusting of life. I’m learning to let those new parts of myself to lead.

    This conversation has been occupying so much of my thinking lately that it has found its way into my journal, into my client sessions, into conversations with friends, and into a new video I filmed. It’s part diary, part Q&A and part exploration of what it really looks like to shift identity from the inside out. A lot of the questions you sent in circled around business, money and creating work that feels deeply aligned.

    watch the full video here

    video timestamps so you can see where you want to go:


    0:00 Hi, I’m Vienda — properly introducing myself for the first time

    0:26 Tuesday 6:45 am — let’s spend the day together

    0:55 Ten years as a psychology-educated mentor for women

    1:50 Getting dressed, coffee, morning walk

    2:40 Life has been asking me to do things differently

    4:10 Answering your Q&A questions — the real question beneath them all

    5:41 The question is never “how” — it’s “who do I need to become” & COWORK

    6:41 After the hairdresser — little crush confession

    7:16 Wednesday morning — I love slow mornings but hate up and out

    8:09 The questions you sent in are really about identity shift

    8:56 What do I miss most after six months in Bali?

    9:19 Bali as an adult playground — and what I’m ready for next

    10:56 If I knew I couldn’t fail — my secret childhood dream

    12:43 Why identity shift is the answer to every question

    13:30 You cannot think your way into a new identity

    14:30 The three pillars: environment, body, self-talk

    17:05 Q&A: How do you create a life of freedom?

    17:23 Freedom as an identity decision before a practical one

    18:20 Q&A: Where is the line between surrender and avoidance?

    19:25 You do your 50% — then take your hands off

    20:46 Q&A: My relationship with money

    21:08 Why I think the stock market is ridiculous

    22:11 Money as a sacred and beautiful resource

    22:58 Coming soon — my Affluence course

    23:49 My income sources: clients, courses, sponsorships, investments

    24:13 Wrapping up — next video will be from Europe

    This is particularly timely because applications for the next round of my live group mentorship, COWORK, opened yesterday. We’ll spend two months together not just talking about strategy, marketing and building a business that supports your life, but exploring the identity that is required to build it. Because in my experience, your business can only ever grow to the extent that you’re willing to grow alongside it. The practical and the personal have never felt separate to me, and COWORK has become the place where those two worlds get to meet. Applications are now open for our September cohort.

    more on COWORK here

    Next Saturday is my birthday, which makes me a Lion’s Gate1 baby. 🦁 Rawr. 

    Birthday month has officially commenced, and after spending so much of this past year learning how to receive, rest, soften and celebrate the ordinary moments, I’ve decided to be very, very generous with myself this year. So far I have: made my inner child a crystal necklace, bought myself a sorbet lemon linen mini-dress and a pair of gold-and-pearl heart earrings, and booked myself a 3-hour massage experience.

    If you’d like to celebrate with me too, I’d love to invite you to become a paid subscriber. As a little birthday gift from me to you, I’m running my biggest subscription sale ever for the whole of August. Annual memberships are 70% off, which means they drop from $50 to just $15 for the entire year (!!).

    celebrate with me

    If my writing has ever made you feel a little less alone, helped you make sense of a season of your life, or simply become a comforting weekend ritual, becoming a paid subscriber is one of the most meaningful ways you can support my work. You’ll also unlock the full archive of essays, including the more personal, vulnerable pieces that I keep tucked away behind the paywall.

    Thank you for reading, for replying, for sharing your own stories with me and for letting me do this strange, beautiful little job of writing letters to the internet.

    See you soon. 💋

    1

    The Lion’s Gate portal opens as the Earth, the star Sirius, and the Sun move into complete alignment with the pyramids of Giza (Egypt). The powerful peak occurs on August 8 (8/8) and is considered one of the most ideal times of year to harness good luck.

  • i dont want to self-improve anymore

    + a list of things keeping me sane while the world falls apart

    JUL 19, 2026

    As uncertain, wild, crazy, despicable, confusing, scary and confounding as the world is right now, I am fiercely excited about the future we get to co-create with the mystery of life from this wreckage. 

    Mother Earth is protesting with environmental extremes, our economies are volatile, the job market is precarious, and nobody seems to know up from down. 

    Yet, the wildflowers keep growing through cracks in the cement, young artists pursue their craft while the very walls of reality melt before them, more people are investing in their local communities than ever, and the sun rises every morning without hesitation.

    𓍯𓂃

    Ribbons of rain slick the black tar road, a warm tropical wet that does nothing to deter the morning walkers from their daily routine as I begin to write. From my perch up high, I track the storm’s advance, listening as the next wave rattles the tin-roof shed twenty meters away a few seconds before it reaches me. I cradle a cup of hot hibiscus tea, my legs stretched out to lean on the balcony railing, content to watch my tiny world move below.

    I am caught in the bittersweet gravity of missing a place before I have even left it. Knowing my departure is less than a month away acts as a filter, softening every raw imperfection and washing this place in a sweet, doughnut-glazed luminosity.

    𓍯𓂃

    This past week, flattened by a brutal cold, I spent every hour of the day drifting between heavy sleep and bleary-eyed awareness, a raspy cough rattling my chest. Lying there letting a small death move through my body, I was filled with a strange, deep optimism. 

    All I can think about is how futile it is to try to optimise or manufacture our way through a life and a world that is simultaneously falling apart and rebuilding itself. We try anyway, driven by a perverse obsession to maintain control because control feels safer than surrender. But letting go is exactly what we need to practice. We cannot effort or self-improve our way through this chaos; we have to be with it, letting life lead us through the dark until the cycle is complete.

    The only true antidote to a crumbling world is a tunnel-vision focus on beauty, rest, joy, creativity, and nurturing ~ both myself and those around me. It requires letting things be simple. It demands letting what is be enough. Because I cannot control the macro-chaos, I turn my attention to the micro. 

    Here is a list of things that currently offer me sanctuary and reprieve.

    PRP microneedling: Focusing heavily on my under-eyes to strengthen thinning skin, triggering a rush of collagen and elastin. It is the perfect marriage of nature and science, satisfying my vanity metrics while treating my body with respect to its natural processes.

    Somatic and non-linear movement: Obsessively attending every myofascial release, yin yoga, and primal movement class I can find. Learning to move my body in non-linear, unforced, and unformatted ways breaks down the stagnant, clawing, clutching-at-certainty feelings my mind so easily defaults to.

    The JSTOR Archive: Seeking refuge from online noise, I recently opened an account to anchor myself in peer-reviewed publications. I find I no longer trust the random, fleeting thoughts people throw online. Stepping into this archive is a quiet revelation, a space where I can lose myself in the brilliant, enduring works people have spent lifetimes creating.

    Fiction and film: Devouring novels and watching beautifully filmed series every day. Stepping into these visually stunning, curated stories provides a soft place for my mind to rest. Here is the running log of what I am currently into, or waiting impatiently to dive into, at the moment.

    Long walks: I have been, and will forever be, a lover of long walks. My favourite ritual here is to make my way down to the beach and sink my bare feet into the black volcanic sand, letting the foamy ocean lick at my toes. I walk until the heavy confusion of my mind is entirely shaken loose, replaced by a constellation of new ideas, hopes, and dreams, and my legs ache pleasantly from the effort.

    Voice notes and solitude: In this season of life, my closest friendships are kept alive through long voice notes sent across time zones and vast oceans. I have mentioned before that I have found Bali to be lonelier than most places, but without bypassing the reality of that isolation, I have also found this quietude deeply nourishing. It is just me with me. In this space, I have stripped away the noise, reconnected with my essence, and tuned back into my own spiritual energy.

    Wanting less and needing less: We live in a culture that demands we engorge ourselves on things, metrics, and endless striving, but the soul does not grow by accumulation; it grows by shedding. When I stop lunging at the world to fill me up, I return to my true psychic weight. I am learning the ancient medicine of the empty hand: that when we cease our frantic grasping, we are finally light enough to be carried by the current of life itself.

    Current food hyper-fixation: A double-shot iced latte with oat milk in a cup I bring to the pop-up coffee cart up the road and then carry home to drink in bed while I work. A simple 3-egg scramble with a slice of sourdough toast, no butter for lunch. In the afternoon, a young coconut, sucked dry, its wet jelly roughly scraped from the dark hull with a spoon.

    My work: Running Practical Dreamer: a live, three-month mentorship for six incredible women ready to birth their own bodies of work, as well as supporting four women building their businesses and guiding three long-term private life-coaching clients. As these women stretch and grow under my care, I find myself stretching and cracking open right alongside them. Standing in the gap between who we were and who we are becoming is a bruising, terrifying labour. Redesigning a life to mirror the soul requires standing naked and raw until things we are creating become tangible.

    𓍯𓂃

    The wind is howling around the sharp corners of this building, a restless current cutting through the air. From my perch on the balcony, I watch the budding rice stems below get whipped and pushed completely sideways. It is a perfect, grey, dreary Sunday.

  • feeling honest about complicated feelings

    life is your curriculum

    JUL 08, 2026

    “I used to wake up at 4:30 am to start work at 5 when I worked in a gold mine”, he said, combing my hair. “What?!!” I replied, outraged and surprised. “You worked in a gold mine?!!” I was getting my hair trimmed by Gorga, my favourite hairdresser on the entire planet, and complaining about waking up at 5:30 am every morning for the past week, for reasons unknown. 

    We were comparing notes on the non-linear paths that life takes. He studied to be a lawyer, then decided he couldn’t work in such a corrupt system, went on to become a creative director at a theatre, worked in a bar, ran a marketing studio, and now designs perfume and hair products for men.

    life is your curriculum

    I think it’s crazy that whatever it is that you feel called to do and that you desire to work on in this life whatever art form, business, family, creative life, everything and anything is the exact thing that is going to stretch you and teach you what your soul actually needs. 

    For example, my soul has really needed just self-acceptance separate from achievement and productivity and worth and all the things, and to give that to me, it made me want to pursue writing, photography, and filmmaking just for the sake of the process. 

    And through the very difficult process of pursuing those things and showing up and being bad at them at first and trying for the first time and trying it again I am starting to get that lesson. 

    Self-acceptance is really not about the thing that you make; it’s about the person that you become in the process and the way that that process changes you. 

    That’s why you have to listen to those desires. Because they are wiser than you and there’s a greater reason.

    I am feeling very honest about complicated feelings today and decided to record you a voice note talking about that and the weird, strange, uncomfortable inner process I am in with all that right now, plus I am answering some questions.

    the questions I answered

    • Ways/how to figure out your purpose (I don’t know what my thing is?!!)
    • How to harness your creativity
    • How to make decisions and take action on those decisions in an aligned way
    • How to bridge the gap between fears and creating /taking action
    • Bringing ideas to life (& then completing them)
    • How to be yourself without hurting others 
    • How to know when to leave a situation
    • Releasing negative toxic habits (clear)
    • Meeting like-minded people/friends

    my final note

    The real flex is taking the parts yourself if you don’t like, or even love, and transforming them into the parts that you cherish and adore because of how you they are.

  • rethinking my entire life

    how to set goals in your 30s & 40s (new paradigm)

    JUN 12, 2026

    Something I think about a lot is the access to spiritual qualities implicit in pain, grief and unhappiness. Often my darkest moments ~ heartbreak, loss or rupture in the fabric of my life ~ impose a sort of presence that melts down the world around me.

    The moments that bring me to my knees are also the moments that bring me closer to my faith. They crack me open in ways that innocent happiness and joy rarely do. 

    During a particularly difficult breakup in 2018, I sat on the living room floor of the Italian-style bungalow we had bought together. It had a peach tree and plums, raspberries and wild roses in the garden that I still think of fondly. I loved this man so thoroughly but love it rarely enough. I knew I had to leave to give us both a chance at the lives we dreamed of and deserved. The grief was all-consuming that afternoon. 

    As I wept, my face pressed down on the antique rug I had imported from Morocco, I decided to go all-in with feeling the pain. It was either repress or feel, and we all know what happens when we do the former. The latter chases us until we let ourselves be vulnerable enough to go there. So I let myself feel the pain at the deepest level of my aching heart until I was one with it. And then something beautiful happened.

    I found joy. I found joy inside the pain, so generous and broad and soothing, it made the pain worth it. I found clarity and comfort and understanding for the human experience and our internal technicoloured emotional worlds. There is poeticism to our suffering. 

    Right now so many people are aching deeply for a life that is yet unknown. So many people I know are renegotiating the terms of their existence. They are pivoting and choosing a new path even though it is painful and uncomfortable. These moments tether us to the truth, and in their greatest intensity, can feel more intimate than anything else in the world, bringing us closer to our faith. 

    Faith in life, in god(dess), in the universe, in ourselves, in the good of others… whatever speaks truly to you. Built into the other side is some kind of transformation. We are in that transformative process right now. 

    When I was trying to summarise what I was saying in this video, what came through and landed for me really clearly was the following:

    We have faith in a future that resembles us more accurately than the past has. It is the only thing that carries us through. It is an initiation. We feel the pain and fear and confusion and still move towards it knowing that this is the only way. 

    Pragmatically, the ways that we relate to one another, the ways that we make money, the value of things, the things that we call our work, our relationship to our homes, to our lands, to our earth, are all changing, and rapidly now. We have long known the need to. As I say in the video, it’s an exciting time.

    𓂃 𓈒𓏸 𓇼 

    VIDEO TIMESTAMPS

    0:00 Almost full moon — new bangs, sunset walk

    0:14 So many people are going through big life transformations right now

    1:08 It’s a weird and destabilising time — but also really exciting

    2:42 Sunday morning beach day

    3:22 Monday — construction chaos, escaping to a secondhand bookstore

    3:46 Finished Alias Grace and The Luminaries — thoughts

    4:06 What this video is actually about: pivots, dreams, aligned goals

    5:23 My story — the dream I had 13 years ago

    5:32 Psychology degree, music festivals, starting a blog

    6:22 How the blog became a business and the traveling began

    7:26 Back when travel was still inconvenient — and I loved it

    8:28 The dream came true — and then I had no idea what came next

    8:51 The global panini and everything that changed

    9:21 Years of feeling unanchored and disconnected

    10:11 This is happening collectively — so many people are pivoting

    10:34 Busy work vs real impact — what are we devoting our lives to

    11:25 Three questions to ask yourself right now

    11:31 Question 1: How do I want my life to feel?

    11:41 Question 2: Who am I becoming?

    11:54 Question 3: What is the next aligned step?

    12:57 The old way vs the new way of setting goals

    13:25 It’s about our becoming — not where we arrive

    P.S. This one has a slow and gentle start. I like to think I’m helping you stretch your attention span. (You’re welcome.) I am still very much a beginner at making videos, and spent this week inside the very sharp (and frustrating) learning curve of editing with DaVinci Resolve, so thank you for your patience with me as I master this particular form of expression. 


    Last week I opened up enrolments to going pro

    A live six-week writing course for women who want to use a newsletter or substack as a functional brand-building tool.

    After years of working with and watching women build businesses online, I’ve noticed it comes down to this:

    1. build something with your name on it

    A product, a project, a body of work. This forces you to persuade people to care, which means learning rhetoric. It forces you to understand what others actually want, not what you think they should want, which means practical psychology. It forces you to act without permission and iterate based on what reality gives back, which means real agency. You learn by making something and putting it in front of people.

    2. write publicly. consistently

    Writing compresses your thinking into something others can hold. It builds an audience, a reputation, and proof of work, all three of which compound over time. A newsletter is where both of these things happen at once: you are building something, and you are writing about it, and the writing itself becomes part of what people buy.

    LEARN MORE

  • how I get psychological relief from being addicted to my phone

    I found a way to make my life so much more interesting

    JUN 06, 2026

    sleepy morning face

    I am getting ready to go to the birthday dinner of the Playboy model who is my neighbour. I’ve neatly wrapped a set of three handprinted cosmetic bags in various sizes in brown paper tied with cotton string, decorated with fresh flowers. Far too organic for her tastes, I’m sure, but she wants me there and I feel obliged due to the proximity of our unlikely friendship. The dinner starts at 8 which my Californian habit to stop eating before 7 baulks at yet here I am.

    The evening is warm, but on the back of the taxi-bike later it will be cool so I put a light grey velvet jacket to the side and look at my bare face and the new bangs I cut on the full moon in Sagittarius as some kind of sign to myself that I was ready for something. Exactly what I don’t know, but there’s a feeling in my chest that at any moment my life is about to take a brand new trajectory, unknown even to myself. There’s a taste of sweet grass meadows, wildflowers on cliffs overlooking a wild ocean, ylang ylang in my mouth whenever I get this sense that my world is about to shift on its axis. Maybe tonight needs something more on my face to face the parallel universe I am about to enter.

    Inside a small pouch, I find a brown felt-tip eyeliner and sweep it from the side of my right eye out into a tiny wing. I look back, pleased with the effect and repeat on the other eye. I curl my eyelashes but leave them bare and glide a thick coat of raspberry-coloured lipstick onto my lips that I press my fingers into to blend. I wipe the residue onto my cheeks. It’s funny how makeup instantly gives you that “I’ve just had hot sex’ look. Maybe that’s the point of it. I slip into a soft black silk mini slip that I thrifted in NYC last summer and slide on black leather sandals that are handmade in Bali and feel like a cloud on my feet. My small brown grass-woven handbag from South Africa fits my purse phone and keys.

    Bali is weird because there’s an entire fake world being built up alongside a very natural organic world and the contrast is so extreme that it feels like living in parallel worlds. I slip in and out between the two, though mostly am in one more than the other because by nature I’m more naturally oriented. The stronger the AI maxxing superficial plastic universe grows the more I want to retreat from it because it makes me feel unwell. Everything is transactional and has lost its authenticity and creativity, everyone speaks the same, looks the same, thinks the same and there are no individual ideas left in that universe. It seems like a compressed way to live, to have to fit into these tiny boxes. I feels dangerous and scary. 

    But it makes me so happy because I know where I belong. I know how to participate in the world. The only way to participate in the world is to opt out of everything that destroys the essence of life. You might be wondering what all this has to do with the title: how I get psychological relief from being addicted to my phone. 

    I’m getting there now, I promise. Being on my phone feels like the plastic world. Being off my phone feels like the natural world I want to participate in. All this is to illustrate the great divide that is happening and the choices we get to make every day. We know by now what being chronically online is doing to our brains. It’s not good.

    Study after study links excessive phone use with poorer attention, disrupted sleep, higher levels of anxiety, depression and stress, increased feelings of loneliness, and a reduced capacity to tolerate boredom or focus deeply on a single task. Researchers have found that the more compulsively we reach for our phones, the more fragmented our attention becomes, the more difficult it is to enter states of flow, and the harder it becomes to distinguish genuine desire from algorithmically engineered distraction.

    We are becoming accustomed to living in a state of perpetual interruption. Our minds rarely get the opportunity to wander, reflect, synthesise, imagine, or simply be. Our phones offer a constant escape hatch from discomfort, uncertainty, loneliness, grief, boredom, confusion, anticipation, and waiting. Every feeling can be immediately soothed with a scroll.

    The problem is that many of the capacities required for a meaningful life are built in exactly those spaces we are now avoiding. Creativity requires boredom. Intuition requires silence. Self-awareness requires reflection. Original thought requires enough distance from the crowd to hear yourself think.


    AD BREAK: Hi! This is a short break to let you know that my next course GOING PRO: a live six-week writing course for women who want to use a newsletter or substack as a functional brand-building tool, is now open for application. GOING PRO is for you if you have something to say and want to learn how to say it in a way that grows an audience and brings income. Limited to 10 spaces. 

    Learn more and apply for GOING PRO here.


    If I am going to be completely honest then I have to consider myself a phone addict. I grew up alongside the digital age and ended up embracing it. I have worked online my entire career, I use my phone to do most things that are life-admin and work-related. I have, at times, deleted all social media from my phone only to log on in Safari or be trapped by YouTube’s shorts. It’s clinical.

    I have tried so many ways to set a clear distinction between myself and my phone, but it exists almost like an invisible limb that I miss when it is not close by. I’ve always had all the notifications off except for phone calls and messages. I limit the apps on my phone to the bare minimum; the screen is set to grey-scale to make it less enticing and more boring. I have done everything on this list of ways to break up with your phone. Some of which work. Generally, my daily phone use hangs around the four-to-five-hour mark, which includes me using it for work, but it still feels like too much.

    To exercise this muscle as often as I can, I go without my phone. Going out without your phone is like not wearing underwear under your clothes. No one knows your secret. Unless you want them to. I have taken to going for walks without technology at the cost of beautiful moments that will never be shared.

    A few weeks ago I did exactly that but the truth is I wished I had my phone. A half moon and a rainbow hung in the sky on my sunset walk. Existing in the rare rectangular airspace that a camera could capture, I regretted not being able to steal that moment from the sky. I wept at the natural beauty of it. This one’s just for me, I whispered to myself. 

    I love taking beautiful pictures of things that I find beautiful. Is that I inherently bad? I don’t think so. It’s art. It’s presence. It’s being in the moment of beauty. It’s appreciation. So it’s less about the phone and more about the hold I let it have over me. It’s about how conscious I am with it, and with everything in my life. 

    Am I living in a sleep state or am I awake to it? Turns out it’s not really about the phone at all. It’s about me being present to my life. Every second of it. On and off screen. I notice that when I am truly present and on my phone, I can’t take it for long. It loses its draw when I’m not inside the dream-like hypnotic state with it. Consciousness amplifies the phone’s ugliness.

    We have been taught to approach addiction like a war. We try to remove the thing. Restrict it. Discipline ourselves into better behaviour. We create rules and boundaries and systems and then feel ashamed when we break them. I have never found shame to be particularly transformative.

    What I have found transformative is becoming genuinely interested in my own life again. There’s a concept in nutrition psychology termed ‘crowding out’ where you crowd out the bad eating habits with good habits. It’s the same in life. When life is so full of good things, the lifeless things lose meaning. What works is making my life more interesting than the addiction.

    The times when I forget my phone even exists are not the times when I have the most discipline. They are when life has completely captured my attention. When I am surrounded by people I adore. When I am learning something new, building something meaningful, falling in love, travelling, creating, hosting, rearranging my home, and reading books that alter my mind.

    In other words, when I am fully participating in my life.

    I think this is why the conversation around phones often feels incomplete. We spend so much time talking about what we need less of and almost no time talking about what we need more of. More beauty. More friendships. More creativity. More purpose. More embodiment. More connection. More meaning. More moments that remind us we are alive.

    Our phones are incredibly effective because they offer a diluted version of all of these things at once. Connection without vulnerability. Entertainment without effort. Novelty without risk. Validation without intimacy. But no amount of scrolling has ever left anyone feeling nourished. Only temporarily distracted.

    There are two apps (lol, I know, but they actually work for me!) that have helped me get back into my life more fully.

    One helps me practise holding more spaciousness in my mind so the phone slowly becomes less interesting by comparison, like it is no longer the most textured thing available to me in a given moment. The other interrupts the automatic reach, the muscle memory of picking it up and drifting into the same familiar loops of checking and refreshing and disappearing into apps I didn’t consciously choose to open.

    My point here is that it’s not about taking a binary approach to addiction. The part of us that is always looking for an escape doesn’t disappear, it just needs somewhere else to go, something else to work with, something more alive to connect to.

    The first is a meditation app called Waking Up. I used to meditate a lot and then last year, when my nervous system became too dysregulated to sustain it in the way I was used to, I gave myself a break and then needed something to help me find my way back. That’s when I discovered the Waking Up app, which is the most intelligent and non-performative introduction to meditation I have come across in over twenty years of practice. They were kind enough to offer me a free 30-day trial to share with you, so you can explore it for yourself if you want to. The daily meditations don’t “fix” anything as such, but they do create a kind of spaciousness in my mind that makes the pull of my phone noticeably weaker, because being with myself is something that I enjoy.

    The second is an app-blocking tool called Foqos. It’s free, and I have two simple settings that I’ve named “day” and “night”. I am literal when it comes to self-management. During the day, Substack and Instagram are blocked from 8am to 8pm, with two short ten-minute windows where I’m allowed to check in. At night, from 8pm to 8am, everything social, browsing, and work-related is blocked, which essentially turns my phone into something close to a dumb phone, except for clock, calls and messages.

    I try to keep a no-screens-after-8pm rule most nights, which I only really break it if I am watching a really good film, which is rare. Those evening hours have become some of the most important of my day, where I read, journal, and return to myself without interruption.

    That’s it. That is how I get psychological relief from being addicted to my phone. Not through force. Not through purity. Not through becoming someone who never reaches for it. Through small structures that make it easier to choose something else when I can feel myself drifting. Through practices that give my attention somewhere else to land. And through a fairly gentle acceptance that I am, and always will be, very human.

  • flirting with life = the frequency of abundance

    Some mornings, the angsty compression in my chest seems unbearable. It feels like there is only so long I can stave off my own insanity about what the future holds. We stumble forward into a world that is changing both too fast and too slowly to make sense of anything. What does it all mean? No one really knows. 

    Then the little details of daily life take over, and the existential questions are forgotten for some time. I answer emails, make a cup of tea, reply “haha yes totally” to a friend’s message.

    Outside, the puppies are tumbling over each other again. Both had found homes and then came back. Their potential families realised that raising a puppy is inconvenient and exhausting. I worry about them more than I should. I had happily agreed to foster them temporarily, but now it feels as if they’ve been forgotten about. 

    Human beings do this constantly, I think. We fall in love with the idea of something and then realise it’s not as easy in reality.

    This morning, as I type these words to you from my bed, I am thinking about the different layers through which we experience life. How they relate to flirting with life. How we can cultivate abundance through playful awareness.

    There is the human layer.

    The layer of personality, memory, conditioning, ego, fear, longing. The part of us constantly reacting to life and trying to make sense of it through story. The part of us that spirals at 3 am, that wants certainty, reassurance, answers. It narrates everything. “Why did they say that? What does this mean? Am I behind? Am I safe?” It interprets reality intellectually to feel some sense of control over it. 

    A lot of people live almost entirely from here, mistaking the narration of life for life itself.

    There is the soul layer.

    The deeper layer underneath the performance of the self. The layer that seems far less interested in comfort or social approval and far more interested in growth, truth, expansion, evolution. The soul does not experience events in the same way the human self does. The human self says, this is painful, unfair, humiliating. The soul understands life as a curriculum. It asks, ” What is this trying to teach me? Where is this trying to lead me?” It sees meaning in the challenges of life.

    The cyclical bodily layer (for women).

    The hormonal landscape that alters perception, sensitivity, intuition, emotion, desire, energy, openness, grief, creativity, sexuality, tolerance. Women underestimate how much wisdom lives here because we’ve been taught to distrust the body and worship output instead. But the body knows things long before the mind catches up. Truths become unbearable at particular points in the cycle. Desires surface. The female body metabolises reality differently depending on where we are within ourselves.

    The observing consciousness layer.

    The awareness capable of noticing the story without completely becoming it. The part of you that can witness your fear without obeying it. Witness your heartbreak without turning it into your identity. Witness the hormonal wave without assuming it is permanent reality. 

    This layer is where free will begins. Maybe not total free will. But the capacity to choose how you meet the moment.

    This is the layer that understands that the quality of your life is not determined entirely by external conditions, but by your relationship to them. The part that knows happiness is not something handed to you by circumstance, but something cultivated through attention, perspective, meaning, devotion, openness.

    Depending on how developed this observing awareness is, it changes your entire experience of the other layers.

    A person fully consumed by the human layer experiences life as something happening to them. A person connected to awareness experiences life as something they are participating in consciously.

    This is why flirting with life matters so much.

    Flirting with life is the practice of consciously bringing your openness, curiosity, playfulness, sensuality, attention, warmth, and aliveness into your experience instead of waiting for the world to hand those feelings to you first.

    It is a way of participating in your reality.

    The more conscious you become, the more you start noticing how your inner state shapes your reality. How openness creates more openness. How warmth invites warmth. How attention reveals beauty that was always there. How curiosity creates connection. How playfulness creates possibility. And how abundance, in all its forms, tends to flow toward people who are fully participating in their lives instead of defensively withdrawing from them.

    Flirting with life is really just conscious participation in your own existence.

  • five year plan

    I’ve never had one

    MAY 22, 2026

    my actual palm, circa 2016, rubbed in a cold fireplace of a 6-bedroom dilapidated mansion in NZ, painted with eyeshadow

    When someone asks my five-year plan, it’s like… why don’t we get our palms read? Why don’t we shake an 8-ball? You want me to tell you the future?? You want me to lie to you and act like I know what’s going to happen?? 

    I had no idea all the things that happened in the past five years were even possible, and you want my projection for the next five years? No.

    I am dizzy from the sheer number of things I’ve had and done and want. My life is bursting at the seams and there is very little order to it all. And I want and I want and I want.

    I want to fall in love again, I want to grow a garden, I want my hair to grow past the soft curve of my under breast, I want to live near the ocean (I already live near the ocean but wherever I live I want to live near the ocean), I want a collection of friends and their tiny humans (and maybe my tiny humans) swinging and out of my doors, I want to write and write and write, I want to drive acoss North America in a 4WD or a convertible from the West Coast to the East stopping in New Orleans to see some friends, I want to see Olivia Dean perform at Lollapalooza this summer, I want my home made messy from love, I want all my days filled with creative projects the make the world a more beautiful place, I want to be tired of doing load after load of laundry because it means that I am caring for others, I want to bake naughty-made-healthy things that dissappear into crumbs within minutes, I want to go to Farmers Markets every weekend even when it rains and to know the farmers by name and the produce by season, I want to go on road-trips to places without wifi and drink in the stillness and wrap my arms around my man and lay my face against his back and smile while he measures out where to set up for the night, I want to go back to New York and do it better this time.

    My five year plan is for life to be an extension of me and since I am always always always growing and changing and evolving so is the plan. And the plan is less a plan and more a thread of desires and wants and needs and hopes and dreams woven together around me and my life and body of work.

    I want to have finally answered the question “what do you do?” with something simple that doesn’t need explaining. I want to sing more, I want to forgive everyone who hurt me and be forgiven too, I want to know more people who are living in ways that I admire because they are so authentically themselves, I want to feel at peace in new social circumstances instead of tightly wound up (I don’t know if anyone else has figured this out, but if you have, please lmk), I want to think less about my body, I want to think less about myself, I want to go on girls trips with girlfriends I’ve had for a decade and drink wine and laugh at all the things we used to do and worry about, I want to make everyone’s birthday cakes and decorate them with flowers, I want to go through the painful learning curve of renovating my home by hand, I want to foster animals that need a home. I want to savour the slow seasons, to surrender to their stillness, to their illusiory unmooredness.

    One of the things that makes any of this meaningful is to fully experience it. Every moment. To be present with life. I don’t want to miss any of it, not one second. I want to be excited about my 40s and 50s and 60s and beyond. I want to be delighted by how well not having a five-year plan works out. I want to enjoy the ride.

    Wanting is the easy part. The harder part is surviving the uncomfortable, uncertain space while waiting and hoping and doubting (dear god, the doubting) whether any of it is ever actually going to come to life. The part where you look around and don’t see anything yet and you have to keep going anyway. How do you maintain that essential and nearly delusional belief and trust? Where you can’t explain to anyone, least of all yourself, how this is going to work. 

    You just do. Even without a plan. You refuse to give up.

  • future-proof your life

    the more uncertain the world becomes, the more essential it becomes to become unmistakably yourself

    MAY 06, 2026

    I went on a date last night1. He was not my type, but the conversation was interesting enough. At one point, while explaining his startup, he leaned forward and said:

    “It’s 2031. Imagine a woman. She’s thirty five. She’s a lawyer who worked her way up to junior partner at a top firm. She has a beautiful house in Sydney, a second holiday property somewhere else, a life that looks exactly like what people say it’s supposed to look like. She did everything right. And then AI becomes so good that it can do her job better than she can.”

    He paused.

    “She loses the job. The income. The partnership. The status. She spends six months trying to find something equivalent but nothing exists anymore. She gets two thousand dollars a month in universal basic income, has to sell the house, give up the second property, downsize her life. But more than that, she loses her identity. She doesn’t know who she is without any of it. She becomes angry. Aggressive. Unstable. She needs help.”

    Then he smiled.

    “That’s where my startup comes in.”

    I took a sip of wine.

    “What a beautiful opportunity to create a more meaningful life.”

    He looked at me like I hadn’t understood.

    “She’s suffering,” he said.

    “Yes,” I said. “Obviously.”

    I told him he was making her sound one dimensional.

    “She is not her job. Her career might be an expression of her, for a season, but it is not the entirety of who she is. She’s a human being. She has instincts, contradictions, private curiosities, old dreams, unfinished parts of herself, talents that never made it onto a résumé, desires she may not even have admitted to herself yet. She is an ecosystem. Not a title.”

    He looked at me for a moment and said, completely seriously:

    “So… she has hobbies?”

    I stared at him.

    “No,” I said. “Don’t belittle her.”

    And suddenly I could feel myself getting fired up.

    “I mean that she is a living ecosystem. A psyche. A body. A nervous system. A soul. A woman with instincts and contradictions and unfinished parts of herself. A woman with ideas she hasn’t followed yet, gifts she hasn’t fully developed, parts of her that have never had the chance to come all the way alive because she’s been too busy being useful, successful, productive, good.”

    He stayed quiet.

    “Her career might have been one expression of who she is for a season. But it was never all of her. It was never supposed to be.”

    I thought about how many women I know who have already lived some version of this.

    Women who became mothers and realised the identity they had built no longer fit.

    Women who left marriages.

    Women who moved countries.

    Women who got sick.

    Women who burned out.

    Women who fell in and out of love.

    This isn’t new.

    Human beings have been dying into new identities for as long as human beings have existed. The difference now is that many people have built almost their entire sense of self around institutions that may not exist in the same way ten years from now.

    If the structures most people have built their identities around start disappearing, whether that’s because of AI, redundancy, motherhood, illness, divorce, burnout, heartbreak, relocation, grief, or simply waking up one morning and realising you can’t keep pretending your life fits when it clearly doesn’t… then the people who will suffer the most won’t necessarily be the least intelligent, or the least educated, or even the least prepared.

    It will be the people who got very good at becoming who the world rewarded, but never got particularly curious about who they actually were. The people who built careers, networks, reputations, maybe even entire lifestyles, without ever developing the self-awareness, individuality, or courage required to discover what was genuinely theirs.

    The more uncertain the world becomes, the more essential it becomes to become unmistakably yourself.

    Let’s say, for a moment, that his version of the future is real. Let’s say that in the next five or ten years entire industries begin disappearing. Fewer people sitting in offices pretending to work while answering emails that no one really needed to send in the first place. Let’s say that the careers our parents and grandparents once built entire identities around become increasingly unstable, increasingly automated, increasingly… optional. Let’s say that the pace of change really is that fast.

    Then there are, as far as I can tell, two things you can do now to prepare.

    One, as you already know if you’ve been walking through this 8-part series on how to change your life with me for a while, is to become intimate with uncertainty

    To stop treating the unknown like a threat, or a punishment, or evidence that you’ve made a wrong turn, and begin relating to it for what it so often is: the place where your next identity is quietly forming. The people who are going to navigate the next decade with the most grace will not necessarily be the smartest, the richest, or the most technically skilled. They will be the ones who have already spent enough time in the void to know that losing one version of yourself does not mean losing yourself altogether. The ones who have sat in enough silence, enough heartbreak, enough reinvention, enough endings, enough in-between spaces, to know that identity is not something fixed, but something living.

    The other is that you become more than the bare minimum

    You stop building a life around being employable. 

    And you start building a body of work.

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because maybe you’re not actually meant to build a “business.” Maybe that word is too small, too transactional, too loaded with internet bro energy and passive income fantasies and funnels and logos and launch strategies and all the other things that have made so many deeply intelligent, creative, sensitive people decide that entrepreneurship isn’t for them.

    Maybe what you’re actually here to build is a body of work. Something that doesn’t begin with market research or niche positioning or “what problem do I solve?” but with curiosity. With obsession. With the kinds of questions that keep following you from city to city, relationship to relationship, season to season. The kinds of ideas that wake you up at three in the morning, not because they are commercially viable, but because they feel alive. Because they feel like yours.

    A body of work, as I’ve come to understand it, is the accumulated evidence of what happens when you take your curiosity seriously for long enough.

    It is what begins to emerge when you stop asking what people want from you and start paying much closer attention to what life keeps trying to draw out of you. It is the trail of essays, conversations, experiments, offerings, questions, photographs, frameworks, teachings, retreats, communities, products, philosophies, and perspectives that begin to form when you stop trying to fit yourself into existing categories and start allowing your own way of seeing the world to become visible.

    And from what I can tell, after more than a decade of writing online, building businesses, burning out, reinventing myself, moving countries, changing identities, falling apart, starting over, and paying very close attention to the women who seem most alive… a body of work tends to grow from three things.

    1. Depth.

    And by depth, I don’t mean expertise in the traditional sense. I don’t mean certificates or credentials or another weekend course you can add to your website. I mean the depth that comes from paying attention to your own life with enough honesty to notice the patterns that keep repeating. The conversations people always seem to have with you. The themes that have followed you since childhood. The books you can’t stop buying. The problems you’ve had to solve the hard way. The pain you survived that, over time, became wisdom. The questions that won’t leave you alone no matter how practical you try to be. Depth begins the moment you stop consuming other people’s ideas compulsively and start observing your own life as if it might actually contain the raw material for something important.

    2. Difference.

    Which sounds obvious, until you realise how much of adult life is spent trying not to stand out. Trying to sound more professional, more polished, more digestible, more hireable, more marketable, more… normal. And yet the irony is that the very things most people spend years trying to tone down are often the exact things that make them unforgettable. Your intensity. Your sensitivity. Your strange combinations of interests. Your contradictory opinions. Your way of connecting seemingly unrelated ideas. Your obsession with human behaviour, or design, or healing, or language, or food, or systems, or beauty, or whatever it is that lights up your particular nervous system. The parts of yourself you’ve been trying to smooth out are not the problem, but the point. Your weirdness is not something to overcome, but something to study.

    3. Devotion.

    Because a body of work is rarely built in public at first. It’s built introspectively. In notebooks. In half-finished drafts. In long walks. In voice notes to yourself. In years where, from the outside, it looks like nothing much is happening. It’s built while other people are waiting for permission, waiting to feel ready, waiting to know exactly how it all turns out before they begin. It’s built when nobody is clapping, nobody is paying, nobody fully understands what you’re doing yet, and you keep showing up anyway, not because it makes sense on paper, but because something in you knows that this… whatever this is… matters.

    I suspect that in a future that becomes increasingly automated, increasingly optimised, increasingly efficient, the people who thrive will not necessarily be the people who can do what everyone else can do, only faster.

    They will be the people who took the time to become themselves unmistakably.


    practical dreamer: a three month mentorship for women ready to build their body of work

    ~ using Stanford’s Life Design framework, 

    you go on a journey to build something meaningful ~

    WE BEGIN JUNE 1


    If you’re serious about building a body of work, not just a career, not just a personal brand, but something living, something that could hold your identity through seasons of reinvention, loss, growth, motherhood, relocation, heartbreak, abundance, obscurity, success, and all the versions of you still waiting to emerge… then this is where I would begin.

    Not with a business plan. Not with a niche. Not with a logo, a website, a strategy, or an Instagram bio.

    I would begin by getting radically honest about who you actually are beneath all the roles, all the conditioning, all the places you learned how to belong by becoming more convenient, more agreeable, more impressive, more useful.

    Take a notebook. Go for a long walk. Sit somewhere quiet. Pour a wine / kombucha / cacao. Light a candle. Turn your phone off for an hour. And sit with these.

    — your relationship to belonging.

    How much of your identity has been built around a group, a community, an industry, a friendship circle, a family system, a culture, a profession, a political ideology, a version of womanhood, a place?

    And more importantly… does it still fit?

    Does the life you’ve built around belonging actually reflect who you are now, or who you had to become in order to be accepted there?

    — your belief systems.

    What do you actually believe about how the world works?

    About money.

    About love.

    About ambition.

    About beauty.

    About freedom.

    About what a good life looks like.

    About how people should treat each other.

    About what success is.

    About what is worth your precious life force.

    And how much of that did you arrive at through lived experience, hard-won wisdom, and deep reflection… versus quietly absorbing it because it helped you fit somewhere?

    — your relationship to being different.

    Not performatively different. Not “quirky.” Not aesthetically unconventional.

    Actually different.

    Outgrowing people.

    Being misunderstood.

    Being underestimated.

    Being judged.

    Being ahead of your time.

    Being too much for some people and exactly enough for the right ones.

    How have you learned to exist as an individual within the collective?

    Have you been paying the cost of being fully yourself…

    Or finding increasingly sophisticated ways around it?

    Because, in my experience, your body of work begins the moment you start becoming unmistakably yourself.

    1I find dating to be a bit of a social experiment these days. It’s fun! I’m enjoying it. I also notice how much sharper my senses have become, how quickly my body tells me what my mind hasn’t caught up to yet. After everything that happened last year, I trust that intelligence more than ever. We meet at my favourite sunset spot. This man was perfectly nice, interesting even, but he touched me too often, too casually, assumed intimacy rather than earning it, and when I subtly moved my body away, leaned back, created space, he didn’t notice. Or perhaps he noticed and didn’t know what to do with the information. And when he asked me if I was a physical touch person, and I said I am, once I feel comfortable with someone, he replied: “How long does that take?” I looked at him incredulously. Some men live almost entirely from the neck up. The conversation we had tracks because the mistake that these kinds of men often make is that they believe they can predict and control the future by outsmarting it. Really, they’re just very afraid.