by Vienda | 13 Apr 2012 | Love + Relationships
Men are continuously being conflicted to bury their true natures of being strong, individual, unique and masculine in order to become more streamlined, more sensitive, more fashion forward, consumer giants, more effeminate and different to how you are. Basically, you are being told that “you’re not good enough”.
All of these concepts fill your thoughts, your minds, you dreams and eventually you begin to lose touch with who you are as you busily endeavour to be who you think you should be in an effort to gain the acceptance, recognition and most importantly love that you crave and innately deserve. And then, one day, you look around yourself, surrounded by crap and gadgets and clothes you don’t wear, and discover that the one thing which makes you distinct as a human being and more importantly as a man, has been lost.
All the products and material possessions that you have been beguiled to purchase with your hard-earned cash in order to become a better man, the man the you “should” be are worthless in the face of a life and manhood frittered away. In frustration you shout out “How could this be?! I’ve done everything right. I’ve done it all like I’ve been told to. I work hard, I provide for my family, I exercise, I spend time with loved ones, I have bought the car/the house/the boat, I go out with my mates and show them how to have a good time, I’ve wooed women and treated them right and showed them what stuff I’m made of. Why does it all now feel so empty? Why do I feel unfulfilled and no longer truly alive?”
What happens now? Perhaps you go out, get drunk, firmly position your head in the sand and buy something expensive which will captivate and distract you from those questions. This will work, for a while, at least. At this point men begin to question themselves; sometimes this questioning take place as a mid-life crisis, sometimes as a journey of self-discovery. The path is yours to choose.
What if you were to delve a little deeper? What would happen if you were to face yourself, in the mirror, with all your honesty and fears and love and flaws and all that makes you, you and ask yourself “Who am I?”. Actually truly, who am I? Without the the labels, the social conditioning, the job, the family position, the “woe is me” story, the history, the education, the heartbreaks, successes and losses. Who am I?
Knowing who you are is the greatest wisdom any man can possess. Self-awareness is what sets us apart from all others in the animal kingdom. Get to know yourself. Simply by making the choice that you are willing to and want to get to know yourself is all it takes to start the ball rolling. Take time for self reflection. Consider the way in which and what decisions have been made throughout your life and realign them with your beliefs and values on a daily basis. Are you living out your true, authentic self? If not say so, take stand and make some changes. Choose to live your life the way that YOU would like to. Choose to be happy. Choose to be positive. Your life is reflected in the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself. And no matter what messages you are receiving from the world outside of yourself, know this: You are good enough. You are safe. You are provided for. You are loved. Just the way you are. Because you deserve it.
Image source: Unknown.
by Vienda | 6 Apr 2012 | Intuition + Manifestation
I watched The Help last weekend. It’s a beautifully told, well rounded story on the racial revolt and the times of change during the early 1960’s in America.
Within the film is interwoven a fine love story between a black maid, Aibileen and her very cute and chubby young charge, the daughter of the housewife for whom she works. The housewife herself is rathe inept in the art of raising children and all the loving, tenderness and caring fall on Aibileen.
Every morning Aibileen wakes the little doll of a child and starts the day with:
“You is kiiiind, you is smaaaart and you is important.”
The little girl is taught to repeat this mantra, which is such a beautiful and endearing way to start the day. Aibileen, the maid often recalls this sentence of positive affirmations whenever the little girl is reprimanded by her mother who is quite self centred and cold to the child believing that this sweet little thing is too fat and not pretty enough.
(*Spoiler alert!) Nearing the end of the film there is a final scene of this love story between the black maid and the little girl where Aibileen is fired and thereby is forced to leave the little girl to whom she clearly has a deep attachment and love for. In this scene she repeats the affirmation when she says goodbye saying “Always remember what I taught you. You is kind, you is smart, you is important. Repeat it!” With teary eyes the small toddler finally repeats the wisdom back to her maid in the sweetest small voice full of emotion.
This was a breaking point for me and I kind of lost it and wept as if my own heart had been broken.
What struck me the most however was that even a relatively uneducated black maid who wasn’t give the opportunities that all men and women in our western society, disregarding of race, have in our day and age, she understood the power of self love and affirming oneself. She was teaching the little girl that no matter what happened, as long as she believed in herself and repeated her positive affirmations, everything would work out.
I highly recommend watching this gorgeous film, even just to gat a small taste of comprehending what happened in the early 1960’s when racial issues were overcome in the face of customs and laws that stated otherwise through the enchanting love for each other and sense of self dignity and standing up for what is right. Here is the trailer to whet your senses:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVTMkINRChk[/youtube]
by Vienda | 28 Feb 2012 | Psychology + Soul
We are witnessing an uprising; in consciousness; in the way we do things; in the choices we make. We are awakening from a slumber of unconsciousness and becoming aware that we are responsible for every aspect of our lives, our selves, our communities, our world. We are recognising that we are one and everything we do, say and think matters.
As we awaken to what we we really want for ourselves, for each other and our communal lives, and then compare it against what we have seen happening. The wars, the violence, the cruelty, the hunger, the lack of love, of resources, the greed, the hurt, we also realise that we all must heal. And to heal with love, with compassion and with sincerity.
There has to be a revolution. But it has to be a revolution of consciousness.
It’s all becoming so much more real. The old value systems from the past no longer support us. We all want to be well and happy and loved and to share that with others rather than cut ourselves off and try to get the largest piece of the pie, when there’s actually plenty of pie for everyone. We need to learn what true wealth is.
We have become so secular, so insular and departed from the true nature of ourselves and what drives us, that we need to relearn how to feel, how to be present and fully experience life as it comes, moment to moment. No longer allowing our minds to strain from one craving to the next but being wholly, fully appreciative of where we find ourselves right now and knowing that this is exactly where we are meant to be.
It is in our minds that we create our worlds. What we believe is true for us.
And with this recognition of our own responsibility, the frailty of life and the importance that we all step forward and change NOW we point to ourselves and say “I am.”
“I am responsible for the quality of my life, my happiness, the strength of my relationships, and the environment in which I live. I empower myself to surface my values and personal passions, and to live in alignment with them. I choose to build the world I want to live in, starting with becoming the kind of person I would imagine myself to be in that world.“
This is what we are doing. It is a transformation of consciousness, that then radiates out into others and becomes reality.
It takes action; growth; self realisation. It takes commitment to yourself and your life. It means facing yourself, being honest, truly honest, vulnerable, and looking beyond the surface. This can be a very confronting process as we have all learnt to placate ourselves with fairly superficial attributions yet our souls yearn and hunger for more.
Here is our opportunity to live more simply, with more beauty and grace, to connect deeply with ourselves and each other and create the world that we really want for ourselves, for each other and for our children. We are delighting in the discovery that we can create the life experience of our dreams….. one thought, one forgiveness, one opening up to others, one step at a time.
Viva la revolution. This is our world. We get to create it.
What do you want for your world?
Image source 1 and 2.
by Vienda | 31 Jan 2012 | Love + Relationships
Every now and then I like to share a bit of a list-making frenzy with you. Actually, making lists is not my forte however today I am compelled to do so. I’ve decided that this year is the year it’s all happening and according to positive psychology and quantum physics the best way to make your dreams come true is to state them. Out loud. Publicy. And tell people. Make it real in your head. So here we go:
- Remember to breathe.
- Bake. For my friends. I love to bake and haven’t done so for hmmm… at least a year now. I want to make decadent, delicious cakes and cookies for the people I love.
- Tune into presence. All the time. Sit in my sweet spot and trust.
- Finish stitching, beading and creating the leather handbag I started making in London in 2008.
- Read more books than last year….
Go to L’etoile in Paddington. TICK! Thank you Allen for this one …. you are an angel.- Eat less sugar. I’ve fallen off the sugar-free wagon a little since Christmas and I need to get back on it. I feel so much better when I’m not consuming sugar.
- Spend a weekend in Melbourne.
- Go to Burning Man in late August.
- Spend a month in New York.
- Travel through South America from the bottom up ending my journey at the Rainbow Gathering in Guatemala in December.
- Write an e-book/ course.
- Write at least two guest posts per month. (So far so good, I’ve had one published this month with another scheduled coming up)
- Meet the most fascinating, inspirational people that I have ever encountered.
- Be a better friend. (Sometimes I am terrible at keeping in touch and showing how much I care …. I want to do so more.)
- Get clear on what is important in my life and welcome people who share the same values.
- Fall in love.
- Go gently. Don’t be so hard on myself.
- Practise the art of allowing.
- Life harmony is not the same as life balance. I don’t have to have all the balls in the air at the same time.
- Listen more slowly.
- Tell more stories.
- Write to my grandparents at least once a month. I know it means so much to them.
- Sell all the designer clothes that I never wear. And spend the money on something I really, really love!
- Commandeer an iPad.
- Go to Officeworks and stock up on notepads. My collection of scribbled on papers scattered across my room is starting to move from charming chaos to enigmatic mess.
- Manage my time a little more efficiently. (Plan without planning – if that’s at all possible! The trouble is, my nature rejects schedules and plans … I kind of have to trick myself with this one!)
- Break up with social media. “It’s not you – it’s me! Let’s just be friends and hang out sometimes, rather than spending every single minute together! (You’re suffocating me!)“
- Over the winter, watch all the films that I keep getting recommended and never see. I think this one needs a list. Any movie-buff-list-makers out there who want to help? Email me!
- Perfect the back-walker. I can go back. But I can’t seem to quite kick over yet. Soon.
- Get over my body image issues once and for all. Gulp. This one is scary. (Let’s practice a little radical self-love shall we!)
- Stretch myself. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Try new things.
- Be more compassionate and understanding. We are all humans after all.
- Host a dinner party. Complete with fairy lights and candles and live music and chocolate gateau.
- Learn about wine.
- Organically, gracefully and easily develop my business so it flourishes and is successful on all levels.
- Allow lots of space for the unexpected.
- Slow down.
- Play with children, more than I have been.
- Kiss a man with a moustache. Just for the experience.
- Relax. Allow my body to fully relax.
- Let go. Of control. Of knowing the outcome. Of expectations. Everything. I’m quite good with this but imagine how amazing life would be if I completely let go of trying to control it. If just showed up, did my part, shared my sparkle and let what ever may happen, happen. Wow! Just the idea blows my mind.
- Go to Tetsuya’s in the city.
- Ride the rides at Luna Park with my sister and take loads of photos of our silliness.
- Make green smoothies. I know they’re good for me. I even like them. But I’m just not making them.
- Remember not to take life too seriously.
- Practise my Spanish.
- Write a loooong letter to my mama about everything. She doesn’t know me at all. Maybe she never will but I can try!
- Make peace with my ex. I really hope he speaks to me again one day and we can be friends. I guess breaking someones heart makes them not want to talk to you anymore.
- Enjoy each moment as it comes. Feel the width and the breadth of it. Taste it. Smell it. Be in it.
- Figure out how I can monetize my talents. Seek out someone practical who can help me. I need a second brain for this. Ammm so …. anyone?
- Buy socks.
- Write every single one of my friends a love letter and send it via post. With stamps and everything. Amazing!
- Print this insane listomania out and put it somewhere I can see it so I actually remember to do all these things.
- Figure out how to use all of my flying points with different airlines and hotels to the best of my advantage. I have no idea and it’s all so confusing. I need help from someone who is good with numbers and details. Both things that I detest. (I’m one of those people who still uses their fingers to count. Yes. I know.)
- Go for a long weekend away to Byron Bay.
- Convince my landlady to put me on a rolling lease. I really hate stiff contracts. They make me feel uneasy. It’s like clipping my wings.
- Go to a sex toy shop with my sister and check out the goods without acting like a demented teenager. Really. I shouldn’t be embarrassed about these things anymore.
- Create the MOST AMAZING COSTUME EVER for Secret Garden festival in March. With face paint, warrior-fairy style. And a leopard print kimono.
- Be still. Allow more stillness into my life.
- Spend my money more consciously. Don’t buy crap. Buy beautiful things that last a long time. And less of them. Spend my money on things I really value. (I can be a tad frivolous at times!)
- Don’t think too much.
- Don’t think about what other people might think. It really doesn’t matter.
- Have fun. All the time. (I do this anyway but there’s no harm in reminding myself.)
- Go on an exclamation mark detox!!!!! They seem to creep into everything I right far more than is appropriate.
- Proof read my writing a bit more before I publish. Euch! It’s that whole attention to detail thing! I hate it.
- Have at least one afternoon/evening totally to myself per week. I need time alone to recharge.
- Discover new intricacies about the people I call my friends. I love exploring the people in my life.
- Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to fail. Move through and past those fears. Do it and see what happens. Either way it’s a wonderful learning experience.
- Convince my employers to gift me with a new iPhone. Because I deserve it.
- Go through my inbox and file and tidy and organise the 1000’s of emails that are making life a little convoluted.
- Practise gratitude the moment my mind wanders into a realm of complaint. And any other time. It works so good and makes life amazing.
- Communicate my feelings and thoughts more clearly. Face to face. In spoken words.
- Cry if I feel like it. Things sometimes are worth crying over. Give myself the permission to feel my emotions and then get over it. I tend to skip straight to the get-over-it part. The feeling part is important too.
- Take the time to sit down and write more. Often I write while also doing 20 other things at the same time. Little inspirations come to my mind and I jot them down; my mornings often involve me bouncing between the bathroom and the notebook on my bed. Perhaps if I took the time to sit down with them I could take it a little deeper. The again if I wait to write when I have time, the thoughts may have already passed. It’s like trying to capture a cheeky pixie. Very slippery.
- Hold his hand. ‘Cause I like it. I’m obligation free. It’s just a gesture of affection.
- Don’t cut my hair. At all. Not even once this year. Just to experiment and see what happens.
- Make a dream catcher from dried vines, wool, shells and semiprecious stones and feathers I have collected over the past 10 years of my travels.
- Allow myself to move from super groomed to a little more wild again. I’m tired of the common “Sydney” look. I’m breaking free.
- Have a really beautiful dinner with my dearest friends for my birthday. Complete with sparklers and birthday cake and lots of wine.
- Learn how to dance with a man.
- Do something really super romantic and wonderful at least once a month.
- Fly a kite.
- Go sailing or on some kind of boat trip. Cause I love it.
- Have more real, deep and meaningful conversations. I hate small talk and mostly I just move away from it. Perhaps if I could engage people to communicate a little deeper I could stay in the conversations for longer.
- Be more accepting of others. I’m an idealist. A philosopher. A dreamer. I expect everyone else to be this way too. But I realise they’re not. And that’s ok.
- Have patience. With life. With outcomes. With myself. With others. Things often just need time.
- Host a Mad Hatters Tea Party. We can all be Alice. I’ll try to find some magic mushrooms.
- Define exactly what I want my life to look and feel like. Get clear on it. Write it out and go live life on my own terms. Use my imagination and then go beyond even that. High aspirations. No expectations.
- Tell all the people I admire, how and why I admire them. They inspire me and deserve to know so.
- Go on lots of picnics.
- Stop checking Google Analytics stats quite so much, my monthly excel spreadsheet is truly quite sufficient. Focus on what’s actually important instead. (Building an Empire of Revolutionary Love).
- Write down my dreams as soon as I awake. Something magical might come out of them.
- Learn how to make chocolate soufflé.
- Write a gig review. Just to try it out and see if I can do it. It seems daunting and intimidating but I go to so many festivals and music gigs, it’s certainly a valuable skill I could develop.
- Experiment. With everything.
- Go on a road trip without a destination in mind. Discover new and wonderful places.
- Hula hoop lots more and learn some really cool tricks I can show off at parties. (Perhaps buy a hula hoop so I can do this).
- Read every single Dr Seuss book ever written.
- Make at least one video blog aka vlog for viendamaria.com this year. Get help with the post-production so it looks AMAZING!
- Go to Confest at Easter and present some workshops ….. on topics not yet decided.
- Do a flash-mob-dance-off.
- Stay awake all night and watch the sunrise at the beach. And then skinny dip in the ocean.
- Minimise my collection of belongings. Do I really need all those books and things? Less is more I say.
- Burn my journals and notebooks from the past 10 years (after I’ve copied out all the juicy stuff).
- Blow bubbles in the park and play with glitter and take photos of these little moments of joy and amusement.
- Create a photo album of my life for my family.
- Sell all the 100’s of pieces of jewellery that I have collected to sell from my travels over the past few years.
- Wear more accessories. Aiming to look like a pirate crossed with a nymph.
- Expand my music collection. Open my ears to new and wonderful sounds. Try out something new.
- Go for walks along the beach in the winter, even when it’s cold.
- Trust in the process of life. It is truly very amazing and magical, even when my mind tries to conjure up ridiculous ideas of defeat.
Tell me. Do you share any of these? What dreams are you going to fulfil this year?
Image source.
by Vienda | 25 Oct 2011 | Body Image + Food, Love + Relationships
The thing with happiness is it is something that you can work at and develop. Happiness is gratitude and appreciating and loving your life. It’s the joy that comes from all the many moments in your daily life…..the little old lady on the bus who gives you a wobbly smile, the checkout clerk who actually means it when they ask you how your day was, the perfectly luscious spot of grass in the park where you sit in the sunshine to eat your lunch, the hot boy/girl that decides to kiss you at the end of a date….. Happiness is a choice we make every single second of our days, whether we choose to place our attention onto something we cherish, something that makes us feel good or onto something that makes us feel angry, annoyed or uncomfortable.
Here are 6 super easy steps to happiness:
1. healthy living: (activity, exercise, diet nutrition and sleep) being healthy means listening to your body and giving yourself the very best you possibly can all the time.
This means that you do things that you enjoy whether it be knitting, going to gigs, swimming and sunbathing at the beach or screaming your favourite songs at the top of you lungs (as my endearingly sweet gay neighbour does every Saturday morning!)
You move your body!
healthordisease.com
. Bodies are made for movement and they need lots and lots of exercise so make exercise an intrinsic part of your daily life. Walk to places as much as you can. don’t take the car – you’re not only pumping delicious fresh blood and oxygen around your body but also saving the planet! Take the stairs, carry your shopping, chase the birds. Just move!
Eat delicious, nutritious foods. Food is actually fuel – not just a pleasure pod for your tastebuds. Consider the nutritional value of everything you put in your mouth and whether this is actually giving you the sparkle that you want. It’s very, very easy: studies show that certain nutrients such as omega-3 fatty acids (fish, leafy greens + nuts) proteins (fish, chicken, eggs. nuts, yoghurt + beans) and complex carbohydrates (whole grains, brown rice, sweet potato + fruit) make you feel happier!
Finally: sleep. Get plenty of sleep every night and don’t shy away from taking a nana nap every now and then. Daytime sleeps can leave you feeling so refreshed and sprightly people will wonder what wonder drugs you’ve been taking!
2. optimism: (positive yet realistic thinking) Happy people choose to see the world through rose coloured glasses. It’s all about perspective and YOU get to choose exactly how you want to see things. It’s the glass half full or half empty conundrum that we all know so well. Optimism is also reflected in “what you think about you bring about”. You experience is a reflection of your thoughts so if you want to be happy you have to think happy too. This is a learned behaviour so start practising.
3. relationships: research indicates that happy people have more and better-quality relationships than those who are unhappy. This also includes the relationship you have with yourself. You need to develop a strong sense of self and feel good about you which means looking after, respecting and loving yourself as much if not more than others. It’s all about feeling connected to yourself and to others. Make the time to develop and strengthern the bonds with your friends and loved ones.
4. clarity: (goals, direction and life purpose) This is across all areas of your life including lifestyle, career and personal development and relationships. getting clear on where you are at and where you want to be gives you a defining line and direction to head towards rather than just floating around waiting for a wisp of wind to catch you and guide you somewhere. Do what interests you the most, what makes your heart sing and what you love. Set clear targets and make specific plans.
5. strengths: (your qualities, talents and attributes) as illustrated in this post here, it is important to identify and utilise your strengths rather than harping on about your weaknesses. Find out what you’re good at and do it …..leave the stuff your not so good at to someone who is. This way everyone has a job!
6. enjoy: life is for living, for experiencing and enjoying – stay present with yourself in each moment and fully love this life! The only moment that exists is the current one right now, as you read this sentence. The previous moment is simply a memory and the next one has not yet occurred so stay HERE, present, exactly where you are and fully enjoy it!
Image source.
